


The pawn in play

by cookie_book_took



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Beating, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Character Death, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Dark, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil pierce, Falling In Love, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Love Conquers All, M/M, Nightmares, OMC deaths, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Stucky - Freeform, Violence, out of his depth, pinning, steves a bit not good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 114,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookie_book_took/pseuds/cookie_book_took
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve see's a quick way to make cash, bodyguard for the wreck James Barnes. He knows hes not going to like it, will have to endure the job but being debt free at the end of it is worth watching the ungrateful brunette.</p><p>Except, nothing is what it seems, James isn't the man he's read about, isn't the sob stories of political speeches, isn't the slobbing druggie Pierce talks about. He's haunted, used for Pierces gain, trapped in a messed up game of power, and Steve might just be falling into the game with him.</p><p>or: Bodygaurd Steve falls hard for the projected bad boy James Barnes, only to find his life is even more tragic and heartbreaking than Steve thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AU Steve POV  
> unbeta'd so typos.  
> yeahhhhhh. Steve and Bucky of course...  
> Steve can be a bit of a dick, situations over his head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve often wondered why his life had gone a bit off track, a respected military captain now working as door staff at the dingy back end bar the Full Moon. He wasn’t rolling in luxury at home either, having to share a small apartment with his friend Sam, the walls were paper thin and the stairwell to their apartment had the aroma of urine. Steve couldn’t complain too much though, he was alive, other guys he had known weren’t so lucky. Dying in some dust plain for no obvious reason. He was relieved to get out, to put the sand, the sweat and heat behind him, he just thought he’d do better than the Full Moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU Steve/Bucky  
> yeahhhh...  
> Unbeta'd so typo's  
> Steves a bit of a righteous dick...

Steve often wondered why his life had gone a bit off track, a respected military captain now working as door staff at the dingy back end bar the Full Moon. He wasn’t rolling in luxury at home either, having to share a small apartment with his friend Sam, the walls were paper thin and the stairwell to their apartment had the aroma of urine. Steve couldn’t complain too much though, he was alive, other guys he had known weren’t so lucky. Dying in some dust plain for no obvious reason. He was relieved to get out, to put the sand, the sweat and heat behind him, he just thought he’d do better than the Full Moon.

 

He had been started on, spat at, punched, kicked... one guy even tried to bottle him. He wasn’t bothered by the unpredictability of people, he could handle everything they threw at him but that didn’t mean he liked it. If it was a private, or sergeant treating him like that he would’ve busted them so hard and driven them out, being door staff, his job was to keep people in, keep them coming back.  
When an opportunity arose to guard a person rather than a door he offered himself to the chance, the truckloads of money was the incentive. 

 

It was a twenty-four-hour gig, but the pay was that good he only had to work a month or two to pay of every last debt, and maybe move to a bigger apartment all to himself.  
The man he had to guard, James Barnes. By all media accounts a spoilt brat, living unrivalled luxury but still managing to make a hash out of it.

 

Everyone was familiar with his story, his step father Pierce was a political power house, rising to great heights, his weakness was James. Pierce had been completely smitten with his mother, taking James on after the tragic accident that claimed her and James’s sisters lives. Pierce was blinded by the love and devotion to James' mum and woudn't give up on the boy, if it was Steve he would've shipped him off to the army to learn some real respect and hardship..

 

Instead of honouring their memory and living life to the full, James was destructive, drugs his kryptonite. Pierce often talked about his struggles in his speech’s, how cruel and consuming drugs were, if only Pierce had some balls to put James into check.  
Steve looked up on google maps the house James lived in, the mansion surrounded by acres of land. Lifestyle so far removed from Steve’s it made his hand round to fists.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel sorry about the car crash, any kid having to deal with that deserved help and sympathy, but it was almost 10 years ago, James was no longer a child but a 24-year-old man who had more chances than Steve had hot meals in the army.  
James was ungrateful, and that made Steve angry, he had years of keeping his anger locked inside, but as he scrolled through the latest catastrophe James had got himself to he shook his head with a huff.

 

Sam eyes him over a bowl of cereal. “That’s like the fourth huff from your face, you a train or something?”  
“Just not sure about this guy.”  
“Way I see it, just a month, two at most.”  
“But he’s a waster.”  
Sam nodded half heartedly, not committing to agreeing, “he’s gone through some shit, that’s all.”  
“Shit that he’s caused, have you see this?”  
He turned the laptop towards Sam, his eyes scanned it before he nodded losing his appetite.  
“Yep, got himself well and truly beat up trying to get drugs.”  
“Promising opportunity, last year studying and he threw it away.”  
Sam scratched at his head, not comfortable with Steve’s attitude, “look, not everyone is straight down the line as you, he’s obviously got some demons he hadn’t dealt with.”  
Steve couldn’t stop the savage laugh, “men lay down their lives, younger than him, and he flits his life away and never gets a comeuppance.”  
Sam was always sympathetic towards hopeless cases, his hobby was offering his ear to the distressed and vulnerable, but some people like James, didn’t deserve that care.  
“Look the article says he got checked into rehab after.”  
“It’s alright if you’re rich.”  
Sam dumped his bowl into the sink with a growling laugh, “oh Steve, why did you agree to this, you’re going to lose this job as soon as you get there.”  
“I just need to rant about it now, I’ll be all professional to his face."  
“I bloody hope so Steve.”

 

He arrived at the mansion early, jaw dropping at the sight of the building, it was huge, beyond huge, that’s what money gets you, ridiculous numbers of pointless rooms.  
“You Rogers?”  
Steve managed to pull his eyes off the Downton house clone and nodded to the man addressing him.  
His eyes held a smugness which immediately made a wave of unease run through Steve’s veins

.  
He shook the extended hand, feeling the man trying to crack his knuckles as he did, no such luck, this guy was big but Steve was confident if it came to blows he would win. It was army training kicking in, judging the strength of potential enemies, it was hard to hit the switch and not think that way, especially when confronted with oddly smug people.

 

“I’m Brock, I was James’ previous bodyguard.”  
Why the hell was he smug about that, he hadn’t been paying attention months ago when James got himself cornered and beaten-  
“I’ve been promoted to guard Pierce.”

 

Yep. That made no sense, he failed in watching James and preventing a bad situation but had somehow got promoted. Not his fault really though, from what Steve had read in the article Brock had been the one to find James, barely alive, rushing him to ER.  
James was an adult, he should’ve known better

 

Brock twirled, arms still folded as he led Steve inside the mansion, pointing out the generously sized rooms, huge fancy paintings that were worth all the money Steve had ever earned in one drop of paint. More money than sense.  
“This one’s yours, James’ room is opposite.”  
Steve poked his head inside the lavish bedroom, it was bigger than his and Sam’s entire apartment. He darted a look at James door with a questioning eyebrow.

 

“So you going to introduce me to him?”  
Brock pouted at the door, eyes lingering longer than necessary, “he went for a run.”  
Steve nodded, following Brock down the corridor and back down the stairs.  
“Shouldn’t I go with him when he goes for runs?”  
“You can if you want, but he’s a crafty bastard and knows the woods well, he disappears at the edge.”

 

Steve felt competition creep in his blood, he was sure he could keep pace with a washed up junky.  
They waited on the patio, the trees were beginning to purple, sheading their leaves to the ground below, they were huge, reaching arm like, into the sky. A whole woods for the spoilt James Barnes to play in, to explore, Steve doubted the kids in Brooklyn would ever see that much foliage.

 

Brock didn’t engage in conversation, just scanned the tree line, flexing his jaw left to right in concentration. It was taking a while for his intending target to appear, Steve was about to offer searching the woods for the missing man. It was likely he was passed out somewhere, too weak to jog his way back to his house.

 

“Ah, and there’s my boy.”  
Steve scrunched his face at Brocks words before looking over to the break in the trees, sure enough a man approached. He stopped dead at the sight of Brock and Steve before walking reluctantly towards them.

 

Steve was gawping, he was more than gawping, he was bordering on drooling and quickly swallowed the excess. This wasn’t what he expected an ex junkie to look like, this was other-worldly, godly.  
He was shirtless, so obviously Steve scanned the rivets of muscles, his tongue unconsciously rolled in his mouth, god how he’d love to lick sweat off that body.  
His hair was chestnut brown, cut short but still long enough to grab at, to hold on to for dear life.  
Face of perfection, sexiness matched by the cuteness of his dimpled chin. Steve swallowed, cleared his throat, did all kinds of odd shifting at James approached.

 

Brock took a step forward and James froze, “James, this is Mr Rogers. Your new bodyguard.”  
Steve grinned like an idiot, trying to gain eye contact from the man in front, James drew his eyes up, narrowed, almost suspicious. He was looking for an answer to a question not spoken.

 

“Hand-picked by myself.”  
A hint of fear sparked in the ice blue and Steve aborted his attempt at a hand shake.  
“Hey, I’m Steve.”  
James didn’t respond, didn’t offer his name in reply. He just stared straight through Steve with dead eyes. Stunningly beautiful but haunting none the less.  
“Well, Mr Rogers, I’ve shown you around, anything else and I’m sure James will assist you.”  
Brock made a move towards James before reeling back with a smirk.  
“Have fun boys” he turned back to James with a wink. “Not too much fun though James.”

 

Well Brock was certainly a creep, and there was some messed up power play going on. Maybe James felt he owed Brock for saving his life. He would be right to think so, without Brock he would’ve died, dumped in some back alley.

 

James didn’t smile, his face was completely neutral as he passed Steve going into the house.

 

Four days he had been living in the mansion with James, for four days he hadn’t had one single conversation. He actually started chatting to the coffee machine for company.  
James was quiet, too bloody quiet, he spent most of his time in his bedroom or garage, Steve had spied a few expensive vintage cars, not to the blondes tastes, pointless waste’s of money that James spent his days pinning over. Life style of the rich and privileged, sleeping and cars...No regards for real hardships.

 

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and he knew James had caught his decent into madness, he had been talking to the contents of the fridge. The guy was creepily sneaky, a few times a day he made Steve panic by disappearing in the house. He would appear in random places, startling the shit out of Steve, it might’ve been amusing had James smiled or laughed, but he stayed completely blank, ignoring Steve’s shouts. He never lingered long in Steve’s presence. But that was okay, they wouldn’t have anything in common, wouldn’t have a thing to talk about, this distance was saving them both from awkward silence.

 

Steve helped himself to food in the fridge, food in the cupboards, food in the drawers. There was little to do other than eat. All things considered it was a better gig then working as a bouncer outside the Full Moon…James worked out in the gym in the basement, Steve followed, vaguely using some of the equipment while trying not to trip over his own tongue.  
Privileged yes, good looking-smokingly so. It was ok for Steve to look...

James appeared in the kitchen and Steve jumped out of his skin, spilling his coffee down his shirt.  
“God damn.”  
The brunette strolled passed, topless. Steve choked on the left over crumbs in his throat, spluttering as his face reddened. Maybe it was a good job they hadn’t spoken, Steve couldn’t even look at a bare-chested James without turning into a bumbling fool.  
He tugged milk from the fridge, drinking long gulps straight from the carton.  
Oh Jesusing Hell Steve couldn’t handle that sight and stared down at his plate of unfinished toast.  
“So I’m going out tonight.”  
Steve hummed down at his unfinished breakfast before his brain connected the cogs and turned in gear.  
“You mean, we’re going out tonight?”  
James shrugged, slamming the fridge shut with too much force than necessary.  
“Taxi will be here at eight.”  
“Okay, there like a dress code for this place?”  
James scanned the blondes body in a way that made him feel completely naked, and embarrassingly flushed, “shirt, shoes, but you could turn up in bag and they’d still let you in.”  
Steve continued to stare at the fridge where James had just been minutes after he’d gone, an embarrassed smile tugged at his lips. Had that been a compliment? Did that mean James thought Steve was attractive? That was the longest conversation they’d had in four days and it had ended with James purring a compliment.

 

Steve picked a grey shirt, black thin tie, black trousers. He stared at himself in the mirror, puffing his chest out before letting his shoulder droop with a sigh. He was working, his job was to take care of James not try to impress him. And why did he want to impress him anyway, he didn’t deserve someone going out of their way for him.  
He grabbed up his phone and wallet before stomping down the corridor.

James was waiting in the kitchen, he spun round at Steve’s approach and they both froze, taking each other in. Dark blue brought out James eyes, made them twinkle with mystery. A smile graced his lips for a second before seeping away.  
“Soo um...this do?”  
James did the scanning look, the one that would defiantly be classed as checking someone out.  
He stepped forward, hands rising as if to grab, heat fizzled in Steve’s veins, the brunettes hands dropped and he hastily shoved them in his pants. “Just lose the tie.”  
James twirled on the spot and left the room.  
Steve tried not to feel a bit disappointed. It was irrational, Steve wasn’t a puppy, he didn’t need praise or to be petted. Although if James were to do either to him he would happily go with it.

 

The club was stuffy and hot, and far too many people were grinding around James for Steve’s liking. It made Steve’s job harder not knowing if they were threatening, not knowing if they were trying to tempt the brunette with drugs.  
Also Steve didn’t like seeing men trying to grab at James, trying to draw his attention. He was looking hot, ridiculously too hot for the low life’s in that place. 

 

When they climbed into the taxi hours later Steve tried his best not to show his fury. Apparently one of the low-life’s was coming back with them. The man had latched on to James as soon as they entered, filling him full of alcohol. At the end of the night James had flicked his head in the mans direction and he scampered after them. He wanted to tell the other guy to fuck off, but he had no right to interfere in James activity’s.

 

The drive back was beyond awkward, the three of them crammed in the back of the taxi, Bucky in the middle. The man with the weasel like eyes and thread-bare hair kept creeping his hand up the brunettes’ thigh. Steve didn’t like it one bit, neither did James, he kept battering it away. At least James had the curtesy to do the deed in his room and not in front of Steve’s face.  
Steve told himself over and over he wasn’t jealous, there wasn’t anything to be jealous of. James was hot, yes- mind-blowingly hot, but they hadn’t spoken, he was an ex druggie who lived a privileged life when Steve had to scrape and save for everything. He just happened to be the most aesthetically pleasing man he’d ever seen-..

 

If the car ride was awkward, the hour that followed was kill-me-now awkward. James and the rat man dissapeared into his room, Steve retreated to his and fell onto the bed fully dressed with a huff.  
And then the noises began-the obvious sex grunts and groans from the creepy man.  
He was begging, scratchy voice making Steve bite his teeth together hard in irritation. He was swearing, panting, whatever James was doing to him must’ve been good.

 

DO NOT think like that Steve told himself, he didn’t want to imagine James mouth, his tongue, his face, his body. Oh fuck, and just like that Steve was hard, trying not to rut on the bed. He would not jerk off to some arsehole getting blown…but it had been so long, so long since Steve had felt a slither of attraction for another person. It was ridiculous, but Steve was only human, James made his skin flush and cock rise with interest-  
“Oh fuck-your mouth, so good-”

Steve clenched his hands hard, nails cutting into flesh to ground him, he would not touch himself...

 

Despite his best efforts his mind went straight to images of James' mouth, James' face, he wanted to break the still facade and see it frown, see it tense and shudder as Steve’s hand wander his body, touching and stroking. He imagined sucking him, making him quiver, hearing that purring voice hitch and grow hoarse from moaning his name.

 

He came with one tug, muffling a groan in a pillow, fucking hell he had it bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 more days and I get to finally see Civil War....it's tooo long!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So he had a bit of a cock crush on James-that’s all it was, they had nothing else in common, Steve was just a sucker for pretty bad boys. The brunette trotted into the room with his sweatpants and vest on. Steve kept his head down until James passed then checked him out from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky.  
> unbeta'd so typos  
> Thanks for reading, Kudos and comments, much love :)

So he had a bit of a cock crush on James-that’s all it was, they had nothing else in common, Steve was just a sucker for pretty bad boys. The brunette trotted into the room with his sweatpants and vest on. Steve kept his head down until James passed then checked him out from behind. Inwardly he groaned at his own patheticness, his stupid biology.

 

He didn’t ask about the guy from the night before; he had heard him leave with a gruff a few minutes after the moaning concluded. James wasn’t the snuggling type, apparently.

 

“I’m going for a run.”  
Steve glanced up at him, thinking it was fairly obvious he was going for a run…  
“In the woods.”  
The blonde was up, “wait, I’ll come too.”  
“You sure you can handle it....”  
Steve scoffed at James’ raised eyebrow, “I can keep up with you easy.”  
There was the smile again, just a flash of it. Triumph flooded Steve’s body, stupid and irrational.  
“Hurry up.”

 

They were running, Steve was able to keep pace, a hint of a smile stretched James’ lips as he ran faster, dodging round trees, trying to disappear. Steve wasn’t that easy to lose, he was an army captain, James was his target and there was no chance of losing him-

 

Wait, where the fuck did he go?  
Steve spun on the spot, trying to spot the man darting between trees, nothing. He slowed down to a walk, breaking the tree line and taking in the lake. A bloody lake in the grounds, huge and still.

 

Steve breathed in awe, perfect image of peace before him, not a ripple on the surface, reflecting the clear blue sky. He momentarily forgot about James, stunned to silence by the scene before him. He tracked along the lake, hoping to catch sight of the brunette, it became clear he must’ve doubled back and returned to the house, Steve took a few more minutes to breathe in the tranquil scene before jogging back.

 

James wasn’t in the house, security cameras checked, he wasn’t in any of the rooms, or outside the house. Steve huffed and puffed, scanning the tree line of the woods. The brunette jogged into view, smile crinkling his eyes. He trailed up to the house, unable to hide the smirk on his face.  
“Was I too much for you old man?”  
Steve’s eyebrows shot up on his face, “old man? I’m like four years older than you.”  
“Jesus that much.”  
A chuckle escaped Steve’s lips, “next time I won’t lose you so easy.”  
James chuckled to himself, “we’ll see Steve.”  
A thrill ignited in the blondes body, his name coming through James grinning lips sounded sacred, pure, so bloody lovely that all Steve could do was grin dopily back.

 

They began running each day, James didn’t give him much warning, always declaring he was going for a run before Steve had a chance to get his trainers on. Steve rocketed after him, always managing to lose him in the approach to the lake.  
He did catch James laughing though, a gleeful sound as he sprinted off with Steve flailing behind him, the sound warmed Steve’s heart, it was almost sweet.

 

The fourth time Steve was ready in the kitchen, James approached eyeing his prepared state before declaring he was going down to the gym in the basement to use the running machine.

 

Bastard.

 

Steve prepped a running machine, starting with a fast walk morphing to a jog, James was working his arms, thank god for mirrors, Steve could see his reflection, his arms bulging and chest tensing with defined muscles. Steve hoped James would work up enough of a sweat to peel his shirt off. Steve shook his head, unclogging the dirty pictures about to swamp his mind.

 

“Actually, run in the woods sounds good.”  
Steve turned, watching James rush away with a giggle, momentarily forgetting he was on a moving machine he flopped to his knees, flushing in embarrassment, thank god James hadn’t seen him.  
“I Heard That!” the purring voice called.  
James was almost at the tree line when Steve sprinted from the house, he started his pursuit determined not to lose the other man. He ran James in his sight and then he was gone, Steve couldn’t stop himself from kicking out at the ground in frustration. James was humiliating him, an army captain being outdone by a privileged punk.

 

“Ow”  
He scratched his head, dampening the sting, what the hell? He turned around, eyes being drawn up the huge oak tree.  
“You’re kidding me right?”  
James smiled back, forty feet off the ground, lounging on a branch.  
“Every time, that’s where you’ve been?”  
James shrugged, “coming up old man?”  
Steve growled before clambering up the tree, it wasn’t difficult, he spent days getting his arms into shape and the tree was quite accommodating to being climbed.  
James held out a hand as if to help with the final few feet, he seemed to realise what he’d unconsciously done and pulled it back with a dropping face.  
“So why up here?”  
James pointed over the blondes shoulder at the lake, “I like the view.”

 

Steve was about to retort it was the same view from the ground, but the words died when he looked through the branches at the water, shimmering and still.  
“Beautiful place to grow up.”  
James hummed in response, “stunning, but lonely as hell.”  
Silence followed, they both watched the water, leaves scattered all over the ground beneath them, Steve shivered, he only registered how cold it was when he was still.  
“In the summer Becca and I use to swim in the lake.”  
Steve was hypnotised by the brunettes smile, hoping he’d continue speaking with that voice, that fondness. There was no pictures of Becca in the house, or James, the walls were all plastered with expensive bland paintings, no character whatsoever. Steve had almost forgotten James had a sister-  
“In the winter, I use to freak her out trying to walk across the ice.”  
“Evil big brother.”  
James breathed a laugh, “yeah” he pointed out to the centre of the lake, “tried to get to the middle, she watched from the side.”  
“You’re an idiot.”  
“I was a kid, didn’t think of the consequences.”  
He breathed another fond laugh, “one time the ice began to break, and my god I almost pissed myself running back.”  
“Bet you frightened the hell out of her.”  
James nodded along to Steve’s words with a smile, “yeah, when I got to the edge she smacked me in the balls and left me curled up at the edge.”  
“Clever girl.”  
James laughed, free and light and Steve couldn’t help but smile at him, to take in the beautiful face, the fondness in his smiles, deleting the darkness that lingered. Steve wanted to touch, reach forward and turn that face towards him, to view the sight as a whole and not a side profile, he settled for a friendly pat on the shoulder which James flinched at, eyes lingering on his shoulder where Steve’s hand had briefly rested.

 

”Lets go back to the house.”  
The voice was hollow, unconnected, Steve watched as he slipped effortlessly off the branches, landing near silently. Steve followed, less gracefully with a thud.  
“Race to the house?”  
James glanced back, warm smile flashing on his chiselled face, “your on.”  
Steve won, made a point of cheering and celebrating in front of a pouting James.  
“You’re such a child.”  
Steve paused mid cheer, “I’m a child, you’re the one hiding all over the place.”  
“I don’t hide.”  
“Sure you do, lock yourself in you’re room or the garage or up a fucking tree.”  
James shrugged, “nothing else to do.”  
“Find something, find something worth doing.”  
Steve was forgetting his place, he wasn’t there to advise James, or tell him off, he was purely there to watch James and make sure he stayed clear of danger. The blue eyes were on his, darkness swirling in their depths.  
“Sorry sir, that was out of line.”  
He recoiled as if struck, frowning face facing the floor.  
“Never call me sir again.”  
Cold facade was back in place, he passed by, slamming his bedroom door hard enough for the paintings in the corridor to fall down.

 

James was in the garage, Steve had no interest in following him and seeing what he was up to. Sam was a mechanic, hours on hours he droned on about beautiful cars, many times Steve had drifted off only to be woken up with Sam yelling out over a car enthusiasm.  
Yet another thing he and James didn’t have in common. It had been strained between them since Steve spoke out of line, probably the first man to confront James’ isolation, to call him out on it.

 

There was an explosion, a definite sound of twisting metal, Steve was running, full out sprinted to the garage, he slammed into the door, just about managing to keep his footing. There was smoke, thick in the air and heat, Steve scanned the area, crouching down and moving past the debris.

 

There was a man, a stupid private standing out in the open, groaning and clutching his back, idiot, he would draw fire like moth to a flame.  
Steve leaped at him, knocking him to the floor and pinning him, the man beneath him burst into a volley of coughing.  
“Shut up” Steve hissed.  
The man struggled trying to dislodge the weight, “get the fuck off me.”  
Steve growled, stupid rookie private, thinking he could speak like that. “Language.” He hissed directly in his ear.  
“Steve, what the hell?”  
The blonde, pulled his lips back in threat, “Captain Rogers to you.”  
The brunette stopped struggling beneath him, Steve was able to loosen the grip on his wrists, and scan his face for injury’s, no blood, face just blackened by smoke.  
“You hit?”  
The man shook his head, eyes rounding to saucers. Well that’s just great, he was going into shock now.  
“Steve, we’re in the garage.”  
The blonde dismissed the last part of the statement, stupid punk had just called him Steve again.  
“Where’s your helmet?” he snapped out, making the brunette flinch.  
The blue eyes watching him scrunched, “where’s yours?”

 

Steve froze, hand reaching up and running through his hair, no helmet, no sand, no heat but just cool concrete. Cars, and James lying on his back between his knees. Shit.  
He was up, backing away from James on the floor, “you stupid idiot, what the hell were you doing?”  
“It was an accident, I didn’t know it would trigger anything.”  
The brunette groaned, rolling himself on his side before getting up on unsteady feet. “that was intense.” he mumbled.  
“Intense, you really have no idea-”  
Steve was panting, blood boiling at James, at him causing that moment, at him dismissing it as intense, a joke. War was no joke.  
The brunette held his palms up, “I’m sorry thas all.”  
“Sorry? If I was back there I wouldn’t of risked my life saving someone like you.”

 

He knew it was harsh, he shouldn’t of lashed out with venomous words but James didn’t comment, didn’t get defensive and that made Steve feel good, even James agreed he was a low life-No, that was completely unfair. Steve wasn’t thinking straight.  
“Look James-“  
“Don’t...”  
They stared at each other, Steve puffing in breaths with tense lungs, James was the picture of calm, surveying the area. A shattered windscreen on one of the vehicles.  
“Don’t suppose you know anyone good with cars?”  
His voice was cold, disconnected and Steve hated it, was about to apologise but Sam popped in his head.  
“I know a guy” Steve whispered.

 

Sam sent out a recovery vehicle to collect them, the drive to Sam’s garage was uncomfortable, Steve didn’t know quite what to say, and James spent the ride shifting his back and shoulders with gritted teeth. Steve tried to concentrate on seeing Sam, relieving the unease James had caused, Steve hadn’t thought about the desert in years, trust James bloody Barnes to open up old wounds.

 

Sam whistled as the car was unloaded, “Damn, that’s a vintage Aston.”  
“Just looks like a car to me” Steve muttered.  
Sam wandered around the car, purring compliments on to the heap of metal.  
“It’s in beautiful condition, well accept.”  
He pointed at the spider web glass break.  
“Yeah, had a bit of an accident with it.” James added.  
Sam laughed, “yeah, quite the accident, what happened?”  
“I broke it.”  
Steve glared at James, trust him to speak down to people, no manners. Sam didn’t seem to care though.  
“I can see that tic-tac, but what happen to break the screen?”  
A small smile erupted on James face, “as I said, I broke it...or technically it broke my fall.”  
“You landed on it?”  
James nodded, performing his weird back twitching routine. Steve was up and alert, making his way over to the brunette. Misplaced anger suddenly gone and replaced by shame and horror.  
“You’re hurt?”  
“Winded really, bruised, nothing serious Steve...or Sir.”  
Sam darted looks between Steve and James with an open mouth.  
“You should’ve told me if you were hurt.”  
“It wasn’t important.”  
Steve went to grip his forearm but James moved out the way fast with a warning glare.  
“Seriously I’m fine, I think it hurt more when you tackled me to the floor.”  
Sam’s eyes went wide, “Jesus, perks of the job hey.”  
“Its not how it sounds.”  
Sam threw his arms up, “I’m not judging.”  
“Will you be able to fix it?”  
Sam gloating face was momentarily put on hold when he looked the car over again, “sure, will take a few days though.”  
James smiled, big and bright and with ten tonnes of relief, “Pierce isn’t due back till next week.”  
Sam winked, “don’t worry, this is our little secret.”

 

James was walking stiffly, Steve’s fingertips tingled with the need to lift his shirt, to see the damage-  
“Steve, seriously its fine.”  
“Can I just see, for peace of mind.”

 

James huffed, gripping the bottom of his shirt and pulling it off in one clean motion. Steve didn’t have time to prepare for the sight and hummed at James pecks. His body complimented his face beautiful, smooth, sexy, touchable, kissable, lickable-  
“Um, I landed on my back.”  
“Right, yeah.”

 

Steve circled the brunette, burning his muscled torso to his memory bank. His back was bruised, angry blotches of reddish browns on his shoulders. He wanted to touch, brush his fingers along the pain, feather light, he wanted to wrap his arms around, snake them against James’ waist, stroke the firm skin, map the hills and valleys of muscles.

 

“Can I touch?”  
He blinked fast, realising he had spoken, oh god. But James hadn’t said no, he wasn’t pulling away, he reached out, points of fingers resting on the damaged skin, he brushed his fingers along, nerves picking up warmth and softness. The Brunette shivered, Steve swallowed, flattening his hand on the brunettes back.

 

James was still, too still, Steve couldn’t even hear him breathing, but it was hard to hear anything when his heart was pounding hard and his own breathing was heavy and uncontrolled.  
Steve’s hands picked up the twitches of the body in front, back leaning towards Steve’s comfort, then the moment broke, James sprang forward, hastily climbing back into his shirt.  
“See I’m fine.”

 

Steve wasn’t, Steve didn’t have a clue what was happening and why he felt such an intense pull to the brunette, he tried his best to distance himself, to focus on the bad but James’ good side was too compelling, too addictive. These emotions were defiantly not fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop looking at pictures of sebastian stan...well maybe a few more won't hurt...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So I’m going out tonight.”  
> Steve’s stomach sunk, hopefully he meant to a different bar or club, not the one with the grinding snarling men-  
> “Same place, Taxi’s at 8.”  
> Steve nodded with a tight smile, great another trip to the leery club of predators.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos for sure.  
> Huge thanks for reading, kudos and comments x  
> Chapter threeeeeee

“So I’m going out tonight.”  
Steve’s stomach sunk, hopefully he meant to a different bar or club, not the one with the grinding snarling men-  
“Same place, Taxi’s at 8.”  
Steve nodded with a tight smile, great another trip to the leery club of predators.

 

The place was stuffy, filthy, the floor was tacky when Steve walked across, hopefully from spilt drinks not bodily discretions. James was looking breathtakingly handsome, grey shirt with his hair sweeping back. Steve didn’t even bother with a shirt, he was a bodyguard, he could go where he liked, wearing whatever he wanted, he wasn’t trying to seek James’ approval.  
“You want a drink?”  
Steve shook his head, “working remember.”  
“Come on. Live a little.”  
“I said NO.”  
James cocked his jaw, “fine whatever.”  
He turned his back on Steve and the guy nearest them strutted over.  
“Barnes, wanna drink?”  
James nodded, tipping back the whiskey without even a wince. The man looked as if he wanted to devour James, he licked his lips cat like smirking to himself. He looked old enough to be James’ father, scars littered his face, and he eyed James with a look bordering on disgust.

 

What was with these creepy men?

 

Another fist tightening taxi ride and James dissapeared into his room. Steve lay in bed, trying very hard not to think, not to train his ear and listen for sounds. He didn’t care what that man sounded like, in fact the thought of him touching and kissing James had a shudder rattle his bones.  
He wanted to listen out for James’ moans, his groans, his pants. Steve squeezed his temples, trying to pull his thoughts from out of the gutter.

 

There was a clunk in the hallway, Oh god had they left the room and continued in the out there. Were they planning on fucking in every room? It was a pretty massive place, that was a hell of a lot of sex. James must have steel stamina. Steve ground his fingertips into his skull when there was another bang, almost a scraping sound near his door.

 

Images of James up against the wall had Steve salivating. He’d drop to his knees in front of the brunette, mouthing him though his pants while James clung to the wall, trying to find purchase so he wouldn’t fall down. Steve would take him apart slowly, till he begged and pleaded for release. He’d glance up to take in the sight, to see the controlled exterior break with wave after wave of pleasure, lapping up every drop James’ cock offered.

 

He came into the sheets, not as embarrassing as one tug but still quite mortifying. His body lusted James, it was up to his brain to keep him on a sensible path, to remind him how far apart they were as individuals.

 

Steve did a double take walking down the corridor the next morning, a huge space was drawing his attention on the wall. A space previously occupied by one of the many bland paintings.  
His fist thumped into James door, Steve was huffing, angry like a bull.  
James answered, tight eyes and a glum expression, “what?”  
Steve pointed down the corridor and James stumbled out, rubbing his eyes.  
“Look.”  
James blinked a few times, eyes going wide at the space on the wall, his fingers traced over words scribbled on the wallpaper. Steve wasn’t interested in the stupid graffiti, he was hyperventilating over some arsehole stealing an expensive painting.  
“What kind of idiots do you invite back to your bed?”  
“The robbing kind, apparently.”  
Steve was fuming, jabbing a finger into James chest, “he stole a painting.”  
“In fairness it was bloody ugly.”  
Steve’s hands tightened unconsciously, wanting to throttle the brunettes neck.  
“I’m in a world of shit, someone stole a painting from the house!”  
Bucky pushed away the probing finger, “it’s fine Steve.”  
“How is this fine?!”  
“I’ll just tell Pierce I ripped it, no one has to know.”  
Steve braced himself on the wall, shaking his head at the brunettes words. He really had no regard for anyone else.  
“Are stupid? Inviting low-life’s back for a quick fuck, you don’t care about anything but yourself, this painting didn’t belong to you-  
“No, Pierce got it for my ma, she hated it.”  
There was bite to his voice, aggression in his eyes when he turned them on Steve. “I don’t care about the paintings, any of these stupid paintings.”  
“That’s because you don’t care about anyone.”  
James hesitated mouth flapping, he glanced away, focusing his attention of the graffiti on the wall, messy child like hand writing glowing against the wallpaper.  
“You’re right Steve, I’m selfish.”  
His hand traced the letters before he marched down the corridor to the stairs.

 

Steve tried to calm his breathing, inhaling air into his lungs to the max and releasing it, he wasn’t in the army, he couldn’t charge down the house and arrest James for being disrespectful, he was there to watch him, that was it.  
The writing caught his eye, scribbled words in yellow felt tip.

 

BUCKY AND BECCA WOZ ERE!

 

Who the hell was Bucky?

 

Blankness and silence met him in the kitchen, they ate breakfast opposite each other, crunching cereal and the scratch of spoons on ceramic the only relief from mute agony. James was off, sulking down the house and disappearing in the garage to spend more time drooling over the stupid collection of cars. Steve growled, dumping his bowl in the sink, another day to be bored out of his mind, he thought of the money, easy money to clear his debts.

 

He grabbed a note pad and a pen and started sketching, he stared out the window and drew the tree line, the patio, the dreary day outside. Coldness was sweeping in fast, the grass had the faint hint of frost. The clouds threatened snow. He drew, picture after picture, changing the shading as the light started to fade from the sky.

 

“Now, that’s better than that ugly ass painting.”  
Steve jumped, pen clattering to the floor, “Jesus, why are you so sneaky?”  
“Am I sneaky or are you just unobservant?”  
Steve whirled round, “I’m an army captain, one thing I am is observant.”  
“You were an army captain, not anymore, you’re a bodyguard and some douche bag stole a painting on your watch.”  
The brunette’s lips twitched, the pull of a smile, his eyes crinkled, making light of the situation. Steve had to look away, he wasn’t going to be distracted by how pretty the man before him was. He was still furious, at himself and James.  
“It’s not funny.”  
“Look, Pierce won’t know, he won’t even notice, he never comes down this part of the house and it was pretty damn depressing.”  
Steve couldn’t argue about the mood of the paintings, they were all drab swirls of colour, not to Steve’s taste at all, but that wasn’t the point. He huffed a breath, not wanting to keep up the anger anymore.  
“Who’s Bucky?”  
James paused with an open mouth, forehead creasing in thought, “Um, I’m Bucky, Becca, my ma, friends called me it, from my middle name.”  
Steve tried it out for good measure, “Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.”  
James face erupted into a beautiful smile, blue eyes dazzled, Steve’s throat constricted.  
“No one’s called me it for years, since- well you know.”  
“Your friends don’t use it anymore?”  
James huffed a bitter laugh, “Come on Steve you’ve been with me a few weeks, I don’t have friends.”  
“You’re popular at that club.”  
James shook his head with another forced laugh, “they know why I’m there, they know what I’m looking for.”  
“And why do you go, why pick up random men?”  
There was a definite tremor in James hands, an unconscious quaking of bone and muscle, he seemed to notice just after Steve did and shoved them in his pocket with a tight singular laugh.  
“Control I guess, a distraction, maybe I don’t know myself.”  
The tremor had travelled, up his arms to his face, his flexing face battled to control emotions, Steve had seen men like that in the army, uncontrollable jerking when things got too overwhelming.  
“Do you fancy a run Bucky?”  
The haunted eyes locked on his face, softening as he mutely mouthed the word Bucky with a twitch of a smile.  
“Yeah, that’ll be good.”  
Steve watched as James blinked himself back to normality, forcing the water in his eyes away. 

 

James no longer favoured his bedroom, he didn’t shy away for Steve anymore. Hours each day he spent in the garage or the two of them perched in the huge oak tree by the lake, breathing in the stillness. It seemed almost therapeutic for James to be sat there.  
The rest of the time they spent in the kitchen eating together, or the living room. Steve sketched and darted looks over to James who appeared to be reading scientific textbooks, Steve was sure it was a farce and he had a dirty mag hidden in the pages, but no, when he got close he could see the text, might as well of been another language for all Steve could understand.

 

James read a lot, mechanics, physics, electronics, biology, he had a broad spectrum of interests which surprised Steve, made James more likeable.  
“What did you study?”  
James peered over his book with a slight pout, his concentrating face, “neuroscience.”  
“Which is?”  
“The nerves in the brain, was in my final year, they kicked me out.”  
“You tried to score, a well known university, you kind of gave them no choice.”  
James eyes scanned his face for a few moments before he made a hum in his throat.  
Well at least he acknowledges it was his fault.  
“You always want to be in the army?”  
“Yeah, gave me some stability.”  
“I didn’t say before...but thanks, the garage, I know you were having a moment but had it of been real you would’ve risked your life for me...”  
Steve blinked in quick succession, not sure what to say, he opened his mouth to reply but James had gone, drifting away like a ghost.

 

“Can I call you Bucky?”  
The spoon paused in mid air, James stared wide eyed. They were having breakfast, sat opposite each other. Steve had spent the night rolling Bucky on his tongue, deciding he wanted to use it rather than James, or Barnes, that’s what he was addressed as at the club.  
“I’d like that.”  
Steve flexed his lips, controlling the grin desperate to present itself, his face wanted to mirror the grateful smile of the man in front. How could such a small request make him smile like that? As if he was truly happy. It was just a name, Steve spent the day finding excuses to use it, seeing the brunettes face softened in gratitude. 

 

The sight was addicting, Steve wanted to see it more and more. He wanted to see that face showcase every positive emotion. He wanted to be the cause of grins, laughs, he wanted to be responsible for James’ lips being wet from saliva, from extensive bouts of kissing, he wanted to see those lips dry, from harsh pants of breaths, he wanted to see them bitten, savaged while the brunette fought for control.  
Lust was betraying him once again. Steve stood in a freezing cold shower, numbing the thoughts away. 

 

They stared out at the lake together, heart rates and breaths returning to normal after their race, Bucky won, but only because he pretended to fall, clutching at his ankle till Steve returned to help, then dashing past with a laugh.  
He really was a git.

 

“I’ve got something for ya.”  
Bucky swung his backpack round, removing his water bottle and holding it between his thighs, Steve couldn’t look too long, seeing his muscular legs gripping the plastic had Steve stomach flipping and heat spreading through his body. Stupid bodily reactions.  
Bucky yanked a sketchpad and a tin of what looked like pencils from the bag, Steve was momentarily stunned, and awed and so bloody touched that he wanted to give the brunette a hug. He hadn’t responded to the gift, and Bucky’s hands drooped down in disappointment.  
Steve reminded himself he needed to function, not just stare.  
“Wow, thanks.”  
He’d obviously left too long of a pause, Bucky was shoving them back in the bag with aggression and a tinge of embarrassment on his face, blankness creeping up fast.  
“No, wait. I was surprised that’s all.”  
Bucky paused, bringing the items out and handing them to Steve in outstretched hands, he didn’t look quite as happy as before and Steve inwardly cursed himself for being slow.  
“I figured you could draw the sunset over the lake…”  
Steve couldn’t help but grin like a sappy idiot, Bucky shot a small smile back, not the one that rounded his cheeks and met his eyes though, Damn Steve getting all touched and flustered and making the poor man uncomfortable.

 

The sun began falling from the sky, orange beams reached out, the clouds were tinted purple and pink. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and Steve was quick to start his sketch, to record where the light reached on the water so he could fill it with colour later. It was tranquil, the most spectacular sunset he’d seen, so full of colour and beauty.  
He turned to Bucky, expecting him to be just as awed by the stunning spectacle, Steve’s heart got lodged in his throat and he gawped. The sunset was second to the beauty in front of him.  
He had closed his eyes, faint orange was glowing on his pale skin. Eyelashes were fanned delicately, every crease and wrinkle relaxed to form a face of pure peace. Steve couldn’t stop staring, his finger twitched wanting badly to reach out and stroke that perfect face, to feel its softness with his fingertips, to taste it on his tongue. He burned the image into his brain, hoping each time he blinked or fell asleep he could conjure that exact picture.

 

The pencil escaped his fingers, dropping to the floor below.  
“Shit.”  
Brown eyelashes fluttered open and Bucky focused with a few blinks on Steve.  
“You okay?”  
“Yeah, lost the pencil.”  
Bucky shrugged, flicking his head in the direction of the tin. “Plenty more.”  
Steve was half hoping Bucky would drift back to his state before so Steve could sketch him but the Brunette stretched his limbs out and eyed the last rays of the fading sun. He’d just have to do it from memory.  
“Your sketchpad and pencils?”  
Bucky shook his head, “Nah, my ma’s.”  
Steve felt twenty times more shit about dropping the pencil to the foliage below, he’d be hard pressed to find it.  
“It’s okay though, not like she’ll be using them again.”  
“She liked to draw?”  
Bucky nodded, pawing at his bag, Steve new what he was going for, his crutch for stressful conversations, a piece of what looked like ribbon, that he repeatedly twisted round his hands and untwisted, repeating the motion over and over. He reached for it each time his sister was mentioned, Steve never asked about it, he wasn’t even sure Bucky was aware he was doing it.  
“Tried to get me and Becca into it.”  
“You any good?”  
He huffed a laugh ribbon gripped between his fingers, he glanced down at it before shoving it back in his bag.  
“Well I don’t mean to brag…” Steve’s eyebrows rose in anticipation…”but I draw a mean stickman.”  
Steve burst out laughing and Bucky joined him, a genuine laugh that crinkled the delicate skin round his eyes and took away the darkness that lingered.  
“Get over here and show me then.”  
Bucky shuffled along so their thighs were touching. He took a pencil from the tin as Steve flipped a page over on the pad.  
“Just gunna warn you to hang on to the tree, this gunna blow your mind.”  
He drew a piss-poor stickman and a booming laugh escaped Steve’s lips.  
“That it?”  
Bucky spluttered with a giggle, “what you mean is that it? that’s art. Priceless art.”  
“You do anymore priceless art?”  
Bucky hummed before returning the pencil to the paper and drawing-  
“A cock and balls? How original.”  
“Well you gotta drawer what you’re good at, an I’m good at cock and balls.”  
Ok now Steve was blushing, more accurately glowing red, and swallowing, and unable to look towards the brunette next to him.  
He watched as Bucky changed his picture into something less crude, it almost resembled a cartoon dog if Steve squinted at it, poor unfortunate animal with a cock for its nose.  
“There, that better?”  
Steve grimaced at the picture, “no not really, once you see a cock its hard NOT to see it.”  
“Ain’t that the truth, so you gunna show me yours?”

 

What?...WHAT. Steve’s brain short circuited, and he threw himself into the branch behind. Bucky watched with a slack mouth at Steve’s reaction before reality dawned and he howled a laugh.  
“I meant your sketch, of the lake...not your..”  
Steve shuffled about a bit, forcing a cough with sealed lips, he managed to keep the flushing at bay. He flipped the pages back and showed the sketch to the still giggling Bucky.  
Bucky froze, laughter dying in an instant, “Jesus Steve, you’re incredible.”  
“It needs a lot of work, I’ll add colour when we’re back at the house.”  
Bucky whistled a breath threw his teeth and Steve felt like he had grown a few inches, “seriously, I love it. You’ve got some talent.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Your ma teach you?”  
“Nah, didn’t know my parents, they died when I was little, been in an out of family’s…”  
The brunettes hand clapped down on his knee and stayed put much to Steve’s surprise, “that must’ve been tough.”  
“Yeah, was. But now I’m good, got a flat, friends, a job, guess things turned out in my favour.”  
“Better to come from nothing and make it then start at the top and fall…”

 

Sadness laced the brunettes voice, his hand withdrew and Steve immediately felt the urge to grab at it and put it back. Blank Bucky returned, he shuffled towards the trunk of the tree reaching for the ribbon.  
They sat in silence, Bucky staring off in the distance and Steve pretending he was sketching the lake and not the handsome man beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If theres not a hug between Steve and Bucky in civil war I'm going to kick off big time...and its got to be an extended hug, not just a pat on the shoulder...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sand, hot enough to scorch skin was his cushion, the sound surrounding him was manic, shouts of civilians, guns blaring, shells bouncing against metal. He had to stay down, wait for the wave to pass then access the situation, he glanced behind, his men lay, focussed expressions on their faces with a hint of fear, a thought in their heads that this is it, their last moments.
> 
> They were hiding behind their convey of vehicles, pinned by machine gun fire, Steve risks a peek around the metal, heart stopping at the man in the middle of the road, full view of guns and grenades.  
> He was dressed to the nines, smart pants and blue shirt, hair tousled, he turns fixing his gaze on Steve, lips tilting up into a smile, Steve couldn’t breathe, didn't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> unbeta'd so typos  
> Big love for reading, kudos and comments :)
> 
> Steves a bit of an angsty dick this chapter...and Bucky... well.
> 
> Warning for Drug use...

Sand, hot enough to scorch skin was his cushion, the sound surrounding him was manic, shouts of civilians, guns blaring, shells bouncing against metal. He had to stay down, wait for the wave to pass then access the situation, he glanced behind, his men lay, focussed expressions on their faces with a hint of fear, a thought in their heads that this is it, their last moments.

 

They were hiding behind their convey of vehicles, pinned by machine gun fire, Steve risks a peek around the metal, heart stopping at the man in the middle of the road, full view of guns and grenades.  
He was dressed to the nines, smart pants and blue shirt, hair tousled, he turned fixing his gaze on Steve, lips tilting up into a smile, Steve couldn’t breathe, didn't understand. The man is oblivious to danger, skin sparkling in the sun, blue eyes alluring.

 

Steve shifted, getting to his feet on stiff knees, staggering towards the man, there’s shouts, of his own language, his own men desperately calling for him to come back.

 

The blue eyes shimmer with gratitude, Steve mouths the word Bucky, the noise is relentless, harsh static.  
Bucky falls, Steve’s down with him, fingers sieving through the sand, trying to pull his body towards the man in need.  
He’s hurt, blue eyes fast becoming unfocused and far off. Shouts of a bomb coming from behind, he turns just as he sees the convey explode, men at his back still and silent, the brunette laying in front blinked in the light before letting go with a sigh. Bucky's dead and Steve would be soon to follow.

 

He woke with the taste of blood in his mouth; he swelled his tongue trying to drive it away before stumbling in the bathroom and brushing the hell out of his teeth.

 

Bucky’s was already up, in the kitchen, back to Steve, the need to rush to him and check him was at the front of his mind, to sweep his hand over every inch of his skin, to see the light still dancing in his eyes, Steve squeezed his eyes shut, angry at the stupid dream, fixing that annoyance on the man in front. It may’ve been a dream, but he’d put himself in the line of fire for this man, put his men in danger and that wasn’t acceptable, he was their captain, in charge of their wellbeing and he let them down-  
“Jesus, you look rough?”  
“I’m fine.”  
Bucky hummed in response, forehead frowning in concern. “just in case you aren’t, medicines over here,” he pulled a cupboard door open, revealing packets and packets of painkillers.  
Steve wanted to mumbled a thanks, he really did need some pills to stop his head pounding, instead he huffed at the contents and moved towards the coffee machine. He wasn't taking advice from Bucky.

 

The morning was quiet, mainly because of Steve’s lack of input, Bucky ended up settling opposite him with another textbook. The crunch of gravel had them both look up, Sam had arrived with the newly screened car.

 

He pulled into the garage with the Aston, pouting his lips and eyes hidden by shades.  
“This thing it amazing?”  
Steve folded his arms with a redundant sigh, anymore car talk and Steve would have to resort to cutting his own ears off. Sam jumped out the car, lifting his shades and slow blinking at the array of other cars.  
“Jesus, your dad a collector?”  
Bucky was running his fingertips over the windscreen, he bristled at the word dad, not enough for Sam to notice but Steve did.  
“Pierce has a thing for old cars, locks them away and never uses them though.”  
Sam whistled shaking his head from side to side, “what a waste.”  
James shrugged, “waste if you like cars, just expensive pieces of junk to me.”  
Sam eyes rounded, he darted looks between the two men with a slack mouth, “is Steve rubbing off on you?”  
“Just don’t like cars. But if you see anything you fancy, just say and you can give it a spin.”  
Sam leaned back on his heels, releasing an amazed laugh.  
“You’d trust me like that?”  
“Unless you’re planning on crashing them.”  
Steve surged forward, ready to steer the conversation away from cars and the possibility of Sam borrowing one of Pierces’, but his friend had other ideas, he patted the blue car next to him with a smirk.  
“This one?”  
“Sure.”  
Bucky, flipped his hand for Sam to try the handle, sure enough the door opened and Sam slid inside. The car rumbled to life.  
“Sam, this isn’t a good idea.”  
Bucky huffed, moving along the line of cars an selecting one, he tugged the handle but Steve blocked him.  
“Seriously Steve, Pierce won’t even know.”  
“That’s not the point, ”Steve growled in reply, “you just can’t do what you want with things that aren’t yours.”  
They jumped apart at the beeping of a horn, “quit arguing and lets get driving.”  
Bucky grinned, pulling the door from Steve’s grip, “you scared, old man?”  
“Not scared, this is just stupid.”  
“You stay here then, just a quick ride.”  
The blonde huffed, tugging Bucky’s jacket till he was away from the car, “if we’re doing this I’m driving.”  
“Fine.”

 

Steve trailed behind Sam, refusing to enjoy the experience of driving one of the worlds most expensive cars. It wasn’t his, it wasn’t Bucky’s. They were using it without consent and the knowledge made Steve grouchy as hell and he was already in a shit storm of a mood.

 

Bucky gave up trying to start a conversation, he sighed, positioning his chair into a lounge and popping his feet on the dash board. Steve wanted to bat them away, to bite out another snide remark, but the brunette was looking tantalising again, relaxed and comfortable. His eyes had slid shut, face unmarked by wrinkle lines, his face was youthful, no tightness lingered.  
Steve’s brain was yelling out at him to demand James put his feet down, straighten up in his seat, but something else was making Steve stay quiet, a sense of fondness.

 

The brunettes breaths evened out, small huffs of airs with the rhythmic rise of his chest. Bucky was asleep, and Steve couldn’t help but smile slightly, he scrunched his face up harshly at his own weakness. He shouldn’t be enjoying this, he was driving around in a stolen car at Bucky’s say so.

 

They pulled into the garage behind Sam, Sam who was whooping and stroking the exterior of his car with a beaming grin. He skipped over to Steve’s, knocking on the window next to Bucky and startling him awake.

 

“Ah man, Steve’s driving bore you that much.”  
The brunette shoulder-pushed his way up the seat with a slight smile, “relaxing that’s all”, he muttered back.  
“This isn’t the kind of car you should feel relaxed in, you should be clinging on for dear life, its a beaut.”  
Bucky climbed out, click-clacking his neck as he did, “if you say so, not in to cars so much.”  
Sam was about to reply but Steve butted in first, anger making him interrupt, manners out the window, “You don’t like cars, you spend hours in here everyday, what do you do?”  
“Just...tinker with stuff...”  
“Blow up stuff you mean.”  
Bucky wagged his finger in Steve’s direction with a cheeky grin, “that was an accident with a battery pack.”  
Steve didn’t find it funny, explosions and almost getting blown to pieces wasn’t funny. He shifted foot to foot waiting for Bucky to continue his explanation-  
“I over charged it and it exploded.”  
“You shouldn’t be mucking about with stuff you know nothing about, you’ll end up dead.”  
Steve knew shouting was irrational, but the bloody dream from the night before flashed in his mind, Bucky mortal wounded in his arms, face relaxing into permanent stillness not peace-  
“I lost focus for a second that’s all, next time I’ll be more careful.”  
“What do you mean next time? I forbid you from messing about with this stuff.”  
Bucky’s eyes went wide, “you forbid me? You can’t forbid me.”  
Steve huffed folding his arms over his chest, “I can just tell Pierce about the battery incident.”  
Bucky glanced behind him, sheets covering whatever he’d been ‘tinkering with’. He actually looked worried, like he cared about something... his step fathers opinion of him. The golden boy in Pierces’ eyes.

 

“Don’t.”  
One word, one word uttered under his breath but it sounded so sad, devastation making it quake. He was reaching, hand tugging the ribbon free of his jeans. The manic twisting and untwisting began as he waited for Steve to respond. They were staring at each other, Bucky’s eyes wide and glassy and Steve relentlessly intimidating, he had finally got a guilty reaction from the Brunette, gotten a slither of respect.

 

“Look, no damage is done, he’s fine- cars fine.”  
Sam was moving, planting himself between Steve and Bucky.  
“That’s not the point, he’s careless, stupid, blowing himself up, smashing up the car, the guy the other night he was screwing taking a painting.”  
“Steve, I think you’ve got to breath man, before you say something you regret.”  
Steve could feel his chest heaving, his fist shaking a pointed finger over Sam’s shoulder.  
“He’s selfish-  
“Look I asked if I could drive the car, he was just being nice.”  
“It wasn’t his to offer, Jesus Sam, whose side you on?”  
Sam stumbled back as if struck, “I wasn’t aware we were picking sides but at this moment, his.”  
They both turned, eyes scanning the empty place Bucky had been standing.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?”  
“Nothing-”  
“You trying to emotionally destroy that kid.”  
Steve barked a laugh, “he’s no kid, he’s a grown man that does what he pleases and damn everyone else.”  
“I know what you like when you had some messed up dream, but seriously Steve it’s not his fault.  
“Nothing to do with the dream, it’s just him getting me riled.”  
Sam clasped his head with his hands, “whatever’s going on Steve sort it out.”

 

The next few days were as awkward as when Steve first began the job, Bucky avoided him, didn’t venture outside to the lake but used the gym for his run instead. Steve kept telling himself he was going to sort it, but every time he went to, he remembered the painting, the car, the explosion, the dream... before he knew it, it was the weekend, two days off from being Bucky’s bodyguard. Pierce came back to the house with his army of suits, he didn’t even take a moment to acknowledge Steve.

 

Brock did, he smirked and grinned, irritating the hell out of the blonde.  
“How’s my boy?”  
It was obvious who he was referring to, but he decided to play dumb. Brock was an arrogant creep, Steve could feel his eyes sizing him up, calculating.  
“Sorry who?”  
Brock chuckled, stroking his chin, “your dismissed Rogers. Monday, eight.”

 

 

Steve sunk into his own couch with a sigh, feet on the coffee table by the now empty pizza box. He was stuffed, enjoying watching crap programmes with Sam once again. He was absolutely not thinking about Bucky...

 

“So how is it working for James?” Sam asked.  
“It’s a job, as it goes an easy job, except he annoys the hell out of me.”  
“Why? Seems like a nice kid.”  
Steve huffed, there it was again. ‘kid’ or ‘boy’ separating him from any responsibility by using youth, he was a grown man for god sake, Steve had seen younger men with more respect get their lives blown apart.  
“Are you sure that’s it Steve?”  
“What do you mean?”  
Sam rubbed at his face with a small laugh, “you sure you’re not trying to hate him, like on purpose-  
“Why would I do that?”  
“Dunno, you’re stupid,” Sam held his palms up, “look, I saw how you were looking at him in the car, when we pulled up.”  
“Yeah I was annoyed, he had his feet on the dash-  
“Stop it, this is me your talking to, you’re not convincing me. I know what I saw, second time I’ve seen you look at him like that.”  
Steve toed the pizza box, pushing it across the table. Silence spoke volumes, Sam boomed a laugh to fill it.  
“I set you up with loads a dates, not interested, you fall for Alexander Pierces’ son, the guy your guarding.”  
“I haven’t fallen for him.”  
Sam pouted and Steve could feel his face redden under the look.  
“So what, I find him attractive, I’m only human, but that’s it.”  
Sam made a gameshow wrong answer noise, “ee ah. Don’t think so.”  
“He’s rude, doesn’t care about other peoples property, doesn’t do anything of any worth-  
“Wow wow, captain Rogers, I’m talking to Steve, take the military rubbish down a peg or two.”

 

Steve breathed through his nose, calming the lingering anger.  
Bucky was sad, lonely, Steve enjoyed spending time with him, far too much to be acceptable in the job. His face dropped into his hands, Sam was right, he was trying to mask his feeling with anger, anger was the simplest of emotions. Whatever he was actually feeling was not in the slightest bit simple.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Sam muttered.  
He spent the weekend flitting from admitted he liked the brunette to denying it completely and growling at himself. He did however spend several hours drawing from memory Bucky perched in the tree with a face of beautiful calm, he tacked it by his bed much to Sam amusement.  
“It’s art.”  
“It’s very romantic art.” Sam added before darting out of the way of a hurled pillow.

 

He was grinning ear to ear on the drive back to the mansion, he scrubbed the expression of his face, realising how utterly ridiculous it was. He had missed the brunette, missed watching his face fold up when he was reading, or the reflected lake in his eyes. He missed the smiles and the odd tingling in his skin when Bucky laughed. He had to fix the awkwardness with him, Sam was right, Bucky was not responsible for the dreams his subconscious forced on him.

 

He climbed out of the car to be greeted by a smirking Brock.  
“Oh dear.”  
“What?”  
Brock popped his lip, taking a casual step forward, “Pierce isn’t to happy with you.”  
The painting, the car, the mess in the garage, Steve just waited to hear which had been discovered.  
“Let your guard down with James didn’t you.”  
His job was to watch James, no incident had occurred with him in the few weeks he’d been working. He hadn’t been beaten to a pulp like he had when Brock was looking out for him.  
“Sorry what?”  
Brock stalked forward, grinning to himself as if remembering a funny joke.  
“He managed to sneak drugs past you.”  
Steve couldn’t stop his jaw from falling open, stomach dropping to his toes.  
The sneering man nodded with a chuckle, “too friendly with him Rogers, knew he’d get one over on you. Told Pierce your not up it.”  
“What did James do?”  
Brock rubbed at his arm with another smile, “off his face.”  
He chuckled, and Steve’s gut twisted, he stomped away from Brock heading towards the bedrooms.  
“He’s not your friend, he’s your job. you should’ve remembered that.”

 

He pushed the bedroom door, Bucky was sprawled on the mattress, pale as anything with a far of expression. Steve growled at the sight, he gripped at his arm, finding the marks on his smooth skin.  
“You’re an idiot.”  
“Steeeeve, wait.”  
“Stupid, selfish, idiot.”  
Steve spun around, pushing into his own room and grabbing at his clothes, flinging in to a bag. He wasn’t dealing with this shit, his job was to watch James, keep him safe, how was he suppose to do that when the Brunette was intent on self-destruct. Pierce had all the money in the world to find someone else for this. He’d been there a month, that would make a sizable dent in his debts.

 

A body slammed into his back, uncoordinated arms reaching round to stop him packing.  
“Please Steve, don’t”  
Steve forced his shoulders back dislodging the man, he fell to the ground with a thump.  
“I didn’t sign up for this.”  
“Yes you did, you knew what I was.”  
Steve spun on the spot, anger taking over as he spied the pathetic man on the floor.  
“How did you get them? At the club when we were out?”  
Humiliation stung Steve’s heart, James had been playing him, somehow sneaking a stash into the house.  
James hands shot up rubbing hard as his face, a sob escaped his lips, muffled by his arm. His teeth sunk into his hand to stop another distressed noise escaping.  
“Why would you do this? You’ve been clean for months.”  
Another expensive rehab spent on Bucky, when out there someone else would jump at the chance to be clean and stay that way.  
A high pitch whine came from Bucky’s lips, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”  
“Not good enough!”  
Steve punched his items in his bag with enough force to break the seam. Bucky had crawled to his calf, hugging his arms around it, pressing his face to the material.  
Steve felt sick, guilty, betrayed, he felt a whole range of emotions but couldn’t fix them down,-

 

“Jesus James, when I think you couldn’t be anymore more pathetic. Unhand Rogers, he’s had enough.”  
The arms wound round Steve’s legs retracted, Bucky stumbled up to his feet. Steve couldn’t look at him, a mixture of anger and pity swelled and he couldn’t think straight.  
“I’ll let Pierce know you’ve quit.”  
Steve stopped, bag overflowing, “good luck finding someone else.” He snapped.  
He was out of the mansion in a flash, calling a taxi and sitting on his bag while he waited. Stupid punk had got one over on him. He twirled around, spying James disappearing in the woods. Emotions were at war, the anger waged against the dread of possibly never seeing the brunette again, before he was aware of what he was doing he got up, yanking his bag onto his back and moving towards the trees.

 

He glanced up at the tree, Bucky’s legs weren’t dangling over the branch like usual. Steve was planning on shouting up to him but screw it, he didn’t fancy anyone overhearing him pleading with a junkie.

 

He clambered up, perching on the branch where the other man was curled up, hugging his knees to his chest. Covering his face. Steve could see his hand trembling, ribbon wrapped tight enough round his fingers that they were purpling.

 

“You’re leaving?” He breathed with a hitch.  
Steve peeked over the edge, his bag was on the floor by the trunk of the tree. Why hadn’t he left, why had his heart ached when he saw Bucky fading into the treeline.  
“I don’t know yet.”  
The brunette made a desperate noise in the back of his throat, blinking through tear clogged eyes. Finally facing Steve. The whites of his eyes were red, blood seeping from vessels, he looked terrible.  
“Why’d you do it?”  
The ribbon started moving again, harshly strangling his fingers-  
“I didn’t know what else to do.”  
Not the answer Steve was expecting, not the one he was hoping to hear either. The most confusing answer possible.  
“Don’t go.” Bucky whined the words, “please Steve.”  
It sounded so desperately sad that Steve was forced to look away, He didn’t like seeing him like this, trembling and... scared?, His head tilted into a nod and his lips mumbled the words “I’ll stay.” Before his brain had time to process.  
“Thank you.” Bucky breathed and chocked on the words.  
“Not doing it for you, I need the money.”

He gripped James arm, prodding the pinprick mark so Bucky acknowledged it, “no more of this.”  
The brunette sniffed, bobbing his head in a agreeable motion.  
“I mean it, you touch anything an I’m gone, promise?”  
Bucky hugged his knees tighter, “I promise.”  
“And I want you to speak to someone, about the drugs, about your need to ruin your life every time your back on track.”  
The pale blue eyes sparkled, crinkled in confusion at the request, Steve huffed to get his point across, agree to the demands or I continue to leave.

 

Bucky nodded again, small sob escaping. Steve flicked his head in James direction, “go shower.”, he ordered.  
The brunette clambered down from the branch eyes still shimmering from unshed tears. Steve stayed a few minutes taking in the sight of the lake to clear his head.

It didn't help in the slightest, Bucky was spinning in his mind, causing every emotion to fire simultaneously. What was he going to do with him?

 

Steve returned his bag to his room, catching Brock as he passed by.  
“I’m staying no need to say anything to Pierce.”  
“He’s a hopeless case, I’m sure you don’t want to waste anymore time here. I’ll tell Pierce your done.”  
Steve frowned, “you not hear me? I’m staying.”  
“Is it for the money, I’ll double what you’ve earned, so you can leave happy, you’re not up to this.”  
Now Steve was angry, “what’s in it for you?”  
“I’ve just got a more natural way of handling James.”  
“You work for Pierce now, promotion and all that.”  
Brock nodded with a sly smile, “didn’t realise how much I’d miss James though, I’d be happy to switch back.”  
“Well Its not necessary, I’m not planning on leaving anything time soon.”  
“He’s a hopeless case.”  
“Well I’m a sucker for hopeless cases, apparently.”  
Brock leaned in, pulling his lips back, “you’re going to regret that decision Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 more days, just 5 more...then I see civil war....Jealous of those that have already seen it, lucky people.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let me get this straight, you want me to go in that room and have a chat with...your friend Sam?”
> 
> Steve nodded slowly, folding his arms over his chest, they had already been standing outside the room longer than necessary. He was tempted to throw Bucky in the room and block the door off.  
> “Sam’s good to talk to, he helped me and other soldiers with real problems.”  
> “But, it’s your friend, shouldn’t this be like...anonymous?”  
> “Just get in the room James.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Buck  
> Unbeta'd  
> huge big thanks for kudo's and comments.  
> Less angsty Steve...ish..
> 
> Warning for- voyeurism

“Let me get this straight, you want me to go in that room and have a chat with...your friend Sam?”

 

Steve nodded slowly, folding his arms over his chest, they had already been standing outside the room longer than necessary. He was tempted to throw Bucky in the room and block the door off.

 

“Sam’s good to talk to, he helped me and other soldiers with real problems.”  
“But, it’s your friend, shouldn’t this be like...anonymous?”  
“Just get in the room James.”

 

The brunette shifted, shooting a lingering look at the door to freedom before stomping inside. Sometimes he really did act like a child, and unruly one that needed some discipline.

 

Steve settled on a chair outside, hoping Sam would leave the door open so he could accidently-on-purpose hear the conversation. Sam shooed him away, pointing at a chair further down the corridor.

 

This was Bucky’s first session and Steve had been unsure whether he’d even come in the building let alone speak to Sam. He had gone inside, so at least that was something. He had been complaining all morning he was sick, threatening to vomit in the taxi. Steve told him to go for it, and Bucky huffed at the window in defeat.

 

The previous week Steve had been trying to decide how to be a bodyguard and not a... friend? He no longer climbed the tree but rested at the base waiting till Bucky had satisfied whatever need staring at the lake fulfilled. It was necessary to distance himself, he wasn’t paying attention the weeks before and Bucky had managed to conceal drugs from him, probably gotten from the dive of a bar. It was for his own good, Steve needed to delete their growing relationship to perform his job.

 

He tried addressing Bucky as James again but the brunette paled, dropping his spoon in to the bowl and plodding back to his bedroom with slouching shoulders. That was too far, he didn’t want the other man to put his walls up all the time so he went back to calling him Bucky, except when he was angry.

 

Most of the time he spent in his bedroom or the garage, he swore to Steve they’d be no more battery’s involved in his tinkering and the blonde agreed. He was starting to feel more like Bucky’s commanding officer than bodyguard, and that just didn’t sit well with Steve either.

 

The more grating thing on Steve’s conscious, was the hidden camera he had installed in the brunettes room, it was wrong, completely immoral but if it meant Steve could intervene when drugs were about, the invasion was worth it. So far the camera had picked up nothing, Bucky read a lot, typed on his laptop a lot but did little else of any interest.  
Steve felt like shit spying on him but he had been driven to extreme measures.

 

Sam swung the door open and Bucky passed through joining Steve’s side.  
“So, did he talk?” He was addressing Sam and Bucky was glaring at the side of his face.  
“I am here you know.”  
Steve ignored him, flicking his head for Sam to answer.  
“Err, Steve, its not an interrogation.”  
“I just don’t want him wasting your time.”  
Bucky shifted, puffing his chest out towards Steve, “this was your idea, I’m doing it for you.”  
Sam reeled back on his heels, giving Steve his best ‘I’m not impressed look’. “You can’t force people into this, they’ve got to be ready for help.”  
“He’ll be long dead by the time he’s ready for it.”  
Bucky raised his hand as if in class, “yeah, still here.”  
Sam turned towards Bucky, “well If you wanna do this again, next Saturday okay.”  
Steve bore his eyes into the brunette, Sam slid his hand in front of Steve’s face to stop the glare, “Up to you, not him James.”  
Steve couldn’t see Bucky’s reaction, but Sam hummed in reply, “see you then.”  
Hand removed, Sam slid back into his room and Steve led the other man out.

 

“Feel any better?”  
“We talked about cars...well Sam talked about cars, I faked interest.”  
“God damn it Sam.”  
Bucky shrugged with an infuriating smile, “well you wanted me to do this.”  
“Yeah, to talk about the drugs problem.”  
“Maybe I don’t have a problem.”  
Steve gripped his arm, twisting round in one motion and pinning him to the wall, the brunette didn’t even struggle just allowed Steve to grip at his arm and pull at his sleeve.  
“So how comes a week ago you did this...”  
The red dot had gone, leaving a lingering brown bruise, they both glared down at the mark.  
“I..-”  
“Exactly, you can’t explain why, because there’s no logical reason for it.”

 

Bucky pulled his face up, puppy dog expression in place, it ached Steve’s chest, pained him to see the gutted expression on the other man, but what was he suppose to say?  
“I guess...I’m just selfish.”

 

Steve nodded, taking a step back from the wall, “it’s about time you stopped being that way don’t you think.”  
Bucky didn’t reply, just trotted behind Steve, not wanted to walk in step with him. For a split second Steve caught his expression in the window of a car, stone cold sadness, etched in every line. God Steve felt like the worlds biggest dick. 

 

Bucky dissapeared into the garage with the laptop, Steve flopped down on the couch with the sketchpad and tin of pencils, the one’s Bucky had presented to him in front of the lake. The memory of that moment forever tarnished by Bucky lying, keeping Steve distracted with crinkling smiles and hot ass body.

 

He sighed, plucking one at random and sketching the frost covered landscape. He blended the led with his fingers, softening the picture and shading the trees. He twisted the pad over, starting again, trying a different take on the scene before him, purples, blues and pinks merging to form the landscape-

 

“It’s beautiful.”  
Steve lurched forward at the voice, hand on heart, seriously Bucky should’ve been a spy. He spun round to glare but stopped at the odd sight. Bucky’s hair was plastered to his forehead, at first Steve thought it was sweat and had to clear his closing throat, but sweat wasn’t that thick. Was it hair gel clogging the strands together in lumps.

“What the hell did you mess with this time?”  
Bucky ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the mess in his fingers, “yeah, nothing.”  
“Doesn’t look like nothing, looks like slime.”  
“Yeah, sort of is I guess.”  
Bucky was playing with it in his fingers with a grimace, whatever it was appeared to sticky and tacky and it made the brunette shudder and shake his hand erratically. A lump landed on Steve’s cheek with an audible slap.  
“Shit Steve I’m sorry.”  
It wasn’t sincere, how could it be when Bucky was trying to withhold a chuckle and failing so adorably. The brunette leaned forward, going to wipe the splodge off, his fingers got centimetres away before he pulled them back fast.  
“What is this stuff?”  
Steve picked at it, rubbing the goo in his fingers.  
“Lube.”  
Steve’s mouth flapped open a few times, “Lube? You covered yourself with lube?”  
“Just my head.” He said honestly.  
Steve flexed his face, trying to control the stubborn smile breaking free, “you dissapeared into the garage with the laptop and covered your head in lube.”  
“When you put it like that, it sounds sort of weird.”  
No shit! Steve was laughing, flicking the blob off, back at Bucky.  
The brunette broke into spontaneous laughter with him, swiping the mess in his hair.  
“I forgot it was there.”  
Steve howled in laughter, “how the hell did you forget, you’re covered in it.”  
He reached up, pulling Bucky’s hair in to tufts.  
“You’ve put devil horns on my head haven’t you?”  
Steve pursed his lips, “maybe.”

 

A rueful smile spread the brunettes lips and he lurched forward with sticky hands, Steve fell to the side on the couch, trying to contain the hands, gripping Bucky’s wrists tightly. They were both laughing, wrestling with each other on the cushions. Steve twisted, turning Bucky so they both fell to the floor with a thud, the blonde was still giggling, positioning the other mans wrists above his head on the carpet, fully straddling his thighs.  
“Gotcha.”  
Bucky wriggled in response, pulling his knees up trying to nudge Steve off, all it did was push Steve crotch into Bucky’s stomach. Shit, that wasn’t good. A wrist twisted free and the brunettes hand shot up, raking his fingers through Steve’s hair releasing an uncontrollable shiver.

 

Their laughter died down to panted breaths and heated looks, Steve was overly aware of the place his body was in contact with the brunettes, fabric was in the way but there was still the warmth of skin, he swallowed, pulling every ounce of control to the front of his mind, he wanted to lean over, connect their lips together, unwrap the man beneath him like a long awaited gift, he was shifting, unconsciously ducking down as it magnetised, he caught himself just in time, stumbling up from his position and returning to the couch.

 

“You look like a hedgehog, an albino hedgehog.”  
Steve chuckled lightly, gathering up the sketchpad and pencils, he conveniently placed them on his crotch when he sat down, hiding anything inappropriate from view.  
“I think I’m going to have to see what you’re doing in there...”  
Bucky was still sprawled out on the carpet, arms above his head how Steve had left him, there for the taking, so bloody tempting.  
“Not yet, I’m not finished.”  
Steve shifted his erection, annoyed it was rubbing on the fabric of his pants, a wet patch showing through would be the ultimate humiliation. He blanked his mind of naughty thoughts, remembering they were in the middle of a conversation.  
“You’re making something?”  
Bucky nodded with a small smile, climbing to his feet, hair now swept back fifty style, “yeah, been working on it for a long time.”  
“How long?”  
“Like years.”  
Steve frowned, “you’re working on something that needs lots of electricity and lube.”  
Bucky scrunched his face before agreeing, “Its not a sex toy though, I swear.”  
Steve laughed again and Bucky joined him, both falling into hysteria, it felt good to laugh, felt even better to see Bucky laughing, to see his dimples and crinkles as he did, Steve just had to lose the raging hard on in his pants and everything would be fine.

 

Bucky came out of his second session with Sam with an almost gleeful expression, Steve raised his eyebrows at Sam but he just shrugged.  
“How was it?”  
“Sam’s talking me through all the cars he’s owned over the years.”  
Steve huffed a breath, unable to commit to anger when Bucky was grinning so brightly.

 

“De-tour.” Bucky muttered.  
He spoke the address of his old university to the taxi driver and they were off, Bucky bouncing his leg the whole journey.  
“Why are we going there?”  
Bucky yanked a USB from his pocket, grinning down at it as if it was the most precious thing in the world.  
“Years of work on one stick.”  
“They kicked you out.”  
Bucky huffed, shuffling back into his seat, “I’m hoping this will change their minds.”  
Steve gut clenched painfully, he couldn’t help feeling this detour was going to end terribly.  
The blondes gut was nearly always right, this wasn’t an exception to that rule.

 

The meeting with Bucky’s lecturer didn’t go well, he stomped out flicking the USB in a near by trash can, the professor ran out after the brunette.  
“I’m sorry James, but Pierce won’t allow it.”  
“Why does he even need to know?” Bucky growled back.  
The man in the lab coat darted a look down at Steve in the chair, only just realising there was bulk on the other side, “ You were my best student-“  
“Then take my work, Pleeease” It was whine like and desperate.  
“He’d find out, he paid the university to evict you, thinking it was for the best after your...problems.”  
Bucky shifted in his jacket, plucking the ribbon and pulling it through his thumb and forefinger.  
“So it’s about money.”  
The man’s shoulder drooped, “your dads a powerful man.”  
Bucky spun, eyes fierce, “he’d not my dad!” his shaking had pointed to the trash can, “that could’ve made a difference to people lives, you won’t even look at it because of Pierce.”  
“It wasn’t my decision to exclude you from the course- your da-Pierce, just thought it was for the best, too much temptation.”  
Bucky huffed, strolling down the corridor while his professor sunk away into his office.  
Steve jumped up, pulling the USB from the trash, sliding it in his pocket. Years of work shouldn’t be thrown away like that...

 

Back at the mansion Steve toyed with the USB, unsure what to do with it, he slotted it in to the laptop, frowning at the codes, the talk of nerves and impulses, sections of the brain and motor responses. Steve ground his finger tips into his temples before attaching the file to an email.

 

He didn’t know what any of it meant, but Tony would, Tony would be able to tell whether years of work had led to something positive, something that could make a difference like the brunette believed.

 

“Out tonight, Taxi at eight.”

 

The voice was cold, stating a fact and daring Steve to question it.  
Steve slammed the laptop closed and hummed in response, Bucky frowned but didn’t comment, moving to the kitchen with a scowl.  
The words finally registered and Steve’s stomach sunk, a night out at the dingy club, Steve had to be on top of his game to watch the brunette.

 

Steve hated the bar, hated every single person inside it for the way they looked at Bucky, as if a prized toy had just walked in and they all wanted a turn with it. Steve took position a few seats away, too close and he wouldn’t be able to see Bucky as a whole, wouldn’t be able to see the exchange of substances.

 

He zoned in on Bucky, gathering as much intel as he could, he was a target, he had to stay focussed and look for clues. The next hour Steve grew more and more uncomfortable by what he saw. 

 

The men eyed Bucky, smacking their lips together with blown eyes, every hand that reached for the brunette had Steve stiffening and the brunette batting away with a growl.

 

Every time someone got too close, Bucky’s face became sharp, twisted and they backed away. It was as if Bucky was a volatile animal and they were all trying their luck with him, daring each other to get close, to see if he bites.  
It was torment, and uncomfortable but Bucky still selected one of the baying men to follow him out, Steve wormed his way into the middle seat of the taxi, the selected man didn’t look too impressed at the invasion.  
“You were much funnier when you were with Brock...”  
“Well, Brock was a shit bodyguard.” Steve bit out.  
The man nudged Steve’s shoulder with a laugh, “I’d say he guarded James body pretty damn well.”  
Steve was going to have to learn more about the asshole that was Brock Rumlow.

 

They stumbled into the house, Steve blocked the corridor with his bulk, “gunna have to pat you down.”  
Bucky wore a mask of stone, cold eyes and cocked jaw, Steve wasn’t sure whether he was responsible for the look or whether it was a reflection of how he was feeling on the inside, it was identical to the expression he wore in the bar.  
The other man was hard, bulge sticking up to attention. His breathing was already compromised, pupils consuming all his eyeballs as he panted.

 

Bloody hell, this was all kinds of wrong and Steve didn’t have a clue what to do about it.  
“Satisfied?” The man snapped.  
“Erm, yeah-“

 

They both moved round the blonde, marching down the house, Steve was rooted to the floor, sick feeling swelling in his stomach. Bucky didn’t glance back, the man did though, turned around and winking with a laugh.

 

Steve climbed into bed, listening out for the noises in the other room, no longer feeling any hint of arousal at the thought, he slid his tablet out from under the bed, hesitating whether to look at the video feed.  
Bucky was a grown man, he was well aware of what he was doing, his motivation was unclear, he didn’t even seem to like the men he invited back, but it wasn’t really any of Steve business...right?

 

Steve signed in, peeking at the feed through his fingers, the man was on his back, Bucky working his dick with his mouth, Steve tapped the app close, cursing at himself, the seconds of Bucky topless working his mouth with focus around the other man. God damn, it shouldn’t of been hot, but Steve thought back to them wrestling, pinning the brunette. He ran through a fantasy of making his way down Bucky’s body, kissing and nipping his way to the belt buckle, popping it open and-

 

Steve groaned into his pillow, hand slick with pre-come, Fucking hell this was wrong. He stopped his fast stroking and refused to finish himself off. The door to Bucky’s room squeaked open, Steve delved for the device, signing it to find Bucky laying alone in his bed. There was noise in the corridor, footsteps fading and the finality of the front door slamming.

 

Steve kept the feed running, watching Bucky laying back on his bed, still wearing his pant or had he put them back on?  
The light in the room was still on, blaring yellow down on the bed, it must’ve been uncomfortable for Bucky to stare so unblinking at the ceiling. The brunettes hands were linked on his stomach, on his smooth muscular stomach.

 

The brunettes hand began to trail down and Steve hiccupped in shock, the hook of his pants were unlatched and his blue eyes slid shut when his hand delved inside.

 

Steve really needed to switch the tablet off, put it beneath the bed and remember that breathing was an important thing to do. His cock had other ideas, his eyes were glued to the screen, watching as the brunette arched his back on the bed, pulling himself free of his pants and wrapping his fingers around himself.

 

Steve was mimicking the action with his own cock, body burning up with arousal, it was wrong, so bloody wrong to be getting off on it but he couldn’t help it, Bucky sprawled out in bed, touching himself, stroking himself with a slack mouth and closed eyes.

 

It was hot, Steve was a burning inferno just watching it, skin pink and tingling. His cock was leaking, running down his hand as he kept pace with the brunette. Fuck it was wrong, but it was so sexy, more arousing than any pornographic movie. Steve abandoned breathing altogether when the brunettes face tightened for a moment, lips groaning a word before he blissed out, panting as he erupted through orgasm.

 

Steve was about ready to pass out, refusing to breathe as he rewound the recording, increasing the volume to hear the one word that straggled it’s way out of Bucky’s mouth.  
It was Steve, he’d moaned Steve, that realisation was all it took for Steve to finish, biting his lips not to shout of Bucky’s name in reply.

 

Steve was avoiding Bucky, he was pretended he wasn’t but each time they settled in a room, the blonde felt heat in his face and found an excuse to leave, usually to get a drink, on one occasion he was forced to put his head in the fridge to calm the fuck down. Shame, mixed with lust, mixed with anger at his own weakness. It was best he avoided Bucky for a while...a little difficult considering he was the brunettes personal bodyguard.

 

Steve was pulled from his dilemma by the chime of his phone.  
One message from Tony Stark.

 

OPEN UP

 

Wheels crunched the gravel and Tony strutted out straightening his suit jacket, Steve was straight to the door.  
“What the hell are you doing here?”  
Tony grinned, big and toothy, “I’m here to see your boy wonder.”  
Steve kept the door a fraction open, not welcoming the man inside.  
“Look Rogers, I’m freezing my arse off, like literally its that cold I can no longer feel it.”  
“Still doesn’t answer the question.”

 

Tony huffed, fingers delving into his jacket pocket, he pulled an iPad out and put up the front page of Bucky’s work.  
“You sent this to me, now I wanna see it for real.”  
Steve blinked at the hypnotic numbers and equations, he’d sent it on impulse, thinking it was some essay about neuroscience-  
“Freezing. My. Ass. Off.”  
Steve gave in and opened the door wide for Tony to pass through, he whistled in mock appreciation as he made his way through the house.  
“What’s on the file?”

 

The whistling stopped and Tony twirled round to face the blonde, “you sent it to me without looking at it?”  
Steve shrugged, leading Tony to the living room where Bucky was. He wasn’t going to admit he needed it put in simple terms.  
“Good job it was interesting, otherwise I would’ve been kinda hacked off with you Rogers, I’m a busy man.”  
Bucky glanced up wide eyed at the intruder, Steve was about to explain about Tony but he didn’t need to.  
“Whoa, Tony stark? You know Tony stark?”  
“Yeah kid, me and your Stevie go way back.”  
The blonde bristled, mouthing Stevie in annoyance, “never call me that again Anthony.”  
“Touché.”

 

Tony reached a hand forward and Bucky glared at it, before tentatively taking it for a mere second.  
“You invented the arc reactor, it powers the whole of New York.”  
“Yeah, well. Everyone needs a hobby, and I’m interested in yours.”  
Bucky raised his shoulders at Steve, trying to work out what the hell was going on. Tony sighed, fingers prodding at his iPad, he flashed the screen at Bucky, who flushed at the sight of his own work.  
“You sent this to Tony Stark?”  
“Why else would I be here.” Tony clapped his hands together, “well...I’m an impatient man.”  
Bucky scratched his head with a small smile that rounded his cheeks, “yeah, sure...it’s this way.”

 

Steve hadn’t thought too much about what Bucky was doing in the garage, he started to wish he took notice sooner. Bucky uncovered what looked like an entire metal arm, he positioned it up stirrups. Tony purred at it, similar to the way Sam did when a rare car was about.  
“Let’s hook it up and see what it can do.”

 

Bucky nodded, connecting wires to the limb, wires attached to serval battery packs.  
“You sure that’s safe?”  
Tony scoffed, fixing Steve with a glare, “to make leaps forward, you got to take risks.”  
“That’s another way for saying no isn’t it.”  
Tony held his hands up to the heavens with a scrunched face, “we’ll just keep an eye on the battery’s- don’t want one going off.”  
Bucky breathed a laugh, stopping it short when he saw Steve wasn’t impressed.  
“Ah, so you’ve already had an issue with the battery then.”  
“Got distracted, overcharge it...boom.”  
Tony gave a solid thump to Bucky’s back with a singular laugh, “see I like you, your fun.”

 

Bucky moved to a drawer, pulling out what looked like a head cap, before he put it on he squirted what looked like 10 tonnes of lube into it.  
“Interesting, interesting.” Tony muttered.  
The cap went on with an odd suction sound, Steve couldn’t help but grimace. Next Bucky pulled out a strap from another draw, it was covered in small metal dots.  
“Ah, I see.” Tony mumbled.  
Steve just gawped, trying to work out what the hell was going on. The strap was wrapped tightly around Bucky’s upper arm.  
“Ready?” Bucky asked Tony with a shy smile.  
“No. No, one thing, he delved into his pocket, finding a small length of plastic, a rip tie.  
Bucky raised his eyebrows in question. “Should I be concerned you carry them around with you?”  
“Ha, maybe...look.. When I read it, I was worried it was just mimic your real arm, here’s the test.”  
Bucky turned around, positioning his wrists together on his back, Tony snapped it on, tightening it till Bucky yelped.  
“Need to be sure it’s tight enough.”  
“No kidding.”  
Tony took a moment to take in the picture as a whole, he seemed satisfied and nodded.  
“Okay, I’ll start basic and then do more complex moves.” Bucky mumbled.  
Tony tutted, glancing as his watch. “Yeah, sure-you could do it like that.”  
Bucky squinted his eyes, and the arm moved, elbow joint turning and hand and fingers curling to flick the bird at Tony.  
Far from offended he burst out laughing, Steve was too stunned to follow, his jaw was to the floor, the hand moved fluently, flexing and curling, like a real limb.

 

“Okay, Okay, Impressive, but its been done, I want to test the other stuff you said it can do.”  
Bucky turned away, back to Tony and the arm. Tony poked at a finger and Bucky was able to tell him which one, he pressed different levels on concentration, hard stabs that Bucky yelped and laughed at, and feather light touches, the smile was obvious in Bucky’s voice when he knew Tony was trying to catch him out.

 

Steve blinked himself back into focus, interrupting the mumbo-jumbo talk.  
“So what’s the point of it?”  
Tony paused mid word, wagging his finger towards Steve, “rudeness, captain...interrupting us geniuses talking...and I’ll leave it to boy wonder to explain.”  
Bucky was blushing, facing the floor with pink stained cheeks.

 

“In theory, it can be used to replace lost limbs, it function is better than anything else on the market, it records impulses in the band, sending them to my brain, so I can feel things, like actually feel them.”  
The arm snaked round while he explained, Steve watched it in wonder.  
“You said, you can feel textures.”  
Bucky nodded turning his back on Tony and the arm. Steve watched as Tony tugged a soft bear from his jacket, he placed it in the hands and it tightened gently around it.

 

“Soft, like a teddy bear of something.”  
“Good, good. How about this then?”  
Steve watched as a golf ball was placed in the awaiting fingers.  
“Hard, ball-a golf ball.”  
“Next one.”  
Tony shuffled, undoing the tie round his neck, he placed it against the thumb and the hand closed to grip it, Tony smiled, pulling the tie through the fingers.  
“Silk, a..ribbon?”  
“Close, its my tie...is made of silk though, the finest possible silk.”

 

Steve spluttered in shock at what tony did next, he had put his mouth round one of the fingers, Bucky shifted making an ‘errrrr’ noise in his throat.  
“Um wet..., warm...pressure?... Are you sucking my finger?”  
Tony pulled his mouth away, “Yep, that’s exactly what I was doing, you said warm?”  
“Yeah, if can tell temperature, as well.”  
“Remarkable, truly remarkable.”

 

Bucky turned back to face them with the most glorious smile Steve had ever seen, it made him kind of jealous to know it was Tony that had put it there, and not himself.

 

Tony and Bucky were still speaking in excited voices, talking about nerves and feedback in the brain, Steve took it as an opportunity to look at the arm himself. It was moving while Bucky was speaking, Bucky was sending it unconscious gestures, he wasn’t even facing the limb. Steve couldn’t help but gasp in amazement, and chuckle, alarmed he had actually gone mad at it was all some crazy dream.  
He touched the edge of the hand, stroking the metal slowly, he darted a look over to the men who were still deep in conversation. He touched the back of the hand, surprised it felt warm and not cool like he was expecting. The fingers twitched minutely, and Steve lined his own up against the metal ones. Linking their hands together, the artificial one responded, tightening slowly, Steve gasped when the thumb swiped over the back of his hand.

 

Tony’s voice droned on but Bucky was looking over to Steve, smile twitching his lips and blue eyes blaring. The thumb continued its caress, circling Steve’s real thumb slowly. Steve shivered, skin igniting with electricity, which hopefully wasn’t the battery overloading again.

 

Tony clapped his hands in front of Bucky’s face and the hand went slack.  
“Steve, stop being distracting, important conversation going on.”  
“Sorry, sorry.”  
Tony placed his arm across Bucky’s shoulder, tugging him into an odd embrace, “this is great, seriously, you’re on to something big, need to do some more tests though. You free next week to come to my lab?”  
Bucky’s eyes were huge and glimmering, he tried to speak but words seemed to lodge in his throat.  
Steve took pity of the flustered man, “I think that a yes Tony.”  
Tony grinned patting Bucky’s shoulder, “right, got to fly...like literally...plane though, not like a bird.., next week guys.”  
Tony left with a strut and a whistled tune, leaving Steve and Bucky facing each other across the room.

 

“So what do you think?”  
Steve stuttered on his own breath, “it’s incredible.”  
There was the big smile, the big proud smile Steve was going to burn into his memory bank of Bucky looking amazing.

 

“It has the potential to make a huge difference to peoples lives, and it’s just the start, there’s no reason why you won’t be able to get a fully functioning leg in the future.”  
Steve thought back to the wounds he had witnessed in the army, legs and arms being blown clean off from mines and bombs. There was artificial limbs when they got home but not like this, this would give them their freedom back, it could move fluently, respond exactly with the right amount of pressure-  
“Not so selfish now?”

 

Steve spun around, back facing the brunette, His eyes were prickling and his brain was in overdrive.  
“You are...”  
He reached towards the arm, making the palm lay flat, he began tracing letters which Bucky recited out loud.  
“A...M...A...Z...-”  
Steve was grinning, gasping in disbelief that a piece of metal could be this in-tuned, this sensitive, he blinked his water logged eyes.  
“I...N..G”  
“Amazing” Steve repeated the word on an oxygen starved breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was that cringeworthy I watched the live stream from the London Preimier...I need to see this god damn movie and fast!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve woke up breathing harshly into his pillow, damp of tears itching his cheek. Another dream, another day being pulled back into reality feeling horrendous. He stubbed his toe on the way to the bathroom, not judging the door frame and his bulk well in his drowsy state.  
> He brushed at his teeth, needing to get rid of the taste blood, the feel of gritty sand, his head pounded with faded sounds as he sunk to the floor, taking a moment to drive the dream away, to put those emotions to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos  
> Much love for reading, kudos and comments.  
> Hope you enjoy :)

Steve woke up breathing harshly into his pillow, damp of tears itching his cheek. Another dream, another day being pulled back into reality feeling horrendous. He stubbed his toe on the way to the bathroom, not judging the door frame and his bulk well in his drowsy state.  
He brushed at his teeth, needing to get rid of the taste of blood, the feel of gritty sand, his head pounded with faded sounds as he sunk to the floor, taking a moment to drive the dream away, to put those emotions to sleep.

 

Bucky was already up, cooking bacon. Far too much bacon for him to consume on his own.  
“Bacon sandwich?”

 

It’s irrational, completely uncalled for but Steve was in a bad mood and shakes his head at the offer. Bucky glared down at the over-flowing pan of meat, his shoulders sagging in disappointment, Steve hates it, but he doesn’t change his mind, no matter how loudly his stomach growls.

 

He settled with a coffee, trying not to see shadows in the murky liquid. Bucky doesn’t ask whether he’s alright, and Steve is bloody grateful, he doesn’t want to snap at the brunette, not when they had a nice moment in the garage the day before.

 

“Why did you never tell Pierce about the arm?”  
Bucky stopped mid chew, swallowing an uncomfortable mouthful before speaking, “he wouldn’t of approved.”  
Steve’s eyes narrowed, pinning the brunette in place, “Surely he would’ve been proud...”  
Bucky shifted in his seat, hunger apparently gone, the sandwich is scrapped into the bin and he turns to leave, pausing at a cupboard.  
Steve goes back to staring at his coffee, mind flitting back to the desert, a box smacks him in the chest, painkillers. He looks up to growl a no out at Bucky but the brunette has vanished.

 

It was Bucky’s third session with Sam, Steve waited patiently, the fact the sessions were lasting longer must be a positive, but it meant Steve waited extended bouts of time with just his thoughts colliding with memories.  
Bucky was by his side, repeating his name with a worried frown.  
“Sorry what?”  
He glanced a look back to Sam’s door, “Um, I’m just gunna get a drink from the machine, you can go chat with Sam.”  
Steve stumbled up, flexing his joints.

 

Sam gave him a sympathetic frown, a grim expression that told Steve he could read him like a book.  
“Kids worried about you.”  
Steve shook his head, he didn’t need anyone worrying, he was absolutely fine.  
“What did you and him talk about?”  
Sam huffed out a laugh, “you know I can’t tell you.”  
“Was it more about cars, seriously that’s not what I thought your chats would be about when I asked you to do this.”  
Sam raised his hand to halt his words, “Don’t talk down my techniques Steve, I know what I’m doing, I’m not going to go in all guns blazing.”  
Steve sighed, hand running through and tugging his blonde strands, “Sorry Sam, I..-“  
“Tell me about the dreams Steve.”

 

Steve slumped down into a chair, still able to see Bucky from his position with the door open, the brunette had sat with a drink bottle in hand, far enough not to overhear but close enough so Steve didn’t panic over body guarding duty’s.  
“Starts in the desert, pinned down by fire with my unit,”  
Steve takes a minute to breathe, to relive the familiar scenario, it doesn’t matter that in reality they were saved, no casualties that day from that attack, it haunts him, in those moments he wasn’t sure he was going to survive, he didn’t want his men to die with fear coursing through them.  
“Bucky’s there.”  
Sam’s eyed widen, searching out the brunette in the corridor. “then what happens?”  
“He’s in the open, and he looks so lost until he sees me.”

 

Sapphire eyes light up with hope when they see each other, Steve’s heart squeezed at the expression, he’d only seen it once for real, in the garage when Steve told him he was amazing.  
“I go out for him, to keep him safe, but every time he falls, lays dead still, in the sun.”  
There’s no light to the brunettes eyes, he’s gone, sunk into darkness and he doesn’t return no matter how hard Steve pleads with him.

 

He only remembers he’s in the office when Sam starts waving a tissue in his face.  
“How often do you have that dream?”  
Steve scrubbed angrily at his cheeks, stupid warped emotions left over from a night of terror, “um, a few times a week.”  
Sam nods throwing another glance in Bucky’s direction, Steve does the same, Bucky picking at the label on the drink, trying his best to remove every last trace of it.

 

“He’s okay Steve, he’s out there and he’s fine....he...smiles more in the sessions, especially when we talk about you.”  
Steve glanced up, heat seeping into his skin, “you talk about me?”  
Sam pursed his lips with a badly concealed smile, “confidential remember, the point is, he’s fine. He doesn’t come across like a typical junkie...”  
Sam paused, tilting back on his heels. There’s a look to his face that’s unnerving, assessing, he shakes it away but it’s too late, Steve’s seen it.  
“What is it, what’s the problem?”  
Sam shook his head again in reply, turning his back on Steve in a uncharacteristic sign of dismissal.  
“It’s my birthday in a few weeks.” He mummers to the desk.  
Steve nods, before remembering he would still be working, “I can ask Pierce for some holiday.”  
Sam shook his head, turning round with a small smile, “no stupid, bring Bucky with you.”  
“Don’t they say you shouldn’t bring work home with you.”  
Sam twirled back around with a knowing grin, “we both know he’s more than that...will do him good to be out of that house too.”

 

Bucky appeared in the kitchen, sweatpants and hoodie, it’s freezing outside but he still wanted to run to the lake, he didn’t run off, but waited till Steve was ready and they go together, jogging side by side in silence.  
Their breath clouds out their mouths, cheeks redden and when Steve spies Bucky’s bright pink noise he can’t help but grin.

 

“You coming up?”  
There’s a hint of pleading, a hint of another question being asked, he wants to know whether Steve’s forgiven him.  
Steve nods, following the brunette up the tree so they can perch side by side and watch the lake.  
It’s peaceful, the ice on the lake is paper thin, a bird could break it. Delicate and beautiful. Steve stays like that till the dream seeps away completely and all he can think about is the sight in front of him and the man beside him.

 

It’s Wednesday when a car pulls up outside the house, curtesy of Tony Stark, Bucky packs up the arm and random bits and bobs and climbed inside. Steve caught the look on his face, the unguarded happiness. He clutches the arm to his chest protectively, years of secret work finally amounting to something.

 

“It truly is remarkable James.”  
Bucky was blushing again, gripping the back of his neck with his one moving hand. Much to Steve’s initial anger Tony had suggested an injection to numb Bucky’s left arm. He agreed eagerly and it was left to Steve to worry about the brunette seeing a needle. He didn’t react to it, just held his arm out obediently and it was done in a second.  
“Will take a few seconds to kick in, might last for hours though.”

 

They stood, waiting for the paralysing to claim Bucky’s arm, Tony was humming, Steve was shifting eyes on the small pinprick on the brunettes skin, and Bucky was glaring at his arm. He was back wearing the ridiculous cap on his head, and the band of metal dots on his arm.  
“Won’t people be self conscious, walking around with that.”  
Both Bucky and Tony were glaring at him, cocking their heads in unison as if Steve was a mystical creature.  
“Prototype, this.” Tony gestured to the band and cap, “will be internal.”  
Tony turned to address Bucky, “think of all the money people will save on lube.”  
Bucky’s cheeks morphed to apples, red and shinning. Tony barked a laugh, strolling round the suspended arm.  
“It’s kind of opened my eyes to possibilities, not just an arm or leg, but a whole body, a robot-or suit...an army-  
“No!” Steve jumped back at Bucky’s shout, “I don’t want it to be a weapon, I want it to help, not cause more suffering.”  
God Steve wanted to kiss him, scoop him up and apologise for thinking he was a selfish spoilt punk.  
“Okay boy wonder, sorry” Tony pointed at his temple, “ brain sometimes goes into overdrive.”  
“I just want it to do good.”

 

Tony nodded, unconvincingly but at least he was humouring Bucky, Steve knew better, knew what an eccentric mind Tony had. He doubted Tony had just stopped at thinking about a suit of armour, he was pretty sure he had drawn up some kind of plan.  
“Okay, I’m ready.”  
Tony clapped his hands together like a seal and bounded over to give Bucky a pat on the back.  
“Right, I want to test reflexes.”  
The metal hand twisted to form a thumbs up, Steve still marvelled at how well it moved. Tony moved around the propped up arm, tapping with a small hammer?

 

Bucky flinched at a few hits, but Tony hummed his approval, speaking out loud for his computer to record. Next test was with a tennis ball, Tony wanted Bucky to catch with the metal arm but it was proving difficult, to far away, perception too difficult. He was tensing his face up hard, savaging his bottom lip in concentration. He managed it, catching at least half the balls Tony sent his way.  
The next test was even harder, Tony was asking Bucky to pick up a grain of rice from a bowl, Steve was sure the indents of Bucky’s teeth on his lip were turning red and watery. The brunette let out a strangled noise before sighing for a rest.

 

“It’s okay, have a rest...What I really wanna do is attach it to you, see how it works with your body as a whole.”  
Steve stiffened, “you mean you wanna take his real arm off.” He said it as a joke, for Tony to scoff at and call him stupid, but the genius just turned round with a splitting smile.  
“Now there’s an idea.”  
Steve’s words lodged in his throat, mainly curse words for how utter stupid the idea was, but Bucky spoke first.  
“I’d do it if it meant it helped you make it a reality.”  
Air had deflated from Steve’s lungs, replaced by shock and horror, Tony seemed to consider for a few minutes before waving his hand in the space between them, “I know you would, that’s why I like you, but Steve here, and your dad would murder me for even...hinting at it.”  
“You did just hint at it, does that mean I can kill you.”  
Tony barked a laugh, but did back up a step, “Easy captain.”  
“Why can’t you test it on someone else?”  
Tony pointed towards Bucky, more specifically the cap plastered down to his head, “our brains are all unique, nerves all unique, this one is perfectly matched to James’ nervous system. It won’t work on anyone else.”  
Disappointment stung Bucky’s features and his eyes dropped to the floor.  
Tony was quick to put his forefinger in the air, “but the technology is there, the idea of making a unique limb for an individual, perfectly in sync, we just need to sort out some minor issues.”  
Steve folded his arm’s over his chest, “like?”  
“The weight, it can’t be too heavy, and the battery, no one will want to walk round with three batteries strapped to them.”  
Steve nodded, it made sense, problems Tony looked elated at, a new project for him to fix. Tony gleefully rubbed his hands together before turning back to the arm and Bucky.

 

“Um, James?”  
The brunette was staring dead ahead at nothing, body locked up and frozen, Steve surged forward but Tony blocked his attempt to get to the statue-like man.  
“No-Steve wait!”  
Tony was shoving hard at his chest, gesturing to the battery’s, “don’t touch him,”  
Steve obeyed, watching Tony dash round the lab and disconnect the battery’s, Steve was poised, ready to leap forward when Bucky fell. He was strung up like a puppet, it would only take the string being cut for him to form a heap on the floor.  
The second the last wire was tugged free Bucky collapsed, knees buckling and eyes sliding closed. It was as if he had fallen asleep standing.  
“Easy, easy.”

 

Steve caught him, falling to the ground with him against his chest. The brunettes head lolled on his collarbone and he moved positions so his head rested in the crock of his elbow.  
He was breathing, Steve could see the rising of his chest, the blood was worrying, Steve’s brain started to thunder horrific scenes till he swiped the blood on Bucky’s lips, revealing it was from the indents of teeth.

 

“Tony?” He asked, needing some kind of reassurance.  
Tony patted his shoulder, “he’s fine, he’ll come round in a second.”  
The cap made a horrible squelching sound as Tony removed it, flinging it away from where they were crouching, Steve brushed Bucky’s sticky hair, forcing it away from his forehead. He was starting to panic even though he could see the breathing and feel the pulse in Bucky’s neck. He was still too long, like his dream... Steve was about ready to start yelling, taking control and ordering Tony to get an ambulance but Bucky began shifting, right arm raising to grip Steve’s bicep.

 

“M’okay.”  
Steve wasn’t sure whether it was a question or Bucky telling him a statement, he squeezed Bucky tighter to his chest in response. Blue eyes fluttered open, rolling in their sockets for a minute before settling on Steve’s. Bucky’s eyes focussed wholly on one of Steve’s eyes before flicking to the other, opening wider in amazement. There were no walls up, Bucky’s was completely open in his arms and he was dazzling, worry melted away and relief swelled in its place. His lips twitched into a smile and Steve’s heart sped up at the sight, own mouth mimicking the movement and releasing a relieved laugh-

 

“Has that happened before?”  
Tony voice cuts through the moment like a scalpel, severing them apart.  
Bucky nodded, shifting out of Steve’s grip and getting to his feet. Steve felt oddly cold without Bucky’s body pressed against his, he missed his eyes and his utter focus.

 

“When the battery exploded-“  
Tony hummed to himself, “first problem to solve, the battery.”  
He was off, staring intently at the wires and arm, Bucky was wobbling, trying to walk but somehow ending up colliding with the wall, “shit m’sorry.”  
Steve gripped his left arm, throwing it over his shoulder, “think you’ve done enough for today.”  
“Just a bit unsteady that’s all.”  
Steve spent the whole night watching Bucky on the laptop, tensing when he went longer without a breath, deep in sleep but Steve’s still worried, was still on edge to rush in and help him if he needed it.

 

Bucky had recovered from whatever odd paralysis had gripped him the day before, Tony had told them it was to do with the arm overloading, sending too much information at once that Bucky’s brain wasn’t able to decipher.

 

Steve put Bucky on the phone, fed up of relaying the information, the brunette took over the conversation in a sulk but by the end Tony had talked him out of his bad mood and he seemed happy again, so happy he raided the drawers for biscuits.

 

“Becca’s favourite.” He announced, showing Steve the packet.  
“Not your favourite?”  
Bucky shrugged, “guess they kind of are now.”  
Steve settled down opposite the brunette, bringing his sketchbook up on his knees.  
“Better not sketch me eating.”

 

Steve breathed a laugh, the most recent pages were taken up with drawings of the arm, robotic arm with a human heart.  
The arm was amazing, Bucky’s invention and time and it was incredible, but it didn’t explain Bucky’s downward spirals, why would a man with such talent destroy it by taking drugs. Why get that far through his course and throw it away for a fix, a fix he didn’t even get, he was beaten black and blue instead according to the reports, that was the other odd thing about the news article...

 

“So how long has Brock worked for Pierce?”  
Bucky was still chewing, but the pace had defiantly slowed and his jaw was clenching.  
“A long time.” He muttered eventually.  
He was being deliberately vague and Steve couldn’t be bothered for vague.  
“Like 3 years, 5 years-“  
“Over 10.”  
Steve nodded, at least that was a less vague answer, Brock looked about late thirty’s, maybe even early forty’s, his face had hard angles and a permanent sneer that needed to be slapped.  
“He found you that night you got attacked?”  
Steve watched curiously as Bucky folded the end of the biscuit package, “he took me to the hospital after.”  
The walls were coming up, erecting a fortress around Bucky’s mind, the blank mask positioned itself and he knew he’d lost Bucky for the day, he had retreated back into his head. Perhaps Sam was the best person to handle this.

 

Steve was pacing, Bucky was in with Sam but something was up, there had been a shout, at a guess Bucky’s despairing voice, Steve stopped himself barging in the room, Sam knew what he was doing.

 

The door burst open with added aggression, Steve jumped out of his thoughts spinning round to find Bucky racing down the corridor. Sam shot to the door, wide eyed, his mouth was open in shock and his expression spoke volumes, Sam was stunned, worried...more alarmingly speechless.  
“Sam, what the hell happened?”  
Sam shook his head, leaning on the door frame for support. Steve had waited long enough to pursue Bucky, he galloped outside, spinning in circles to see which way he’d gone.  
Panic swelled in his chest till he spotted him against the wall, ribbon strangling the hell out of his fingers, Steve could see the trembling from meters away.

 

Steve flicked his head at the awaiting taxi and Bucky shot to it, climbing in and putting his head down on his knees.  
Steve had no idea what to do, he placed a gentle hand on the brunettes back but he jerked violently away.  
“Not-going-again.”  
It took a few goes for Steve to understand the words Bucky had spoken, once he had he nodded and the quaking man slumped back, breathing air deep in his lungs to calm himself.  
Steve was desperate to know, needed to know with a burning agony but he didn’t dare ask.

 

As soon as they pulled up, Bucky was out the car, in the house before Steve had even undone his seatbelt. The loud bang that made the pictures on the walls shake told Steve he had gone straight to his room.  
Steve spent the day debating internally whether to go into Bucky’s room and offer him comfort or keep his distance.  
He chose the latter, sitting in the living room staring out the massive window to beyond. The leaves had all fallen from the trees, the sky the colour of pearls, threatening to unload snow.  
It was even colder than the day before and that had been pretty unbearable, the mansion took a lot of electricity to heat fully, the radiators were constantly burning hot but it still felt chilly.

 

Bucky didn’t come out, Steve climbed into bed, switching the tablet on, he had resisted long enough not to look, but he was worried, becoming nauseous with worry. The brunette was on the bed, curled on his side. His shirt was gone, shoes and socks gone. His jeans remained. He looked like he was breathing even breaths, sleeping. But from the position of the camera he couldn’t see his face to be sure.

 

Sam had told him talking about trauma was exhausting, whatever they had discussed had drained Bucky of every last energy source.  
Steve drifted off watching the image of the sleeping brunette.

 

He woke to an ear-splitting cry, a broken sob loud enough to feel in his chest. Steve stabbed at the tablet. The bedroom was still lit up, Bucky hadn’t woke up to turn them off, The brunette was awake on the bed, arms hugging his knees as he rocked back and forth. Steve could feel his own heart splintering at the image, completely at a lost of what to do. He shouted through the doors.

 

“You okay Buck?”  
The stupidest question ever, clearly he was not okay, screaming yourself awake like that meant the complete opposite of okay.  
Bucky’s face turned towards the door where Steve’s voice must have filtered through. His eyes lingered, Steve held his breath, Bucky was at war with himself. His mouth opened the briefest whisper of Steve’s name. It couldn’t of been heard through the door but the mic picked it up. Again, Steve thought, a little louder and I’ll come to you, just say it again.

 

Bucky smacked his head, cursing at himself before responding, “I’m alright, dream thas all.”  
The controlled voice was back in place, Steve sunk back onto the bed, “You need me, you only have to ask.”  
Bucky turned towards the door again, shifting on the bed, uncurling himself. He made a move towards the door before stopping, hand outstretched to the handle. Please, Steve was practically begging for Bucky to open the door.

 

The brunettes shoulders slumped, head facing the ceiling with a just hearable growl, he moved towards the bathroom shutting it with an audible click.

 

Steve propped the tablet up on the bedside table, laying his head on the cushion as he waited for Bucky to come out. Minutes ticked by and the worry started. The worry grew momentum and Steve dressed quickly, there was no sound of running water, no shower, no flush of a toilet. The recording was picking up no audio whatsoever, surely he hadn’t fallen asleep on the bathroom floor.

 

He knocked on Bucky’s door with a wince, unsure how he was going to explain his concern to the brunette. No answer. He hid the tablet back under his bed, returning to push into the other-mans room.  
“Buck?”  
Nothing, no stirring sound from the smaller room. He tried again louder, but no greeting followed.  
He crouched down on his knees, head to the floor as he looked underneath. Nothing, no body part blocked the light, gleaming white tiles were all he could see and there was a definite chill. Shit.

 

He jumped up and kicked the door open, it swung on its hinge almost smacking Steve in the face. The room was freezing, it became obvious why with the window fully opened. Oh shit.

 

Steve rushed over, pushing his face out into the cold hoping Bucky had only strayed as far as the patio.

 

Nope.

 

Steve tripped over his own feet running downstairs, tugging his jacket on and slipping into his trainers. He had waited thirty minutes before breaking into the bathroom, thirty minutes for Bucky to freeze to death outside.

 

He ran, he knew exactly where he’d be heading and his heart sped up when the huge tree came into view, silhouetted by the moon. Its branches were bare, and Steve was hoping beyond hope he was going to see a figure perched on one.

 

He slowed his approach, eyes drawn out to the lake. It was frozen, sparkling in the moon light, and there in the middle dicing with death was Bucky.  
He had walked out. Bare-chested, pale skin glowing in the light. He looked hauntingly beautiful. Chilling.  
Steve stumbled forward, bracing his foot on the ice, he put pressure down, the ice splintered. Steve’s heart stopped.  
“Bucky, come back.”  
The figure turned facing Steve with the saddest expression he’d ever seen. He looked Crushed, destroyed, a wreckage of a man.

 

“Please, Buck.”  
The brunette cocked his head and started walking parallel to Steve. The floor below him sparkled with ice, but beyond that, further down, blackness lurked, desperate to swallow up the man on top.  
Each splintering sound of ice had Steve gritting his teeth. He couldn’t breathe, too frightened that would somehow disrupt the fragile ground under Bucky.  
“If it breaks, I’ll come in after you.”  
The brunette stopped, brow farrowed as he moved his focus to his feet and the gloom beneath.  
Steve placed his foot down careful on the sheet, the creaking was unbearable, long lines of ice veins spread all the way to where the brunette was standing, Steve quickly stepped off again with a groan of despair. 

 

“Please.”  
He breathed the word out, beckoning Bucky towards him, he couldn’t go out and grab him, it was barely coping with one of there’s weight let a lone both.  
The brunette was considering something, probably judging whether Steve would actually follow after him if he fell.  
“You know I will.” Steve’s voice was tight, battling for control.

The brunette sighed defeated and began making his way to the shore. The ice still creaked and cracked, sounding like splitting glass. Bucky broke out in to a run, ice sheet behind him crumpling in his wake, he got to the bank and Steve grabbed him, lifting him in the air and pulling him 10 feet from the lake before dropping him and shoving.

 

“What the HELL was that!”  
Steve was gripping the mans shoulders, Bucky wasn’t pulling away or flinching, he didn’t answer Steve question though, the blonde doubted he could, but that didn’t mean he was suddenly forgiven for being so careless.  
“Stupid Jerk!” Steve scowled pushing Bucky a foot backwards.

 

He was breathing hard, lungs making up from being momentarily paralysed in terror. He glared at the brunette, before all anger seeped away and he saw the broken person in front of him.  
“Come on.”  
Bucky followed a few paces behind as they walked back to the house, once inside Steve directed him to the couch, analysing any possible damage. 

 

Bucky was cold, that was an understatement, he was positively freezing, skin white with blue tinting his toes. Fuck.  
Steve rushed to get a bowl of warm water and cloth, he kneeled in front of the couch, washing the mud off and trying to revive life into his feet. Bucky didn’t comment, he seemed to of zoned out again, at least he was allowing Steve to touch him.

 

It took a while and a few refills of water before Bucky’s feet were peachy in colour again, the torso was the next problem, still gut twistingly pale. Bucky’s mouth was flapping open, noise sticking at the back of his throat, whatever was coming it better be a bloody good explanation...  
“Steve…”  
Steve stood, folding his arms over his chest, he was trying hard not to be annoyed, not to let his mind wander to what if’s. Bucky had been stupid, and careless and very nearly die-  
“Can you just...lay down here...for a sec.”

 

Steve didn’t let his shock show, he just did as instructed, Bucky moved to let him lie flat on his back, the brunette hesitate for a second before lying flush on top.  
Steve’s first thought... cold, he was bloody cold, then the reality of the situation took over, Bucky who didn’t seem to like physical contact with anyone was lying bare-chested on top of him.

 

Was it too much of a step to try to hug him, to touch his skin. Could Bucky even feel his skin in his semi-frozen state. Fuck, he was going to try.

 

He brought his hands up from his sides and placed them on Bucky’s back, moving them soothingly. Steve was pretty sure they were both holding their breaths, the brunette was deciding whether he was okay with this kind of contact and Steve was shit scared he’d just over stepped a mark.

 

Then the body on top slumped, all tension that coiled his body released and he moulded around Steve. A smile tickled Steve lips as he skimmed his hands over the mass of skin, feeling the flanks of muscle, the sections of spine, Steve took another risk and put a hand through the brunette’s hair. Nails scoring against his scalp. He shivered in response and Steve stopped, trying to gauge whether that was a good kind of shiver or a shudder.  
“‘tis good.”  
Steve’s heart sped up a bit, Bucky’s voice was rich again, purring in vocal. Steve stroked his hair and waited, he knew it was coming, the brunette was going to try to offer an explanation.  
“It was all my fault-”  
Steve paused in his caresses, trying to work out what he was talking about the drug taking, the assault-  
“The crash, it was because of me.”  
The crash, the root of Bucky’s downward spiral.  
“It wasn’t Buck, your ma...she lost control of the car, she’d drank too much that night.”  
Steve bit his tongue worried he’d said something too harsh, too blaming toward Bucky’s mother.  
“She hadn’t had a drop that night…”  
“The report said-”  
“I know what it said, it wasn’t true.”  
The articles Steve had read had been pretty adamant she was unfit to drive, double the limit. Maybe Bucky didn’t know, he was in the back after all. Bucky took a deep shuddering breath and Steve readied more comforting words about it not being his fault-  
“She was crying, I’ve never seen her so upset, so disgusted in me. She dragged me from the house. I tried to reason with her tell her I was sorry but she didn’t listen. We drove and got Becca from her friends. I couldn’t stop her crying and it was freaking Becca out...we were driving fast, the car behind us was beeping so loud, ma lost control and we went over the lane.”  
Steve continued dragging his nails threw the chestnut strands, not knowing what to say in response. The new reports said she had been drinking, and Bucky himself had been deep in shock, unable to speak for days. Somehow his muddled brain had twisted the story.  
“She hadn’t drunk a drop, I know you think I can’t remember but I do. She was upset at me, that’s why she crashed, she was too disgusted at me to concentrate…”

 

The disconnected voice was coming through Bucky’s lips, all vulnerability vanishing and leaving a shell in its place.  
“Don’t go Buck.”  
Steve didn’t want him to leave, he needed him to stay. Steve wasn’t sure the brunette would understand, but he exhaled harshly, cool breath tickling Steve’s neck.

“Y’know, In the morning I’m going to be so embarrassed about this.”  
Steve stopped his nails scoring Bucky’s scalp, resting his hand in the soft strands.  
“You mean about the lake?”  
Bucky moved his head, at first Steve thought it was a nod, then a shake, but Bucky was just trying to get Steve to continue his strokes, that’s what he was embarrassed about.  
Steve hummed, scratching his nails harder till Bucky let out a purr, it seemed to surprise Bucky himself.  
“M’Sorry”  
“No I like the sound.”  
Steve did it again, grinning at the sound that broke through Bucky’s lips with no control.  
“Bastard.”  
“Hmmm, but you like it.”  
There was no argument, which made Steve grin brighter.  
Bucky shifted, sliding his palm under Steve’s top and the blonde shuddered at the contact.  
“Fuuuck.”  
A sleepy laugh vibrated his ribs, “I like that sound.”  
“You’re bloody cold.”  
“Cold as ice?” The voice purred, edged with doziness.  
“Come to bed with me.”  
Steve swallowed, realising how that could be interpreted, he just meant carry on doing exactly what they were doing, but in a soft bed with a comforter on top of them.  
Bucky leaned up, back muscles shifting under Steve’s palm. He shot Steve an unreadable expression before nodding.

 

They climbed into bed together, Steve removed his jacket he’d put on in haste, he was still swearing the sweat pants he slept in. Bucky lay on his side, Steve hovered behind trying to work out the appropriate distance. He spent a few minutes staring at the brunette back, feeling strangely disappointed they were no longer touching.  
Bucky breathed an irritated breath before reaching back and tugging Steve’s arm to spoon him. He was still cold but the blondes skin tingled at the contact and he couldn’t stop the fond smile creeping along his lips.  
He fell asleep gripping on to Bucky, determined not to let him fall into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dressing as the winter soldier for a superhero-hen-do, HELL YEAH!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was still snuggled into the canopy of Steve’s arms in the morning, all coldness had seeped away, leaving warm flesh tingling the front of the blonde’s body. He tried not to think about how sensitive his skin was where they were touching, how hard his nipples had become brushing the mass of heat and muscle, he was conscious of his cock, knowing full well he was raging hard, he angled his hips away so the brunette couldn’t feel his arousal, but he couldn’t help inching forward, needing to be flush against the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, was away a few days and then word decided to delete my chapters...twice...  
> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos  
> Huge big thanks for reading, kudos and comments, I almost gave up when word deleted my work for the second time, but I will battle on.
> 
> Brief disscussion of rape in this chapter, no detailed description though.

Bucky was still snuggled into the canopy of Steve’s arms in the morning, all coldness had seeped away, leaving warm flesh tingling the front of the blonde’s body. He tried not to think about how sensitive his skin was where they were touching, how hard his nipples had become brushing the mass of heat and muscle, he was conscious of his cock, knowing full well he was raging hard, he angled his hips away so the brunette couldn’t feel his arousal, but he couldn’t help inching forward, needing to be flush against the other man.

 

He was intoxicating, neck resting on the hook of Steve’s arm, small puffs of air were blowing against the blondes skin, the sound was calming, a solid reminder Bucky was still there and hadn’t dissapeared into darkness. Steve rested his nose at base of his neck, stroking it up into the brown strands. Every detail was alluring, sucking Steve in, his fingers flexed wanting to touch the man in front, stroke his skin, feel the soft patches and rough. His lips settled on the skin in front, not kissing, just resting on the base of Bucky’s neck, extra sensitive to warmth and softness.

 

Just as Steve’s hips began to tilt forward, seeking out their target, Bucky shifted, pushing back and making Steve groan at the more concentrated contact. Fuck that wasn’t fair, he was still puffing away asleep, he had no idea the effect he was having.

 

He sneaked his arm from the brunettes neck, retracting his other arm that was caging the brunette in place and rolled away. He tried to be as quiet as he could getting to the bathroom, once there he tugged the handle on the toilet door clicking it shut, stroking himself hard and fast in the time it took the toilet to refill itself. Steve bit down on his lip, just to be sure Bucky’s name couldn’t be heard, his skin was still warm from their contact and Bucky’s scent had clung to his skin. Wanting the other man was as natural as breathing. He cleaned himself up, avoiding eye contact with himself in the mirror, he didn’t want to see his shame.

 

Steve returned to the bed with tinted pink cheeks, embarrassed at his own lack of control. He slid under the comforter, worming his way closer to the dozing man.

 

Bucky rolled, clambered on top of Steve chest and collapsed down like a exhausted dog. Steve couldn’t help the grin erupting over his face, couldn’t stop the giddy smile plastering itself to his lips, he moved his hands across the brunettes back, lightly, making it break out in goosebumps. One hand trailed up, running through Bucky’s hair, nails scoring trails through the thick brown strands. The brunette purred into the side of Steve’s neck.  
“You keep doing that and I’ll dribble all over your shoulder.”  
Steve was relieved he had got himself off in the bathroom, he was pretty sure he would’ve exploded in his pants at the thought of Bucky dribbling on him.  
“Feel good?”  
Bucky hummed in response and Steve did it again, body flushing at the noises that were escaping the brunettes lips. His sex starved body was reacting, consumed by the man on top. The heat of his body, the scent of weak aftershave and the outdoors, and the sounds, the noises of pleasure at being touched, it didn’t matter that he had sorted himself out only minutes before, his body knew what it wanted, a quick wank in the bathroom was not satisfactory.  
“Got to pee.”

 

Bucky huffed, rolling back to his original groove.  
“I thought that’s what you did like 10 minutes ago.”  
Steve scooted over on the bed, careful not to turn his body and freak the other man out with a straining erection.  
“That wasn’t for a wee.”  
It was true, but implied something else that made the brunette burst out laughing into his pillow.  
“Nice Steve, that’s real nice.”

 

 

Bucky didn’t mention the night before and Steve didn’t want to break whatever peace he had found in his arms. His eyes were a little more brighter, body more relaxed.

 

“Going for a run.”  
Steve was up, jogging back to his bedroom to put his sweatpants on, “no going without me.”  
“Would I ever do that...”  
They jogged side by side, down to the lake where they’d been the night before, the lake had refroze itself, splinters fixed back together to form one giant piece.

 

Bucky walked right to the edge, Steve shadowed behind, just in case the brunette had another mad moment and decided to walk out.  
“Buck, not so close.”  
The brunette didn’t reply, sad eyes continued to look out across the lake, Steve followed his gaze, eyes settling on the red dash on perfect white. The ribbon was in the centre of the lake.

 

Steve reacted immediately, clamping his hands on both of Bucky’s arms and speaking to him firmly.  
“Don’t even try it.”  
Bucky turned, just enough to look Steve in the eyes, “I won’t.”  
Steve couldn’t relax his arms, his knee bent stance in case Bucky tried to dislodge him.

 

“She was wearing it, the night she died, hair up in bunches. We hit the tree hard enough that it set her hair free, ribbon flew to the backseat where I was.”  
They both watched the dancing ribbon, blown gently back and forth across the ice. Steve shifted his hold, sliding his arms round and locking them together in a vice like grip over Bucky’s stomach, half hug, half restraint. The brunette didn’t seem to mind and allowed his body to be tugged back a few inches.  
“The last person to hug me was her, that morning...I’d made her breakfast-her favourite, Banana pancakes...she gave me a huge hug and kissed my cheek.”  
“Sounds like she loved her big brother very much.”  
Bucky breathed a laugh with no humour, “yeah, and I let her down.”  
“I told you last night, what happened wasn’t down to you.”  
“That’s because you don’t know the whole story, you just read the articles.”  
Steve managed to twist the brunette round but his face fell forward, eyeing the frost covered ground.  
“Tell me then...”  
He shook his head with a sigh, pausing in thought, “... sometimes you look at me like you hate me, you think I don’t see it...-  
“I don’t, I could never hate you.”  
The brunette huffed a small laugh, moving away from the lake, “I said sometimes, not all the time...I don’t want you to hate me all the time.”  
“Jesus buck, I really don’t.”  
“You think I’m ungrateful, a wasted body, privileged and spoilt when you fought to live, I get it Steve, I understand why you think that, why everyone does, I don’t care what people think about me, apart from you. You I care, and I don’t want you to hate me all the time.”  
“Whatever you tell me couldn’t possibly make me hate you.”

 

An unconvincing smile was shot Steve’s way, Bucky began jogging again, running away from the situation.  
They ran back to the house, Steve spending his day sketching and Bucky pretending to read, it became obvious he wasn’t when his eyes never moved and the page stayed the same, he was locked away in some distant memory he wasn’t prepared to share.

 

Two nights later Bucky woke with a heart-wrenching howl, Steve scrambled for his tablet, the brunette had put the lamp on and was rocking on the bed again, tears making reddening patches under his eyes. 

 

Steve was about to call out through the door but snapped his mouth shut when Bucky sprung up, hand poised on the handle.  
Steve felt winded, watching the decision raging in the other room. Bucky sighed, twisting the handle and passing out of sight. There was a mad scrambled to hide the tablet before the door vibrated with three solid knocks.

 

“Yep.”  
Bucky took it as an invitation to enter, a giddiness flipped the blondes stomach.  
“Could I-was thinking-.”  
Steve could see the brunette tilting back on his feet, backing away from the bed, the intention of returning to his own. Steve threw the comforter up, patting the mattress beside him.

 

Bucky smiled, big and bright and so bloody beautiful before climbing in, relaxing immediately into The pre-warmed groove. The blonde was feeling brave enough to wrap his arms around the brunette and pull him back flush with his chest. No longer cold, but warm soft flesh to mould his body around. Steve pressed his lips to the base of Bucky’s neck in a kiss, eyes popping from their sockets when he caught up with his action. The brunette purred in response, nestling back into Steve’s body.  
Both content they fell to sleep with grins on their faces, trying not to think in too much detail about what all this meant.

 

They had run down to the lake, ribbon no longer teasing in the middle but gone altogether, there was a small slump to the brunettes shoulders but Steve patted them, challenging him to a sprint back to the house, loser making the breakfast for the winner. That cheered the brunette up and he took off in a crazy dash. Steve lost, and made pancakes at Bucky’s request, bloody good pancakes by how many Bucky munched through.

 

Steve’s phoned buzzed, the callers overly chirpy voice grated every nerve in his head.  
“Tony, what is it?”  
“Thought boy wonder would like to keep distracted today, bring him to see the reactor.”  
“Come on Tony, the reactor is boring-“  
It took a few seconds to realise he was no longer holding the phone, Bucky had appeared from no where and snatched it away, happy smile gracing his pink lips.  
“See you in a few hours.” The brunette said, handing the phone back to Steve with an apologetic expression.  
“We got to speak about you sneaking up on me.”  
“I don’t sneak, for a bodyguard your very unobservant, let alone an army captain...”  
Steve was up off the couch, pushing lightly at Bucky’s chest, with laughter tinting his voice, “you do it on purpose, you like making me jump.”  
“You do look pretty stupid.”  
Bucky did a mock impression of Steve startling, wide eyed and mouth open.  
“You’re such a punk.”  
Bucky grinned, shifting foot to foot, “How about another run? Loser makes lunch?”  
“If you don’t cheat.”  
The brunette opened his mouth in mock shock, “when do I ever cheat...”  
He began moving away, sneaking to the front door under Steve’s relentless gaze.  
“I haven’t finished my coffee yet.”  
Bucky chewed on his lip, “Not. My. Problem.”

 

Then he was off, with Steve galloping after him, Leaving his half full drink on the side.  
Bucky won the race to the lake, Steve wrestled him to the floor and sprinted back to the house with the brunette trailing behind, sometimes Steve forgot he was a grown man let alone an ex army captain. He performed a mini victory dance, declaring Bucky had to make sandwiches, not only that but he had to make another coffee to replace the wasted one.

 

Sandwiches eaten and they were off to Stark industry’s.

 

Steve watched from a distance as Tony and Pepper took Bucky on a tour, he was enthusiastic and vibrating with energy, genuinely excited about something, something that looked like machinery and wires to Steve, how was that interesting.

 

He wanted the brunette, studied his expressions from a distance, the wrinkles that lined his face when he was thinking, the crinkles at the corner of his eyes when he found something funny, the way he stroked his chin and pouted when listening. His hand sweeping through his hair when someone paid him a compliment, as if his own body was uncomfortable with praise and didn’t know how to respond.

 

Steve was defiantly, without doubt over his head. The only thing keeping his feelings in check was the job, he doubted Pierce would be cool with the bodyguard trying his luck, he’d end up fired and not see the brunette again and that thought had bees buzzing in his stomach and hands sweating. There was no way he could go back to not having Bucky in his life. The one thing he could do was try to focus on the brunettes bad points and not the good, but even that was becoming a problem, there were far too many likable quality’s and aspects that had Steves protective side go into overdrive.

 

“You might want to close your jaw captain.”  
Tony knocked the blondes chin, hitting Steve’s teeth together with a clunk, he hadn’t even noticed Tony had separated, too focussed on exactly where Bucky was, but it was his job...  
“He likes the reactor?”  
Tony rocked back on his heels with a grin, “Not just likes it, but understands it, wants to learn more- he’s a good kid, clever...very clever.”  
“But makes bad decisions.”  
Tony pressed his lips together in a hard line, shaking his head, “who hasn’t made a few bad mistakes.”  
“Drugs-“  
“They say Sherlock was a genius and he had a heroin habit.”  
Steve shoved at Tony, sending him slightly off balance.  
“Sherlock is a fictional character Tony.”  
“I’m just saying...things don’t add up, he’s bright like really bright.”  
“Even bright people go off the track after traumatic experiences.”  
Tony banged his fist into his head with a growl. “I asked the college for all his work, he aced everything- you really believe the pressure got too much for him and he went out to score.”  
Steve continued to stare blankly, earning him another growl from Tony’s throat.  
“We read about his drug problems, relapses, overdoses, the car crash, it was in the paper a few months back when he got beaten up by ‘dealers’, and every time Alexander Pierces popularity goes through the roof....The committed husband so in love he will do anything for a problem child that isn’t even his.-“  
“He’s passionate about him, wants to help him.”  
Tony huffed, feet moving in a circle as he shook his head in disbelief.  
“Wake up Steve.”  
“Doesn’t explain why he was off his face a few weeks ago.”  
That stopped Tony in his tracks, and he sought out Bucky chatting away with Pepper.  
“You saw him?”  
“He was still high when I got back.”  
Tony nodded, chomping on his tongue, “and Pierce, did he seem concerned?”  
Steve opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut instead, Pierce had locked himself away in his office, didn’t even acknowledge Steve or Bucky for that matter. He left without saying goodbye.  
“The doting father, did he care? Does he? Does he phone, stop by, have you even seen them in a room together.”  
Steve shook his head at the questions, toeing his shoes, “No-“  
“It’s all an act-“  
“Maybe he’s just fed up with the drugs, tough love and all that.”  
Its what he thought Bucky needed when he started bodyguard duty for him- he needed discipline and needed to be taught respect.  
Tony threw his hands up to the heavens, “I never said he was a saint, he has weaknesses Steve, like anyone. But it doesn’t help that Pierce likes to use them, to speak about him in his political speeches.”

 

Tony reached into his pocket, tugging his tablet free, “by the look of both of you, I’d guess you haven’t read the news today.”  
Steve frowned down at the article, eyes lingering on the picture of Alexander Pierce, face distorted in distress. He had dropped a bombshell in the middle of his speech, overcome by grief he had blurted out the truth about what happened to Bucky months ago, not just beaten, but held down and raped by his attackers.

 

Steve’s blood ran cold, he shuddered at the article, handing the device back to Tony with a grimace.  
“So has Pierce warned him? has he called at all? He uses what happened to get the sympathy vote.”  
Steve was swaying, skin turning clammy, suddenly overcome by nausea and pain, emotional pain for the oblivious man the other side of the room.  
“He doesn’t know.”  
“I guessed as much when you arrived.”  
They both stared soberly at the floor, “I’ve got to tell him.”  
“Tell me what?”

 

They both startled at the brunettes voice, the brunette who looked pretty damn chuffed at sneaking up on them unaware.  
“Your dad mentioned something in a speech today.”  
Bucky waited, face schooled into an emotionless mask. “Did he?”  
It was easier just to show the article, rather than have to speak it, Steve gestured for Tony’s tablet, passing it to the brunette.  
Tony made an excuse to find Pepper, leaving Steve to watch for minuet changes in the brunettes face, there wasn’t any, a face of stone scanning the text in front of him.  
“Are you alright?” it was all Steve could think to say, and it did nothing to bring Bucky’s controlled state down.  
“M’Fine Steve, think I’m ready to go.”  
Steve nodded, pulling the tablet effortlessly from the brunettes grip.  
He called a goodbye to Tony, who shot him a very pained smile in reply.

 

The taxi ride was uncomfortable, Bucky had twisted right round to stare out the window, to hide his face from Steve.  
“I’m...sorry about what happened.”  
It was the quietest of voices that bounced off the window pane. “why?”  
“Those men hurt you- I’m sorry it happened.”  
“Wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know me then, it doesn’t matter.”  
Steve breathed a slow breath, calming the anger throbbing in his chest. “how can you say it doesn’t matter?”  
The brunette shrugged, voice a mere whisper, “It’s done, I’m fine.”  
Steve’s most hated word in the world was fast becoming fine, it was spoken only as a lie by the brunette.  
“Do you...-do you think less of me?”  
Steve leaned over, hand fixing on the brunettes knee, “why the hell would I think less of you?”  
“You read the article, you read what happened and now you pity me, you were disgusted when you thought it was just about drugs and now-.”  
“Stop. Just stop.” His voice was firm, hand squeezing tight, “I am not disgusted by you, those men, they are disgusting and If I could, I’d line up everyone that’s hurt you and punish them.”  
Bucky still didn’t turn, only speaking to his transparent reflection.  
“It would be a very long list.”  
“Don’t care, I’d do it if it made you feel better.”  
The brunette shifted, hand moving to tangle with Steve fingers,  
“But, I would put myself at the start of the list.”  
Bucky unpeeled the grip on his knee, all without turning, settling Steves hand in the space between them.

 

Bucky retreated to his room, giving Steve time to phone Sam and ask for help. Sam just told him the brunette would talk when he was ready and not to push him, let him carry on like normal. It became harder not to intervene when Bucky returned to the kitchen in tailored pants and a grey shirt, hair perfectly styled.

 

“Taxi’s coming at eight.”  
The voice was hollow, void of any emotion, people were supposed to be happy when they were off on a night out, not sound as if they were walking to an elected doom.  
“Lets just stay here tonight.”  
It was risky, Steve was a bodyguard, assigned to shadow Bucky’s moves not direct them.  
“I need to Steve.”  
“Why?”  
Bucky shifted, unsure how to handle the question, his hand delved into his pocket, moving frantically as he tried to find the ribbon.  
“I just do...I need-“  
“Drugs? Sex? Affection? What is it you need?”  
He was full on body trembling, unable to contain his movement without the distraction of twisting and untwisting.  
“Control, I need to be in control.”  
“Those men use you, stare at you like your meat and their starving.”  
His body vibrated, even his brown strands had a slight wobble to the tips. “I know- I know that, but I allow it.” His teeth chattered while he spoke. Steve hated it, hated seeing how effected the man in front of him was and completely at a loss of how to make it better.  
“Bucky, lets stay here, you can read, or we can watch something-“  
“No! Eight Steve, be ready at eight.”  
The shaking stopped, blankness falling over the mans features in a single swoop, driving away all emotions and leaving a shell, a shell to be used by the pack of men.

 

They were on the way back from the bar, joined by one of the drooling men that had zeroed in on Bucky the minute they’d entered. His eyes were narrow, skin blotchy red from too much consumption of alcohol and his lips peeled back to reveal yellowed teeth. He laughed taunt like every time Bucky batted his hand away. Steve didn’t catch his name, didn’t want to.

 

“Come on Barnes, you can’t keep up the frigid act much longer.”  
Steve tapped on the brunette’s thigh, trying to get the statue-like-mans attention, “don’t do this Buck.”  
“Oi, don’t cock block me buddie”  
Steve leaned past the static brunette, growling at the gloating man. “I’m not your buddie.”  
“Easy big guy, no need to get jealous, he picked me tonight.”  
“Not jealous, this is wrong, so many kinds of wrong.”  
The man howled a laugh, patting a hand on his chest, “Brock was more fun, ain’t that right Barnes.”  
Steve bristled at the sound of Brocks name, he noticed Bucky’s hands had curled, knuckles turning white. It was the only reaction he made, and it was becoming obvious the man was trying to get a rise out of the brunette.  
“You kind of ruined sex for us though, no doll, no guy, feels as good as you, make the sweet noises you do, your addicting Barnes.”  
Bucky swallowed, loud enough for Steve to hear, there was a tremble in his left fist, out of sight of the other man but Steve could see it.  
“We had some pleasurable times with Brock, do you even remember?”  
“Shut up.” 

 

It was the first words Bucky had spoken since they’d climbed in the taxi, hissed through a shaking jaw.  
The man smiled, snake like, leaning closer to the side of Bucky’s face. “do you think this guys the same, do you think he’d like to watch...”  
Steve froze, locked in a place of fury and self loathing, he had listened to Bucky pleasure other men, had been turned on when the image of him sucking cock had burned into his memory.  
The lack of response had Bucky turning slightly with accusing eyes, wide and afraid, Steve never wanted to see that look again, never directed at him as if a question.

 

“We could get started here Barnes.” The man patted his pocket with a smile, “got something here to ease you into it.”  
Steve sprung at the man, knocking Bucky back into his chair. He wrestled, managing to pull the plastic pouch from the man, flinging out of his window.  
“What the fuck!”

 

Steve gripped Bucky’s face, turning him so they were facing each other, “this isn’t right, I’m not letting you do this anymore.”  
The man perked up, whispering into Bucky’s ear, “he’s trying to control you, keeping you from making your own decision.”  
Bucky removed himself from Steve’s grip with fury in his eyes, Steve didn’t have time to think about it, he needed this situation to end, needed Bucky to see this was wrong and the man was manipulating him.

 

They pulled up by the mansion, Steve leaned over the seats demanding the driver not leave.  
“See Barnes, taking things out of your control, deciding for you.”

 

Bucky was glaring, angry at Steve’s intervention, he stomped into the house with the man hot on his heels. The snake-man tried to touch the brunette, tried to force his head up for a kiss but Bucky threw him away.  
“You can fuck my face, no need to touch me.”  
The man nodded, desire radiating from every pore, head shinning with sweat in the light, they were vanishing down the corridor fast, Steve needed to think of something.

 

“Drug search.”  
The emotionless face flashed with hurt for a moment as he paused mid walk, spraying his hands to the side for Steve to pat him down. There was no hint of arousal on Bucky, but the other man was raging hard, eyes dark and breathing compromised while Steve skimmed him for drugs.

 

He tried to speak to Bucky again, but the brunette turned.  
“You’re dismissed Mr Rogers.”  
Their eyes met, the softness of Steve’s submitting to the intensity’s of Bucky’s.  
His feet began to move away before his brain and heart caught up.  
“I’m not going anywhere.” Steve managed to growl.

 

Bucky eyed him curiously before frowning, hard lines rippling his skin , he looked feral, dangerous, “fine, I’ll get started here.”  
He shoved the venomous man against the wall, before unbuttoning his own shirt slowly, the man in front was transfixed at the sight of Bucky revealing himself. Steve couldn’t pull his eyes away either, the shirt was dropped to the ground, trampled by Bucky’s feet.  
The brunette reached forward, un-popping the buttons on the man, revealing his body, patches of wire like hair that made Steve feel nauseous.  
“Stop, please Buck.”  
Bucky hissed, hands moving to the pants of the man against the wall, unhooking the material. They dropped down, pooling at his feet.  
Steve didn’t want to watch it, he had seen it before, he was ashamed to say he’d gotten off on the sight of Bucky sucking cock but now he hated it, wanted to gouge his own eyes out and tear his ears off. The man was groaning, begging Bucky to hurry up and suck him.  
It was wrong, completely wrong and stomach turning, and Steve wanted to scream, to drag Bucky away but that approach was bound to end in failure. Bucky wasn’t himself, distant and features lacking the glow of earlier in the day. Steve had to try something else.

 

Steve’s fingers made quick work of his own shirt buttons, removing his clothing and dropping it behind, he came up behind the brunette pressing his chest to Bucky’s back and holding him. The brunette took a vast intake of air and halted. Time froze, the moment suspended between them. The blonde moved his palms stroking Bucky’s chest, touching the firm skin, tracing the lines of muscle. Bucky let out a shuddering gasp, his fingers uncurled from the waist band of the nameless mans shorts.

 

Steve pressed open mouth kisses along Bucky’s shoulder, up his neck. The blond was all to aware the moment could abruptly end, Bucky still might shrug him off and follow through with his plan.  
He brought his mouth up to the shell of bucks ear, whispering huskily, “I can give you control and make you feel good.”

 

The brunette turned his head, Steve leaned over his shoulder, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s mouth. It was soft, warm. There was another stuttering breath from the brunette and Steve couldn’t breathe, to afraid to break the moment. Bucky was no longer the stone faced man of minutes ago, it was as if the blonde had revived him from darkness, pulling him back to awareness. Steve couldn’t stop his hands trailing his body as he kissed, lapped at Bucky’s mouth who excepted the caresses with soft groans and sighs.

 

It spurred Steve on, made him kiss more forcefully, more tongue to battle its way inside and taste. Hand stoking lower, over Bucky’s pants, feeling the swell, the arousal Steve was making, no one else had been able to so much as touch Bucky’s skin, or kiss him, but Steve could, Steve had access to it. He wasn’t the same as all those men Bucky had pleasured, Steve was different, valued by Bucky in whole different way. 

 

The kiss ended, and Steve waited, panting in unison with the brunette, it was Bucky’s decision, he could have Steve or the man from the bar, if he chose the latter, Steve would leave him to it, devastated and crushed but he’d do it, not wanting to force an option on the brunette.

 

He leaned back, falling limp against the blonde’s chest, decision made. Steve glared at the man still muttering against the wall, he was sneering at the blonde, lips pulling back over yellowed teeth.

 

He took a step forward, trying to grip Bucky’s hips, Steve yanked the brunette away, growling.

 

The man held up his hand with a scowl, “fine fine, you fuck him first then I have a turn.”  
If Steve hadn’t of been propping up a very docile Bucky he would’ve gripped the other man and thrown him through the window, instead he leaned over Bucky shoulder, growling in his most threatening voice.  
“Get the fuck out.”  
The man cursed, yanking his pants up from his ankles, “call me when you ditch the blonde.”  
Steve watched him go, chest heaving with intense anger.

 

The door slammed shut, and he spun Bucky in his arms. Chest to chest, mouth to mouth. They were kissing again, expressing all their wants with slick tongues and taste.  
Steve wanted to pin him against the wall and kiss every inch of his skin, but there was no way he was going to push Bucky where the creep of a man had just been.  
“I want you in my bed, now.”

 

Bucky whimpered in response and Steve had to drag him along the house, unsure whether he was going to make it or just have the brunette splayed out on the floor.  
They got to the bed, clothing removed in haste, they were both bare, both touching each other with moans and grumbles of want. Steve threw Bucky down, climbing between his knees as they continued their assault of their mouths.  
The blonde licked at Bucky’s neck, relishing the sobbing moans that broke free, no sound could compete. Moans and grumbles had Steve’s stomach flipping and cock leaking. He was suddenly unbelievable happy he hadn’t heard Bucky with the other men, these noises were fresh and raw and all for Steve.

 

“Can I touch you Buck? Can I make you feel good?”  
The brunette tried to arch up, bring their lips together but Steve moved out of reach, he needed to hear Bucky say it, to express he wanted it.  
The brunette locked eyes with Steve, blue consumed by the blackest of nights, he licked at his lips, making Steve pressed his eyelids tight together with a groan.  
“Please Steve, make me feel good.”  
All self-restraint melted away at the plea and Steve was all over him, mouth and hands mapping the body laid out for him, following the dips and climbs, the soft skin and the firm muscle.  
Every few minutes he pulled himself up, fixing his attention on the brunettes face, blissed out on ecstasy, Steve nose nudged him to get response.

 

“You okay there Buck?”  
The brunette nodded, eyes fluttering open and focusing in on Steve, the blonde brushed his thumb against Bucky’s well mauled lips, feeling the craters of teeth.  
“I want to hear you Buck, let me hear you.”  
They were kissing again, tongues dancing, hands clawing at hair and skin, the brunette was moaning, directly into Steve’s mouth, making his cheeks and teeth vibrate, they were rutting against each other, cocks sliding with mutual stickiness. Steve never wanted to detach himself from that perfect mouth, from not only hearing the moans and begging but feeling it too.

 

Steve wormed his hand down, gripping both cocks and stoking in time with their manic thrusting, bringing them both over the edge into oblivion, Bucky gasping into his mouth, hands hooked over Steve’s shoulders for support. Steve breathed deep sinking down from a wave of emotion and pleasure.

 

Their body’s were covered in a thin layer of sweat, hair sticking from overly enthusiastic hands forcing the strands to part. Bucky’s arms came up, covering his face from Steve as he tried to roll free.  
“You don’t need to hide from me Buck, did I hurt you?”  
The brunette shook his head but didn’t remove his arms, Steve nestled forward, nose bumping the brunettes cheek, pressing kisses to the uncovered areas of skin.  
“Talk to me, you’re scaring me...we never have to do that again if you don’t want.”  
“I do want it Steve.”

 

Steve sunk down in relief, hands gripping the distressed figure, pulling him back into an embrace, he didn’t care about the stickiness, the flakiness on their skin that was sure to irritate them later, all he cared about was making sure Bucky was alright.

 

“I’m- I’m sorry I keep shutting you out, I’m sorry about tonight.”  
There was a definite sob to the brunettes voice, Steve was sure the wet patches on his elbow were the drips of tears where the brunettes head rested on his arm.  
“Don’t be,...I enjoyed the end of the night..very much.”  
Steve was trying for lightness in his tone, but it clearly wasn’t what the brunette wanted, he curled in on himself, arm raising to cover his face again.  
“I didn’t want you to pity me.”

 

Steve squeezed tight, pressing his lips to Bucky’s neck and shoulders, “Is that what you think this was? A pity orgasm?”  
The brunette sniffled in response, more drops falling onto Steve’s skin.  
“I promise this wasn’t pity, I did it because I wanted to, because I want you, as much of you as you’re willing to give me...but no more going to that place Buck, no more of those men..and- and you got to tell me about Brock.”

 

The brunette stiffened, chest inflating with a withheld breath-  
“Not now Buck, but tomorrow.”  
“Tomorrow” he agreed.  
“Now turn over so I can hug you properly.”  
Bucky did as he was told, slotting his face into Steve’s neck, his cheeks were still damp but as far as Steve could tell the tears had stopped.  
Bucky clung to him and he clung back, drawing patterns on the brunettes back, repeatedly writing the word Amazing on his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Civil war has been seen, now I need to see it again, and add scenes to it in my fantasy imagination with Stucky....


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitty scraping sound had Steve blinking back to consciousness, wheels sliding to a halt on gravel. He untangled himself from the mass of warm flesh, creeping over to the window and taking a look.Two black cars arranged themselves in front of the house, bodyguards Steve recognised by sight but not name, one he did, Brock was grinning to himself, galloping towards the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> unbeta'd so Typo's.  
> This chapter was a biiiitch to write.  
> Emotionally unstable Bucky coming your way.  
> Thanks for reading, Kudo's and comments, big hugs :)

A bitty scraping sound had Steve blinking back to consciousness, wheels sliding to a halt on gravel. He untangled himself from the mass of warm flesh, creeping over to the window and taking a look. 

 

Two black cars arranged themselves in front of the house, bodyguards Steve recognised by sight but not name, one he did, Brock was grinning to himself, galloping towards the front door.

 

“Buck, get up.”  
The brunette didn’t stir and the front door burst open, stomping feet making their way down the house.  
Steve shook the brunettes shoulder and his eyes fluttered awake, they widened at Steve shocked expression, the bumps of feet were getting louder, the bottom of the stairs, Bucky was up, easing the door open and making his way to the opposite room, the clomping on the stairs hid any sound of Bucky’s escape.

 

The footsteps stopped and Steve held his breath, Brock was between the two doors, hesitating, deciding which one to enter.

 

A knock vibrated through the wood, before Steve had a chance to respond the door was open and Brock was strolling in, thank god Steve remembered to hide Bucky’s clothing under the bed, he was scanning the room with a scowl, trying to find something insulting.  
“You’re dismissed Rogers, you have the day to yourself.”  
“I think I’ll wait for Pierce to send me home.”  
Brock turned, sneering across the room at where Steve was in the bed, body straining in anger enough to make his veins pop out of his head.  
“He’s a busy man, I’m telling you for him.”  
Steve shrugged, seemingly considering what Brock was saying before replying with a patronising smile, “even so, I’ll wait for him to tell me.”  
“Fine, but you’re not getting paid if you stay.”  
Steve shrugged in response, he didn’t give a shit that he wouldn’t be getting any money for the day, he wasn’t doing the job for money anymore, just the man in the other room.

 

Brock huffed and slammed the door hard enough to shake the walls. Steve waited, ears pinpointed to the corridor as the stomps of feet faded away. He was going to do everything in his power to keep Brock away from the brunette, but first he needed to wash.

 

Showered and dressed Steve hurried down stairs, hair still dripping from drying his hair sparingly, he didn’t wish to leave Brock and Bucky alone together longer than necessary. He’d only taken ten minutes to get ready, his t-shirt was blotched from water where he hadn’t dried enough.

 

There were three men in the kitchen, two Steve knew were Pierce’s bodyguards, the other man was old, dressed in a suit munching on toast. Bucky was no where in sight and neither was Brock.

“Where’s James?”  
The greying-man paused mid chew, answering as if Steve was an idiot, “He’s gone.”  
“Gone where?”  
The man huffed down at his half finished breakfast, “to New York with Brock, interview on morning television.”  
“Interview about what?”  
The man turned, wrinkles and frown lines covering every inch of skin, “had enough with the questions, none of your concern.”  
“I’m James’ bodyguard-  
He pointed his trembling finger at Steve chest, “today you’re not.”

 

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat, he’d royally fucked his plan up. He turned to the two chatting bodyguard, both ogling over the women in the paper.  
“Where are they going?”  
A gruff voice replied, one of the bodyguards answering distractedly, “television interview.”  
Steve frowned, gesturing with his hands for the man to continue.  
“Pierce wants him to talk about the rape-“  
“On national television?”

 

What the fuck kind of interview was that? And how could Pierce spring it on Bucky completely unaware. The old man could see the disgust on his face.

 

He stood with a sigh, moving to the sink and smashing his plate down with more force than needed, “People want to know about it, James has to play the game, we’re coming to the end now.”

 

It took considerable effort not to smack the man in the mouth. Instead, Steve made himself a coffee, he wasn’t going to drink it, just needed to stay in the room for information.

 

One of the guards put his foot up on a stool and the old man barked at him, telling him not to treat the place like a common hotel. The bodyguard grumbled, complaining he hadn’t had much sleep. The old man smacked the back of his head, telling him there was no time for sleep, they were traveling again that night to get to the next PR stop.... at least it wasn’t a lengthy stop.

 

Steve returned to his room, he was becoming dangerously close to punching the suited man in the face, pulling the tablet from its hiding place, the live feed was no use, Steve scanned back to an hour before.

 

Bucky was in the bed, having just sneaked back in from the blondes room, his eyes were fixed to the door where rumbling voices were coming through. Him and Brock in heated conversation. Then there was a slam, enough to jog the camera but thankfully not enough for it to fall. 

 

Steve had gotten in the shower immediately after, believing he’d heard Brocks footsteps fade down the corridor. He’d been wrong, Brock must have doubled back.

 

The brunette’s door opened, slowly, near silently, pressed closed so the blonde had no chance of hearing it. Bastard.  
“Get up.” He hissed.  
Bucky rubbed his eyes sleepily, he tilted his head down in a nod and shuffled in the bed. Brock was pacing, walking in a semi circle around the room.  
Steve was breathing harshly, pants of breath clouding the screen, he’d been across the hall from this and hadn’t even known, thinking if he was quick in the shower Brock and Bucky wouldn’t be alone together.  
“Pierce wants you.”  
The brunette stumbled up from the bed, the opposite side to where Brock had stopped his march. He was bowing his head, moving skittishly to the bathroom while Brock’s eyes followed him.  
“No shower.”  
The brunette glanced down at his chest, swallowing hard at the sight. Neither of them had wanted to move the night before, too comfortable wrapped up in each other’s arms. Brocks nostrils flared at the mess, jaw locking up in annoyance.  
“Leave that filth.”  
Bucky shoulders slumped as he moved to drawers, putting his face directly in front of the hidden camera. Fear, that’s what Steve could see in his face, uncertainty and confusion. The blonde’s chest felt like it was caving in, and for irrational second he was going to smash his way into Bucky’s room and save him from his distress, but it was too late.  
“Wh-Where are we going?”  
Brock folded his arms, tight across his chest, “that’s none of concern, just wear something smart.”  
They were going to make him talk about his ordeal on live television and not even warn him first...Steve wanted to punch Brock, he NEEDED to punch Brock.  
Bucky nodded, moving to the closet where his shirts were hanging, he picked one but Brock tutted and he returned it, he chose another and Brock made the same disapproving noise.  
“Can’t you do anything right James?”  
Brock approached slowly, footfalls muffled by the carpet, he reached out and the brunette jumped, shoulder barging the wall next to him. Steve continued to pant through his teeth, breath exiting shakily through his lips.  
“This one.” Brock said with a smirk, plucking a grey shirt and pressing it to Bucky’s front.  
He climbed into the shirt under Brocks gaze, Steve couldn’t see Brocks face but his stance was intimidating, blocking the brunette in the corner of the room.  
Bucky’s hands were trembling, making it impossible to fasten the buttons, Brock laughed, cackle-like at the mans efforts.  
“You’re a mess James.”  
He reached forward, removing the shaking limbs and buttoning the shirt himself. Shirt fixed in place, Brock ran his hands up and down, flattening the material.  
“If your good today, I’ve got a present for you later...”  
The brunette shook his head, eyes to the floor, “Do-Don’t want it.”  
Steve had a damn good idea what the present was, the smug look, and the gloating face when he told Steve he had relapsed. There was no way Bucky had tried to get drugs passed him.  
The hands moved back up, brushing away invisible fluff from the brunettes shoulders, “you said that last time.”  
“I mean it.”  
Brock sighed, skimming his fingers up the brunettes neck, “you said that too... but then you learnt its easier to go with it then fight”  


 

Brock cupped Bucky’s cheek and forced it up so their eyes were level, his thumb inched closer to the brunettes pink lips, stroking along the well tasted skin.  
“You’ve been having fun without me?”  
Steve could hear the anger lacing Brocks voice, the bulging of veins in his arms and the overly harsh hold on Bucks face.  
“Who kissed you?”  
“No one.”  
Brock huffed, rolling back on his heels with the brunettes face still in his grip, “I don’t like them kissing you, their not allowed to touch you unless I let them.”  
He was pinching Bucky’s chin, making the dimple appear like a dark line on his white skin, he was growling close to the brunettes ear, words that couldn’t be picked up on the recording.  
Steve’s eyes were glued to brunette, the erratic twitching of his face, then Brock forced him back, thudding against the wall, mouth covering the brunette’s in what could only be described as a messy kiss, sloppy and wet. Bucky didn’t react, eyes squeezed shut, body trembling.  
Brock pushed off him, straightening his stance and creaking his neck side to side.  
“No washing your face.”  
Bucky nodded, moving his hand up to wipe the excess spit Brock had left there, his hand was caught, gripped tightly and placed back by his side.  
“No wiping it either.”  
Brock gripped his shoulder, directing him round the bed to the door.  
“Come now James, before Rogers comes out.”  
They dissapeared through the door, Steve continued to watch the feed, the empty room. His eyes were burning, blurring the image of Bucky’s bed.

 

There was a shout from the stair, the toast munching bastard yelling up at him.  
“Your boys on the telly now if you wanna see.”  
Steve breathed controlled breathed, ten of them for him to calm enough to move without punching something, without destroying the room. Anger was masking fear, he was scared for Bucky and unable to sooth it. Heart splitting and no way of mending it, he needed Bucky back.

 

He walked through the mansion, feet weighted the nearer he got to the living room, eyes fixing on the men on screen. Alexander Pierce with his professional smile and Bucky looking truly nervous. Steves gut squirmed with dread, his muscles spasmed as he walked closer.  
He stood behind the couch, there was plenty of room for him to sit next to the old man but he didn’t want his reaction to be seen.

 

A frank interview on this morning America, that’s what it was being described as, Bucky was seated stiff as a board next to his step dad.  
Pierce smiled, right down the lens of the camera, welcoming America to the messed up interview, he gestured to Bucky.

 

“My son is here with me, to talk about the dangers of addiction.”  
The interviewer nodded, pursing her lips in sympathy, “we were shocked to hear about the ordeal you went through months ago.”  
There was the tiniest of nods and a glance in Pierces direction but Bucky didn’t speak.  
“It’s still very raw for James even months on.”  
“Yes of course.” The women stated, flicking her blonde hair.  
“It’s hard for him to talk about it, shame and self-loathing. I keep telling him it doesn’t make him any less of a man.”

 

The interviewer nodded, shifting in her chair, “Why did you feel it was important to talk about it now?”  
Pierce cleared his throat, settling his eyes on Bucky for a brief moment in consideration.  
“It’s important for people to know the dangers, not just of the substances themselves but the situations you can get into because of them. They make you vulnerable, and James paid the price for his weakness.”  
“Were the attackers ever found and convicted?”

 

The older man shifted in his chair, shaking his head from side to side, “there still out there.” His hand settled on Bucky’s knee, squeezing harshly, “as long as people are sensible, things like that won’t happen again. People should look out for their family, protect them and help them as much as I help my son here, there’s nothing I won’t do to help him on the right path.”  
Bucky’s posture had dropped, eyes watching his fingers pick away at bobbles on his pants.  
The hand retracted, settling back in Pierces lap, “Its a hard year for us, isn’t it James.”  
The brunette frowned but didn’t offer anything, just obsessive plucking of his clothing.

 

The interviewer hummed, sympathy staining her voice, “Ten years this year.”  
Pierce nodded, eyes falling down to his lap, “never gets any easier.”  
“We don’t have to talk about it if it’s too painful-“

 

Pierce pressed his palms together in a prayer pose, “It’s good to talk about it. Its closure, for both of us. A day doesn’t go by where I don’t think about my wife, and my beautiful Becca.”  
Steve’s whole attention was on the brunette, his face had blanched out, mouth pressed tightly shut. He’d been moving his hand to stop the shaking, but the trembles were too much for him to hide.

 

“We had a nice morning, I took us all out for breakfast...”

 

Liar was screaming in Steve’s skull, Bucky had said he made Becca breakfast, she’d given him his last hug. The brunette had started rocking, ever so slightly, not noticeable to anyone else but Steve could see it.

 

“James and Becca had no idea how bad the drinking was, I tried to protect them from it.”

 

Liar, Bucky had sworn his mum hadn’t had a drop, was not under the influence behind the wheel.

 

“I begged her to get help that morning,” Pierces voice hitched, he placed his hand of his chest and the interviewer looked pained, not wanting the man to continue distressing himself.  
“I didn’t handle it well, should’ve been more gentle, she put James and Becca in the car.”

 

Lies, more lies, Bucky’s ma drove round and got Becca from her friends house.

 

“I was distraught, got a car to follow behind, see where she went so I could calm her, tell her it was okay to need help and I was there for her and our kids.”

 

Bucky’s breathing was compromised, he was struggling. Skin clammy and white, fingers curling up.  
“I saw it all happen,” a sob strangled its way out of Pierces throat, “I was powerless to stop it.”  
The brunettes skin was pale like the day he wandered out on the lake. The day he had almost sunk away from Steve forever-

 

“The car was upside down and there was smoke, thick and black, and flashes of flames from the front.”  
Pierce’s eyes were leaking, trails of tears marking his cheeks, “I didn’t have time to save them- I just had enough time to pull James out-  
The interviewers mouth popped open, “you pulled him free?”

 

Pierce nodded with a sob, gratefully accepting a waving tissue, “got him out just before the car went up.”  
“You’re a hero, you saved his life.”  
Pierce placed his hand on his heart, bowing in his seat, “I did what any loving parent would do, I’m only sorry I couldn’t save my wife and Becca too.”

 

The interviewers attention turned to the brunette, “Your dad saved you.”  
There was a whine like sound that was picked up by the mic. Pierce turned, arms coming up to grasp at Bucky, pull him into a hug, there was a wobble in the brunettes chin.

 

“Wh-why are you do-doing this?”  
He was shivering, teeth chattering together like he was freezing, body curling up trying to conserve heat.

 

“James, its important, to remember what happened, to talk about it, let people know the truth.”  
Pierce pulled back, sad smile on his face as he cupped Bucky’s cheek, the interviewer was welling up, dabbing her own face with a tissue.

 

“If your mom was here now, what do you think she’d say to you, what do you think she’d think of all your difficulties.”  
Bucky eyes slid shut, the only movement on screen was Pierce, fingers tightening on his elbow in pulses.

 

“She’d say she was disgusted with me.”  
The brunette was full on trembling, body twitching with no control, the interview continued, eager to get more from the stricken man.  
“Why would she be disgusted with you?”

 

Bucky was either going to pass out or vomit, Steve felt the same. Pierce just watched on, keeping his hold on the brunettes arm, Steve could swear for a second he looked smug-

 

The picture went black, Steve glared at the abyss tears burning his eyes, the old man muttered under his breath, trying the switches on the wall, the lights didn’t blink to life.  
“Electricity.” One mumbled to the other.

 

Steve’s phone chirped in his pocket, message from Tony.

 

You’re welcome.

 

He could’ve kissed the cocky genius in that moment, the only person to intervene and end Bucky’s emotional battering. He srubbed at his face, making sure the others in the room wouldn't be able to tell just how affected he was.

 

A lion toying with a damaged gazelle, that’s what that interview was, on the outside it looked like the lion was being friendly, had some kind of maternal instinct, it was a lie. Pierce was a lie.

 

It was another few hours until Pierce and his entourage returned, Steve was fixed in the kitchen as the streams of guards came in. Pierce didn’t spare him a glance, he was greeted by the greying man- grinning like a cat.

 

“That went better than expected, shame about the electricity cutting out, one more hug would’ve been good.”  
Pierce nodded with pursed lips, “It was enough.”  
The greying man nodded, “Press are calling you a hero, risking your life to save James.”  
“As long as it gets me votes.”  
“It’s sure to do that.”

 

Steve moved away, the temptation to hurl a punch in Pierces direction was hard to ignore, there were too many bodyguards and Brock and Bucky hadn’t appeared from outside yet.  
The brunette walked in, Brock following an inch behind, his hand was plastered to Bucky’s hip, leading him through the mass of people, towards the stairs...

 

“He’s got a therapy session at three.”  
It wasn’t strictly true, Steve had cancelled any further sessions after Bucky’s freak out, he couldn’t risk another close call with the ice. Brock paused, twisting round with fury etched on his face.  
The room had hissed to a silence, Pierce’s smile had left his face and he straightened his suit on his walk over.  
“I didn’t authorise any therapy sessions?”  
“It’s a voluntary programme, I thought it would do him good, sir.”  
Steve added sir for good measure, Pierce rolled his shoulder, trying to loosen their stoic state.  
“That’s very kind of you Mr Rogers, but decisions like that should be passed by me first.”

 

Steve bobbed his head, “sorry sir, I should’ve notified you. Should I call and cancel today.”  
Pierce picked at his lip, releasing it with a pop, “don’t want to waste the therapists time...but this is the last session. I will arrange a more suitable replacement.”

 

He turned from Steve, addressing the human-statue in Brocks clutch, “You should’ve said if you needed a top up, I will call Zola tonight.”  
There was a tense stand-off, all eyes fixed on Bucky as his mouth slowly opened and the smallest’s of thank you’s creeped out.  
Brocks hand tightened, tugging the brunette closer to his chest, “I can take him, be nice for us to catch up.”

 

Steve stiffened, voice forcing its way through tense teeth, “I know where it is-  
“James will tell me, my cars just outside, we’ll be back before you know it.”  
The blonde scrunched his face up, “I really think I should go, they know me by now-  
Pierce raised his hand and both sparing men relaxed on their feet.  
“Brock, you can catch up with James later.”  
He pulled an expression like he was chewing a wasp before answering, “yes, sir. ”  
The grip increased on Bucky’s hip, hard enough to leave fingertips bruises.  
“Later.” He grumbled.  
Keys were thrown at Steve’s chest, he caught them but the force of the throw made his body sting, he didn’t let it show, didn’t ever let pain show.  
“Don’t be long.” Brock called at him.  
Long? Steve was going to make sure Bucky wouldn’t come back.

 

Once he finally had Bucky alone he had no idea what to say, he darted looks to the passenger seat, concerned glances at the ghost of a man. The blue of his eyes had gone, replaced by a hazy grey, skin deathly pale and lips pressed firmly in a line.

 

“You ok?”  
Stupid, another stupid question, getting emotionally butchered on national TV. He was not okay, far from it, but instead of breaking down like he had in front of the camera, he was distant, unconnected from his body, walls the whole way up trapping the real buck inside.

 

“You got to come back to me Buck.”  
There was no reply, no facial twitch to suggest Bucky had even heard him.

 

Steve parked the car, miles away from the therapy meet up. Bucky didn’t comment, didn’t move from the seat until Steve told him to.  
They were outside Steve’s apartment, seven flights of stairs until the right door, Steve lead Bucky up them and he didn’t comment once, didn’t ask where they were, or why they were somewhere different. He just followed like a stricken dog.  
He unlocked the door knowing the place was empty, Sam was always in popular demand at the centre, the perfect listener. God, how Steve needed to talk to him now.

 

He opened the door and felt like he needed to announce something, explain why he had brought Bucky to his apartment, but instead he moved to the sink, chugging down a huge glass of water. He was in over his head and had no idea how to go forward.  
Bucky hadn’t moved, he stood stiff legged in the door way.

 

“Jesus Buck, come in.”  
He did, a few feet into the room and stopped.  
“Sit down.”  
Bucky moved to the couch, perching on the edge with the far off expression on his face, this was so far from Steve’s normal territory, he’d never seen the other man with his walls so high. He’d seen men like this on active duty in the army, so far disconnected they locked up and got themselves killed.  
“I don’t think you ate this morning...”  
Steve tugged the fridge door, checking Sam had stocked food rather than an unhealthy amount of protein shake. Eggs, milk, there was flour in the cupboard, Bananas in the rather lacking fruit bowl. A lightening bulb switched on in Steve’s head.

 

Ten minutes later Steve breathed deep, turning round and presenting Bucky with Banana pancakes.  
Bucky didn’t react, didn’t move his hands to take the plate. His eye were glaring through Steve at nothing, unaware there was a person in front of him, let alone one trying to get him to eat.  
“Banana pancakes like you made Becca that morning.”

 

A moment of glass splitting silence and then something snapped in the brunettes face, a twitch and a blink, and fire in his eyes. He started to unravel quicker than Steve could react, not with tears but aggression.  


 

“No!”  
He smacked the plate from Steve’s grip, shards of plate crunching under his feet as he bulldozed towards Steve.  
“Pierce took us out for Breakfast- the four of us happy and smiling.”  
He shoved at Steve’s chest, forcing him back and closing in again.  


 

“No he didn’t-“  
Bucky yanked at his hair, eyes darting round the room, just realising he was somewhere new, “he did, we had...we had...”  
“You had pancakes...at home with Becca, she went to her friends house afterwards.”  


 

The brunette gripped his head, hissing for Steve to shut up. Hand shooting out to push Steve away.  
“You told me your ma put you in the car, she was disgusted, something had made her flee with you, and she went to get Becca, she was trying to get away.”  
“No she was drunk, Pierce tried to get her to calm down, come inside and talk things over...She had a drinking problem-yeah that’s it. All through breakfast she had this flask, kept pouring it in her coffee.”  


 

“No she didn’t ...”  
Bucky spun, baring his teeth at the blonde, hands tightened into fists either side of his body.  
“She shoved me and Becca in the back, she was swaying and unfocused, Pierce tried to stop her but she pushed him away, started driving fast.”  
“Where was Becca sitting?”  
Bucky face squeezed up, eyes narrowing in annoyance, “next to me, like I just told you. She shoved us in the back.”  


 

“No, Becca was in front, passenger seat. Her ribbon floated back.”  
Bucky struck the side of his head with a fist, growling at the floor.  
“Her hair wasn’t in ribbons, Pierce didn’t like them, said it made her look like she was still in kinder-garden.”  
Steve delved into his jacket, pulling the red ribbon out slowly. He had found it on the way back from their run, pocketed it and forgotten. There was a sharp intake of air when Bucky saw it, Fists uncurled, fingers twitching by his hips.  
“What’s this then?”  
Bucky’s whole body was vibrating, watching as Steve manipulated the ribbon through his fingers. The anger was going, seeping away as he watched on hypnotised by the material.  
“Just a ribbon.” He whispered, crack in his voice betraying him.  
Steve pressed his lips together, moving to the kitchen, “If it’s just a ribbon, I should throw it away-  
“Please don’t, Steve.”  
“Well if it’s just a random ribbon, you can get another one...”  
“Please, I don’t have much.”  
“It’s Becca’s ribbon?”  
He shook his head, nodded it, held his face in his hands with a whine.  
“Yes, Please, he got rid of everything, that and the pencils were the only things I could hide from him.”  
Another wave of anger flashed in the blonde chest, followed by shock, the only thing Bucky had left of his ma’s and he’d shared it with Steve.  


 

The brunette was rocking, eyes shinning with unshed tears.  
“The crash, was your ma drunk?”  
Bucky reached for the ribbon but Steve held it high. It was cruel but Steve needed to know the truth.  
“She wasn’t drunk, she was upset with me.”  
“Why? Why was she so upset?”  
“She caught me and Brock together.”  
Steve felt on the air leave him in a single sweep, punched in the gut by the brunettes words, his arm fell limp and the ribbon was hastily snatched away.  


 

“She looked at me how you are now, like I was filthy, no longer her innocent blue-eyed boy.”  
“That’s not- that’s not what I’m thinking, that’s not what she was thinking either.”  
“You think I’m disgusting too.”  
Steve lurched forward, hands clinging on to the brunettes hips as he tried to shrink away. “No, not disgusted with you. With Brock Yes, I want to kill Brock Rumlow.”  
“I wanted it.”  
“You were fourteen, he’s at least ten years older-  
“I liked him, I liked the presents he brought me.”  
Steve wanted to vomit, wanted to grip the brunette and shake him out of his daze. At least he was speaking in past tense, Steve didn’t want to add rampant jealous on top of all the other emotions he was feeling.  
“Drugs? He started getting you them when you were fourteen?”  
A distressed noise choked his way out of his throat, “I liked them, I liked the feeling, I wanted him to get them for me.”  
“Yeah once he had you hooked.”  
“I couldn’t pay for them though, he said I could do other things to make it up to him. I didn’t have to, I chose to sleep with him.”  
Steve flapped his head from side to side, “No!”  
“No?”  
“He got in your head Bucky.”  
“I agreed to it, wanted those drugs that badly....I wouldn’t leave him alone that morning. I knew he had some hidden but he wanted me to wait for them. I got him in my room, started kissing him and doing all the things I know he loved.”  
Steve was considering ripping his ears off, he didn’t want to hear about his time with Brock-  
“Mom walked in....She was distraught, screaming at us to get dressed, her face, she was so ashamed- she dragged me through the house, Pierce tried to get her to calm down, talk things through-  
“She wanted to protect you, was trying to get you away from there.”  
The brunette laughed lightly, “maybe she was, but it’s not important. If I hadn’t of needed a fix, she wouldn’t of found out, we wouldn’t of got in that car and she and Becca would still be here with me.”  
“It wasn’t your fault.”  


 

Bucky pushed the blondes hands away angrily, “have you not listened to anything I said, if I hadn’t of gone to Brock that morning she’d still be here, they’d still be here, wouldn’t they? Wouldn’t they!”  
“I don’t know okay! I don’t know.”  
“Pierce drove after us, we were going faster and faster. Pierce didn’t lie about everything Steve, he did pull me out, saved my life and promised to take care of me.”  
“Take care of you? He torments you, he lets Brock mess with your head and use you.”  
“ I need it, I need them. I can’t be here with you Steve, take me back.”  
“No!”  
Steve took a minute to breathe, pushed away the rising panic at the thought of Bucky leaving and returning back to the house.  
“Let’s just sit for a second.”  
Steve slumped down on the couch and Bucky followed, leaving a frustratingly large gap between them. They sat in silence for a long while, long enough for Steve to move to switch a light on so they weren't in the dark.  


 

“This is your home?”  
Steve tapped his temples in confusion, “what?”  
The brunette gestured to the room and Steve caught up with his thoughts.  
“Yeah, I live here with Sam, wouldn’t call it a home, never had one, only had places I stay.”  
Bucky was back twisting the ribbon, stopping his hands from trembling. Steve twisted in his position, body curling towards the brunette.  
“Can I kiss you?”  
The brunettes eyes went wide, hands stopping there trance-like movement.  
“Why the hell would you want to?”  
“I told you I wanted you, all that you’re willing to give me, none of this changes how I feel about you. I just want you to be safe.”  
“You can’t kiss me.”  


 

Ice dagger to the heart, Steve sunk back into the couch, face to the ceiling, he couldn’t force Bucky to stay there, if he was set on returning to the mansion, Steve had to let him. Blue eyes were burning holes in the side of his face but he ignored them, in favour of blinding himself staring at a light bulb.  
The sofa shifted, weight rearranging itself as Bucky straddled him.  
“What are you doing Buck?” Steve muttered defeated, he Shut his eyes not wanting to look at the brunette who was breaking his heart.  
“You can’t kiss me, but I can kiss you.”  
Steve shook his head, still with his eyes firmly shut. “No.”  
“No? You don’t like me kissing you.”  


 

There was hurt in the brunettes voice, a sadness Steve longed to delete, he snapped his eyes open, blinking Bucky’s face into focus.  
“I loved it last night when you were kissing me.”  
“But you don’t want me anymore.”  
Steve huffed, cursing at the sky, “Of course I still want you, but it’s supposed to be mutual. I should be allowed to kiss you too.”  
Bucky rocked back on his heels, frowning to himself, there was something going on behind his eyes, some unvoiced argument.  
“What is it?”  
“I-I want you to kiss me...”  
Steve nodded, but didn’t move, continued to watch the brunette in thought.  
“I want you to give me control and I'll make you feel good.”  
An echo of Steve’s words the night before.  
“I’m not sure Buck, now’s not the right time-“  
“Please, Steve.”  


 

The brunette moved, connecting their lips together in gentle kiss, another, and another he pressed to the blondes mouth, Steve had a lot of self-control in other aspects in his life, but none whatsoever when it came to Bucky Barnes.  


 

He kissed back, hands fixing on the brunettes face, encouraging him forward, he parted his lips, allowing Bucky’s tongue in to swirl against his own. He was groaning, body reacting immediately to the silky texture and taste.  


 

Steve gripped the brunettes back, securing him as he stood, wrapping Bucky’s legs round his waist and walking them into his bedroom, tongues tangling the whole time. This was what he needed and Steve wasn't going to deny him.  


 

Steve noticed the brunettes hands weren’t shaking, they were steady as they popped the buttons of his shirt, revealing himself to Steve, all the blonde could do was gulp at air and rid himself of his own t-shirt in record time. Both bare chested they were kissing again, unrushed and gentle, it was heaven fast becoming pure sin when Bucky started nipping, teeth sinking into the skin of his neck, tongue dulling the sting and making Steve gasp and arch, the brunettes teeth scraped down his collar bone, tongue swelling in the dip.  


 

An embarrassing rumble escaped his throat and Bucky chuckled, trailing kisses down the blondes chest.  
He stopped at the waist band, trailing his tongue back and forth, Steve scrunched his fists into the sheet below, hanging on for dear life.

 

The brunette managed to ease him jeans down, Steve helped as much as he could, shimmying until the material was tight round his knees, Bucky forced them wider and Steve continued to gulp and splutter words.  


 

His shorts left absolutely nothing to imagination, he was sure a wet patch was evident for Bucky to see, a flush crawled up his body, skin tingling. He groaned loud enough to startle himself, Bucky had begun kissing through his shorts, soaking them with his mouth. It felt good, far too good, the wetness and the heat of Bucky’s mouth, his cock was leaking, The brunette was sucking it through the material and hummed at the taste, telling Steve he tasted good, that was almost too much for Steve, he whined, high and humiliating, blanking his mind, but the dampened shorts being twisted round the head of his cock with a talented tongue was too much, the chaff of the material, the sound of Bucky sucking had a shiver ripple down to his toes, it felt too good, far too good and he had couldn’t help himself, he howled Bucky’s names, hips thrusting up on their own.

 

Nothing said losing control like coming in your pants, and that was exactly what Steve did, fingers puncturing into the mattress while Bucky sucked him over the edge. Humiliation was an emotion Steve wasn’t use to, but his face was glowing hot and he hid it with his hands, peaking through the split in his fingers to link eyes with the brunette, who had the biggest smile on his face, checks rounding an eyes crinkling. All tension from the revelation pushed aside, Bucky looked free, happy...smug...  


 

“Jerk.” Steve mumbled, hiding his face again, hoping to conceal his shame at being a grown man and exploding in his pants because of Bucky’s bloody tongue.  


 

He felt cool air hit his body as his shorts were pulled down, he didn’t dare glance down and see the mess, the disgrace of his body. He jerked to attention when there was a swipe of a tongue, licking along his pelvis, one glance down had him cursing and battling with himself not to touch. Bucky was cleaning the mess, with his mouth, tongue dancing along Steves body, getting too close and making Steve twitch, raw nerves shredded.  


 

“Sensitive.” Steve managed, shifting on the sheet, brain stuck between wanting more and being overly stimulated.  
Bucky made an agreeable noise before swallowing Steve whole, not sucking, or licking just leaving the sides of his mouth and tongue to rest against the blondes sensitive skin. Steve couldn’t help groaning, cursing when he glanced down to see his cock imbedded in the brunettes mouth.  


 

There was pressure, a hint of it, the tiniest of movements, Bucky was waiting for all twitches and jerks to finish before going again. His mouth was hot, so bloody hot and silky soft, Steve was panting, thrashing on the bed. He wanted more, he wanted that tongue, he wanted to be sucked.  
Sensitivity had vanished, replaced with need, nerves ready to fire with pleasure once again. A grown ripped from his chest, followed by begging when Bucky started to bob his head, swirl his tongue and suck, an onslaught of ecstasy.  


 

Steve soon turned to a quivering mess, shouting out and moaning in the silent air of the flat, the sounds escaping were a surprise even to him, he’d never begged for it, never been so utterly swept up and lost to sensation and feeling, but he was howling, thrashing, sweating, not wanting it to end matched against the desire to orgasm, to be pushed over the edge.  


 

It was wet, soft and warm, firm swipes with the end of his tongue, marched against the silkiness of the rest. Bucky was teasing him, easing off when Steve was close, waiting a second before continuing. A please sobbed its way from the blonde’s throat, it no longer sounded like his voice, it was desperate, needy, embarrassing if Steve had time to think about it.  


 

Bucky took pity on his begging and swallowed him all up, Steve cursed, whole body tensing up as the brunette brought him to the edge and pushed him over, his vision whited out, overcome with tingles, he was pretty sure his mouth was hanging open but he could do nothing to shut it.  


 

Bucky waited a beat before clambering up into Steves chest, he watched as Steve battled to get his breathing under control, slow his heart beat that was thumping hard enough to shake the brunette on top.  
“You can kiss me now... if you want”  


 

Steve was still panting, pulsating blood squelching near his eardrums, he couldn’t answer with words, having just forgotten how to speak normally, he cupped the brunettes cheek, bringing him forward so their lips connected, soft and slow. He had to pause for breaks, body still heaving from running itself dry.  


 

The brunette chuckled, burrowing into the side of Steves neck. As soon as he had his breath back he was going to reciprocate, but the brunette snug in his arms, happy smile gracing his lips, was so close to perfection, Steve didn’t want to change it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve didn’t take long to wake, smiling to himself at the arms secured around his neck, the brunette was breathing measured breaths, tickling the side of his neck. Steve drew back, just enough to see Bucky’s face, his blissfully relaxed face with no lines of stress or confusion wrinkling it. His lips stole his attention, plump and rubbery, well fondled by Steve’s tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Hola if you're still reading.  
> Unbeta'd so typo's  
> huge love for reading, kudos and comments, :)

Steve didn’t take long to wake, smiling to himself at the arms secured around his neck, the brunette was breathing measured breaths, tickling his skin. Steve drew back, just enough to see Bucky’s face, his blissfully relaxed face with no lines of stress or confusion wrinkling it. His lips stole his attention, plump and rubbery, well fondled by Steve’s tongue.

 

Heat rushed the blonde’s body, memory of watching those lips wrap around his cock popping into his head and making his face turn scarlet. Now he had calmed from the high he felt the sting of embarrassment, followed by awe at what the brunette had done to him. Completely took him apart and left him under able to reciprocate.

 

The brunette shifted, snuggling along the cushion to hide under Steve’s chin, drawn back like a magnet. Steve pressed a kiss to his temple, in his brown strands of hair, on the arm that was hooked over his neck, on the cheek , the shell of his ear, the side of his jaw where stubble was forming, it was impossible not to kiss him, each time the brunettes arms tightened briefly and he shuttled closer, desperate to stay in Steve’s embrace

.  
This was peace, Bucky secured to him, safe and happy. Steve felt his lips lifting into a gleeful smile, one he was thankful no one could see, he was sure he looked like a moron. Fuck it. He was happy, he was allowed to grin like a nutcase-

 

“Ah Hell!”

 

Shit, Steve squeezed tight, laying one final kiss to the side of Bucky’s face before rolling away, almost falling flat on his face, his jeans were still a tight band around his knees. He managed to hoist them up and hobble from the room.  
“Sam, it’s fine.”  
The other man flew up like a stunned cat, gawping in Steve’s direction.  
“A little warning would be nice.”  
“Yeah, I was supposed to.”  
Steve was hoping he’d mimic his hushed voice, but so far Sam hadn’t understood the whisper cue.  
“What the hell happened in here?”  
Steve scratched the top of his head surveying the mess, he hadn’t realised he had knocked the furniture over when Bucky was pushing him, he’d been to utterly shocked to take much in-  
“Is that a pancake?!”  
Sam paced manically, shaking his head and muttering about the state of the place. He chomped his lip, waiting for the blonde’s explanation.  
“Okay, I’ll sort it, just not so loud.”  
“Not so loud?” Sam wagged a finger in Steves direction, “I’ve got a right to yell if my apartment gets wrecked.”  
“Yeah, but just yell in a cushion or something.”

 

Steve darted a look to the bedroom, he’d shut the door on the sleeping brunette, there was no sound of him stirring, Sam’s dramatic outburst hadn’t woke him.  
“Steve, you gunna tell me what’s going on?”  
“Bucky’s asleep.”  
Sam slapped his hand to his forehead, “asleep, in your bed...Jesus Steve”  
“Look things are real messed up for him-  
“I know, I’ve heard.”  
Steve bristled at the tone, “you saw the interview?”  
“Nope, but it’s all over the news, lot of people talking about it.”  
“He needs help Sam, I need to keep him away from them.”  
Sam shook his head with a weary laugh, “you’ve kidnapped him?”  
“He’s a grown man, I can’t bloody kidnap him.”  
“So he made the decision to leave?”  
“No-um. I haven’t asked him.”  
Sam blew air through his teeth, moving around to clear up the clutter, “you can’t make decisions like that for him.”  
“I can’t let him get hurt Sam!”

 

The bedroom door opened with a creak, Bucky appeared with sleep flattened hair and tired eyes, he saw Sam reaching down for the shattered plate and hurried over.  
“Don’t that’s mine to clean.”  
Sam huffed, pointing to the kitchen, “dustpans in there.”  
Bucky quickly got the equipment and started collecting up the pieces of plate and the soggy looking pancake.  
Sam arranged the papers on the coffee table and Steve righted the furniture he hadn’t even noticed had fallen.

 

They all finished their activity’s at the same time and spent an uncomfortable few seconds staring at one another.  
They were saved from awkward conversation by a thunderous knock at the door.

 

“Therapy session like hell!” The voice called and Bucky froze.  
Steve’s hands tightened in to fists, whole body coiling, ready to strike.  
“Come on out James, time to go.”  
Bucky made to move closer but Steve growled at him to get back, Steve felt momentarily guilt when colour drained from the brunettes face.

 

Sam held up his hand, “I’m not having a broken door, as well as a wrecked flat.”  
He yanked the handle, Brock walked in, frothing at the mouth.  
“Your services are no longer required Rogers.” He spat out.  
Steve rocked on his feet, trying to control the inferno inside him. He was pretty sure he could kill Brock Rumlow, destroy his sneering face. He wanted to.  
“James, let’s go-  
“He’s not going with you.”  
He could hear the fury in his own voice, gums aching at his teeth biting together, his ears registered Sam, saying his name in caution.  
“I have no idea what’s going on, but lets all just calm down.”  
Sam, the voice of reason had positioned himself in the middle of the two men, hands splayed out in submission.  
“Let’s just chill-“  
“James, get the fuck in the car.”

 

Bucky moved, but Steve raised a hand in his direction and he stopped, he didn’t glance over to the brunette, if he had, he might’ve noticed how much he was trembling, how his eyes were facing the floor.  
“Now, it’s up to James if he leaves with you.”  
Steve envied Sam being so calm, he was pressing his lips together to stop the hail of insults from escaping.  
“He will get in the car like I’m telling him.”  
Threat and menace was laced in his tone and the brunette took another step forward, only for Steve to growl him back.  
“Don’t you dare go with him.”

 

It was almost a relief that Brock took that moment to lunge forward, batting Sam into the kitchen and swinging for Steve, somehow it was more acceptable pummelling a guy that threw the first punch. He stuck Brock in the face with the heel of his hand, blood seeped free and he growled in rage, striking Steve in the jaw. Steve didn’t show it hurt, taking the hit like it was nothing and smashing his knee into the other mans gut.

 

He collapsed down to his knees and Steve kicked him back, clambering on top and wrapping his hands tight round the bloodied mans throat. It was satisfying when Brocks lips began bluing, eyes wide and panicked. Arms were tugging at him, trying to get him to ease his hold.  
“Steve, snap out of it.” Sam yelled directly into his ear drum.  
Steve was waiting for a crunch a satisfying crunch to know he couldn’t hurt Bucky again, whatever messed up control he had broken by the snap of a neck.

 

There were more hands gripping him, tugging harder, unwrapping his fingers from the sinking throat, he was ripped clean away, yelling angrily at Sam and the wide eyed Bucky.

 

Brock wheezed on the floor, rolling on the tiles and coughing till he heaved on air,  
“Crazy-uh bastard.”  
Steve tried to push his way through Sam, eyes on Brock, never leaving that evil face, it wasn’t smirking no more.  
“You touch him an I’ll do that again.”  
Brock staggered to his feet, clicking his neck, “what you on about Rogers, what lies has James been feeding you.”  
Steve surged again but Sam was prepared, knees bent to take the aggression and force the blonde back.  
“No lies, your sick and twisted.”  
Brock smiled, big and toothy, “my, my, he’s played a number on you, he’s ill rogers, mind destroyed by drugs, whatever he’s told you was a lie, he copes with stress by making up stuff, isn’t that right James.”  
Bucky had frozen, eyes greying at Brocks words, the bloodied man bobbed his head and the brunette mimicked it, agreeing.  
“See, he’s a fantasist, we’ve only ever tried to help him, but there’s only so much you can do.”  
Steve was growling, spitting out curses at Brock, heart thundering in his chest.  
“I’m sorry Steve, Brocks right-  
There was a desperate plea bubbling up Steve’s throat-  
“Brock? That’s Brock?”

 

They all paused at Sam’s outburst, his hands were no long securing Steve but the blonde was too stunned to move. Bucky shared a desperate look with Sam,-  
“I mean- when you said...I thought...”  
“Shut up!” the brunette hissed, “I made that up, okay. I lied”  
Sam squared off, shoulder to shoulder with Steve, “no you didn’t.”  
The trembling was worse than ever, teeth chattering at the strain, shaking the brunettes voice, “I did, I’m sorry, my mind plays tricks on me-  
“Its not your mind-  
“It is, I’ve taken so much stuff, and I get confused, and I say things I shouldn’t.”  
Brocks hand snaked up to the brunettes shoulder, “I think it’s time we go James.”  
“No!” Steve was seething, stalking his way forward with Sam at his back. He tried to grip Bucky’s hip but a jerk of the shoulder had him pulled from reach by Brock.  
“Back off Rogers, he wants to come with me.”

 

Fingers dug hard enough into the brunettes skin, Steve could swear he could see blood, Bucky was quick to rectify his hesitation and nodded eagerly.  
“Yee-yes, lets go.” He dragged his eyes from the floor to face Steve, “I’m sorry that I lied to you Steve, I -I” He frowned harshly, “I don’t know why I did.”  
“You didn’t lie to me, you’re lying now, because of him. You don’t have to be afraid of him Bucky, I won’t let him hurt you.”  
The brunette focussed on the floor, head wobbling with minuet shakes, Steve brought his hand up, cupping the brunettes cheek.  
“That’s enough” Brock yelled, tugging hard on Bucky’s shoulder, yanking him towards the door, “he wants to leave, we’re leaving.”  
“No. I won’t let him.”  
“You can’t physically stop him going Steve-  
Steve whirled, shouting angrily in Sam’s direction, “Like hell!”, he turned back to Bucky, steadying his voice, “you go and I’ll just follow.”  
“Rogers, if you come back to the house you’ll be arrested on sight.”  
Brock backed away and the brunette followed his lead, unable to keep eye contact anymore.

 

Sam had the blonde gripped again, both watching Brock smirk as the door closed on them, he shoved angrily at Sam, “what the hell! We can’t let him go back there-  
“Steve, you can’t force him to stay here either.”  
“So what do I do, hey? Sit and wait for him to be hurt?”  
Sam shrugged, shook his head, collapsed on the sofa, “Its a messed up situation, But you can’t order him like that, he looked terrified.”  
“I’m going after them, I’ll take Bucky to the police he can tell them everything.”  
Sam jumped up booming voice echoing in the room, “Absolutely not! You can’t make him to talk about it!”  
“What do I do Sam, you’re telling me all the things I can’t do but no solutions.”  
“He has to choose, he will deny anything to the police, you’ve got no evidence.”  
Steve steadied himself against the counter, taking measured breaths and releasing them slowly, his heart was jack-hammering, attempting to smash the ribs surrounded it, he was no use to Bucky if his heart gave out. He had to calm...

 

“What did he tell you that day, Sam?”  
“I can’t break his trust like that Steve.”  
“He told you his ma caught him with Brock, didn’t he?”  
There was an intake of breath before Sam nodded at his hands, “I don’t think he meant it to slip out. We were talking about cars, and I asked him about the crash....I thought Brock was his age, a friend or something, told him his mom was probably just shocked, not disgusted like he was saying.”  
“They’ve got some messed up control over him.”  
“I could see that... But Steve, you’ve known him a few months, he’s been at that place most of his life.”

 

Half an hour later, Steve screamed into a cushion till every millimetre of his lungs had deflated. His throat was raw and painful, but some how it was a distraction to the impending panic. He didn’t have a clue what to do with himself, several calls to the mansion had been ignored, Bucky’s phone was switched off, each time he sprung up from the couch to get a taxi, Sam shoved him down.

 

“He could be hurting him right now Sam, do you have any idea how crazy I’m going.”  
The shouts marred with the tears dripping from his cheek was defiantly an indication.  
“Steve, we just got to think of a plan, a way of convincing him.”  
“We don’t have time for that, I’m going to get him.”  
Steve moved swiftly to the kitchen, flipping opening his tablet and whining at its load up screen.  
“I think maybe you should cool off.”  
The blonde ignored him in favour of going for the door, he was finding a taxi, right away. To hell with a plan, he had already waited too long. He rushed out the room, tablet in hand.  
“Steeevvve” His voice said in warning had him bristling, he wasn’t going to let this shit happen anymore.  
“I’m going, nothing you can do about it.”  
Sam followed hot on his heels with a sigh, “fine, I’m driving, you’re in no state to go there alone.”

 

Images from Bucky’s bedroom flashed on screen, momentary relief flooded him, it was empty...but that didn’t mean anything...in fact it meant Bucky was somewhere else in the house with Brock or Pierce...  
They jumped into Sam truck, Steve growled in impatience when Sam fumbled with the key.  
“You’re thinking the worst Steve, far as we know Brock doesn’t like him like that now,...he was interested when he was fourteen-  
The tablet was glanced at briefly, Sam’s eyes widened and he took a longer look.  
“What the hell Steve, you put a camera in his room, does he know, that’s fucked up.”  
“I don’t care if it’s fucked up!”  
“Okay, Okay, just chill.”

 

They drove in silence, Sam’s eyes fixed to the road and Steve’s to the empty room, Steve held on to a shaky gasp when the bedroom door opened.  
“What is it?” Sam quickly said, eyes darting down to the device on Steve’s lap and back to the road.

 

Brock was backing Bucky into the room, hands tightening in the fabric of his shirt.  
“What did you tell Rogers?”  
There was no response and Brock shoved the brunette at the wall, enough force to remove the air from his lungs.  
Bucky shook his head, “Lies.” He said finally.  
“Yeah that’s right, lies, I hate it when you lie.”  
He followed the words with a swift back hand, making the brunette sway, Steve’s fingers dug in the screen, hard enough for small crystal cracks to break out.  


 

“We’re about forty minutes away Steve...”  


 

Brock paused, analysing Bucky’s lips, rubbing the rubbery skin, “why do you disobey me?”  
“I came back with you.”  
“You let him kiss you, Why?”  
Brocks hands were on Bucky’s neck, not tightening just resting in threat, “don’t you think about lying to me.”  
“I wanted him to. I-I like him”  
A wave of something indescribable pushed in Steve’s chest, a despairing whimper escaped his lips.  
Air steamed from Brocks nose as he shifted in his stance, “You’re hurting my feelings right now James.”  
“I-I don’t mean to.”  
“You think Rogers likes you back? Of course he doesn’t, he just used you like the cock slut you are, but me...I care about you, look after you.”  
“I-I’m sorry.”  
“You can make it up to me, can’t you.”  
Bucky’s chin was caught in a pincer grip, Brock forced him to nod his head.  
“You’ve had a rough day talking about your mom and your sister...I know that was hard, thinking about that day, so I’ll forgive what you did with Rogers.”  
The brunette nodded unaided, sagging against the wall. “Thank-you.”  
Brock stroked the reddened patch on Bucky’s face, “I’m sorry I haven’t seen you as much, haven’t given you the right attention, but that’s all going to change.”  
“Wh-what do you mean?”  
Brock was twisting the brunette’s hair, the almost affectionate display had Steve’s stomach rolling.  
“After today, Pierce wants you to come with us, more press interviews, speeches the like...talking about the crash and how he saved you.”  
Bucky fell boneless to the floor, Brock crouched in front of him, hand on his cheek.  
“I- I can’t Brock, I can’t deal with it, the guilt. My fault.”  
“Shhh, your mom was drunk, Pierce tried to stop her leaving, that’s how the story goes...”  
“It was my fault-  
“Don’t make me slap you again,” he tilted the brunettes face, inspecting the damage, “Although it might even you out.”  
Bucky didn’t respond, mask or emotionless in place, Brock gripped his chin, moving in close.  
“You just need to be there, Pierce talks about what happened, a hug and some tears, then I’ll take care of you, give you what you need.”

 

Steve couldn’t tell what Brock was doing at first, head blocking Bucky face from the angle of the camera, but he pulled back, smirk in his voice.  
“You look fucking gorgeous when you cry.”  
He’d trailed his tongue along the rivers on the brunettes face, humming a laugh at the taste.  
Steve was clacking his tongue to the top of his mouth, repetitive motion stopping him from howling a war cry. He was caught between needing to watch and wanting to smash the tablet into a million pieces.  
“It’s for a few weeks, last stops the plaque.”  
“Plaque...?”  
Brock nodded, “near the crash site, a memorial for Becca and your mom, real nice it is.”  
The brunette was shaking his head again, worry line harsh at the top of his nose, “what does it say?”  
“Pierce is still thinking something up...now get cleaned up, I don’t want to smell Rogers on you, then I’ve got something for you.”  
He followed the loaded words by panting his breast pocket, crinkling sound just about picked up by the microphone. Bucky nodded glumly, getting to his feet and slipping past Brock towards the bathroom, Brock moved lightening quick, springing up and gripping the brunette’s waist, “don’t look so fucking ungrateful!”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Show me.”  
Bucky was quick to respond, to push his lips against the gloating man, Brock shifted his stance, drawing the brunette closer, taking over the kiss like it was an act of savagery.  
Bucky yelped pulling away, fingers dipping in his mouth and revealing blood.  
“I can taste him on your tongue.”  
His words were followed by another slap and Steve shifted in his seat, whole body tensed.  
“Go get clean. Now!”  
Bucky hurried past, slamming the bathroom door behind him. The hiss of the shower muffled the sound of the room. Brock had removed his t-shirt and pants, climbing into Bucky’s bed and waiting for his prey.

 

“Steve, you need to calm down.”  
“I can’t, I seriously Can’t.”  
He’d been to war, and never had he been overcome by such murderous rage, he had to control it, otherwise it was going to affect his judgment.  
“What are we going to do when we get there-  
“Kill him.”  
Sam gripped his knee, anchor pulling him from darkness, “we won’t get far if you have that attitude.”  
“What then?”  
“You still got some stuff there right, there’s your motive for showing up and getting past the guards.”  
Steve nodded along, plan and strategy, that’s what they needed, going in all guns blazing wasn’t going to do any good.  
“Right, then I get to his room and knock Brock out, yell some sense into Bucky.”  
Sam’s grip tightened his knee again, “I think I should talk to Bucky and I’m not sure knocking Brock unconscious is a good option.”  
“You’re kidding right? It’s a lot softer than what I want to do.”  
“You just need to get him away from the room, I’ll deal with Bucky okay?”

 

Steve agreed begrudgingly, and they fell into an uncomfortable silence, Sam darting looks over to the blonde and the tablet the remainder of the journey. Bucky was taking his time, doing an extensive job of washing Steve off his body, the longer he took the more likely they could intervene in time and save the brunette more emotional trauma.  
“We’re minutes away.”

 

Brock was clearly getting inpatient waiting, jaw cocking and releasing and eyes unblinking on the bathroom door. They weren’t far, only a few more minutes and he was going to smash his face in. No. Sam was right, he just needed to get Brock out of the room, couldn’t afford to swing punches and get arrested. His fists tightened unconsciously, Sam slapped his palm over the top.

 

“We got this Stev-“  
The wheels squealed, body’s thrown forward into their seatbelts, tablet went flying into the foot well, the car stopped with a thump.  
Shit, shit, Shit!” Sam was saying, the man they’d struck staggered up, brushing his hands on his knees, facing away from the car, but that grey shirt, that brown swept hair and outline...Steve would recognise him anywhere.

 

There was a clunk, Sam removing his seatbelt, Steve was quick to follow, leaping through the door and sprinting over to Bucky straightening up.

 

“Bucky, Bucky are you alright?”  
The brunette whirled around, blinking slowly at Steve, “must of his my head harder than I thought...” He pulled his hand away from the back of his hair, pool of red resting on his palm. He seemed fascinated by it before turning his hand so it dripped to the floor.

 

Steve was on him in an instant, hands moving, he wasn’t sure whether he was searching for injuries or purely touching to make sure the brunette was really there. He hadn’t noticed him run out, eyes glued to the screen waiting for him to emerge from the shower, but here he was, escaped the situation himself.

 

Sam appeared with a first aid kit, tugging a dressing free from its pouch and holding it out, Steve took it and pressed it to the back of the brunettes head, he didn’t wince, didn’t even react to the pain of the wound. He watched Steve with big watery eyes, blue glowing in the headlights of Sam’s truck.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.  
Steve was overcome with emotion, relief, left over anger from Brock, guilt for being the ones to harm the brunette, annoyance that Bucky was still behaving like a wounded puppy. The blonde leaned forward, lips connecting with Bucky’s temple, he melted against Steve, arms hooking around in an unbreakable hold. Breath-stealing-relief, that’s what stayed, other emotions forgotten the moment Bucky’s arms were around him and his head was tucked under the blondes chin.

 

“We’re taking you to get checked out-  
“No!” He pulled away agitated, darting a look into the darkness, at least he was looking away from the house and not planning on going back. His heels were turning, ready to sprint off, the blondes grip tightened.  
“Okay, no hospital, your coming back to ours then.”  
Sam hissed out Steve’s name, shaking his head at the commanding tone.  
“Bucky, do you want to come with us?” He tried, not liking the way his voice had stiffened the man in front.  
The three exchanged looks, chill of the wind whipping by them, the brunette nodded.  
“Can’t hear you?” Sam beckoned.  
“Yes, I want to.”  
“Right, lets get the hell away from here.”

 

They clambered into the truck, Sam pulled the vehicle around fast, heading back the way they’d come.  
“Where else are you hurt?”  
Steve was still having a hard time not touching the brunette, his hands were running up the other mans body, freezing cold clothing, Bucky mumbled he was fine but Steve wasn’t having it, his most hated word in the world muttered again.

 

“Your head, where else?”  
The brunette sighed, “ my arm...”  
Steve moved, ripping the sleeve of the grey shirt, all the way up to the shoulder till it hung in rags. The skin was spotted red, grazed the whole way up, slit leaking at the elbow.  
“Ah, hell Buck.”  
“It doesn’t hurt...”  
That wasn’t surprising, his body was cold to the touch, numbing the pain off. It wasn’t a life threatening injury, the head wound was more of a concern, but it was going to sting like hell when Bucky got his sensation back, it needed cleaning too, small stones and fibres imbedded in the flesh. He craved to inspect every inch of tanned skin, make sure there was no hidden injury’s, the bleeding had eased on the head wound, the only other injury in sight was on the brunettes face.

 

“And your cheek, what happened to you cheek?”  
It was cruel to ask, he knew exactly why a bruise was forming on his face, it was a test to see how much the brunette was willing to admit.  
“Must’ve hit it on the road.”  
Steve bit the inside of his cheek in misplaced annoyance.  
“You sure, you sure Brock didn’t knock you about...”  
“Steve, now’s not the time.” Sam was glaring at him through the mirror.  
Steve wrapped the arm up best he could, it needed cleaning but would have to wait till they were back at the apartment. The blonde opened his arms in invitation and Bucky was quick to respond, moving snuggly into the embrace and releasing a pent up breath. Relief and a warm fuzziness expanded in Steve's chest, not enough to make him smile though, Brock was still lingering in his mind, a dirty stain on a perfect moment.  
“Why did you go with him Buck?”

 

He could feel the heat of Sam’s gaze but ignored it.

 

“I don’t know.., it’s always easier...”  
“Easier, he’s messed with your head...he abused you Bucky, can you not see it? Can you not see they use you...”

 

Sam forced a cough, trying to gain the blonde’s attention.

 

“What Brock did with you was wrong, he drugged you up and rape-”

 

“Right! I’m puling over, we’re trading places.”  
There was no way in hell he was trading places with Sam, a forklift wouldn’t be unable to lift him away from the brunette. He tightened his grip and sighed in contempt went Bucky copied the motion.

 

“I’ll shut up.” Steve muttered.  
“Yeah you will, otherwise..” he tapped on the wheel with dancing eyebrows.

 

It was an effort to force his lips shut, to not voice any more frustration out at the brunette. They needed to fix him up, settle him down safe in Steves bed, then he was going to spend all night convincing Bucky not to return to the mansion and that safe in his arms was where he was supposed to be, caressed and cherished, not used as a toy for personal gain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spend far too much time watching video clips of civil war on instagram,... No way near enough Stucky in that film for me....needed a sequence of Steve and Bucky sharing some plums...


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky managed to walk unaided into the apartment, sluggish and leaning on the wall, but he still managed it without Steve carrying him like he wanted to.
> 
> There was an awkward moment where the three of them exchanged glances, the brunettes mouth opened and closed a few time, frazzled brain trying to find an explanation, or at least a starting point.
> 
> “Can I use your shower?”  
> Steve blinked a few times, information seeping in his brain. He needed some kind of acknowledgment about what happened but apparently it wasn’t going to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> unbeta'd  
> Huge love for reading, kudos and comments!  
> Hope you enjoy :D

Bucky managed to walk unaided into the apartment, sluggish and leaning on the wall, but he still managed it without Steve carrying him like he wanted to.

 

There was an awkward moment where the three of them exchanged glances, the brunettes mouth opened and closed a few time, frazzled brain trying to find an explanation, or at least a starting point.

 

“Can I use your shower?”  
Steve blinked a few times, information seeping in his brain. He needed some kind of acknowledgment about what happened but apparently it wasn’t going to happen.

 

Sam was quicker to respond, leading him over and grabbing him a towel from his room.  
“Here you are man, if you need any help just yell.”  
Bucky smiled sheepishly, shoulder skipping against the wall to the door, “thanks-“  
“Hold up”, Sam dissapeared into his room again, returning with sweatpants and a black T-shirt. “doubt you want to get back into that.”  
The brunette looked down at himself, bloodied shirt and torn up pants. “Guess you’re right.”  
Bucky hobbled inside, the door clicked shut with a finality. 

 

Steve stood to attention out side the bathroom, unable to relax. Sam sighed loudly, pointing to the kitchen.  
“Coffee?”  
Steve nodded, wanting to move away from the door but feet fixing to the floor at the thought of distance between him and Bucky.  
“Jesus Steve, we’re seven floors up, he’s not going to do the window trick.”  
Steve hadn’t even thought about that, but now Sam had voiced it, it was all he could bloody think about. The water was running, he could hear it through the door, but then again Bucky had left it on when he escaped Brock...  
His hand was moving to the door, it was locked but he was too strung up to give a shit, he could break it down easily.

 

“Steve!”  
He jolted, Sam’s stern voice pulling him away,  
“You need to sit down, have something to eat.” Sam moved to the fridge, analysing the contents with a scowl, “guess its take out, what do you fancy?”  
Steve didn’t reply, still watching the door with mistrust, it was concealing Bucky from him, conspiring against him.

 

“Steve!”  
“What? Pizza, just order bloody pizza!”  
He’d never raised his voice at Sam, and guilt flared in his gut, he turned around to apologise but all Sam did was point at the sofa and command him to sit.  
“Look Steve, I know your wound up after today, but you need to chill.”  
“Chill? You’re joking right?”  
Sam waved a dismissive hand, gripping his phone from his pocket, “yes chill, eat, sleep, tomorrows another day.”  
“Another day for Brock to come here and talk Bucky into thinking his own names a lie.”  
“For his sake, you need to act normal.”  
Steve yanked on his hair, growling silently at the ceiling, “we can’t just pretend none of this happened.”  
“What you gunna say to him, hey? you gunna tell him about the camera? All the shit we heard Brock saying.”  
“He hit him Sam!”  
“I know, I heard-  
“He shoved him about- bit him-“  
Sam threw his hands in the air, “I know Steve, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He hasn’t even told us why he was running from the house-

 

The bathroom door opened, steam streamed into the room before Bucky had a chance to shut it. He was wearing the clothes Sam had given him, minus the t-shirt which was still in his hands.

 

Steve gulped, eyes scanning his body, droplets of water still clung to his muscles, hair damp and spikey, his face was frowning, hands fidgeting with the piece of clothing. Breath-taking, he really was, even when Steve’s mind was whirling a hundred miles a minute.  
Bucky paused, blinking at Steve through his thick lashes, an embarrassed twitch to his face.

 

“Um, can you help me with it?”  
Steve just stared dumbly, brain not connecting the dots, thankfully Sam was there, pushing past and shoving the phone to his chest.  
“Pizza, Steve.”  
Sam helped the brunette into the t-shirt, the arm must have been too sore to move in an upward motion. Bucky winced, finishing with a small laugh.  
“Hurt?” Sam asked.  
“Burns a bit, but mainly my head.”  
Sam nodded, leading the brunette to the kitchen and rummaging through the drawers.  
“Painkillers, should sort the head out, I don’t think you’ve got a concussion.”  
A small voice was demanding Steve’s attention, trying to steal him away from watching the exchange of the two men. Sam shot a wide-eyed glance his way and he finally remembered the phone and registered the small voice of the pissed off woman.  
“Yeah, sorry...”

 

Pizza ordered, they settled down in front of the TV, Sam and Bucky chatted away while Steve silently seethed. How could they be so calm, how could they just ignore all that happened. Every time he opened his mouth to comment on it, Sam glared at him. A glare that said don’t even dare mention it.  
“You can sleep in my bed an I’ll take the couch.”

 

Now Steve was staring at Sam confused, if Bucky was taking a bed it was his and preferably with the blonde beside him. He was already irritated Bucky was wearing Sam’s clothes and not his own, he didn’t want to imagine him wrapped up in a bed that wasn’t his.  
“I’ll take the couch.” Bucky replied guiltily, “This is your home, I’m not gunna kick you outta bed.”  
Sam chucked at the stab at humour and Steve was all but ready to start yelling. How could they play this facade of normality. Steve grumbled, shoving the pizza box in the bin hard enough to split the bag.  
“No one has to sleep out here, you can sleep in my bed with me.”  
Silence followed, Steve hadn’t spoken for at least and hour and both men looked shocked.  
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea Steve.” Sam said quietly.  
“Why not?”  
Bucky was eyeing the floor, voice oddly quiet when he spoke, “you’re angry at me, you don’t want me here...”  
The words were gutting, stabbing at Steve inside’s and leaving him weak.  
“Is that what you think-“  
“I get it okay, I’ll stay one night and then you wont have to deal with me no more.”  
Steve shook his head, hand held up to stop anymore untruths coming from Bucky’s mouth.  
“That’s not what I want, not even close. I want you to stay here.”  
“You’ve barely spoke to me since we’ve been back.”  
Steves voice was rising with hysteria, “that’s because I’m not like you. I can’t just pretend stuff never happened, what the hell went on with Brock?”

 

It looked like the pizza Bucky had just wolfed down was about to make a comeback. His face had paled and he rubbed his hand along his mouth.  
“Brock, he-  
Steve held his breath, nodding for the brunette to continue, admit what Brock did to him, had been doing since he was fourteen-  
“-He takes care of me...”  
Steve was losing it, any sense of control was tumbling from him, “takes care of you, is that what you call it.” he pointed an unwavering finger at Bucky, pinning in place from meters away. “He doesn’t take care of you, never has. He fucks with your head, abuses you, why else would you jump out of a window to escape him.”

 

There’s a harsh intake of breath, not from Bucky but Sam. The brunette just fixed a frown on his face, eyes scanning the floor in thought.

 

“I never told you I jumped out the window...”  
All air left Steve in one go and he staggered, hand resting on the kitchen table to steady himself.  
“Did I?”  
Silence hung thick and suffocating, Bucky’s was doubting his own memory, brow set in a permanent crease as he tried to remember something that never happened.

 

Sam spoke first, his voice was quiet and for a second Steve was sure he was going to reveal the camera. “You told us when we got to you on the road.”  
Bucky rubbed the back of his head, hissing in discomfort, “I can’t remember.”

 

He settled his eyes on Steve’s, confusion lingering, one nod of Steve’s head and it vanished, replaced by fondness and sorrow. It made Steve feel fucking sick.

 

“I- look, Brocks complicated. I just- can we not speak about it now.”  
The sinking feeling of lying had Steve backing down, agreeing with the brunette not to press on the issue. His face was so grateful and smile so soft that Steve had to turn around, pretending to wash a glass in the sink.  
The brunette continued to fondle the cut on his head, face in a dream like expression, “maybe I do remember telling you-“  
“Bed.” Sam said, smacking his hand down on the couch.

 

The brunette got to his feet, waiting for Steve to finish washing the next perfectly polished glass.  
“So-um...with you?”  
Steve nodded, still facing away, “meet you in there.”  
Bucky out of view Steve’s head dropped back on his shoulders and he scrubbed angrily at his face. He just lied to Bucky’s face, not just lied but Bucky had enough faith in him to change his own memory of events. It took thirty minutes for Steves guilt to fade enough to climb in bed with the brunette.

 

He sat with his back to the bedrest, looking down at the blissfully asleep man. The lie had been spoken, there was nothing Steve could do about it, the alternative would’ve had Bucky running, probably straight back into the clutches of Brock and Pierce. It was fine to lie if it was saving someone pain, right?...

 

Sleep didn’t come to Steve, he stayed bolt upright, brain over active. He decided he was going to wake Bucky a few times, just incase he had a concussion. The first time Steve tried he only got an odd mumble and a curse.

 

The second time Bucky startled, sitting up next to Steve and hissing at his arm.  
“Easy, just making sure you’re not in a coma”  
“M’not, stop it.”  
He shuffled back down on the bed, but instead of turning away or distancing himself, his head settled on Steve’s thigh and he sighed. Steve carded his fingertips through the brown strands, careful not to go anywhere near the back, drawing circles on Bucky’s scalp, enjoying the mewing sounds he was sure the brunette was unaware he was making.

 

The third time Bucky, growled, turning his face up and telling Steve to ‘fuck the fuck off.”  
Steve couldn’t help the laugh that rumbled out, which only seemed to annoy the brunet further.  
“You ‘ink this’s funny.”  
Steve squeezed his lips together, muffling the amusement. It felt good to laugh after the day he’d just had.  
“I can say something that will wipe that smile away.”  
“What’s that then?”  
Bucky squeezed his thigh, breathing words out on a sigh, “premature ejaculation...”  
Steve flushed red, whole body glowing hot in embarrassment. Bucky chuckled against his leg, giving it another squeeze, “couldn’t even last till your shorts were off...”  
“You’re a bastard...”  
Bucky hummed in reply, “Now lay down, get some sleep.”  
Steve hesitated for a second before doing as he was told, all while giving Bucky a very pointed stare.  
“Stop look’n at me like that. It was hot...”  
The blonde whined in his throat, “can we not mention it.”  
“What? That you came in your pants.”  
Steve huffed, shaking his head at the teasing.  
“You cuddle me up an I’ll promise I wont mention it...”

 

The blonde was quick to respond, had been waiting all night to be given the go ahead to touch. He hugged Bucky’s back to his chest, being extra careful of the arm and distancing himself from the back on the brunette head, he didn’t want to get to close and brush it while asleep.  
Bucky sighed, pushing his body back into the warmth, he linked fingers with the arm hugging over his chest. Steve could see marks between his shoulder and neck, four bruises forming circles, half moons cut at the edge where Brock pressed extra hard.  
Steve settled his lips on top, kissing the marks, one by one. The lie was worth it to keep Bucky out of danger.

 

The week was tense, Steve felt he was going insane. Sam and Bucky talked as if nothing had happened, as if they hadn’t witnessed what happened.

 

Brock was the other problem, Steve found he was unable to relax, waiting for the moment his fist thundered on the door to the appartment once again.

 

It didn’t happen, no one came round to convince Bucky to leave, and it was driving Steve crazy waiting for some sort of retaliation.

 

Sam had persuaded them to help out at the garage, Steve assisted with any heavily lifting while Bucky wandered around looking bored. That was until an electric car pulled up with problems, Sam tried to wave it away, telling the driver he only fixed traditional cars, Bucky was straight there, asking what was wrong with it.  
He quickly sorted it out, sending the man on his way with a smile. Sam stared at him in wonder and Steve smirked, releasing a small coil of tension.  
“He’s clever?”  
“Tony calls him a genius...”  
“Be careful he doesn’t steal him then.”  
Steve forced a laugh, he already had to watch out for people stealing him, he wasn’t adding Tony to the list.

 

Sam was just finishing up when a woman approached, wagging her finger. Steve settled down next to Bucky, front row seats for a disgruntled customer, but she moved past Sam, straight up to Steve and slapped him cleanly across the face.  
The world froze, ears still ringing he didn’t catch what she said to him, he did see her turn toward Bucky though and he was quick to put himself in the way.  
“Your dads knows what’s best for you.”  
She strolled away, pushing Sam to the side with a snarl.  
“What the hell was that about?”  
The blonde rubbed at his cheek, eyes round and worried. Whatever just happened wasn’t good and it had something to do with Pierce...

 

It wasn’t until they got back to the apartment they realised Pierce had played his cards. Another press interview, more great acting when discussing the horror crash, but then the interviewer had asked about James and why he wasn’t there. Pierce put the most seldom expression on his face and started to speak.  
“As you saw last week, he’s not in a good place emotionally, he’s unstable and unfortunately people take advantage of his vulnerability.”  
The interview nodded, before frowning, “someone’s taking advantage of him?”  
“Yes, someone I trusted betrayed me and persuaded him to turn his back on me at this difficult time.”  
“Who?”  
Pierce pressed his lips together, making a gesture like he really shouldn’t say more, before doing just that.  
“I hired a bodyguard for James, Steven Rogers. A respected military captain. I don’t know whether it’s for money or he gets some sick pleasure out of deceiving him, but James clings on to attention, craves it. He’s ill, Rogers knew this and still pursued a relationship with him, talked him into leaving his home.”

 

Air was breezing through Steve’s nose with force, hands clutched at his sides.

 

“If James is watching now is there anything you’d want to say?”  
Pierce looked straight down the camera, lips twitching into a smile. “Come home son, I know what’s best for you, things will only get worse if you stay with Rogers...”

 

“Bastard!” Steve snarled, stabbing blinding at the remote so he didn’t have to see any more. It was no use though, the story was everywhere, every paper and website, people coming out of the woodwork to stoke the fire. Bullshit story after bullshit story about Steve being a money grabber, a controller, a brute.  
“Shit! This is Bullshit!”  
Sam was scrubbing at his face, Bucky was back to analysing the detail in the floor.  
“I have to leave Steve...”  
His voice was quiet, hitching.  
“Nope, no, no way.”  
“Steve, this will only get worse.”  
The blonde froze, spun round to face the direction of the voice. Bucky was facing him, tears forming in his blue eyes.  
“He’s evil-  
“I do what he wants and this will stop.”  
“And you go back to being emotionally savaged.”  
He wanted to say physically too, but the Brock issue had been glossed over under Sam’s instruction. It lingered though, questions were still there that needed answering.  
“I’m not sure I’m worth all this Steve.”  
“Yes you are Buck! Yes you are.”  
Bucky shook his head, tears starting to spill over, “I’m gunna go join him on this PR-  
“No!”  
He moved fast, making up the distance and grabbing hold of the brunettes face, “No” he repeated again, softer, “I need you here, need you safe.”  
Sam at some point had made his exit, bedroom door shutting behind him.  
“I can’t Steve, he’ll drag your name through the dirt.”  
“It’s worth it if I keep you away from them.”

 

Steve tugged the brunette in to a hug, hands possessively clutching the brunettes back. Bucky was sobbing slightly, muffled in Steve’s shirt, but his body trembled with it. Steve just pulled him tighter.  
“Promise me you won’t leave.” Steve mumbled to Bucky’s hair, shaking slightly for an answer.  
“I can’t Steve-  
“Please Bucky, just say it.”  
The brunette hugged tighter, band of arms hard enough to hurt Steve’s spine, but he didn’t promise. 

 

 

The sand was biting his eyes, forcing him to blink back the burn, he needed to focus, they were pinned down. A look down the line, everyone was in the dirt, widened eyed and scared.

 

He wanted to call out it was okay, but the sound of bullets firing was deafening, deflecting off the vehicles with loud pings, he also didn’t want to lie, he had no idea if they were going to make it out of there alive.

He turned back to face the danger, and there was Bucky, stunningly handsome, skin gleaming and contented looks on his face.  
He stepped out, oblivious to danger, sun bouncing off his bronzed skin. He turned, eyes finding Steve where he lay. His lips lifted into a smile, big and beautiful and Steve’s heart squeezed tight.

 

He was yelling now, not caring that the sound was blocked out, he hoped the brunette would read his lips, would follow his order to get down, find cover. The brunette just frowned, uncertainty glowing in his eyes. Fear had Steve feeling weak, not fear for himself but the brunette in danger. 

 

Steve staggered up, hands pushing off from the sand, feet sinking slightly as he made his way over, not caring he was going to get cut apart. He needed to get to him, to pull him down and drag him to safety.

 

He fell to the ground. Body slumping in the sand, Steve crawled, hands and knees to get to him. Bucky was on the floor, face up, eyes open. The blonde reached for him.

 

He was cold like ice to touch, face pale, lips bluing, the sun did nothing to warm him. Steve was yelling at him, gripping on to his cheeks and shouting down. He couldn’t even hear his own voice, guns ringing out constantly, the whirl of a helicopter flicking up the sand, making Steve’s eyes burn.

 

“’teve?”

 

He was crying, streams of tears that were sure to gather the dust and dirt and stick it to his face. The brunette couldn’t be woken, no matter how much Steve pleaded, nudged at him and shook him. Steve’s heart slowed in his chest, preparing itself to be ripped clean out, sliced in two. He’d failed Bucky, and that knowledge was worse than any death, any form of torture.

 

“Steve? Steve!”

 

Panicked voice, defiantly Bucky’s but not the one in front of him, not the one he was crying over, he flicked his head back, trying to locate the voice.

 

His men were gone, vehicles gone, even the hiss and thump of bullets had gone. The only thing that remained was the voice, calling for him to wake up, it was frantic, his body was shaking, not from tremors but being forcefully moved.

 

His eyes snapped open, orange hue in the room from a lamp not sand or the sun. Bucky was holding his face, eyes terrified, he was thumbing Steve face, wiping away tears.

“You with me?”

Steve let out a shaking breath, hand coming up to rest on top of the one on his cheek. Relief swamped the brunettes features, and he sagged forward, laying flush on top. Steve gripped him close, pawing his back.  
“You were calling my name.”  
Steve shifted, swallowing the despair in his restricted throat. He concentrated on the feel of Bucky, shirtless chest against his, warm and moving.  
Bucky blue eyes burrowed into his, beautiful bright eyes darting all over Steve’s face.

 

“I promise I won’t leave.”

 

Steve scrunched his eyes shut, heart cracking at Bucky’s words, the relief at hearing them uncoiling Steves chest.  
“Unless you want me to leave, then I’ll go straight away.”  
“I’ll never send you away, ever. You hear me Buck.”  
The brunette nodded, not convinced by the blondes words.

 

Steve rolled him onto his back and clambered on top, ear resting on the brunettes chest, hearing the hypnotic drum of his heart, head moving in time with the rise and fall of his chest.

 

He pressed a kiss over the skin before continuing his way up and slotting his face into Bucky’s neck, pressing into the warmth and scent, the vibrations of the brunettes pulse pushed on Steve’s nose, another reminder than man was very much alive, he nipped at the pulse point, causing a stuttering gasp and a wave of shivers to break out over the mass of flesh.

 

He scooted along, trailing soft kisses down Bucky’s good arm until he got to his fist, clenched tightly. Steve nose nudged it till it relaxed, falling open for him to lay a kiss in, gentle kisses up to his wrist where he stopped, lips resting on the delicate skin, there was the solid thump of Bucky’s heart, faster, powerful jolts that tickled Steve’s skin, making him grin. They’d hugged, cuddled at night, but not in a sexual way since the incident with Brock.

 

There was a breathless moan, the blonde wasn’t sure whether Bucky had said Steve or Jeeez. He trailed kisses back up the arm, nipping and licking along the brunettes collar bone.

 

Forearm resting either side of Bucky’s head he leaned in and kissed him straight on the mouth, slowly, much slowly than they’d kissed before. His mouth was so soft and accepting. It was like they were finding each other again, stresses of life forgotten with the caresses of lips and tongue.

 

Steve trailed a hand down Bucky’s body, releasing him from the pants and touching gently, enjoying the feel of the soft skin on his fingertips, the wetness near the top from Bucky’s excitement.

 

He moved to the side, pulling the comforter back so he could see. Bucky was so fucking beautiful, lips parted in bliss. He started a leisurely rhythm, one the brunette wasn’t to happy with, he jerked his hips, trying to get Steve to speed it up, it was futile, each time he did, Steve slacked his hand, made sure the hold wasn’t enough to get Bucky off and the brunette grumbled in frustration. Steve shushed him, whispered in his ear for him to be quiet. Bucky grumbled but did his best not to be too noisy, eyes fluttering shut and face relaxing as Steve continued his frustrating pace.

 

“Open your eyes.” Steve whispered huskily.

 

Bucky’s snapped open immediately, fixing with an intensity that stole Steve’s breath, made his stroking lose pace for a second. Pupils fully blown, no hint of blue lingering around the edge, they’d been completely overrun by desire. It took a few attempts for Steve to speak again, to croak his words out.

 

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”

 

Bucky didn’t reply, didn’t nod or grunt, he continued to stare, with huge open eyes. Steve slide his hand up and down slowly, refusing to be rushed. He loved seeing Bucky like that, it did things to Steve’s insides, made them flutter with butterfly’s, buzz with bees, flip over and over.

 

He stared at Bucky face, the pinch of his brow when he was getting close, the flex of the skin round his eyes when he was trying so hard to not shut them, to keep them open like Steve had asked.

 

He was panting, lips parted and drying from the harsh breaths of air. Steve could tell each time he was about to moan, his Adams-apple bobbed and there was the smallest of whines before Steve covered his mouth with his own, swallowing them up so they were no more than vibrations.

 

He pulled back when they eased, eyes finding the ones fixed to his, still huge and round and breathtakingly trusting. Bucky body had a sheen of sweat, Steve had no idea how long he’d been working him, time wasn’t important when Bucky was laid out before him.

 

Steve couldn’t remove his mouth from plugging the moaning, the sounds trying to escape Bucky’s lips were near constant, Steve’s hands were slick, sliding effortlessly, who needed lube when Bucky got that turned on he was continuously leaking pre-come.

 

Steve tipped him just over the edge, pulling back to see Bucky’s expression just in time, to see it overcome with pleasure, black eyes igniting and body shaking. It was the hottest thing Steve had ever seen, and he was sure he was going to come untouched at the sight, he managed to rein it in, imagining Bucky’s taunting.

 

Bucky came back to himself, panting and awe struck.  
This was the moment Steve wanted to say something important, to make a declaration, a promise, but all they did was watch each other, both scanning each other faces, mapping them for memory. Steve brushed his thumb against the brunettes cheeks bone, tracing it up to his temple. They didn’t break eye contact as Steve’s fingers continued to draw the lines of his face, lingering on the lips, the plump red lips that opened when the blondes thumb stopped. It was a whole new level of intimacy and Steve was convinced he could stay forever running his fingers around Bucky’s skin.

 

A devilish grin popped up on his lips and Steve frowned, almost laughed at the unexpected expression.  
“Wha-uh.”  
Steve’s shoulders rolled back, breath coming out in staggered gasps, distracted by Bucky’s face the brunette had sneaked his hand into the blondes pants, a hand that was slick with Bucky’s own come.

 

It had cooled but when Bucky started working it fast, it turned to liquid fire, engulfing him with tingles, he was aching hard already after watching Bucky orgasm. The pace was relentless, and so fucking wet. Steve’s body jerked, mouth muttering out incoherent words, his own rule of keeping silent had gone out the window.

 

He was so fucking grateful Bucky didn’t tease it out, he would’ve deserved it after what he’d just done, but Bucky kept going, pushing him to the brink and helping him over.

 

Steve was coming hard, mouth slack and gargling, Bucky watched him with a smirk, slowing his hand when it began to get uncomfortable. There was mischief in that face, a pouty confidence that had Steve dreading the next words to come through those perfect lips. Bucky smiled, leaning in close.  
“Premature Ejaculation...”

 

Steve waited a beat before jumping the brunette, rolling on top and tickling the shit out of him, he thrashed, laughed, panted for Steve to stop, their stomachs slide together, sticky warmth between them. Steve didn’t give the brunette a chance to recover, his face was flushed red from dodging Steve’s hands, he settled down on top, elbow either side and kissed him breathless. 

He kissed and tasted, swirled his tongue and nipped those lips, it was a filthy kiss that had Bucky losing all sassiness.  
Steve could detach his lips, couldn’t bare any distance between them, breathing became secondary, and the brunette seemed to agree, just as enthusiastic. Their mouths sealed one another, lavishing deep kisses like they had all the time in the world and at the same time no way near enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The memes of plums make me smile like an idiot ;)  
> Buckys going to find out about the camera...sorry, but Ive got to let him know about it ;) mwhahaha


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was saying something when Steve missed the assholes at his old bar; they started on him; he sorted it out, done. This kind of attack, Steve wasn’t prepared for, couldn’t solve it by punching harder or dodging out the way. It was relentless, a freight train continuing to pick up speed.
> 
> He tried denying the articles, but it only added fuel to the fire, especially when the blonde got angry with reporters and stomped away. Anything Bucky tried to say in his defence was twisted to make him appear infatuated and vulnerable. An ex junkie whose mind was easily warped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> unbeta'd so typo's  
> big love for reading, comments and kudo's! It gives my life purpose ;)  
> This is the calm before the drizzle, before the rain, before the storm....  
> Hope you enjoy :D

It was saying something when Steve missed the assholes at his old bar; they started on him; he sorted it out, done. This kind of attack, Steve wasn’t prepared for, couldn’t solve it by punching harder or dodging out the way. It was relentless, a freight train continuing to pick up speed.

 

He tried denying the articles, but it only added fuel to the fire, especially when the blonde got angry with reporters and stomped away. Anything Bucky tried to say in his defence was twisted to make him appear infatuated and vulnerable. An ex junkie whose mind was easily warped.

 

Pierce continued to ask for ‘his’ James to return home, to get help for his issues. He had wrapped the press round his finger, convincing everyone Steve was a monster. No matter how much Steve tried to convince Bucky he was fine and could handle the press hounding him, the brunette continued to shrink away and Steve stomach sunk at the unconvincing lie. He wasn’t fine, nowhere close to fine, his life was being publically butchered.

 

Sam had to push Steve out the door, demanding he get out and go see Tony. The gaze of people in the street had his blood boiling and he found himself distancing himself from Bucky, to ensure the eyes weren’t giving him the same treatment. Rejection flashed in the brunettes face before the blank stare took over.

 

Bucky trotted straight into stark tower, disappearing into one of the booths. Steve watched through the glass as he put all his remaining energy into making a new arm.  
Steve slumped into one of the luxurious leather seats and pulling his tablet out to push him further into the depths of depression. He knew he shouldn’t look, shouldn’t read the damning articles but he couldn’t help himself.

 

“I would say reading that constitutes self-harm...”  
Tony settled in the chair beside him, peering over at the latest article. A disgruntled soldier by the name of Zemo, blaming him for a botched operation that resulted in civilian casualties. The face’s of those men, women and children had haunted him for years, Sam had been the one to force the guilt away, there was nothing Steve could’ve done.  
“You read this?”  
Tony shook his head, “do I look like the kinda guy that will read an article that isn’t about me...”  
“Point taken.”  
“Everyone knows the press talk shit.”  
“I know,...but they’re going through my military career, trying to dirty it, making be second guess every decision I made.”  
“People will always pick for faults.”  
“I tried to save as maybe people as I could, and sometimes that wasn’t everybody.”  
Tony shifted in his seat, cocking his jaw side to side, “don’t beat yourself up over it, you were there, they weren’t.”  
“I know.”  
Tony shot a small smile his way, scratching the hair on his chin, he flicked his head towards Steve, “that’s new?”  
Steve stroked his own face, fingers prickling with unshaven hair, “yeah, well...”  
He seemed to be spending longer in the shower but with less energy, normal clean cut look too much effort. He favoured sitting on the floor till the water ran cold.  
“Look Steve, I know this sucks, but they will lose interest, there vultures, waiting for the next victim”  
“It’s been ten days of this.”  
Steve pressed down hard on the tablet, making the screen discolour from pressure.  
“Pierce doesn’t like you taking his James.”  
They both looked over to where Bucky was, teeth sinking into his chapped lip in concentration as he connected wires. His face was gaunt, grey bags like pits under his eyes.  
“You got to ask yourself, is he worth all this...”  
There was no hesitation in Steve’s mind, “yes.”  
“Then you got to let this run its course, try to act as normal as possible.”  
“It’s hard.”  
“You both need a break, get away, movie, meal, spend sometime together. I don’t mean to sound insulting but you look a wreck Steve, and he’s not fairing much better.”  
They brunette looked haunted and Steve had no clue about his own appearance, he’d been avoiding mirrors after seeing his blood-shot eyes and messy hair days ago, it was far easier not to look at all.  
Tony went back to join Bucky in the booth, slapping him on the back and seemingly genuinely thrilled by what he’d done. The brunette didn’t respond as expected, his shoulder sagged further.

 

Steve knew while he was sinking down into the slums of depression he was taking the brunette with him. His way of coping with the press was being quieter, not mentioning it at all. The elephant in the room. Sam had warned it was the wasn’t the right way to handle it but Steve hoped if he didn’t express how he was feeling the brunette wouldn’t realise and feel guilty. It was, of course a stupid idea and they ended up existing around each other near silently.

 

Steve had hated it when the brunette had shut him down at the mansion, and now he was doing the same thing. Kissing was the only form of communication Steve could manage, and even then it was under the cover of darkness. No words were spoken, Steve kissed him till he was breathless, pulled him tight to his chest and tried his best to follow the brunette into sleep.

 

It didn’t last, a few hours at tops and Steve would wake, roll away from the warmth and leave the room. Jogging in the daytime was off limits, too many judgemental stares, in the dead of night there was no one about, he ran, and ran till his heartbeat drowned all other noise and his stomach clenched with dry heaves.

 

One night, after spending far too much time staring into the toilet bowl, heaving as quiet as possible. He climbed back into bed, watching the tension in the brunettes back, he was facing away, seemingly sleeping, but Steve knew better, could tell by now when Bucky was pretending and when he was actually under. He moved his hands out skittishly, pulling the other man back into his arms, and Bucky sunk into his chest willingly.

 

“Steve, let me talk to Pierce.”  
“You said you wouldn’t leave.”  
That was his soul focus, he was taking this hammering from the press, knowing it was worth it if he could keep Bucky away from harm. It was of course a double-edged sword and Bucky was still being emotionally ruined, this time by guilt for Steve.  
“I won’t leave, let me sort something out.”  
“No, I don’t trust them.”  
Bucky didn’t reply and they both tried hard to convince the other they had drifted off to sleep.

 

  
“Up, get up.”  
Steve covered his eyes at the intrusion of light, squinting over to the brunette who expression was almost giddy.  
“What the hell?”  
“We’re going out.”  
The blonde stabbed blindly at his tablet, the time that flashed up was offensive, half five in the morning.  
Steve hugged the comforter tighter, rolling over to shove his face in the pillow, “Not up for it Buck.”  
“I’ll go without you...”  
“Go where?”  
Bucky had moved round the bed, crouching on the floor by Steve’s head, “surprise...”  
“Not a fan of surprises.”  
“You gotta trust me Steve, I think you’ll like it.”  
“It’s five in the bloody morning.”  
“Pleeease.”  
There was no way that sound could be ignored, especially when the voice was accompanied by puppy dog eyes.  
“I dnno Buck, not very good company.”  
Bucky sighed, gripping the comforter in his hand, “It’s half five, an I said up.”  
With that, the comforter was pulled clean off and Steve swore at the cool air in the room, trying to snatch it back. Gasping and gulping curling into a ball.  
“Jesus Buck!”  
There was a smile on the brunettes face but it didn’t make it all the way to his eyes, he was nervous Steve realised. And that made him feel off. He never wanted the brunette to be nervous of him.  
“Okay, Okay, let me get dressed.”  
If Bucky was a canine Steve was pretty sure he would’ve started wagging his tail vigorously at Steve agreeing.  
“Sam’s let me borrow the truck, see you out there.”

 

Each mile they drove away Bucky smiled brighter, more sincere, it was like watching someone being revived, coming back to themselves. It was addicting to watch, the sparkle in his eyes, the rounding of his cheeks. It was the first time Bucky had smiled in days.

 

Then Steve felt it to, the coil in his chest lessening, trapped feeling seeping away and leaving him feeling free. The city and the constant hounding had made him claustrophobic, forced him through anxiety to lock himself away. But mile after mile he started to feel more like himself.

 

“Where you taking me?”  
Bucky darted a look over, hopefully expression on his face.  
“Away, just for a bit.”

 

It gave nothing away and Steve started to feel the bubble of excitement, the feeling of the unknown. It beat feeling like shit that was for sure.  
Water came into view, a mass expansion of water, Steve spotted a sign, frowning at it in confusion.

 

“Camping? We’re going camping? It’s freezing cold Bucky, we’ll die.”  
Bucky nodded, ignoring the grumpy tone, “don’t worry, I’m not that crazy, and it’s not too cold, no snow.” He pointed out at the lake, “it’s not frozen.”  
Bucky pulled the truck up near the waters edge, Steve took a moment to take in the view, towering hills, crystal water and dazzling sun. Yes, a million times more relaxed then the city.  
Bucky smiled, patting Steve on the knee, “come on then, stuffs in the trunk.”  
“What stuff?”  
Bucky gestured to the cliff across the lake, “climbing stuff, come on.”  
The brunette jumped out the truck and Steve stumbled after, puling his coat tighter.  
“First, we got to get across the lake.”  
Steve glanced up and down, absolutely no one was there, no ferry, no boat to cross it. Bucky’s plan had stumbled at the first hurdle.

 

The brunette threw a box his way, catching him in the chest he gasped.  
“What the hell?”  
The image on the box was three children in an inflatable boat, grinning to the camera. This was crazy, a plan destined to fail.  
“There’s no way Buck.”  
“Where’s your adventurous side Captain Rogers, Start blowing.”  
Bucky winked and slung a bag on his back, shifting it around till it was comfortable. He grabbed two harnesses and ropes, fixing them on to his pack.

 

The bright yellow dingy swayed in the water, there was just no way in hell it was going to support them, not a chance. Bucky was grinning, ear to ear. Steve took a moment to study his expression fixing it to memory, he was the definition of sunshine when he smiled. There was a whole gallery of Bucky’s smiles in Steve’s head, from his naughty ones to his awed ones. The current one was radiating mischief.

 

“You first.”  
Steve’s mouth dropped open, “Me? Me go first, this is your idea.”  
“You’re heavier, better to test your weight with it first.”  
“It will sink.”  
Bucky sighed in amusement, “well if it does, then at least I wont get wet.”  
Steve felt his lips lift into a smile, a coy smile he tried his best to hide. The brunette would’ve only gloated when he realised how much Steve was enjoying himself.

 

“Not scared are you captain.”  
“Part of being a captain is not making ridiculous decisions.”  
Bucky yawned, “sorry what, kinda drifted off when you started speaking...”  
Steve shoved at him playfully, almost knocking him off balance, “fine,” he waited a few seconds before repeating the word again, the word that clearly meant the opposite.

 

He stepped out into the dingy, spying the box on the floor, grinning children in the sunshine mocking him. He was a grown man, climbing into a kids float in winter...  
It didn’t sink, it wobbled, Steve settled nervously into the space, chin resting on top of his knees.

 

“Your turn.”  
The brunette smiled, stepping into the skittish float. They both wore matching wide eyed expressions, hearts in their throats, waiting for the moment it sank.  
It didn’t, the brunette smiled triumphantly, fishing a rope from the water, tugging on it, it led all the way to the opposite bank.  
“Ready.”  
Steve schooled his face into seriousness, Still not admitting his fond curiosity over Bucky’s unorthodox day trip.

 

They hid the dingy in a bush, no idea why hiding it seemed important when there was no trace of another person in the area, but they did, securing it down with rocks in case the wind picked up.

 

Bucky climbed into his harness, securing it and starting on Steve’s.  
“Where’d you get the stuff?”  
Bucky tightened a strap hard enough to make the blonde voice hitch.  
“Rented it from a place near the garage...can’t damage it...or get it messy.”  
Ropes clipped on, Bucky slapped his hand on the cliff face.  
“So you up for it old man?”  
“Little late to say no.”  
Bucky pouted, feet finding purchase on the wall.  
“I’ll lead.”  
The brunette positioned his feet on the cliff face, searching for holds with his hands, the rock that was more vertical than horizontal. Steve lurched forward gripping the brunettes hips.  
“You sure about this?”  
Bucky nodded, spinning around to peck Steve on the lips before pushing off from the floor.  
“Gotta trust me Steve, Same way I trust you.”  
Steve recoiled at the figurative stab to the gut, he saw the trust every time he looked into the brunettes eyes, completely unwavering.  
“Okay, I trust you.”  
Bucky’s face scrunched into a frown, laugh easing it, “that sounded so convincing...”  
“I do Buck-  
“Come on then.”

 

Bucky moved, fingers digging into crevices in the rock and hauling himself up. Steve waited patiently for the brunette to call out to him before following after, hands falling into the holds Bucky was using.

 

The climb was exactly the kind of work out Steve needed, every muscle in his body was burning, mind totally focussed to the one task. There was motivation being behind Bucky. Stalking behind him up the cliff. Every so often he’d pause, turn round to check in with Steve. His face was flushed pink, hair beginning to stick with sweat, Steve's body flipped at the sight, especially when it was followed by Bucky’s dopey grin.

 

An hour in, they took a breather, slumping into the harnesses and looking out, it was stunning, truly beautiful, the artist in Steve twitched back to life after being supressed for so long.  
The sun was out, water glimmering. The sky was perfectly clear, blue like the ocean, it was bordering on disorientating, the lake reflected the perfect sky, making the rock they were on seem like it was floating in the sky, they just needed some blue people with tails and it would be just like avatar.  
“Come on, almost there.”  
Steve turned to find the blue eyes on him, softened at the edges, the brunette scooted down to clamp his hand to Steve’s shoulder, “even better from the top.”

 

The second half of the climb was harder, days of little sleep had made Steve’s body weak, he slipped a few times on the rock, banging his knee and scratching his elbow.  
“You okay Steve?”  
Worry tinged the voice, the dopey smile had gone, pink lips drawn in a tight line and forehead creased up.  
“We can abseil down, go back to the truck-  
“No- I can do it.”  
Bucky nodded, pulling himself up the rest of the rock easily, he had a gift for climbing that was for sure.  
Steve was nearing the top, could see where the cliff ended , Bucky’s hand reached down and he grasped it, grateful to be pulled the final few feet.

 

“I’m sorry- I didn’t think.”  
Steve swatted his head, laughing lightly as he staggered from the edge. Bucky lead him to a tree, hand tight round his arm.  
“Just rest for a bit.”  
Steve settled down by the base, lungs expanding fully at the untainted air, no chatter of people, no honk of car horns or growls of engines. No electric devices to taunt him with articles or pap’s trying to get a shot of him infuriated.  
Just him, the outdoors and Bucky, nothing in life was better, made Steve feel more alive and contempt. He dozed, vaguely aware of the sounds behind him.

 

A slapping sound had him jumping awake, shifting against the tree. A bag was sprawled on the rock beside him.  
“What is it?”  
Bucky smiled shyly, scratching the back of his head, “Um, thought, you’d wanna...”  
His voice trailed off, face flaming in embarrassment, Steve took pity on him and opened up the bag, pulling out the items. A sketch pad and tin of pencils.  
“I wasn’t snooping, I would never invade your privacy like that, but I found them under your bed, you always looked so peaceful when you sketched.”

 

Guilt was the final thing to crack his resolve, The whine that broke free from Steve’s throat had his face heating up in embarrassment. He tried to blink back the stinging in his eyes, tried to clear his throat to stop anymore stupid sobbing noises.  
It didn’t work, he was going to breakdown it was inevitable, the best he could do was hide it from the brunette. He pulled his arms round his body, dropping his forehead to his knees.

 

There was a loud thump of Bucky’s knees collapsing to the ground, hands trying to pry the blondes one’s away, Steve just tightened them, locking them around his body.  
“I’m sorry ‘kay, I know things are shit, it’s not what you signed up for, I come with all this baggage, and anyone else would’ve kicked me out.”  
“Stop Bucky, please stop-I can’t-“  
Bucky pushed his face through the cage of Steve’s arms, kissing the tears off his skin, trying to catch his lips.  
“I’m sorry Steve, please don’t hate me.”  
“How could I ever hate you.” It sounded clear in his head but when the words wobbled their way through his mouth it was barely understandable.  
“I know I’m messed up, I know Pierce is hurting you to get to me, And I---I’m being selfish.”  
Steve turned his head to the side, able to see the watering blue eyes pleading with him.  
“You’re not selfish, why the hell would you think that?”  
Tears spilled free, catching on the brunettes dark lashes, “I am Steve, you’re hurting, whole life being put through the shit—if I was a good person I’d walk away, but I like you, I like how I feel when I’m with you and don’t wanna lose it.”  
“You are a good person, Buck, you are.”  
Bucky choked on a bitter laugh, hiccupping as he pulled back, “not, I’m not. Pierce is destroying you and I’m just standing by and letting it happen.”  
“It’s worth it to keep you away from him.”

 

The walls of flesh Steve had positioned around his body dropped, cold air ached his tear smudged face, he reached out, hands gripping the back of the brunettes neck and tugging him forward into a hug.  
They stayed like that, fixed together both sobbing into each other clothing, the sounds eased, the tears dried up till they were just holding each other tightly. They had both needed to unload the dam of emotions, crying had beneficial purposes sometime and Steve could feel the effects, the suffocating sensation had gone.

 

Bucky twisted round, back to Steve’s chest. He grabbed the sketch book, propping it up on his knees.  
“Now you gunna draw or do I have to do more stick-men.”  
“Or cock and balls, your good at that too.”  
The brunette laughed, snuggling back into Steve’s body, “you’re not bad at that either...”

 

Steve snaked his arms around Bucky’s waist, grabbing a pencil and starting to sketch. It was an odd position, arms stretched out and chin resting on Bucky’s shoulder, but there was no way he was ready to detach himself, he needed them to be close.  
Steve drew the landscape, every so often asking Bucky to find him a pencil, swapping over to make the picture softer. Adding detail at the very end with a harder grade.

 

“Perfect.” Bucky announced.  
Steve was pleased with his sketch but it didn’t do the view justice, didn’t capture the peace of the moment either with Bucky wrapped in his embrace.  
Steve tossed the pad aside, snuggling his nose into the brunettes neck, hands tightening him to his chest. He breathed in the smell of aftershave and sweat greedily, sighing loudly. Bucky’s hand patted down.  
“You feel better now?”  
Steve nodded, eyes fluttering closed and too stubborn to open. Bucky shifted, head dropping back, forehead resting on the side of the Steve’s face.

 

Steve’s stomach grumbled him awake, demanding attention. He rolled his shoulders, biceps and legs throbbing from the climb. Bucky was still secured to his chest, he’d moved slightly, back curled forward.  
“What you doing?”  
“Drawing stick men.”  
Steve chuckled, blinking the sketchpad into focus. “there’s two of them.”  
“Yup, my stick mans not alone anymore.”  
Steve felt a wave of butterfly’s flutter in his chest and lay a kiss to the other mans throat.  
Bucky ripped the page out, flattening it down and beginning to fold it. Steve watched, arms still fixing them together, nose rubbing the side of the brunettes neck.  
“Now what are they doing?”  
Bucky finished the folding, holding the paper-aeroplane up for Steve’s inspection.  
“They’re going to fly.”  
Reluctantly Steve let his arms slide away, unlocking them. Bucky stumbled up, leaning from one foot to the other to get the blood flowing again. Bucky was poise, fingers pinching the bottom of the plane.  
“They won’t make it.”  
The brunette paused, turning back to Steve with a sad smile, “they might.”  
He threw the plane, it glided effortlessly, no wind to interfere with it and knock it off balance. It drifted out of Steve’s eye line. He waited a few seconds before asking.  
“Did it make it to the other side?”  
“Would you believe me if I said yes...”  
“Probably not.”  
The brunette laughed, moving away from the edge and returning to Steve’s embrace.  
“They got quite far.”  
“Guess that’s something.”

 

Steve stomach roared to life again, enough to make him flush red and apologise.  
“Feels quite nice on my back.”  
Steve nipped the brunettes neck, and he yelped.  
“I’m not for eating.”  
“Really” Steve purred, he smirked when a shiver ran through the brunette and his breathing stuttered.  
“So what can I eat?” He was speaking into Bucky neck, vibrating the skin, he knew from making out in bed, Bucky’s body responded immediately to the closeness, breaking out in goosebumps.  
“Hmm? What...”  
“Food?”  
Bucky tapped on the blondes head, getting him to stop his caresses so his brain could process again.  
“Well I thought, we’d start with grass soup, followed by pine needle sticks, then there’s that rather ominous looking brown nugget thing over there...”  
Steve was laughing, pointing his fingers into Bucky’s ribs, “come on really?”  
“I know you hate junk food, but that’s all I could carry.”  
“No three course meal then? Pretty shoddy first date.”  
Bucky’s mouth dropped in mock shock, “who said this was a date, getting ahead of yourself aren’t ya.”  
“Think we’re a little late for taking things slow.”  
“Right, for saying I’m easy, no kissing.”  
Steve wrestled the brunette to the floor, trying to connect their lips, Bucky squirmed and ducked away laughing.  
“Okay, Okay, if you’re lucky...I might let you touch my breasts...”  
Steve burst out laughing. Leaning close to blow a raspberry on Bucky’s neck, he twitched, giggling deep in his throat. He moved his hands up under the brunettes hoodie, fingers shooting up to pinch a nipple.  
“Oww, I’m not that kinda gal.”  
“What kind of girl’s that then?”  
Steve pulled up, gazing at the brunettes pouting face.  
“Not into public sex, I mean anyone could see...”  
The blonde ducked down, laughing into Bucky’s chest, “yeah, so many people up here...”  
There was another angry growl from Steve stomach, harsh enough for him to grit his teeth in discomfort.  
“Right, I’ve got to feed you.”  
Steve ducked down for another kiss, but was stopped by a palm to his chest, “none of that till you’ve filled this beast.”  
Bucky dragged his backpack over, displaying the contents for Steve to scoff over.  
“Someone’s got a sweet tooth.”

 

They gobbled down the chocolate, biscuits , crisps and all the other random junk, Steve couldn’t be bothered to feel guilt for it. He was riding on a high with Bucky by his side.  
“Now for afters.”  
“Afters?”  
“Afters for me.”

 

There was the mischievous grin again, blue irises overrun by all consuming black. He gripped the bottom of his hoodies and tugged it clean off.  
“What the hell buck, you trying to freeze?”  
He balled the clothing up, putting it on the rock, Steve stared at in question, not understand what Bucky was hinting at. The brunette smirked, hands coming to the back of Steve’s neck and pulling him down towards the makeshift pillow.  
“What you doing?”  
“I’m going to blow you at the top if this cliff...you don’t have to be quiet, no one will hear us.”

 

Before Steve could respond, Bucky mouth descended on him, nipping and sucking up his neck, teeth grazing his jaw. Bucky kissed with conviction, total focus, teasing out Steve’s tongue and sucking it. All the blonde could do was withering and moan throatily. His tongue was slick and dominating, lips and teeth adding variety to the make-out session. Steve was a sweating mess, panting with red cheeks and half-lidded eyes. His brain and body were chanting Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, he just couldn’t get enough.

 

“Do you know what this place is called?”  
Steve’s brain stuttered online, recognising the words from the brunette had formed a question.  
“Wha?”  
Bucky grinned, dipping down to connect their lips in a heated lock. He pulled back with a suction noise, licking his lips.  
“It’s called Rogers Rock...”  
Steve raised his eyebrow, smile matching the one Bucky wore.  
“Rogers Rock-Hard?”  
Steve rolled his eyes with a laugh, surging up for a quick peck.  
“You’ve been waiting all day to say that haven’t you.”  
“Yup.”  
“You’re such a jerk.”

 

Bucky latched onto Steve’s face, Going to town on his mouth. When he pulled back Steve’s lips felt double the size, extra sensitive to the cold temperature. Bucky scratched his nails along the blondes dusting of stubble, humming in appreciation. He shuffled down Steve’s body to grip his pants and the blonde gulped at air, trying to slow his racing heart and desperate desire.

 

“I wanna hear you.”  
Steve whined in reply as the brunette unfastening him at lightning speed, exposing him to the cold.  
He shivered, leaking cock cooling fast at the drop in temperature. Then he was swallowed up, taken down to the base by Bucky’s hot mouth. He moved at a steady pace, each time sliding off all the way, cock exposed to the change in temperate making Steve gasp, each time it was followed by engulfing heat, the swirl of a tongue. His throat started to feel hoarse from moaning, unhuman sounds strangling there way out.

 

“Gotta slow down-not gunna last.”  
The rest of Steve felt numb, cold had consumed it, every nerve had muted down and unaware. All Steve could register was his cock was being sucked at and it felt fucking incredible.

 

“Fuck! Oh fucking fuuuck.”  
He was moaning, as loud as he could, begging with hands gripping hold of the brown bobbing strands, setting a faster pace. He glanced down, seeing Bucky crouched over him, cheek bulging each time he sunk down. Not only that but the brunette had gotten a hand into his own pants, was stroking himself in time with his mouth.

 

Steve threw his head back hard with an animalistic howl, laughing in relief at the makeshift pillow, he was pretty sure he would’ve knocked himself clean out had it not been there.

 

The brunette was moaning loudly around his cock begging for more, the greediness of the man sucking him off had his hands gripping the rock, trying to find and anchor so he didn’t go hurtling into ecstasy too fast. His nails ached on his fingertip, biting down as he tried his best not to be swept away.  
“Fuck Bucky!”  
Bucky was teasing him, drawing back and exposing him to the cold each time he was about to burst.  
Steve couldn’t hold back anymore, he moved his hands to the brunette’s hair, yanking, shifting his hips and pounding into the mouth above him, fucking the soft warmth till his orgasm crashed through him rendering him speechless. He was floating, completely blissed out and heaving.

 

He was vaguely away of Bucky speaking to him, the fiddle of his pants where Bucky put him back in place, buttoning him up.  
His face hovered in front, voice sounding too far away considering he was right there.  
“You with me?”  
Steve huffed a laugh, nodding as he blinked himself back to earth.  
“Yeah, sorry.”  
The brunette grinned, leaning in for a slower more sensual kiss.

 

“You can’t fall asleep here, got to get back to the truck.”  
Steve couldn’t help the groan, he didn’t care that he sounded like whinging child, getting back to the truck seemed a hell of a lot of work.  
“Wait, I haven’t finished you off.”  
Bucky was avoiding his gaze, cheeks slowly turning the colour of a tomato, “m’ sorted.”  
Steve raised his eyebrow, “sorted, as in you-  
Bucky shifted his stance, tutting in annoyance.  
“In your pants?” Steve finished with a laugh. An uncontrollable one that had the brunette shying away.  
“Sh’up”  
“Aww Buck, your adorable when you’re embarrassed.”  
The brunette bunched his lips together, throwing a venomous glare.  
“I’m starting to get pretty freaking uncomfortable Steve.”

 

The blonde took pity on the pouting man and hauled himself up, hissing at his ruined limbs and stiff as anything back. His spine clicked vertebrae by vertebrae as he ambled over.  
Bucky arranged the harness, setting the grapple up for abseiling, he was still avoiding making eye contact. Steve gripped his face, bringing it up to give him a smouldering kiss.  
“Getting me off got you a little over excited.”  
“I could so easily push you off right now.”

 

The abseil down was effortless, done in a matter of moments when it had taken two hours to climb, the boat was where they’d stuck it, nestled in a bush that thankfully wasn’t full of brambles.

 

Steve hauled them across on the rope, all teasing gone from his expression, Bucky looked exhausted, slumped over in the boat, by the time they reached the bank Steve was certain he was asleep.

 

He climbed out, gripping the end of the float and hauling it along the ground, Bucky didn’t even finch, completely out of it.  
Steve managed to scoop him up, carrying him bridal style to the truck.  
“Wha’a doing?”  
“Carrying you to the truck.”  
Steve thought the brunette would startle awake, be embarrassed he was that out of it Steve was able to pick him up.  
“’kay.”  
“Sleep, I got you.”  
The brunette hummed happily, ‘teve, you enjoy the date?”  
Steve hugged the slurring man closer, “yeah Buck, loved it.”  
“’ood, thas good.”  
Bucky turned his face into Steve’s chest, sighing happily. 

 

Steve was unquestionably certain all the shit coming his way was worth it for Bucky, he was utterly and hopelessly in love with him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days later Steve waved his hand under the bed, trying to locate the tablet, stabbing it to find the latest news. Bucky was already up, his soft voice could be heard chuckling in the other room. He didn’t approve of Steve’s self inflicted torture, would steal the tablet away and hide the remote control in the other room.
> 
> He wasn’t on the front page, A very drunk looking Tony was on the third page, blonde beauty on each arm, he flicked through finding no news about himself whatsoever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd  
> XXXWarningXXX  
> discussions of rape, grooming, drugs, basically Bucky spilling his heart to Steve.  
> EEEKKKK!  
> Thanks for comments and Kudos, all gratefully recieved <3

Two days later Steve waved his hand under the bed, trying to locate the tablet, stabbing it to find the latest news. Bucky was already up, his soft voice could be heard chuckling in the other room. He didn’t approve of Steve’s self inflicted torture, would steal the tablet away and hide the remote control in the other room if he knew.

 

He wasn’t on the front page, A very drunk looking Tony was on the third page, blonde beauty on each arm, he flicked through finding no news about himself whatsoever.

 

He scanned back through the history, eyes growing round when he realised it had all vanished, damning articles all gone in an instant.

 

“What did you do?” Steve demanded, Barrelling into the kitchen and stopping Sam and Bucky’s conversation dead.  
“Jesus, Steve put some clothes on will.” Sam mumbled, shielding his eyes.  
He was only in his boxer shorts, stalking towards the guilty man at the table with the tablet in hand.  
“Well?”  
Guilty eyes flashed up at him before flashing away just as fast, “it’s sorted.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“It means, we don’t have to worry about it anymore.”  
Steve yanked at his blonde strands at the dodging answer, steadied himself on the counter and used every ounce of a domineering stare to make the brunette speak.  
“He just- he needs me to be there at the plaque unveiling, stand for photographs with him, that sorta stuff.”  
The whole time he spoke Steve shook his head, then just so Bucky understood how he felt about it he firmly said, “no, not a chance.”  
“It’s a hour at most, it stops all this shit.”  
“I could handle all this ‘shit’ to keep you away from him.”  
Sam was making a point of not listening, spending far to long searching through the fridge for something to not eat. Humming getting louder each millisecond Steve grew angrier.  
“You do this, I come with you.”  
Bucky peeked up through his lashes, lips mouthing words but not speaking, he sighed in defeat. “well-erm. Sorta one of the conditions...you can’t be anywhere near.”  
Steve laughed in disbelief, leaning from foot to foot, “what?”  
“You got to lie low so the press don’t look for anything else on you... He doesn’t want you there.”  
“What the hell Buck!”  
He held a hand out, reaching for Steve’s fingers. “Its not for a few weeks, nothing will happen, the press will be there and I’ll leave straight afterwards.”  
“The press were there when he broke you down on live television.”  
Bucky abruptly dropped his hand, spinning around to face away. Sam cleared his throat forcefully, trying to get Steve’s attention.  
“I can handle it Steve, I won’t be made to talk this time.”  
Steve breathed deep, calming the blaze in his chest. He was furious but yelling at Bucky wasn’t going to help the situation.  
“What about Brock?”  
Bucky frowned at the table, genuinely confused by the question. “Brock?”  
“Yeah, the guy who slaps you about, he gunna be there?”  
Harsh lines continued to split Bucky’s forehead as he tried to look for an answer in the gleaming table-top.  
“I never said he hit me.”  
The anger consuming Steve fizzled and his stomach dropped. Brock had been a no-go topic since his escape from the mansion. Sam was at ease not asking about him but Steve was going crazy.  
“I told you he hit me that night?”  
Steve bit down on his lip, deciding to play dumb, “what night?”  
“When Sam hit me with the car.”  
“Hey man, can you stop putting it like that.” Sam squawked, slamming the fridge “You make it sound like I did it on purpose.”  
He was trying to lighten the mood, to steer the conversation away from Brock, and creating another false memory in the brunettes head. It would’ve been welcome had it worked.  
“I told you he hit me?” he said again, expression open.  
Sam’s glare was intense on the side of Steve’s face, the blonde had to wipe at his skin to relieve the burn.  
“You had a bruise on your cheek, I put two and two together.”  
Bucky blinked a few times before nodding in acceptance and Steve’s stomach clenched, so trusting of the blondes words.  
“Brock won’t do anything.”  
Of course he was going to do something, whether it was verbally bash Bucky or physically force himself at him, he was bound to do something, but the brunette just shrugged at his name, uninterested.  
“What if he talks you into going back with him?”  
“I’ll block it out.”  
“Yeah, you did such a good job of that last time.”

 

Sam released a slow breath, eyes huge and targeted at Steve’s head like a dart board. Bucky was till facing the table, body sagging.  
“ck, yourself.”  
“What?”  
Bucky’s back snapped up, fast enough to tip the chair he was on over, “I said Go Fuck Yourself!” he snarled, Steve was forced to take a step back at the acidic tone.  
“I’m going to Starks, don’t think about following.”

 

The door banged shut in his wake and his angry steps faded down the hallway. Steve’s mouth was hanging open, snapping shut when he realised Sam was trying to hide a smirk with his hands.  
“Why the hell are you smiling?”  
“He told you to go fuck yourself.”  
Steve shifted his stance, “Not funny.”  
“Oh Steve, he stuck up for himself. Its a good thing.”  
It was the first time Brock had been mentioned and the brunette hadn’t shrunk in on himself or changed the subject, anger was better than submission but it still left Steve feeling shut out.  
“When he tells you about Brock, you got to cool it, let him speak.”  
“If, If he ever tells me.”  
“He will Steve...I think he’s just scared you won’t want him anymore.”

 

Steve walked briskly into the stark tower, carefully scanning people as he went, trying to find his target. Pepper took pity on him and ushered him into a lift.  
“Thanks.”  
She shrugged in reply, “I don’t think he’ll be thrilled to see you.”

 

The door met in the middle, sealing him away from her curious gaze. Bucky was still in an irritated mood then.  
He was an army captain, walking with slumped shoulders and head bowed, he straightened up, greeting Tony with a half-assed smile.

 

“How is he?”  
Tony hummed, “right well I’m fine Steve, thanks for asking, feeling the love right now.”  
Steve pressed his lips together firmly, lifting at the edges, “sorry Tony, how was the threesome...”  
“Was good, from what I can remember...one of them scored me a 10 outta 10, can’t get better than that.”  
He held his hands up, flashing ten digits and looking smug.  
“Glad your enjoyed yourself.”  
“Did it for you, trying to get you out of the spot light-  
“You slept with twins for my benefit?”  
“Well mine too...”  
His booming laugh echoed, hand smacking on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“Bucky?” Steve asked.  
A knowing smile and Tony pointed at a huge panel of glass, “why not come and see him?”  
Steve moved hesitantly towards the glass, eyes fixing on Bucky in the booth. Bucky didn’t turn, didn’t acknowledge Steve’s presence and that was oddly gutting for the blonde.  
“Christ sake Steve, it’s one way glass, one way sound too.”

 

Tony clicked a button, “you okay in there James?”  
He paused, shooting a small smile at the glass, Steve held his breath not wanting the brunette to realise he had come after him so fast. He had waited for two hours, and even then it was Sam demanding he clean the apartment that kept him so long. He technically wasn’t Bucky’s body guard anymore but the anxiety grew the longer they were apart. Tony released the microphone button.

 

“There Steve, he’s fine...wasn’t happy when he came in but he’s calmed significantly.” Tony darted a look over his shoulder at a broken mug, “of course that might change when he realises you here.”  
“He's pissed at me.”  
Tony patted his shoulder sarcastically, “worked that out Sherlock, flowers, chocolate, a new frock...usually works for Pepper.”  
The blonde just glared in reply, till Tony retreated with a chuckle.  
“Alright action man, easy. I need him for an hour or so then you can have him back- take him out, take him to bed, makeup sex is great.”  
“Tony.”  
“Okay, okay. So what got him all riled up anyway?”  
“He decided something, I disagreed...”  
Tony scratched at his facial hair in thought, “is it to do with the lack of articles in the paper this morning.”  
“Yeah...”  
“Ah, he’s made a deal with the devil then.”  
The devil had nothing on Pierce and Brock...

 

Both men startled when someone new shoulder barged their way into the booth with Bucky, his sandy hair was swept back, freckles peppered his cheeks. The more obvious feature was the lack of limbs. One arm was gone at the elbow, the other arm was missing a hand.  
“Boating accident.” Tony spoke through gritted teeth.  
“Fuck.”, was Steve’s only input.  
“I know!”  
The button was clicked again, “Right Erik, this is James-  
“Alexander Pierces boy...” the man replied with a frown.  
“James Barnes.” Bucky snapped, “not James Pierce.”  
The mans mouth popped open, “sorry, didn’t mean to offend you.”  
Bucky sighed, head tilting to the ceiling, “sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

Tony cleared his throat loudly, “right now that’s sorted, time to fix the arms into the base plates.”  
Steve watched on curiously, settling into a chair by the glass. Bucky moved, slotting the metal limbs into place, Erik looked ecstatic at his new robotic limbs.  
“They look bad-ass, you make them?”  
There was a shy smile on the brunettes face, eyes glowing with the praise. “There an improvement on my last” he flicked his head to the wall in the booth, original arm displayed in glass.  
“That’s completely awesome!”  
“This one’s sleeker, weighs less...I mean if you hate the plating we can cover it, some flesh imitation-“  
“No way, I love looking like Robocop.”

 

Bucky grinned brightly, giving the one-way mirror a thumbs up.  
“Right Erik, need to take things slow.” Tony said, fixing the cuffs of his shirt.  
The flappy hair nodded, “gotcha, take it slow.”  
“James put the cap on.”  
Tony really was in his element bossing people around.  
Bucky squirted a load of lube on to the Erik’s head, “gunna mess up your hair.”  
“S’kay, you can mess it up when ever you want, handsome.”  
Steve shifted at the flirty tone, waiting to see Bucky’s reaction, he only snorted in reply, slipping the cap on to Erik’s hair with a wet suction sound. Tony’s dancing eyebrows had the blonde avoiding his gaze.  
“Aww jealously doesn’t look good on you Cap.”  
“Shut it Stark.”  
He chuckled, pressing the button down again. Steve fell silent.  
“Okay, James switch them on.”  
Bucky’s lean fingers skimmed the new appendages, the arms whirled and clicked to life.  
Erik tensed up as he gasped, he swayed slightly and Bucky pounced forward to steady him.  
“Easy Erik, feels odd a first.”  
Erik breathed a laugh, “Like someone cracking an egg on my head.”  
He froze, mouth dropping open, he pulled his arms up, staring in awe at the moving metal. Fingers tightening and relaxing.  
“Fuck!” He licked his lips, moving his hands slowly, bringing them up to his face, “Fuck, I didn’t think-how can they be this good.”  
Every few seconds the fingers locked in position and Bucky was forced to uncurl them.  
“The movement will get smoother the more you practise.”  
Tony cleared his voice over the microphone, “how’s it feel Erik?”  
The stunned man looked towards the glass, not facing the correct way but teary eyes still visible.  
“It’s incredible Mr Stark.”  
Tony shot a gloating smile in Steves direction, “your boy did good, so good.”  
Steve was grinning, amazed by the robotic arms but more warmed by Bucky’s cheerful face, he flushed with the praise Erik was pouring at him.

 

“Right Erik, we can’t over do it on your first try, just a few basic motor skills.”  
He gave a rather jerky thumbs up to the mirror, smiling with glassy eyes as he did.  
“Just take a minute.”  
He nodded, still gasping and gushing his amazement. Eventually he managed enough composure to continue.

 

The task sounded simple enough, picking up a bottle of water and taking a sip. Water sploshed out the top from a too forceful grip. Erik apologised but Bucky waved his hand dismissively.  
“Trust me, gets better with practice.”

 

The bottle was knocked to the floor a couple of times. One attempt had the contents thrown in the brunettes direction.  
He laughed, unsticking his t-shirt from his body.  
Erik pouted, “just trying to get your clothes off.”  
Tony hummed in joy, barking a singular laugh in Steve’s direction.  
Several crushed water bottles later, he took a mouthful of water, “Ha, Ha,” he winked in the direction of Tony.

 

“Right, that’s enough for today.”  
“No, no please a little longer.”  
He surged forward, hands gripping Bucky’s waist with force. The brunette yelped in surprise, struggling out of the hold. Steve was up, ready to smash the door in if Bucky was under any form of threat, Tony just about managed to block him, “he’s fine Steve.”  
Bucky was grinning, eyes watering in pain but not fearful.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Erik said, arms gesturing wildly.  
Bucky huffed a laugh rubbing at his hips, “it’s alright, just a pinch.”  
He stilled the flailing hands, getting the fingers to un-tighten. Erik’s eyes lingered on Bucky’s hands, trailing up the brunettes body to his face.

 

“Can I touch you?”  
“As long as you don’t grip.”  
His hand skimmed along the brunettes body, metal fingers brushing his cheek.  
“This okay?”  
“Yeah, just don’t pinch.”  
“Not into kinky shit, then? Or not had the right guy teaching you it can be fun...”  
Steve groaned, this guy was bordering on desperate and it was grating the blondes nerves.

 

“What?” He growled he growled in Tony’s direction.  
Steve was tense, not enjoying watching another man stroking Bucky’s skin. Tony made matters worse when he chuckled at the brain scan.  
“Think Erik enjoys James’ company a bit too much...”  
All Steve could see was flashing areas of the brain scan, he shrugged at it, head wobbling for Tony to explain.  
“This bit here, sexual arousal...lighting up like a Christmas tree.”

 

Erik’s hand had passed from Bucky’s face, brushing into his hair in wonder.  
“I can feel-like actually feel.”  
Bucky grinned, eyes crinkling in happiness. The metal hand moved again, finding Bucky’s lips and pressing along the edges. The smile dropped, he moved his head from the caress but Erik followed, other metal hand clutching the back on the brunettes neck to hold him in place.

 

“Enough!” Steve snapped over the microphone, Tony reached for the button but Steve slapped his hand away.  
“Who the hell are you?” Erik replied, arms dropping to his side.  
“Doesn’t matter who I am, but the man your touching up is my boyfriend, back off before I come in there.”  
Tony shoved more forcefully, taking over proceedings, “Sorry bout that Erik, but you really do need to remove the limbs, a little at a time.”

 

Bucky was glaring at the mirror, mightily pissed off.

 

Tony escorted Erik from the floor, throwing his arm across his shoulders and laughing noisily as he went. There was a lingering turn in Bucky’s direction and a scowl in Steve’s.

 

The door slid shut, tight seal sticking. Bucky moved into the tech room, placing the artificial limbs in a drawer.  
“Boyfriend?”  
Steve shrugged, “he was touching you up.”  
Bucky raised an eyebrow, “he just realised he could feel for the first time in years, he wasn’t trying to get it on.” His tone was curt bordering on aggressive. Sam would be happy...

 

The blonde bit his tongue, tempted to point out the brain scan was glowing red with the guys arousal. The brunette turned, presenting Steve with his back, he wasn’t forgiven for earlier. The blonde retreated, making his way into the booth, eyes fixed to the cap. It was still loaded with ten tonnes of what looked like lube, it made a slurping sound, sticking tightly to Steve’s scalp as he arranged it on his head.  
Head dipped in cool jelly, Steve couldn’t help but shiver at the sensation, not one egg, it felt like a hundred eggs had been cracked in his hair.

 

A button clicked and Bucky’s voice crackled through. “What are you doing?”  
Steve had no flaming idea what he was doing, he needed a way to break the tension and apparently it was working, there was amusement in the brunettes tone.  
“Just wanted to know what it felt like.” He flicked his head towards the mirror, “how’s it looking?”  
Bucky was silent for a moment, before a screen lit up in the booth beside Steve, brain scan fluttering with activity. “well you look like an idiot, but the brains working fine.”  
It was unnerving to look at, to physically see his brain working. He had to glance away to gather himself.  
“So urm can you tell when someone’s lying with this thing?...”  
There was a click of the microphone but no voice at first, the curser moved on the screen, circling a blank section. “this bit here, lights up when someone’s being dishonest.”  
“So when I say I’m sorry for being a dick earlier, It’s only because I worry about you, care about you...”  
“There’s nothing to indicate your lying...” The brunettes voice sounded defeated.  
Steve smiled at the glass, at the area he thought Bucky was most likely standing.  
“But, you were an army captain, I’m sure you went through vigorous interrogation training, this means nothing.”  
Steve put a hand against the cold wall, pleading with his expression more than his words, “come on Buck, you know me.” Silence followed, Steve shifted, an uncomfortable wave rolling through his body.

 

“I get that you worry Steve.” Bucky’s sigh fizzled through the microphone, “especially when it comes to Brock.”  
“With good reason.”  
“With good reason.” Bucky echoed before continuing, “but there will be people there, I wont be alone with him, as soon as it’s over I’ll leave. It’s worth an hour of hell if it stops all the shit about you.”  
“I could handle it-  
“But I couldn’t Steve, I have enough guilt on me to last a life time, I didn’t want to add another ruined life to it.”  
“Buck...”  
“I know- I know you’ve got questions about Brock and our...relationship.”  
Steve swallowed the lump in his throat, relationship made it sound acceptable...  
The button clicked again, Bucky’s hesitant voice blared from the speaker, “I’m worried when I tell you, you won’t want me anymore...you’ll see me for what I am.”  
“I will always want you.”  
“But what it you don’t, I’m gunna lose you...”  
“Not gunna lose me Buck.”

 

Bucky’s despairing laugh chilled Steve’s bones, “don’t speak to soon Steve.”  
“Tell me.” Sam’s voiced rattled through his brain and he quickly added, “if you’re ready to.”  
More silence followed, a long enough pause that Steve could pick out his heartbeat in the wait.  
“Okay.” The brunette breathed.  
Steve darted his eyes over the mirror, feet moving towards the door.  
“Wait!”  
He stopped immediately, staring at his own concerned reflection.  
“Stay in there...its just easier if you can’t see me.”  
It wasn’t what the blonde wanted, the door was calling out to him, wanting them to be together.  
“Sure, Buck.”He moved to the centre on the room, arms at his side.“If it’s easier, with me not seeing you...”

 

Steve waited, poised for Bucky’s voice, the microphone clicked but he was yet to speak.  
“Just give me a sec.”  
Steve nodded, shifting form foot to foot.

 

The speaker cracked, Bucky’s shaky sigh clutched at Steve’s heart, “um...I don’t know where to start.”  
Steve frowned, trying his hardest not to look as his own face, it was rather off putting, seeing the signs of worry on it.  
There was another shaky sigh and then the brunette started speaking, detached tone but at least he was talking.

 

“Brock and I- I”  
There was a muffled noise, Steve frowned at the speaker till the brunettes voice sounded, “It’s complicated, you won’t like it.”  
Of course Steve wasn’t going to enjoy hearing about it, but he needed to with a burning agony, had to understand what had happened to the brunette and how to help him.

 

“Start when you moved to the mansion.”  
Steve waited, hoping his suggestion was useful, his face scrunched at the sound of footsteps? Voices mumming from a television...  
“The place was huge, overwhelming for two kids that shared a bedroom with their mom their whole lives...Pierce hated us, hates the noise, the giggling, hated us charging around the house and breaking his priceless ornaments. We were just baggage that came with my mom, my working class mom...he hoped he’d bridge the gap..., rich, up there politician falling for a poor women with kids. I dunno, made him seem approachable...they made us pose for family photos, grinning like we were some loved up family.”

 

He laughed bitterly, snorting at whatever memory his words were creating. The background noise from the monitors were drowning his voice slightly, but Steve didn’t want to interrupt.

 

“I broke some stupid vase, that was enough for Pierce, he wanted me out the house...he got Brock to take me out after school, stay as far away from the mansion for as long as possible....Everyone was so jealous when he turned up everyday to get me, all begging to have a ride on the Harley.”

 

His sigh muffled the microphone, harsh sound making Steve flinch.

 

“That’s the thing Steve, I wasn’t some vulnerable kid that he took advantage of, he never forced himself on me...I liked him. We spent a lot of time together...he taught me to drive his truck, to swim in the lake, took me climbing and taught me how to do the ropes.”

 

Steve shifted, stomach churning with an uncomfortable realisation, Bucky realised his mistake and quickly added. “Not where I took you, that’s ours.”

 

Steve nodded, arms folding across his chest, “good.”

 

“He snuck me into any movies I wanted, took me shooting, took me to bars, let me try any drink I wanted...he started buying me drugs, telling me it was better to do it with him so I was safe...I enjoyed them, not all of them but enough to want more.”

 

Steve could hear the smile in the brunettes voice, fondly recalling his time with Brock. Steve fixed his eyes to a mark on the floor, doing just as Sam said.

 

“The way he looked at me...I knew what he wanted, but he didn’t try anything. It was me...off my face on coke, I kissed him...he told me it was getting harder to hide the drugs, I told him I’d make it worth it...”

 

Steve shifted, twirling on the spot and facing away from his own fury ridden image. He scrunched his face at the sound of a car horn...what the hell...

 

“He couldn’t get enough of me, I drove him crazy, could wrap him round my finger to get anything I wanted- it was like power- having control over him...the crash..” His voice broke, “after I-.”

 

His voice hitched, words easing off as he tried to get control of his emotions. Steve moved towards the door, halting the march when Bucky had enough control to speak again.

 

“After the crash I was a mess...numb. They kept repeating the story to me, ma was drunk, lost control of the car- that’s what happened... but I knew it was my fault, was consumed by guilt, couldn’t eat, sleep, ... It only got worse when I went back to school, my friends feeling sorry for me, teachers being lenient with me, telling me it was going to be alright. I didn’t deserve sympathy, didn’t deserve hugs. I needed to be pun-punished.”

 

Steve gripped the handle, giving it a firm yank, he couldn’t stay in the room while Bucky broke in the other.

 

The door didn’t budge.

 

“Buck, open the door.”  


 

His voice was distant, ignoring Steve’s commanding tone.

 

“I begged Brock for drugs, he got them for me, of course he did, but it wasn’t enough...they didn’t work, didn’t do what I wanted... I needed to hurt, needed to be punished for killing my mom and sister.”

 

Steve took a steady breath into his lungs, not wanted to hear what was to come.

 

“So... I asked him to hurt me...he wasn’t keen at first...didn’t want to, but I talked him into it, could talk him in to anything.”

 

Steve tried the door again, tugging it firmly, putting all his strength into unlocking it.

 

“He got a taste for it, loved humiliating me, hitting me, whispering horrible shit in my ear... It’s what I deserved, each time it was over I thanked him for it...it got worse...more pain, more evil in my head..”

 

Steve growled at the door, arms aching from trying to pull it clean off its hinges.

 

“We went- he took me to places, got men to join in, I didn’t fight it, just let it happen, lay back and took it. They loved it too.”  
“Please Buck, open the door for me, hey.”  
Steve was doing his best to keep the panic from his voice, but his face said it all, whiting out.  
He could hear the gulping breaths, the laboured breathing the brunette had done on Television.  
“You don’t have to talk about it Buck, you’ve done so well telling me this much-

 

“Twenty-first birthday...”  
His voice had calmed significantly, Steve pressed his palms to the glass, cupping them together to attempt to see through it.  
“Twenty-first birthday it was like a light turning on in my head. I didn’t want to do it anymore. Pierce let me go, I’d served my purpose, druggy stepson he was determined to be there for...that act was wearing thin. Brock tried to talk me round, tempt me back, but I’d made up my mind and left.”

 

Bucky’s shaky breath echoed in the space, almost lost in the background roar of..of what?  
“Final year- stressed over an exam, went out to score and got beaten by dealers, that- that’s how the story goes, the one Pierce was forced to use...”  
“Buck, just calm down for me, breathe, you don’t need to tell me any more.”  
“You wanted to know didn’t you?”  
Steve nodded, before shaking his head, pleading with his own reflection, “no more today, lets go home, we can pick something up for lunch-

 

“Brock showed up with some guys from the bar, for old time sake he told me...” 

 

Steve shook his head, returning to assault the handle once more, the stupid door that was keeping him from comforting the distressed man.

 

“I said no, wasn’t interested. He shoved drugs in my hand and pushed me into the bathroom. I flushed them...”

 

His trembling laugh had Steve’s toes curling, blood stuttering in his veins.

 

“He went crazy, started punching and kicking...he dragged me to the bed, pinning me down.”

 

Steve gulped a breath, hand leaving the handle to smack the wall between them.  
“Bucky stop.”

 

“He told the others to just do it...I tried to fight them off but I couldn’t...”

 

Steve could feel the prickle in his eyes, the heart wrenching feeling tugging at his chest. He needed to be with the brunette. He would curl up and die right that second if he couldn’t get to him.  
“Please open the door.”

 

“He made me thank him for it, wouldn’t let me go till I thanked him...See you can hate him, as much as you like...but I turned him into that...you can’t punish a dog for biting when it’s all it knows.”  
“No, but you can muzzle it.”

 

“I woke up in hospital a few days later...Pierce going through the devastated dad act again...I was back where I started, Pierce went off on a PR tour, taking Brock with him.., told Brock he should wait a few months for me to recover so I didn’t crack up completely-“

 

Steve was rocking on his feet, bracing his hand against the mirror.

 

“He hired you for appearance sake, y’know..keep the dealers away.”

 

Steve nodded, relieved the story was coming to an end so they could be reunited again, so he could hug the brunettes and not let go.  
“Okay, open the door...”  
“I’m so screwed up Steve, how could you ever want me.”  
“Please Buck,” his voiced hitch, shattering with emotion, “please-just please let me out.”  
“I’m everything he said I was, deserved all this hurt-  
Steve gripped his hair till his scalp hurt, tears escaping his eyes, “No, you don’t deserve any of it.”  
“I do Steve...I’m disgusting, something to be used...because that’s all I deserve...I don’t deserve someone like you-I should rot in the ground.I hurt the people I love the most..I've hurt you.”  
“Stop it, you hear me. Stop it! Let me out.”

 

Nothing, an odd beeping sound, bounced around Steve’s head.  
“Wha?” he paced the room, eyes following his own movements.  
“I’m in love with you.” Steve howled, loud enough to hurt his ears, there was nothing, no response. He yelled it again, loud enough his throat felt torn.

 

Shit, he searched his pants for his phone, growling at his stupidity. He’d left it in the other room...He ripped the cap off, stamping it into the floor with a roar.  
He lashed out at the glass, tears blurring his vision when it didn’t break.  
“Goddamn it Bucky!”  
He tried again, tried at the handle but the room was reinforced locking him inside.  
“Fuuuuck!”

 

He had no idea how long it took for Tony to return, to swing the door open with confusion, followed quickly by shock at the look of the booth.  
“What the hell!”  
Steve pushed passed, hurrying to the other room where the voice had been filtering through.  
The button for the microphone was weighted, Steve’s phone propped up beside it.

 

He stared at it, blocking out Tony’s frantic shouting. He was trapped in a bubble, unable to grasp on to anything. Heart seizing in his chest, skin crawling with unease.  
Tony’s angry face swayed in his vision, lips slowly repeating Bucky’s name.  
Tony shook him, stern eyes demanding attention, “what about Bucky?”  
“You gotta help me find him.”  
Tony nodded, still gripping hold of the blondes forearms, “okay, we can do that...I’m sure he’s ok though Steve.”  
“He’s not, he’s really not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well Marvel...worst comic book twist in history...well done for ruining every captain America plot ever...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve managed to calm down enough for Tony to manoeuvre him into a chair. Fast fingers batted away at one of the many keyboards as the blonde rocked back and forth.
> 
> “Got to find him Tony...”  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Ubeta'd so typo's  
> love for reading, kudos and comments.  
> Holla at me if you're still reading :)  
> X

Steve managed to calm down enough for Tony to manoeuvre him into a chair. Fast fingers batted away at one of the many keyboards as the blonde rocked back and forth.

 

“Got to find him Tony...”  
The brunette nodded, bringing up the security feed’s for the building.  
“Why d’ya let him lock you in?”  
Steve glared, face so tight in ached, “I didn’t let him, I had no idea he could lock the door!”  
Tony scanned back the footage, finding the moment from inside the tech room, Bucky moving, propping a book on the microphone button, a cell phone in each hand, tapping away. Steve hadn’t even noticed the distracted tone of his voice.  
“He called your phone...made you think he was in the room next to him...”  
Steve watched the brunette back away, his own cell phone to his ear, speech vibrating through the other propped by the mic.  
“He’s smart...wanted to make sure you couldn’t go after him.”  
“How is this helping Tony!”

 

Tony hummed to himself, scrolling through more footage, he sighed dramatically, “he’s like the invisible man...hold on.” The footage scanned, boxes captured faces, flashing red when they weren’t identified. Tony whooped a cheer when the box turned green.  
“Look,” he pointed at the footage, “there’s your boy.”  
He was moving fast, hand with the cell clutched to his ear. Eyes reddened and hair dishevelled.  
“What the hell happened?”  
Steve ignored the question, following the next stream of footage. Bucky in a lift, camera seemingly hidden behind the mirror. He was speaking, pouring his heart out into the receiver, face marred with distraught lines.  
“Hang up, my lip-reading software is incredible.”

 

Tony’s hands went to dance on the keys but were stopped in a cast iron grip. Steve couldn’t let that happen. It was Bucky’s life to share, not for everyone’s ears.  
“Okay, okay, Captain Rogers, curious though...”  
The brunettes face on the footage crumpled, he held the phone to his chest for a second before continuing speaking. The lift door opened, and he was out, passing through the lobby with his face tilted down.  
“You got camera’s outside the building?”  
Tony nodded, and the feed switched, catching Bucky full on sobbing against the wall, phone whipped away from his ear as he hunched over. The cell slid from his grip clattering on the floor. He straightened, wiped angrily at his face and started walking.  
“There goes plan b...was gunna track his phone.”  
Steve scrubbed at his face, hours- Bucky had been gone hours and he had no clue where to look.  
“I can do a swipe of the cameras in the city.”  
The blonde shrugged his shoulders, whining into his palms as he continued his repetitive tilting, what the hell did that mean. He must’ve spoken out loud, Tony began rattling off an explanation.  
“I take his picture, scan it through all the security cameras in the city...”  
“You mean hack? You can hack every camera...”  
Tony scratched at his facial hair, unable to distract Steve from the ridiculously smug expression on his face, “well Rogers...they get free electricity, I’m a curious guy and like to-  
“Spy? You spy on people.”  
Steve clenched his toes up when he realised how hypocritical he was being.  
“Look Rogers, I’m gunna scan his face...if he’s in the city I’ll find him.”  
“Thank you...”  
Tony snorted a breath, leaning in, “you ever think he might’ve just gone home...”  
“Back to the mansion?”  
The other man shook his head with a sad laugh, “that’s not his home, that’s his prison, no...back to your apartment, waiting for home to come back to him...”  
“That’s incredibly sappy Tony.”  
“He’s crazy about you, whatever’s happened, you’ll sort it.”  
Steve released a slow breath, the blonde had no idea how to sort it, he hoped being there an listening to the brunette would help him but it only made it worse, made him run. He just wanted to hold him, grip his face and tell him it wasn’t his fault, Brock was in the wrong not him, he didn’t deserve to be hurt.

“He was like a puppy when he said he wanted to take you on a date...could practically see his tail wagging and tongue hanging out.”  
Warmth swept through Steve in a wave, “he told you he was taking me climbing?”  
Tony nodded, “felt like strangling him when he didn’t shut up, strangling him with his own metal arm...”  
Steve’s lips twitched into a smile, before folding in on themselves. “I never knew love could be this damn complicated.”  
Tony barked a laugh, “yup, you said it, love Rogers, fix it for love.”  
“I will when I find him.”  
The computer beeped, red flashing a 0 to taunt the blonde.  
“No matches...go check your apartment, lovers tiff, he’s probably back there waiting.”

 

Steve savaged his tongue not to reply, fixing a smile in place that felt so foreign he wanted to rip it off.  
“You’re right, he’s probably home.”  
The lie was difficult to vocalise but the brunette didn’t notice, he slapped Steve’s shoulder, making him tilt forward, “it’s not home without you.”  
Steve smiled tightly, walking as calmly as he could manage to the lift, hopeful expression firmly plastered on, all until the door pinged shut.

 

What the fuck, where the fuck?...he banged his head on the mirror behind, pulling strands of his hair. He had to find him, comfort him, but if he didn’t want to be found...  
Steve prayed Tony was right, pictured the brunette curled up in their bed waiting for him to come back.

 

He barged into the apartment, freezing Sam and his guest in place, a romantic moment involving messy spaghetti.  
“Um, Hey Steve...”  
Steve rocked on his feet, he didn’t have time for awkwardness, he needed to find Bucky. Marching into the bedroom he was disappointed to find it how he’d left it. Rumpled comforter from their extended morning make out.  
“Natasha, I’m sorry-but I really need Sam’s help.”  
Nat flung her hair back, smirk on her red lips, she raised her eyebrow at Sam who looked about ready to fly up and throttle the blonde.  
“What is it? Make it snappy...” The words were forced through gritted teeth while his eyes bulged dangerously.  
“Bucky-he freaked out. I’m really worried he’s gunna do something stupid.”  
Sam shifted off the sofa, frown in place, “something stupid? You mean...?”  
“I-I don’t know, I just-I have to find him-  
“James Barnes? The druggy?”  
Steve stiffened at the red-heads words, “he’s not a druggy.”  
She shook her head at the denial, glancing over to Sam for some back-up.  
“Seriously Nat, he’s no druggy, been screwed over by that step-dad of his.” Sam said in an almost apologetic manner. He felt guilty for not agreeing with the fiery woman.  
It was Steve’s turn to fix a pissed off look on his face, “I just need to find him.”  
“Well if he’s serious about...ya’ know”, she made a throat cut gesture “Local news...”  
A whine strangled its way through Steve’s lips and he kicked out at the skirting-board.  
“Look man, I don’t think he’d do that.” Sam added quickly to stop Steve from flipping completely.

 

Heat was rising in the blondes face, not anger, not embarrassment but full on despair. He already felt like he’d failed, resigned himself to the worse case scenario.  
“You didn’t hear him Sam-he- he thinks everything’s his fault. He-he told me he wanted to h-h-hurt.”  
Steve took a moment to cough out his restricted throat, stopping the sobs that threatened to erupt and never stop.  
“He wants to hurt,” Sam was pacing the apartment, fingers linked on the top of his head, “I don’t think he’s suicidal...”  
“What then! Where would he go?”  
Natasha was up from her chair, eyes scrunched and head wobbling. “he’d go out to score.”  
“I told you, he’s no addict!”  
She tutted, swaying her hair from side to side, “Maybe not to drugs...but hurt...he gets himself in situations where he can be hurt...”  
She was referring to the drug dealer incident, raped by strangers trying to get a fix, except that wasn’t what happened at all.  
“Okay, so where would he go? When he struggled Steve where’d he go?”  
“He- he liked the lake...would sit by it.”  
Sam moved to grab up his coat, stuffing his limbs in it harshly, “right-anywhere else?”

 

Tony had strict instructions to call if he showed up at stark industries, the only other place Bucky went was that bar...that sleazy bar with the pack of predators. A look down at his watch was a small relief, the place wasn’t open for a few more hours-  
“Steve?”  
“Let’s check the lake first...”  
Sam nodded, rushing across the room to lay a kiss on the side of the red-heads face.  
“M’sorry baby.”  
She frowned at the floor, lips twitching to move, “you sure you’re not overlooking the obvious...”  
Steve growled, stalking out the front door, “he doesn’t do drugs anymore!” he yelled back.  
Sam scampered after, yelling an apology over his shoulder. Steve knew he’d crossed a line, but Bucky was flashing in his mind, he was all that mattered.

 

Steve picked at his jeans as they drove along, fidgeting in the seat next to Sam who muttered reassurances.  
“Was it as bad as I feared?”  
Steve pinched extra hard, catching his skin in a painful nip. “yeah...”  
Sam nodded eyes fixed to the road, “well he’s away from them now.”  
“What if he’s dead? What if he-  
“Don’t do it to yourself man, its exhausting unloading, he just needs some time to get his head together.”  
Steve cleared his throat, trying to find his voice again, “that night-after you talked about the crash with him, he went down to the lake...”  
Sam clapped his hand on the wheel, “there ya go, he’ll be-  
“He walked out into the middle, bare-footed on the ice...If I hadn’t of gone after him...”  
“We’ll find him Steve.”

 

They pulled up next to the mansion, Steve leaping from the car before it had come to a complete stop. Sam barked words Steve didn’t pause for. He was full on running to the lake. Record time.  
Their usual branch was empty, Steve spun round slowly, eyes trained to pick out movement or a shadow in the trees. He wasn’t there. After thumping his forehead against the tree he was back galloping his way out the woods, towards the truck.

 

“Not there?”  
It was fairly obvious when Steve appeared empty-handed but he still shook his head.  
“Okay, where else?”  
Steve swallowed, climbing into the vehicle and slamming the door with a resounding bang.  
“Steve?”  
“There’s a bar he goes to.”  
Sam nodded, twisting the key in the ignition, “a lot of people find alcohol helps.”  
“He’s not there for alcohol.”  
Sam frowned, pulling out of the drive and getting back on the road, “what’s he there for?”  
“Men.” 

 

Steve gulped the lump in his throat away, telling Sam the directions in a deadpan voice.  
Bucky’s other emotional crutch was being used by men, hidden under the pretence of control. The thought of those leachy men getting pleasured by the distressed brunette had Steve’s fingers tighten into the seat, hard enough to make craters in the foam.  
“Steve, just breathe man...”  
He hadn’t even noticed the wheezing he was making, the angry whine of air whistling its way through his nose.  
“I swear if I see one of those guy on him...”

 

Sam’s mouth popped open, darting looks were thrown Steve’s way. Whatever Sam saw he wasn’t comfortable with.

“Okaaay. Think maybe I should go in.”  
Steve wanted to protest, but in his current state he only had to step foot in that place to blow a fuse and hit someone or everyone. Getting arrested was certainly not going to help the situation.  
They parked near the bar, seedy flashing sign in view. Lips pressed firmly together Steve flicked a nod at Sam and the other man got out, jogging his way down the pavement.

 

Steve rocked in his seat, unwanted images plaguing his head, he just needed to find Bucky, keep him safe.  
He stabbed at his cell, Tony’s name flashing up.  
“You and lover boy all good now Rogers?”  
“He wasn’t at the apartment- could you-  
“Scan his image again? Sure thing cap.”  
Steve scrunched his eyes shut to the sound of tapping keys, negative beeps of a computer.  
“No Luck Rogers, not around here...”  
“Thanks Tony.”  
Steve ended the call, eyes roaming in the direction of the bar. Sam appeared, raising his shoulders in sympathy.  
“He’s not in there.” Sam spoke softy as he climbed in.  
The blonde dropped his head forward, gnawing at his knuckles.  
“Anywhere else?”  
Steve straightened, growling at himself and the situation. He racked his brain for somewhere else, but came up with nothing concrete, with a big enough pull.

 

A chiming cell barely registered, Sam retrieved his and put it to his ear.  
“I’ll be back soon Nat-“  
Sam’s hand whipped over, patting Steve’s leg in excitement.  
“What is it?” Steve muttered, dejected with his failure to think like Bucky.  
The truck purred to life, phone shoved into the blonde’s hand.  
“Nat?”  
“Found: one very pretty, lost looking boy...”  
“What? Is he okay? Where are you?- Still at the apartment?”  
Tony was going to gloat when he found out, that was for sure.  
“He’s... not talking much, but he’s not drunk or drugged up like I expected...”  
Relief thundered in Steve chest, heart pulsating hard enough to affect his voice.  
“Okay Just- wrap him up, get im-him a coffee or something-  
“Hey, hey, I’m no nanny, besides we’re not at the apartment.”  
Steve frowned, darting a look out the windscreen, they weren’t heading in the direction of their home, they were heading west.  
“Route 36.”  
Sickness welled in the blondes stomach, realisation dawning fast, “where the car-  
“Yeah...get here quick as you can Steve.”  
“How did you know?” Steve blurted, equal mix of gratitude and unease, she had found him before the blonde, looked in a place he hadn’t even thought of.  
“I don’t know him Steve...but when you’re in a low place, sometimes instead of trying to get out of it, or distract from it...you want to feel it more, be pushed further down.”  
Steve gulped, squeezing his eyes shut, “we’ll be there soon, thanks Nat.”

 

The drove down route 36 just as the light was fading, sun leaking its orange into the skyline. Nat stood nearer the road, waving her hand for Sam to stop. 

 

There was no evidence anything had ever happened, no tyre marks, or dents in the trees. It looked the same as the miles and miles of grassy patches beside the road.

 

Sam stopped the car on the verge, giving Steve a disapproving tut when the door was yanked open before he’d stopped. relief was short lived when Steve clamped eyes on the brunette. Bucky was sat at the base of a tree, knees drawn to his chest and skin deathly white.  
Steve crouched in front, hands clasping the pale face, swiping his thumbs over his cheeks in slow circles.  
“Buck, can you hear me?”  
He was stuck in the 1000 yard stare, unblinking eyes focused through Steve’s head, into the distance.  
“He’s been like that the whole time.”  
Steve shrugged his jacket off, wrapping it over the brunettes knees, Sam did the same, positioning his hoodie to add more warmth.  
Nat rubbed her hands together, and Sam began jerking with shivers.  
“Go wait in the truck, keep warm.” Steve spoke but kept his eyes fixed on the man in front.  
“You sure Steve?”  
He nodded and Sam’s hand clapped down on his shoulder.  
“Let’s continue our date in the car...” Nat purred.  
The hand on Steve was quickly pulled away and they all but ran to the truck on the verge.

 

When they were out of view Steve moved forward, planting a kiss on the other mans temple, rubbing his hands against the brunette’s biceps.  
“Come back to me Buck.”  
He rolled his forehead along the brunettes cheek, trying to feed his warmth into the near frozen skin. The lack of shivers and shallow breaths were spiking Steve’s anxiety.  
“I’m just going to get something from your pocket.”  
Steve wormed his hand down, fingers pinching into the brunettes jeans, he felt the silky material and pulled it free.  
“There ya go Buck.”  
He took Bucky’s right hand, unclenching the fingers, winding the ribbon through the digits, curling the small piece of material round his hand so he could feel it.  
He continued to manipulate the red ribbon, heart speeding up when the fingers twitched, trying to catch it as it moved.  
“That’s it Buck, come back.”  
The far off expression was crumpling, eyes still glaring in the distance but becoming glassy, watery. Steve moved Bucky’s other hand up, bringing it to the ribbon.  
“Take it.”  
He did, not in a tight grip, but just enough for his hands to cling to it. Steve moved his hands up again, gripping the twitching face.  
“I’m right here, I’m not gunna leave you.”  
The tear swimming eyes, scrunched shut, unclogging the tears, leaving them free to drop. Steve tugged at his neck, drawing him forward into a hug.  
“We’re gunna go home.”  
He carded his fingers through the brown stands, glancing down, noting the trembling hands had a firmer grip on the ribbon. Bucky’s breathing was becoming louder, gulping breaths when previously it had been near silent.  
“You’re almost outta of it.”

 

There was a shuddering gasp against his neck, a shudder racked the brunettes body, and then he was sobbing, soft whines directly into the blondes neck. He shuffled closer, cold nose pressing against Steve’s jugular.  
“I got you, come on Buck, lets go home.”  
Bucky was freezing, he needed to get him in the truck as quick as possible. He tugged at his arms, helping the brunette to a standing position. The whole time Bucky kept his face buried into Steve’s neck.  
The blonde practically carried the brunette to the car, all while his face stayed hidden.  
“There ya go, into the truck...”  
Steve positioned him onto the seat, Bucky wouldn’t allow his head to move from its snug position at all.  
Sam darted a look back, tipping his head in salute at Steve.

 

The drive back was silent, only Bucky’s broken sobs could be heard, each time Steve pulled him closer, easing him with words spoken directly to his ear. He was full on shivering, body finally remembering what it was supposed to do when cold.  
Sam kept the heater on full blast, Steve could feel the sweat itching his own skin but the brunettes was still talc white and cool to touch.  
“Um Steve, I’m gunna drop you back, and then drive to Nat’s...”  
Steve shot him a grateful smile, it was half for Steve’s benefit, half for Sam’s own by the grin on his lips.

 

Steve pulled Bucky from the truck, arranging their walk so the brunette could still hide in his neck, Steve lay a kiss to his cheek, encouraging him to move towards the lifts.

 

Once finally inside the apartment Steve finally breathed a staggering breath, pushing lightly against his new growth, trying to see his face.  
“I’m gunna get you something warm to drink-  
Bucky responded by wrapping his arms in a tight band round Steve’s back, not letting him move.  
“Not ready to let me go?”  
Bucky shook his head into Steve’s neck, sniffling loudly.  
“Okay, but you really need to warm up.”  
Steve rubbed at the arms clinging to him, doing his best to heat up the skin. There was dampness against his neck, Bucky’s cool puff of air made him shiver.  
“Let’s get the comforter at least.”  
Bucky nodded, but when Steve tried to untangle himself he tightened again, burrowing deeper.  
“Buck, I swear I’m not going anywhere.”

 

The arms loosened a fraction, before falling completely away, the brunette spun around before Steve could catch his eye.  
He dropped down on the sofa like a puppet with cut strings, Steve scampered into the bedroom, grabbing the covers and tugging them into the living room. Bucky was staring again, eyes fixing on nothing.  
“No you don’t” Steve said lightly, joining the brunette, “stay with me.”  
Bucky bit his lip, finally gaining the courage to look towards the blonde. “why do this?”  
Steve passed his fingers through his brown strands, smiling when he leaned into the touch, “what taking care of you?”  
Bucky nodded against Steve’s touch.  
“Because, I care about you, so bloody much Buck.”  
“You shouldn’t...I-I don’t- I don’t deserve it.”

 

Steve tugged him to his chest, speaking down to him, “yes you do, you really do...what you told me earlier, we need to talk about it.”  
Bucky stiffened before trying to scramble away-  
“But right now, I just wanna hold you.”

 

The brunette immediately relaxed, slumping back down against Steve’s chest, the blonde’s arms circled him tightly, fingers twirling his hair.

"Okay" the brunette breathed, snuggling firmly into Steve's chest. "Just hold me first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed Bucky will be in black panther !


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was snuggling into Steve’s chest, by the angle the blonde could make out the drooping eyelids and the dropping head, it was clear he was exhausted and only seconds away from falling asleep snug and safe. Steve hated to disturb his blissful fall into slumber but he really needed to talk about the events of the day, it was going to hurt the brunette, bringing it up, but he wasn’t prepared to wait and have Bucky wake up another day with ten years of guilt on his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so typo's  
> Warning for Bucky's self blame and guilt, its hard for Steve to even lossen the years of self-loathing- This was an up hill stuggle to write!  
> Love for kudos and comments, they keep me going :)  
> x

Bucky was snuggling into Steve’s chest, by the angle the blonde could make out the drooping eyelids and the dropping head, it was clear he was exhausted and only seconds away from falling asleep snug and safe. Steve hated to disturb his blissful fall into slumber but he really needed to talk about the events of the day, it was going to hurt the brunette, bringing it up, but he wasn’t prepared to wait and have Bucky wake up another day with ten years of guilt on his shoulders.

 

“Hey Buck...”  
The brunette grumbled lightly, pulling the comforter up to his neck in a clear sign of shut the fuck up I’m going to sleep. Steve nudged his shoulder, trying again.  
“Don’t fall asleep, we gotta talk.”  
That was a sure way to wake the other man up, Steve wasn’t sure whether it was his serious tone of voice or his words that got the other man suddenly tense in his arms. Bucky slowly sat up, twisting round so his back was to the couch and his feet were firmly planted on the floor.

 

“You’ve got questions?” He said quietly.  
Steve’s mouth flapped open, in his head he’d been planning an intense speech of how none of what happened was his fault and he needed to stop punishing himself for it, Steve didn’t have any actual questions as such.  
“Um...

 

Steve slid off the sofa onto the floor, kneeling in-between Bucky’s knees, there was an awkward strung out silence with the blonde not knowing quite how to start and the brunette waiting with teary eyes for the first emotional blow. The revelations were trickling through Steve’s mind, there was so many hurdles-  
“Just don’t leave me.”  
Steve blinked slowly, ears just managing to pick up on the voice over the churn of cogs in his head.  
“I’m not going anywhere, I swear it.”  
Bucky didn’t look relieved, his face scrunched up, and he turned away.  
“It’s selfish to want you, it’s selfish to ask you not to let me go.”  
“Leaving you has NEVER been on my mind.”  
“You feel sorry for me-but you shouldn’t-I’ve brought everything on myself.”  
Steve shook his head, leaning closer to look up at Bucky’s face.  
“All the shit that’s happened, you didn’t bring anything on yourself okay.”

 

The extended blink that shielded the blue eyes grated on Steve’s nerves, the brunette squirmed on the sofa and began bobbing his leg on the floor. Steve rested his palm on the twitching limb bringing it to a stop.  
“I said something earlier, but you didn’t hear me...”  
Bucky was alert again, Adams apple sliding in his throat.  
"It's important-" The brunette flung his face into his hands with a whine, clearly bracing himself for the worse. “Oh, god, what-what is it?”  
Steve wasn’t going to further any distress, so he just blurted it out, not the romantic way he had rehearsed in his mind.  
“I told you I love you.”  
Bucky froze in place, still hiding behind his palms, a flesh and bone barrier Steve wasn’t prepared to break down, not physically anyway.  
“I love you.” Steve repeated.  
There was a whine, but if anything Bucky’s hands pushed harder into his face.  
“Don’t” breezed through the spaces in his fingers.  
“Don’t what? Be in love with you? It’s something I cant change and wouldn’t want to for the world.”

 

The brunette was shaking his head, fingers drawing circles onto his forehead, rippling his frown lines, “don’t say it, don’t you -you can’t say shit like that.”  
“It’s not shit, it’s true Bucky. I. Love. You.”  
Both legs began bouncing, before Steve could speak the words again Bucky was pushing off from the couch, he was going to run, escape the situation. Gently but firmly Steve pushed him back down. The hands were free from hiding his face, his red blotched face, he looked pained, his teeth chomped hard enough into his bottom lip to make Steve wince-

 

“How-how?”  
Steve was a little taken aback by the question, if it was a question, “um like love you- I’m IN love with you. I care about you, wanna make you happy, keep you safe-”  
“That’s not what I meant- all the stuff I said, I’m fucked in the head. I’m not loved, I-I don’t deserve someone like you to give a shit -“  
“You’re not fuck-

 

The brunette growled, flinging himself back hard into the couch. “I am, I tell you I wanted to be hurt, wanted people to use me and treat me like a dog and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with me?”  
“I think you needed help-  
“I needed to be punished.”

 

Steve surged up, gripping the brunettes face and demanding his eye contact. “No, you didn’t know how to deal with grief, or the misplaced guilt, you needed help, someone to talk to and all you had were those assholes.”  
“Brock gave me what I needed.”  
Steve shook his head at the invisible slap, he wasn’t ready to tackle Brock, not before convincing the brunette he was worthy of love.  
“I love you.”  
“Stop-just...you can’t say that.”  
“Well I am, don’t dismiss how I feel because you’re scared.”  
Bucky released a hollow laugh, chin trembling with the effort not to cry. “I am scared of this Steve,” he waved his hand in the space between them, “I try not to think about it, I won’t even pinch myself just in case I can’t feel it...I feel so good when I’m with you, but-  
Steve pinched the brunettes leg, hard enough for him to yelp and rub at the tender spot of his jeans.  
“Feel that?”  
The blonde didn’t need a reply, he settled his lips over the top of the hand that soothed, giving it a gentle kiss as an apology.  
“You feel that too?”  
He nodded, just a fraction before pulling his hands away and letting Steve take over rubbing at his thigh.  
“I am real, this between us is real, you don’t need to be afraid of this.”  
“But. I-I don’t deserve it.”

 

That notion needed to be driven from the brunettes head, he deserved good things, he deserved happiness and to be cherished like everyone else, Steve just had to make him see it.  
“You do-you bloody do-gotta stop thinking that.”  
“I don’t deserve to be happy when my selfishness took away my mom and my sister.”

 

Savaging his own tongue stopped Steve from launching into a rant about how it wasn’t his fault, their deaths were a tragic accident, spawn from Brock fucking Rumlow manipulating the brunette and grooming him

.  
“Okay- just- what if, Brock was never interested in you, what if it was Becca?”  
A darkness swamped the brunettes face, so intense Steve wanted to retract his words. If looks could kill Steve would’ve burst into flames that instant.  
“It wasn’t Becca.”  
The tone of voice was like nothing Steve had heard from the brunette, it was dark, bordering on deadly.  
“What if he’d started talking her out after school, giving her stuff to try, what if she kissed him, and he kissed back?...”  
Bucky flattened his lips in a line, the cocking in his jaw making it clear he was pressing his teeth together hard. He was staring at Steve unblinking, the blonde moved back on his heels just in case he was forced to dodge a fist.  
“And what if everything played out the same way, but her instead of you?”  
There was a tremor starting in the brunettes hands, he scrunched his fists up and pushed them into the seat cushion.  
“Would you want her to blame herself- feel guilty, be punished how you were...”  
He shook his head, just slightly but enough for Steve to recognise as a no.  
“Would you hate Brock?”  
His lips peeled back, presenting a damn right feral version of Bucky Barnes.  
“I’d want him dead.”  
It passed through his lips a ferocious growl, hatred lacing each letter. Steve felt a buzz run through his skin, he was finally chipping away at the ball of self-loathing. If he could see how that situation was wrong he could apply it to himself, that’s what Steve was hoping...

 

“I want to hurt Brock for what he did to you, but more than that, I want to keep you away from him, keep you safe, do you understand that?”  
The brunette nodded slowly, eyes flickering to his tensed up limbs. They relaxed immediately after he noticed, and he slumped back into the couch, massaging his temples.  
“Your ma felt like that when she caught you together- she had to get you away from that...situation.”  
“No- she was angry, so angry.”  
“Not with you.”  
“I tried to explain to her in the car but-she just got more upset- asked me to stop.”  
“What did you tell her?”  
Bucky took longer to reply, mind absorbed by a cruelly twisted memory, gone was the deadly creature of a minute ago, all the vulnerability bubbled to the surface as he struggled to answer, he wiped at the bobbles of tears clogging his lashes, frown set in place, “Um-I-I told her it wasn’t Brocks fault, that I started stuff with him...that I’d wanted it.”  
“What did she say?”  
There was a hitching gasp, Steve squeezed the brunettes knees in encouragement, “told me to stop-she said it was disgusting-she couldn’t hear about it.”  
“She wasn’t disgusted at you, someone she trusted had taken advantage of her son, she wanted to get you away from him, them, as fast as possible.”  
“No-no, she wouldn’t even look at me, yelled at me to stop talking.”  
Only because he was defending the situation, was completely wrapped round Brocks finger. Bucky defending that animal made Steve sick to the stomach, he couldn’t imagine how it made his mother feel.  
At a guess she was trying to get her kids away from the monsters as quick as possible, going to the police or family member for protection.

 

“Why is it your fault anymore than Brocks, or Pierce’s?”  
Bucky screwed up his face, as if Steve had just said something insultingly ridiculous.  
“Brock could’ve said no when you kissed him, could’ve said no to you that morning, but he didn’t- he was the adult and Pierce, he should’ve called the police straight away, got them around to arrest him-  
“I only had to wait, till she had gone to bed but I couldn’t. I needed them so bad-“  
“You said yourself it was Brock that got you the drugs, got you reliant on them.”  
“He wanted to let me experience it.”  
For his own sexual gratification Steve thought bitterly.

 

“And when you final wanted to stop, he kept trying to make you take them-hurt you if you didn’t, hurt you in the cruellest of ways...”  
“I made him into that- the monster he is now.”  
“He was always a monster, just a different kind. you were under the age of consent, he was getting you illegal substances so he could take advantage of you.”  
“But I wanted them Steve, I liked how they made me feel, If I just didn’t kiss him at the start none of this would’ve happened, that’s why this is all my-“  
“Were you high the first tine you kissed?”  
Steve grit his teeth when the brunette rolled his eyes at the question.  
“I kissed him”  
“But were you high?”  
The firmly closed lips were all the answer Steve needed.  
“The first time you got him off, were you high?”  
The erratic twitch was back in full force, Bucky’s whole body had an inability to keep still.  
“The first time he fucked you were you high?”  
His face had blanched, teeth began there odd chattering as he tried to hold Steve’s gaze.  
“Do you think that’s okay?”  
Bucky flexed the muscles in his face, getting his lips to loosen enough to move.  
“I-I was nervous.” He was struggling to force his words out, “he-it helped me to relax.”  
“Relax?”  
There was a niggling thought in Steve’s head, a realisation that was gathering momentum.  
“Buck, did he drug you every time?”

 

The brunette shook his head, it was the smallest relief in the most fucked up situation, all before Bucky whispered the words, “only when he fucked me.”  
The air in Steve chest left in a rush, leaving him not just speechless but bordering on the edge of throwing up.  
“Every time?” He managed to choke out.  
Steve was even more alarmed when a faint blush started to appear on the brunettes face, as if what he just blurted out was mortifying in someway.  
Steve rocked back on his heels trying to digest the information.  
“Every time you and he?”  
“We tried to without at first, but it hurt so much- I didn’t like it...it helped to zone out.”

 

Steve staggered up from his submissive position, body pulled up to its full intimidating height. He spun away from the brunette, gripping the hair on his head with another rushing breath.  
“Son-of-a-bitch”

 

Steve had never pushed Bucky for intercourse, each time their make-out sessions started to excite him too much and leave his hands skimming down the curves of his back, the brunette had stiffened and Steve immediately stopped, Steve could live without that form of Sex, but finding out the fear of painful sex was so long seeded, planted when the other man was just fourteen was hard to stomach, the only experience of that kind of intimacy was pain, humiliation and numbness.

 

“It was so it didn’t hurt... see I needed them-wanted them-I-”  
Steve realised he was still facing the kitchen and away from Bucky, he had paused in thought too long and made the other man nervous, he continued to struggle with his words behind Steve’s back till he finally snapped back.  
“It’s not supposed to hurt Bucky.”  
“I know it-it’s not meant to hu-hurt Steve, but I-“  
Steve held his palms up, chest heaving, he couldn’t stand hearing Bucky defending brock, making excuses for the man that abused him, he needed a moment to get his head round it. Sam was so much better at this...

 

“Okay-Just give me a minute...”  
Or two, or a hundred minutes for Steve to locate Brock and beat the life out of him.  
“I told you I was fucked up...”  
Steve had finally calmed enough to turn, heart aching at the brunettes words.  
Bucky resorted back to biting his lip, eyes shimmering with tear made contact lens’.  
“Not fucked up- fucked up stuff has happened to you, but you, yourself are not fucked up...Can you understand why him doing that make’s be so angry?”  
“It was the easiest solution.”  
Steve’s head tipped back, and he glared at the light bulb blaring down at him, “solution, Buck, there was no problem, you just didn’t want it, or he didn’t bother making sure you were ready.”  
The frown that followed made Steve howl at the ceiling, fucking Brock Rumlow, Steve was sure the next time he saw him he would be a dead man.  
“You’re telling me it’s okay for an adult to drug a fourteen year old for sex?”

 

“Of course it’s not.” Bucky snapped back, matching Steve’s tone, “ He- I-It-“ he ended up making a sound close to a growl instead of words. “who even made up the stupid age of consent.”  
“It’s the law Buck, to protect KIDS, like you, from people like Brock, he manipulated you-made you like him. He took you far away to do the drugs, waited till your ma was out, all because he knew it was wrong, was illegal, he’s a sexual predator, if he was doing that to anyone else you’d be horrified.”  
Bucky swallowed, scrubbed at his face harshly, “Even if that is all true, doesn’t change that day, if I hadn’t of kissed him and got caught-  
“Got caught? It was wrong what he was doing with you, the crash was an accident, it wasn’t caused by your ma finding out, she was upset, trying to protect her children.”  
“She was crying, she lost control ‘cus she was so upset with me-

 

“No! Not at you, Not at you Buck, at them. She wanted to get you away from them, you and Becca. She didn’t feel you two were safe there. Bucky you have to stop this, stop blaming yourself for what happened, you gotta-gotta live a happy life for them, do you think they’d be happy with what’s happened to you, do you really think your ma would want you punished and hurting?”

 

Tears were free falling down the brunettes face, he didn’t even attempt to wipe at them, instead they gathered at the base of his jaw, dropping heavily on to his chest.  
“She would want you to be happy, Buck.”

 

More tears fell, Steve kneeled back on the floor, moving his hands to the back of the brunettes neck and tugging him forward. His face settled in the crook of Steve’s neck, fists uncurling only for a second so they could grip onto the blondes shirt.  
“She’d want you to be safe.”

 

The brunette pushed his face in deeper, breathing a shaky breath. Steve rubbed soothing circles onto his back, fingers picking up on the vibrations of the brunette sobbing, he was doing a good job of muffling the noise with skin covering his lips.  
“She’d want someone to take care of you.”

 

A high-pitched whine murmured from Steve’s neck, the body he was holding quaked even more in his grip.  
“I will do those things, because you deserve it, because I love you more than anything.”

 

Bucky pulled back, watering eyes fixing on Steve’s with an awed intensity, he pressed his lips to the blondes. It was a gentle kiss, dare say a loving kiss. Warm and soft. Steve moved his hands to the tear-stained face, wiping away the trails, pressing fleeting kisses on both sides of puffy skin.

 

“You trust me?” Steve asked.  
Bucky nodded immediately, sniffing loudly and moving in for another kiss which Steve happily gave into, just as sweet and slow.  
“Then trust me when I say you deserve this, you deserve to be happy.”

 

The brunette shifted, Steve readied himself for Bucky’s denial, for him to argue against the words. Instead he nodded, just once.  
“We’ll find you help, someone to talk about this with, not me or Sam but-  
“Therapist- never helped...made me feel worse.”  
“I will find you one that makes you feel better, you trust me?”

 

The brunette nodded again and Steve thought that was at least some kind of progress, he might not be the best person to help with such deep seated self-blame but someone else out there would be able to get underneath the guilt, blow it apart.

 

Steve stood up, gripping the brunette hand and leading him into the bedroom, comforter draped over his shoulder like an oversized toga.  
The brunette melted into his caresses, relished in Steve’s kisses that he placed all over his face. The brunette began to drift, his replying kisses got sloppier, less firm against the blondes skin. Steve grinned at the happy sighs the brunette made, even when he was asleep he continued to make content noises at each kiss, moving as close as he could get, a magnet to the others warm body.

 

Steve hoped that some of his words had gotten through that night, he was up against a decade of guilt, but he had the rest of his life to love him, to convince him he was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was draining to write, a happier chap up next! Hope your still enjoying :S nervous as hell about this one though...


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky was more clingy than usual, unable to bare being away from Steve’s side for longer than necessary. The blonde relished in giving the brunette affection, affection that was received with such a grateful expression it made Steve’s heart melt. He never directly asked to hear those three almost sacred words, but there was a desire to hear them etched in his face, and each time he did a shy smile spread across his lips and he delved into a passionate kiss, not letting the blonde up for air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos  
> thanks for comments and kudos, they really do keep me going.  
> Nats a bit of a bitch here, don't worry she won't stay that way for long.  
> This is my attempt at a happy chapter...it ends with them crying so might've failed on the 'happy' part ;)

Bucky was more clingy than usual, unable to bare being away from Steve’s side for longer than necessary. The blonde relished in giving the brunette affection, affection that was received with such a grateful expression it made Steve’s heart melt. He never directly asked to hear those three almost sacred words, but there was a desire to hear them etched in his face, and each time he did a shy smile spread across his lips and he delved into a passionate kiss, not letting the blonde up for air.

 

Steve loved it, it was small progress, but progress none the less.

 

Nat spent more time at the apartment, the atmosphere was strained when the four of them were together, in fact a silent agreement was made between Sam and Steve not leave the other two alone together. The red head spent more time glaring at the side of the brunettes face than Sam’s’, intimidating him enough for him to retreat into the bedroom, curl up tense under the covers.  
“Nat, it’s not cool...”  
She smirked, snuggling deeper into Sam who rubbed at his face conflicted.  
“I only looked at him.” She said softly.  
“You know what you’re doing.” Steve growled, raising himself off the couch to follow into the bedroom.  
She pouted her red lips, eyebrows drawn up on her forehead, “I’m sitting with my boyfriend, watching America’s next top model.”  
“Naaaat” Sam hissed in her ear, she flattered her eyelashes, stealing a kiss off his lips. 

 

Steve stomped away, easing the door open and sighing at the marshmallow looking hill on the bed, he lifted the comforter up and climbed into the cave Bucky had made around himself. In the absense of the lake, the brunette opted for this makeshift solitude.  
“Why you in here?”  
The brunette huffed in the warmth, “I wanna be...”  
“Okay, I’m gunna stay in here with you for a bit.”  
They stayed huddled together, Steve pulling the other body into his chest, laying soft kisses across his shoulders.  
“She doesn’t know you.”  
Bucky tried to struggle free of the grip, pressing his face harder into the mattress so the blonde couldn’t see, “hey, hey...” Steve tried to stop him hiding, holding him tighter.  
“She does know me, knows that I’m a waste of space, a druggy-  
Steve rolled over the top in their make ship-tent so he could bring their faces together, “Stop it.” He said firmly.  
“What she thinks about me is true-  
“Enough.”  
Bucky snapped his jaw shut, fast enough for Steve to hear the click of teeth, “who knows what she thinks-who cares. She doesn’t know you, I do.”

 

Steve broke open the top of the cave and they both blinked in the light, Steve wiggled so his head rested on a pillow and tugged at the brunette so he followed.  
Bucky had the expression of his face, the pleading one, his heart thundered, pounding in his neck where Steve’s hand rested.  
“I Love You.”  
He blinked, slow, tension that gripped his body in the momentary panic gone. He shuffled closer, sealing their lips together. It wasn’t a sexual kiss, that’s not to say that Steve didn’t get raging hard at the contact, but it was an affectionate lock of lips, one for comfort not sexual gratification. Bucky sighed slowly, angling his face into Steve’s neck and stayed there till his breathing evened out.

 

Nat’s animosity towards the brunette was becoming a very huge problem...

 

Two nights later they were snuggled on the couch, not really paying attention to the flashing on the screen. Nat and Sam came back late, giggling as they pushed through the front door. Sam smiled and gave a small salute to Steve, Nat’s face dropped at the sight of Bucky cuddled up next to him.  
“He’s still doing that hurt puppy routine.”  
“Naaaat.” Sam warned, “don’t start.”  
“He’s always playing the victim, has the perfect tragic face.”  
Steve was up, positioning himself between Bucky and the two stumbling through the apartment.  
“Jesus, how much have you had?”  
She flicked her hair dramatically, “called fun Rogers, you should try it, ditch babying the boy toy and come out with us like you use ta.”  
Sam gripped her waist, shuffling her along the room, “straight to bed.”  
“No, I’m fine here.” She struggled out of Sam’s grip, collapsing on the opposite sofa.  
“I really think you need to sleep this off Natasha...” Steve suggested, very aware of the man shrinking in on himself behind him.  
“I really think you need to ditch the boy toy but I keep my opinions to myself-“ she smacked both hands over her lips with a laugh.  
“Go to bed.” Steve said sternly, pointing his finger at the door he wanted her to disappear through, it was only because she was that drunk that he didn’t point at the front door and demand she go home.  
“Awww Steve, let him fight his own battles, everyone always fights his battles-  
“Naaaat.” Sam whined again, grabbing onto her arms and trying to coax her up.  
“No Sam! He’s always playing the victim but he doesn’t know how easy he’s had it, how many chances-  
She pulled away from Sam, staggering her way over to the brunette frozen on the couch, she knocked into the solid wall of Steve Rogers.  
“I watched your dad on TV, sobbing his heart out for you, each time you got yourself in some stupid situation, I wished I had a dad that cared about me that much-“ she was blubbering over the blondes shoulder, Steve shot a wide eyed look at Sam.  
“Come on baby, lets get you to bed-  
Nat carried on, unaware someone had interrupted, her sole focus was Bucky.  
“You’re not the only one who lost your mom, difference is, you had a father that cared, that cried for you and did everything in his power to help you. You’re selfish James Barnes, ruining Steve-”  
“Enough!” Steve yelled, pointing to Sam, “take her.”  
Sam did, scooping her up and carrying her in to the bedroom ignoring her protests.  
That night was one of the more difficult, all kisses and cuddles weren’t returned and when Steve tried the three words that usually soothed the brunette he clamped his hands over his ears to not hear it. When the blonde tried to pry them away he was growled at, told not to touch him, so he didn’t. A night of sleeping with a gapping hole between them.

 

The next morning Sam was up first, pulling his hands up in a prayer pose when he saw Steve. “I’m sorry man, she had a shit day, we went out-  
“I don’t care Sam, do you have any idea how hard it is to get through to him?”  
“Steve, she was drunk-“  
“I know she was, if she can’t control herself she’s not welcome here anymore.”  
Sam’s mouth popped open in shock, “You can’t ban her, that’s fucked up-  
“What’s fucked up is her running her mouth and triggering him-  
“He’s not the only one that’s had shit Steve, she has too-  
A door swung open, clattering against the wall, both men were facing away, unsure of who had just entered the situation.  
“My head is killing.”  
If it wasn’t the voice it was certainly the words that told them who had interrupted.  
Sam slid along the counter, pouring a glass of water and tossing a box of painkillers her way.  
“What you said to James last night-  
She waved her hand as she gulped on the water, finishing with a refreshed noise.  
“He’s a big boy Sam, bout time someone lay it on him.”  
Steve was stopped from biting out a reply by a cheerful knock to the door.  
“Who the hell is that?” Sam muttered, trotted over and peering through the spy hole.

 

Tony pushed passed Sam with a pout gracing his lips. “Where is he?”  
He scanned the room, not finding his target, the bathroom door was open so he wasn’t hiding there.  
Tony pointed at the only remaining shut door, “Your room Rogers?”  
Steve jogged round the table just as Tony burst into the room with dramatic flair.  
“There was me thinking you were dead...”  
Bucky groaned, flattening his bed hair and tugging the comforter up higher.  
“No you don’t” Tony announced, gripping the fabric, the two brunettes played a game of tug of war with Tony winning with a triumphant bark.  
“When I gave you a job, I kinda expected you to answer your calls, and actually turn up.”  
Bucky groaned in response, tugging on his jeans and buttoning up his shirt all wonky.  
“’m ‘orry.”  
Tony nodded slowly, turning to Steve for clarification, “whad he say?”  
“He’s sorry.”  
“Well it’s been a week since your lovers tiff, time to get back to it James. Works- work...”  
“What did you expect?” Nat was standing behind Steve in the doorway, twisting a strand of her hair, face twisted into a mask of pure bitchiness, “he probably hasn’t worked a day in his life.”  
Tony wagged his finger in her direction, “he works very hard for me...when he actually turns up.”  
“And what exactly is this job hey?”  
“A secret, if I told you, I’d have to kill you. Now come along boy wonder, I’m busy, which means your extra busy.”  
She smirked with a shake to her head, “yeah right...cannabis farming? Drug dealing.”  
“You’re a funny gal,” He pointed to Steve and back to Nat, “funny gal...”  
“You’re an idiot like Steve if your friends with him.”  
“Friends, colleagues...” he raised his eyebrow to the blonde, “lovers, all the same to me, tell you what Sour-puss, there’s an extra seat...or eleven... in my car, why don’t you come along?”

 

Steve darted a look over to Sam on the couch who appeared just as horrified at the prospect, “Nat baby, just leave them to it-  
Her hand was in the air, stern as hell expression on her face, “No, I want to.”  
Her tone of voice said the complete opposite, Tony clapped his hands together in a sea lion gesture, skipping over to the door. Bucky pushed past the three of them, stumbling into the bathroom and brushing his teeth with vigour.  
“Come on Bucky Baby or whatever Steve calls you.”  
Bucky dragged his feet along the floor, “He doesn’t call me that-  
“Its mine then,” he turned back to face the blonde with a smug ass smile, “I’ve got dibs on that, Bucky baby.”  
He threw his head back and chuckled a laugh as he dissapeared from view, Nat was next through the door, flicking her hair and winking in Sam’s direction, headache apparently gone.  
Steve saddled up beside Bucky as he slipped his shoes on, Sam turned away to give them a moment of privacy.  
“Want me to come too?”  
The brunette shook his head, “you’re helping Sam out today.”  
“He’d understand.”  
Bucky finally glanced up, pale eyes redundant as he scanned the blondes face. “I’ll be fine, Steve, she can’t hate me all the time...right?”  
They both turned at the sound of Sam spluttering on his protein shake. That was comforting...  
Steve moved close, lips brushing the shell of his ear, Bucky yanked himself away, covering Steve’s mouth with his hand, “don’t say it.”  
The request was a dagger to his heart but he nodded under the palm against his mouth. The door latched shut behind the miserable face of Bucky Barnes.

 

“Why does she have such a problem?” Steve snapped.  
Sam huffed down at his empty glass, swirling the last remaining centimetre of his shake.  
“Things were hard for her growing up...”  
Steve widened his eyes, mouth dropping, “It was hard for him-”  
“I know that, you know that, but she sees him how the rest of the world see him-  
“But it’s bullshit.”  
Sam twirled to face the blonde, “Steve, when you took that job, what did you think of James Barnes?”  
Steve didn’t reply, he chomped on his tongue and tried to push away the wave of guilt.  
“You said he was some spoilt rich kid that needed some discipline is his life...”  
“Yeah well, that was before I knew-  
“Exactly! I’m sorry to say it but that’s what most people think of him.”  
Anger prickled in the blondes gut, enough for him to fall into a vow of silence, too afraid he would snap his best friends head off if he spoke.

 

Steve was kept busy at the garage, heavy lifting and getting filthy under each spluttering car.  
Sam had always offered the job, but years of dirty sand and heat had put Steve off this kind of job. The smear of oil on his skin, reminded him of blood, heat from rumbling engines the burning sun. Then there was the smell, hot rubber and rusty metal.  
“You okay?” Steve lurched to attention.  
“Yeah, sorry-  
“Take a break Steve.”  
He did, gratefully strolling down the road, he stood inside the nearby coffee shop, not to buy anything but just to breathe in the fumes of warm rich drinks. It was enough to pull him from the brink.  
“You sure you’re okay?”  
For the twentieth time Steve nodded his head, wiping his hands on a petrol stained rag. In all honestly Steve was exhausted, stressed to the max in need of a good sleep.  
“Come on man, we’ve done enough for today...”  
They walked back to the apartment slowly, Sam matching pace with the worn out blonde.  
“Need to take care of yourself.”  
“I am, It’s just hard, trying to help him.”  
Sam nodded slowly, “he got more issue’s than I thought?”  
Steve winced at the word issues, it seemed wrong to describe Bucky’s problems as issues.  
“I realised I’m not the right person to help him- he needs to talk to someone, someone professional...”  
“You want me to help you find someone?”  
Steve nodded.  
“If you promise to look after yourself too.”  
Steve rolled his eyes, “yeah, Okay...”  
“I mean it Steve.”  
He mumbled an agreement, pushing his way into the building.

 

Sam and Steve were both poised on the couch when the key scratched at the door, Nat walked in first, shuffling out of her jacket and hanging it up, Bucky followed her lead, removing his own jacket and shoes. They both felt the prickle of eyes on them, heads snapping over and saying “what?” in unison.  
Nat screwed her eyes up, “What’s the problem?”  
“Nothing.” Sam mumbled, moving over for a kiss she returned with suspicion.  
“Good day” He asked.  
She paused a second, flashing a look behind her, “was interesting...”  
“Ummm, I guess that’s good...”  
She hummed in response, moving to the kitchen.  
“’m gunna shower.” Bucky muttered, passing behind the sofa before Steve could reach his hand.  
The bathroom door bolted shut, leaving Steve to stare at the paintwork, the flaky paint job that needed redoing.

 

Half an hour later Sam got a call from the garage, an emergency repair. Steve yawned, stretching his creaking limbs out.  
Nat shuddered at the noise, “you have to do that?”  
Steve nodded, climbing to his feet and taking two steps towards the door-  
“Nah big man, you look beat, sleep.”  
“You sure?”  
Sam nodded, grabbing his keys off the counter, “One-man job, shouldn’t be long.”  
Steve settled back down on the sofa, eyes drifting once he was back in his warmed groove.  
“Jesus, you’ve got a bed in there.”  
The blonde shuffled into the cushions with a sigh, “So?”  
“Go sleep in there, your breathing too loud.”  
“I’m sorry for breathing...”  
The redhead pursued his lips, eyes narrowing in, “If you’re worried I’m gunna upset your boy toy I won’t..”  
“Funnily enough, I’m not buying it...”  
She huffed, flicking the channel on the TV to music and increasing the volume.  
Steve groaned, pushing his head as far into the couch as he could, hoping the fabric would muffle the beat and high pitched whining of the singer.  
“Fine!” He tugged himself up, stubbing his toe on the edge of the couch as he marched his way into the bedroom, leaving the door a fraction open just in case a full on slagging match started between the other two.  
He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

 

Steve woke up two hours later, rubbing his eyes. He paused, listening for voices in the other room, Nat and Bucky were talking, Steve waited for the inevitable moment where the shouting began. It didn’t happen, he shuffled up on the bed, nearer to the door so he could listen.  
-not so bad...”  
Steve listened for the brunette to respond, his voice barely a whisper through the door, “thanks,...I think.”  
“That’s as much as a compliment I can give.”  
“Okay...well you’re a fiery crazy woman, who quite frankly scares the shit outta me...”  
Steve didn’t breathe, body hoicked up in anxiety, he planted his feet down from the bed, readying himself to charge in the room to stop Nat launching at the brunette---  
She laughed, she looked and sounded 10 years younger when she laughed so freely, not the bitter smirk Steve had heard over and over.  
“That’s one of the nicest things anyone’s said to me.”  
“No problem, anytime you want someone to call you a crazy bitch, just ask.”  
She giggled again, shoving the brunette in the shoulder, it was only then that Steve could see the pot on the Stove, the smell of something spicy floated into the bedroom.  
“You’ve taken a good while to grow up...”  
Steve could see the bobbing of Bucky’s head through the gap in the door. “I know...”  
Nat studied the brunettes face intently, “what you’re doing with Stark, it’s amazing...”  
“Guess it’s about time I do something good, hey”  
She nodded, stirring the spoon again. “Sam and Steve are best friends...it’s gunna be awkward if we can’t get on...”  
“Truce?” Bucky suggested, holding his hand out.  
Nat hummed, staring into the brunettes face longer than necessary before grasping the awaiting hand and smiling sweetly.  
“Okay, Truce.”

 

Bucky grinned, big and genuinely and Steve’s stomach did a flip at the sight. Another happy expression for the blonde to burn into his memory.  
“I need you to try it?” Nat said, gesturing at the pot on the stove.  
Bucky nodded, taking the red dipped spoon out of Nat’s hand, he wiped his finger on the edge and slipped it into his mouth.  
“Holy Fuck!” He spluttered, covering his mouth and dropping the spoon, “I thought we called truce, you trying to kill me?”  
Nat darted looks from the spoon, to the pot back to Bucky, “with-with kindness?”  
Bucky shook his head, wrenching slightly as he made his way over to the fridge, swinging it open and tugging the milk carton from the shelf. Steve had opened the door fully, edged his way into the living space and was watching the commotion with an amused smirk.  
“It can’t be that bad.” Nat whispered, licking at the spoon with an edge of nervousness.  
Bucky was still chugging on the milk when Nat barged into him, cheeks as scarlet as her hair, she swigged a mouthful of milk while it was still in the brunettes hands, Steve dissolved into laughter as he watched the two squabble over the drink.  
“You’re supposed to be a gentleman.” Nat hissed, trying to pry the carton from his grip.  
“Aren’t women suppose to know how to cook?”  
Nat’s mouth popped open, but a smile was emitting from her eyes, “sexist bastard.” She tugged harder, just as the brunette let go, her mouth dropped in shock as milk smacked her across the face.  
Bucky was covering his lips, trying to stop the laughter from erupting, Steve wasn’t so thoughtful, his amusement rumbled out and stilled the two in the kitchen.  
“You think this is funny?”

 

Nat was eyeing him with evil intensity, Steve shrugged and she was on him, charging across the space with the carton swinging wildly.  
It wasn’t quite a food fight, more of a drinks fight with water, milk and Sam’s beloved protein shake. The room was a mess but the half hour of seeing Bucky looking carefree and fucking happy was so worth Sam’s wrath. In the end Bucky had teamed up with Nat, working together to drench the blonde till his hair lay flat on his forehead-  
“What the fuck!”  
They all froze, eyes falling to the floor like scolded children. Nat was the first to speak, making her way over to the hyperventilating man in the doorway. She ran her hands up his chest, hooking the back of his neck.  
“Hey babe-  
“Don’t babe me, what the hell!”  
She pouted her red lips, pulling her face into an innocent expression, “Bucky started it-  
“After you tried to poison me...”  
Sam held his hands up to stop the descent into bickering, “I don’t care who started it, I just need it sorted.”  
Nat nodded in sympathy, eyes lingering on the mess, especially the splat mark of protein shake on the couch. Sam seemed to zone on that area too.  
“Wait, is that my-  
“Well Bucky and Steve have a lot to clean up, lets leave them to it, mine tonight.”  
“Now hold on a minute- The blonde started, but Nat shoved Sam through the door before Steve could finish.  
“Can you believe that?”  
He whirled around, expecting Bucky to be wearing the same pissed of expression, what he got instead was a cheeky grin.  
“Wha---”

 

Steve tensed his whole body up, the smell of strawberry’s and bitter milk filled his nostrils, the cool drink running over his head made him gasp and leap forward. He was too shocked to respond, face turned towards the floor and mouth hanging open.  
“I win.” Bucky announced, a grin bright enough to rival the sun.  
It dripped onto the kitchen tiles, puddling at Steve’s feet.  
“Can’t- Can’t believe you.”

 

Bucky leaned closer, Steve was still locked staring at the floor in surprise, it took a few moments to realise the smacking of Bucky’s lips and the tingling stripe along his face.  
“Strawberry.” The brunette hummed, “love strawberries...”  
“You just licked my face...”  
“Yup.”  
“My face...”  
Bucky slid his arms around the blondes waist, chin resting on Steve’s collar bone as he looked up into his eyes, “Yuuup, you like it when I lick other places, why not your face.”  
Bucky did it again, the other side, cleaning a patch of the blondes face. Steve’s breathing stuttered, body coming back online. The brunette was leaning in, hands gripping on to the blondes hips to keep him steady. The sound of lips smacking together had Steve’s eyes drifting shut, fighting for a bit of control. Think about the cleaning, that would halt the desire that was growing fast.

 

Bucky’s chuckle vibrated against Steve’s chest, he snapped his eyes open to take in their opposite. No iris remained, glimmering black and a look of hunger. The blonde readied himself to received a kiss but when Bucky moved in, he nipped the awaiting lips, moving on to nip at the thick flesh of Steve’s neck, lapping his tongue against his collar bone and into the hollow.  
“Fuck, Bucky.”  
Bucky hummed happily, shoving at Steve’s chest till he fell back on the couch.  
“You’re filthy captain, think I need to clean you up...”  
A humiliating groan rumbled through his mouth, giving Bucky more ammunition to look a smug bastard.  
“I want this off...”

 

Steve shifted, ripping his shirt off fast, dignity gone with the wind. Bucky lapped at his chest, drinking in the dried up rivers of protein shake, he hummed and whined as he did it, grinding his crotch into the trunk of Steve’s leg.  
It was clear what the man was aiming for when he kissed lower, hooking the belt loops of Steve’s jeans with his fingers and tugging them down.  
“This taste’s much better...”

 

Steve groaned, biting his lip and shifting restlessly against the couch as he was swallowed whole. It didn’t take long for Steve to be groaning loudly, begging with whines and broken sobs, he couldn’t resist that mouth on him, couldn’t help getting taken to edge fast and barley hanging on.  
“Fuck-stop-gotta stop.”  
Bucky hummed around him, making him pant and thrash his head.  
“Can’t last- wait.”  
This was something Sam wouldn’t forgive all over the couch...an unspoken pack had been made years ago about sex on the mutual couches.  
“Bedroom- Buck.”  
He pulled off with a pout, “why not here?”  
“I---“  
Bucky mouth closed over him again, there was a vibration Steve assumed was a laugh. His tongue swirled, suction steady against Steve’s cock-  
“Fuck, Buck-bedroom-bed.”  
He pulled off again, blinking up at Steve with a gloating expression, hair sweaty and eyes dark, that was almost it for Steve, he managed to stave of the orgasm, but only just.  
“Buck-“  
He whined loudly, Bucky had him in a two handed grip, moving leisurely along Steve’s length. He couldn’t stop the staggered “Plea-please.” from escaping his lips.  
Bucky grinned up at him, biting his lip and eyes crinkling, “please what Steve?”  
“Buck-please,-  
“Please what?....”

 

Steve didn’t even know anymore, wasn’t even thinking about vacating to the bedroom, please let him come, please use his mouth, please stroke him faster, please kiss his lips.  
The brunette leaned over from his crouched position, pushing his lips against the blondes desperately, he still stroked at the slow pace, driving Steve crazy. Bucky looked deep into his eyes, a hint of vulnerability in his face.  
“Steve I wanna-can we-can we...”  
Steve was slow on the uptake, panting like a dog against Bucky’s mouth, stopping the stuttering man from speak-  
He pulled back, remembering his manners, Bucky was trying to ask him something...  
“What, can we what? Whatever you want Buck-“  
Their tongues sparred again, swirled and slithered against each other till they both shivered.  
“I want you, Steve-  
Steve nodded, brain still too slow to process what the brunette desired, “yeah- you got me-you got me.”  
He delved back in for another onslaught, grinding his pelvis hard into the mans fingers around him. He couldn’t resist Bucky, not when he was in a state like this.  
Bucky lay a palm to Steve’s bare chest, pushing at the muscles to separate them from one another long enough to get his words out.  
“I want to try-  
The frown wrinkling Bucky’s face was distracting, Steve pushed forward, connecting their lips again and releasing the tense lines. They were sucking, nipping and groaning mutually, the taste of Bucky set the blonde on fire, veins fizzling with lust.  
“Fuck me.”

 

The words were breathed into Steve’s mouth, his cock twitched at the request before his brain caught up.  
“We don’t need to do that.”  
“Please, Steve, please, please, please.”  
It shouldn’t of been such a turn on, each whine of please had a gush of pre-come leaving the blonde. He was already so far passed turned on, he physically ached with the need. Bucky drove him wild, it was unexplainable but at the same time so bloody obvious, Bucky was made for him, everything about him appealed to the blonde, he wanted more than anything to make him happy, and taking this step, before they’d even discussed it could end in disaster.

 

“I dunno, just wait-“  
“Oh please, please Steve...”  
He found himself nodding along, he would’ve agreed to anything at that point, Bucky jumped off, tugging urgently on Steve’s hand so he’d follow, crashing through the door and on to the bed while removing his clothes with desperation. Steve was in trouble, he needed to calm the hell down in order to think things through, to work out the best way to make this leap, but Bucky naked on the bed, beckoning him with that trusting look of his face, Steve couldn’t help but clamber on top and push their mouths together in a fierce kiss.  
He managed to yank himself away, avoid the mouth trying to catch his.

 

“Lets, just think about this-“ he muttered into Bucky neck.  
“Have-have Steve, want to.”  
Steve whined, flattening his body against the brunettes, pinning him to the mattress, he just needed a couple of seconds to get himself together, lessen the blood down south and hope his brain started functioning beyond the desire to fuck. Bucky wasn’t making it easy, he was grinding himself best he could, pleading with Steve it’s what he wanted. The blonde sobbed, trying his damnedest not to rock back.

 

“I’ve never begged anyone to fuck me, please, please.”  
Steve found himself nodding, brain catching up as he shook his head, “not now.”  
“Please, I know you won’t hurt me-I trust you-“

 

It was really the wrong time to have this conversation, Steve was severely compromised, the pleading was sending every drop of blood downwards, his head felt light on lust. Everything about Bucky had been made for him. His smell, the taste of his skin, the pitch of his voice when he begged so sweetly.  
He couldn’t risk being overly eager and ignoring pain in the other mans face, if they were to take that step he had to be wholly focused on the man beneath him, and right at that moment, he was overwhelmed by him. 

 

“Okay, Buck okay-”  
Clearly the brunette thought it was some kind of agreement, he latched on to Steve’s face hungrily, kissing every bit of skin he could get to, sinking his teeth in the top of the blondes ear and grinding like a man possessed.  
It was too much, Steve couldn’t hold on, wanted to warn the other man but found he couldn’t, mind unable to remember such an irrelevant tool as speaking. The warm fizzle in the bottom of his stomach had him gasping for breath, breathing out Bucky’s name on a whine. His orgasm ripped through him, leaving him boneless and riding on a tingling high, he sunk down into the mass of skin, body trapping Bucky beneath as he tried to blink himself back to reality-

 

He pulled back at the growl of his partner, the brunette wore a face close to betrayal, “you came!”  
Steve couldn’t find words yet, heart still thundering too hard to hear properly and breath still hiccupping its way out of his mouth.  
“Yes” was all he could muster, it obviously wasn’t enough for the brunette who continued to look annoyed, erection flailing when previously it had been standing to attention.  
“Why wouldn’t you...I wanted-”  
Steve stopped him with a kiss, one that wasn’t returned, his face was almost comical, Bucky wore the sulking expression like he personally invented it.  
“You drive me crazy! Absolutely fucking crazy, Buck.”  
Steve panted, wiping his sweaty forehead on Bucky’s chest, “Look, If we’re gunna do this, I have to have control over myself- and just then I didn’t...I wanted to fuck you so bad-  
Bucky glared, wide eyed and clearly not impressed, “I was there for the taking...”  
“I have to be sure, make sure it’s good for you.”  
“I trust you, you said you’d take care of me and I believe you.”  
Bucky scooted over in the bed, swinging his legs to the floor and stumbling up, “You don’t want me.”  
“You’re fucking kidding right? I just came humping your leg!”  
“Whatever! I’m going for a shower, I stink like gone-off milk.”  
Steve limbs felt numb as he attempted to stumbled after, landing in a heap at the end of the bed. Bucky didn’t stop, and after his shower they cleaned the flat in silence, irritated face still in place.  
It wasn’t that Steve didn’t want to, he did with a burning desire, but he had to do it right, be one step ahead of his all-to eager cock.

 

They collapsed in bed, Bucky still pouting and the blonde chuckling under his breath. Bucky inched away from him, turning his back in dismissal, Steve sighed, creeping his hand over to the bedside table, opening the drawer and retrieving the items he needed. The brunette didn’t make a sign he heard, continued to fake sleep as far away from Steve as he could get. 

 

The blonde closed the gap, hand grasping the available hip, skimming his lips along the side of the brunettes neck, he sucked a mark over his jugular, earning him a soft moan from the stubborn man. He trailed his fingertips down, smiling to himself when the brunette didn’t tense up. He lay more kisses, nibbles and licks till his body uncoiled completely.

 

“Can I have you Buck?”  
Bucky nodded, pushing his head back to connect with Steve’s shoulder, the blonde clasped his mouth on the now accessibly skin, kissing and licking.  
Steve pumped him slowly, smiling at how hard the brunette got with very little stimulation.  
Steve was grinding his pelvis into the brunettes behind, tentative at first, just gauging the reaction and whether it was safe to continue.  
Bucky groaned, pushing himself back into the thrusts, Steve shifted away, separating himself so he could catch his breath, remind himself he needed to be in control of himself. The brunette rolled onto his back and Steve slid on top, crotches rubbing together with mutual stickiness. Steve was hoping his release earlier would take the edge off, but he was fast falling into the trap of lust and desire.

 

Steve managed to draw himself away, batting his hand where he’d placed the bottle.  
“Don’t need that.”  
Steve growled at Bucky’s words, the implications of that statement, he wanted to kill Brock, not just kill him but destroy any trace of him from Bucky’s memories.  
“I will not hurt you, ever.”  
The blue eyes widened, shinny. Trust radiated from their depths and Steve had to pause opening the bottle to kiss the brunette, to express how much he meant through his lips and strokes of skin.

 

The bottle of lube was brushed out the way, Steve deciding he wanted to kiss every inch of the beautiful mans skin till he begged to be filled. He kissed, nibbled licked, Bucky thrashed, panted and true to his name he bucked every time Steve’s face got near his cock.  
“Please Steve, god Steve.”  
He squirted lube in his hand, running it along his fingers. They mauled each other lips as the first finger went in, curling and flexing. Bucky was panting, needing, fucking himself on Steve’s digits. The second one went in and Steve almost lost it, rubbing his cock against Bucky’s thigh, he almost went over the edge, the sight of Bucky beneath him, the feeling of his fingers swallowed by his begging body and the noises the brunette was making, the moans, gasps, broken words.

 

“Sure about this?”  
Bucky nodded, pushing his head off the bed and throwing it back with a groan, Steve smirked, delving his tongue past the perfectly sculpted lips.  
“Not yet, I think you need one more.”  
He was circling with his third, teasing the hell out of the man beneath him who thrashed desperately. The sight was delicious, saliva was flooding Steve’s mouth, he swallowed it away before pushing inside with the third. Bending and flexing, relishing in the warmth, tightness and the sounds the action created.  
He couldn’t wait anymore, he was hanging by a thread of restraint, He removed his fingers, lining himself up. He watched for any sign of nervousness, or fear, there wasn’t any, he bucked up impatiently.  
“Steve-fuck – please.”  
Steve sunk into him slowly, there was a definite hiss from Bucky’s lips, his face tightened up and his eyes bunched shut. The blonde stopped, nose nudging the brunettes flushed cheek.  
“You okay?”  
There was no reply, Steve started to pull back only to be secured inside by Bucky’s arms yanking him down, spearing him further inside.  
“Whoa! Easy, Buck.”  
He was repeating mumbled words over and over, telling himself he was okay, he was fine.  
“You are, not gunna hurt you.”

 

The brunettes eyes fluttered open, fixing onto Steve’s. It was the go ahead Steve needed to start rocking, sliding in and out on the barrier of lube. It took a few thrusts for the brunette to relax, to arch his back and roll his eyes in his head. Steve leaned up on one hand, using his other to slowly pump the brunette in time with his thrusts,  
“That feel good?”  
Bucky nodded, yanking Steve’s shoulders so he fell forward for a kiss. Steve was rather impressed at his own control, drinking in the sight before him and making sure there was absolutely no hint of pain or fear but then Bucky started rocking back and Steve’s world whitened out, he scrunched his eyes at the sensation, trying his best not to get lost in it. The warmth of Bucky’s body clenched around him, hot and tight. He groaned, forcing his eyes open to check in, it was his undoing. The brunettes eyes had also slid shut, not scrunched tightly but sated, his mouth was slack, moaning softly each time he rocked. His hair was damp, curling dark ringlets on his forehead and by his ears. He looked perfect, other worldly, Steve could feel Bucky was close in his hand, skin stretched to its maximum and purpling.

 

There was a small tremor, the only warning Steve got before the long drawn-out moan when he exploded on to Steve’s chest. The blonde released his grip, positioning an elbow either side of Bucky’s head, the angle meant he could kiss easier, more of their skin was in contact.  
“You’re beautiful Buck.”  
An odd whine escaped the brunettes lips.  
“So gorgeous, feel so good.”  
Bucky’s breath hitched at the compliments and he gripped the back of Steve’s neck, hugging him closer, the smell of sweat and sex and Bucky rushed at Steve, making him groan loudly, Bucky’s neck was slippery with perpetration and his hot breath tickled the side of his face. He couldn’t hold on any longer, he pushed deep, burying his face into the perfect man beneath him and let go inside him.

 

He was pretty sure he’d blacked out for a second, body and mind detaching, he breathed in the scent of Bucky, that woke his other senses, their body’s were touching head to toe, both sweaty and sticky. Steve realised in embarrassment he was still groaning quietly against the brunettes neck. He forced his eyes open, so close to Bucky’s skin he was seeing double.  
“Amazing.” He muttered with a laugh, the brunette shifted, linking his arms behind the blondes neck.

 

Steve returned the hug with matching eagerness, speaking soppy affection into the brunettes neck, he tried to pull up but the arms around him clamped him down. Bucky was shivering, the blonde yanked himself off, only to have the brunette secured to his chest, not letting go.  
“Buck? You okay?”  
He didn’t reply, just held on tighter, prying the arms off was useless, Bucky had locked his grip.  
“I didn’t hurt you did I...”  
Steve thought back, Bucky had seemed fine, he was enjoying it....but when he finished, he couldn’t see his face, he might’ve been in pain-might’ve been afraid-  
“You didn’t hurt me Steve, I knew you wouldn’t.”  
His voice was wrecked, sad, it made Steve hug him back tighter.  
“Then what is it? What wrong?”  
Bucky sniffled at his neck, still trembling in Steve’s grip.  
“Tell me what to do Buck?”  
He didn’t respond, continued to shield himself away from Steve’s gaze.  
“I Love You.” Steve whispered finally, the most obvious thing to say, Bucky pulled back and connected their lips, salty from the brunettes tears.  
“I love you too Steve.” He mumbled back.  
Steve pushed their heads together, own eyes watering and escaping down his cheeks, “why are you upset?”  
Bucky shook his head, relaxing his grip a fraction, “I’m not, I’m happy...”  
Steve sniffled, blinking hard to dislodge his stubborn tears, “I’m not calling you a liar Buck..but you don’t look too happy...”  
“Happy tears.” He blubbered out and Steve had enough of quizzing him, pushed him back down on the mattress, arranged himself in Bucky’s favourite position, the brunettes head slotted in its rightful place, hand pressed over Steve’s heart.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sexual appetite of Bucky Barnes only increased much to Steve’s relief and fear. The blonde was concerned, he’d expected the brunette to be hesitant, but it was the opposite, the floodgates had opened and ten years of sexual repression had been released. He tried to explain it to Steve, he repeated that he wanted it with Steve, loved feeling Steve inside him, it was a separate experience to all the shit he’d had done to him. He felt safe in the blondes arms, cared for and loved, Steve only worried the brunette’s eagerness would come back to haunt them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Naughty time, I didn't want to endulge in to much sad sex, there's 100's of fics out there with writers that are far better than I.  
> Instead this is a different approach, Bucky's not afraid of sex with Steve, he has unwavering trust and wants to experience what he missed all those years.  
> Unbeta'd so typo's  
> Yeah, hope you guys enjoy.  
> Kudos and comments give me life!

The sexual appetite of Bucky Barnes only increased much to Steve’s relief and fear. The blonde was concerned, he’d expected the brunette to be hesitant, but it was the opposite, the floodgates had opened and ten years of sexual repression had been released. He tried to explain it to Steve, he repeated that he wanted it with Steve, loved feeling Steve inside him, it was a separate experience to all the shit he’d had done to him. He felt safe in the blondes arms, cared for and loved, Steve only worried the brunette’s eagerness would come back to haunt them.

 

So far he had managed to keep himself under a semblance of control, solely focused on the brunette and not his own climbing lust, just like everything else about Bucky, that part of him was also perfectly matched to Steve, the tightness and heat were hypnotic and every time he sunk inside his mind fell into a trance of pleasure and happiness. That’s where the problem arose, every time the brunette pleaded and begged to be taken, Steve’s mind was at war. One side cheering, buzzing with the thought of inevitable sex, the other side, willing his body to calm the fuck down, he couldn’t go straight to it in a desperate condition, powerful and harsh like he wanted, the risk was too strong, he would never forgive himself if he was responsible for the smallest twinge of pain. He had to slow, be sure he wasn’t hurting, reading every trace of Bucky’s face and body to ensure it was what he wanted.

 

“Fuck me, Steve-just fuck me!”  
Just like that the spell in Steve’s mind was broken, he slowed his feverish rutting, de-railing the rolling train of sexual momentum.  
“You sure?”  
Bucky panted his assurances, gripping onto Steve’s hips and tugging him down.  
“Yes-fucking sure.”  
Steve steadied himself, taking a few deep breaths with the brunette squirming in annoyance underneath, Steve’s nervousness deflated the ball of lust ready to go off, leaving the brunette frustrated beyond belief.  
“Why? Why you stop!”  
Bucky grinded harshly, but Steve refused to drop down, refused to allow their erections to brush against each other. He leaned down and kissed the cursing lips slowly, leisurely. Bucky sobbed into the kiss, not happy with the change of pace. Steve shushed him with soft kisses, still keeping himself out of reach, giving his body a moment to readjust and mind to pulse with a bit more blood.

 

Sex was slow, Bucky did his best to canter his hips, to tilt so Steve went in further but the blonde was one step ahead, hands stilling the bouncing man on the mattress.  
“Please Steve! Fuck-fuck harder.”  
Steve kissed him silent, trusting his own thoughts on the matter rather than Bucky’s, slow and careful was for the best till their trust peaked.  
Both of them reached climax together, panting into open mouths, Steve slipped away, laying soft kisses along the brunettes jaw and neck.

 

Heartbeats slowing and breathing no longer sounding strained, Steve trotted to the bathroom for supplies, leaving the brunette to stare up at the ceiling, an expression close to sadness on his features.  
“What’s wrong?”  
Steve settled on the bed, the lack of response got his heart hammering again, “I hurt you? Did I hurt you?”  
“No, you didn’t hurt me.”  
Bucky patted Steve’s abs trying to smile but not quite managing it.  
“What is it?”  
“I’m not gunna break ya know.”  
Steve wiped at his stomach, clearing the evidence of their love-making with absolute concentration.  
“I know you won’t...”  
Bucky grasped the blondes upper arms, tugging him forward so they were face to face. “I want you to want me...how you want my hands, how you want my mouth and my lips.”  
Steve avoided direct eye contact, everything about their sexual relationship had been passionate, lust-filled and crazed, Steve thought grounding sex would be for the best.

 

“I do- I just don’t want to hurt you.”  
“You won’t, I’m not fragile...”  
Steve wanted to argue that he was, fragile and precious and the thought of hurting him had his gut sinking and his heart faltering.  
“It feels like you’re doing it for me, like you’re not into it.”  
Steve was in to it, he was very god-damn into it, that was the problem, he wanted to ravage the brunette, to fuck him into the mattress hard, to hear every kind of moan and groan his pretty little mouth could make, but what if the brunette panicked, what if it hurt, but Steve was so wrapped up in his only pleasure to realise. He didn’t want to use Bucky, not like so many others had used him, he was the most important thing in the blonde’s life and he swore to look after him, take care of him.  
“Steve I’ve never wanted just sex from anyone, it was always...a means to get something else, but with you, I want it, its an ache in my chest that I need to be filled, but you gotta want it to, or-or I’m using you, and that, I-I can’t deal with that, please- I.”  
There was a shake to his voice that put Steve on edge, made him hug the brunette tighter.  
“I couldn’t bare it if I hurt you.”

 

Bucky shifted on the bed, both on their sides and facing each other, the brunette hoisted his leg over Steve’s hip.  
The brunette waited a few seconds before sighing, “I didn’t want it with Brock, that’s why it hurt...”  
It was the first time Bucky had expressed that opinion, spoke it, probably the first time he’d even thought it, but Steve’s heart picked up, It was progress, admitting all though not directly, Brock had forced his body on Bucky.  
“Brock took advantage of you...”  
Bucky stewed the half statement-half question in his head, frown lines creasing his skin.  
He nodded, with a twitch to his lips. “Yes he did- and I took advantage of him.”  
It was a small victory, albeit a confusing one, “what do you mean?”  
“He used my body, and I used him for drugs.”  
Steve didn’t point out the reliance on substances began with Brock. Brock manipulated a situation so the brunette felt responsible for the older mans desires.  
“I feel safe with you Steve, and I want you completely,” his voice took on an almost embarrassed edge, “I’ve never wanted to be with anyone like I wanna be with you...”  
Steve replied with a kiss to each of his cheeks, “Buck-“  
“The point is, I want you Steve, I want you to lose control and have me how you want...I can tell your holding back, its not a turn on knowing your terrified the whole time, I think you’re more scared than me.”  
“You’re scared?”  
Bucky groaned, bringing his hands up to his face and rubbing hard, “is that all you heard?”  
Steve bit his lip, it was the most important thing, Bucky was scared, was afraid when Steve was inside him, he hadn’t seen fear, he must’ve learned to mask it well, conceal pain and force his body to accept---His mind came to a jarring halt when the brunette flicked his face, A ticked off expression creasing his features.  
“Stop it, whatever’s going on in here, stop it. I trust you Steve, you gotta trust me.”  
“I do trust you.”  
“Then trust that I’ll tell you to stop if I don’t like something, trust that I’ll let you know if it’s uncomfortable or if I don’t want it.”  
Steve begrudgingly nodded, falling onto the brunette’s chest, fingers traced through his hair, it felt good, far too good, almost to the point of purring. Sleep carried Steve away, Bucky’s heart beat strongly below his ear, making him grin with pride, a heart that had gone through so much pain and hurt and yet it was still pumping away, Steve’s to take care of.

 

“Happy Birthday!” Nat announced, presenting a cake with thick pink frosting and Sam written in piss-poor handwriting.  
“Thank you baby.” Sam greeted with a kiss to her lips.  
Bucky raised his eyebrow when a slice was passed to him, Nat noticed and squinted across the room at him.  
“Problem?”  
Steve chuckled at Bucky’s quick assertion the cake was fine. Being honest Steve would’ve said the cake tasted a bit...odd, but being the polite gentleman he was he proceeded to tell Nat it was the best cake he’d ever tasted and he needed the recipe asap.  
Nat smiled sweetly, smallest hint of a blush on her porcelain skin, the blonde ignore Bucky’s eyes on the side of his face, and continued to eat the cake while Nat recited the recipe.  
“I made some changes of course.”

 

Steve chewed his mouthful slower, readying himself for the mystery ingredient.  
“I didn’t have any milk so had to use protein shake.”  
That explained the slightly off, bitter taste that had lodged itself in Steve’s throat.  
A cheerful knock vibrated the door and the still smiling Nat jumped up, swinging it open and welcoming Tony inside.

 

Tony chomped at his lip, eyeing the living space with curiosity.  
“Love what you’ve um-done with this space...”  
Both Sam and Steve share a look before huffing a laugh, Tony settled down, perching on the edge of the couch and shifting his clothes as if he felt suddenly filthy.  
“Cake?”  
Tony began to nod his head, before fixing his gaze on Bucky, who was in the kitchen, making throat slit motions with his hand.  
“Yeeeracctually- actually I’ll wait, don’t want to ruin my figure, a lot of hours getting myself ripped at the gym.”  
Steve frowned, “you ever been in a gym?”  
“I have one at stark industry’s.”  
“But have you been in it?”  
Tony pursed his lips, scratching the back of his head.  
“Nope.” Bucky answered for him, “top of the range equipment, unused by Tony Stark.”  
“Well thank you Bucky baby, guess who’s doing all the paper work Monday...”  
Bucky pouted, sly smile creeping up his lips, “Come on Tony, have some cake, rude not to try it.”  
Tony scoffed at air darting glances between Nat and Bucky.  
“Just try a bit, if you don’t like it you don’t have to finish it...”Nat had a way of saying things and portraying the absolute opposite, Tony nibbled at the cake, claiming how yummy it was.  
“Eat up then Tony, there’s plenty more.” Bucky suggested.  
When Nat faced away, Tony flipped the bird towards the man in the kitchen.  
“He always like that?” he whispered at Steve.  
The blonde nodded with an affectionate grin and Tony groaned. The bearded man just about managed to finish his slice, sniffling at the air as he did.

 

“Don’t mean to be rude, but your place has the aroma of gone off milk...”  
Sam jumped to his feet, wagging his fingers in the direction of the couch, “you see, you see, it stinks! You three have ruined the couch!”  
“Babe, it’s barely noticeable.”  
Tony scratched at his beard, twisting his lips into an odd expression, “you kidding right, first thing that hit me when I walked in... swear it didn’t smell like that last time...”  
Sam was hyperventilating again, spinning in circles, Nat was up, gripping him by the hips and stopping his frantic breathing with a kiss, Steve chuckled when he noticed Nat’s foot, grinding down on top of Tony’s whose face had turned beat red.  
“Okay sour-puss, I get it.” Tony made a lips are sealed gesture and the foot was removed.  
“I knew you could still smell it.”  
Nat shushed him, “lets get our coats then, head out early.”

 

Sam agreed, Tony looked relieved he could leave the apartment and the stinking patch of couch. Steve couldn’t help the nervous wave that sloshed in his stomach, they were heading to a club, the only time’s Steve had seen Bucky in that kinda place, men were draping themselves on him, predators lingering in the shadows to steal him, and he wore the far off expression like he wasn’t even inside his own body. Steve didn’t want him to sink back to that, fall into old habits.

 

The difference was incredible, Bucky gripped Steve’s hand, slotting their finger together and giving a small squeeze. They sat in a booth, the brunette close to Steve, not undoing their fingers. His smiles and his face were bright, and open. No shadow was hidden beneath them, no consuming secrets, he looked free-  
“What?”  
Steve hadn’t even noticed he was staring, Bucky flushed and leaned in to lay a kiss to Steve’s cheek.  
“Have I got summin on me?” he murmured.  
Steve nodded, and Bucky quickly whipped his hand up, wiping frantically at his skin.  
“It gone?”  
Steve shook his head, pretending, to help wipe the stubborn stain off Bucky’s cheek, the more Steve frowned, the more Bucky grew red in embarrassment.  
“It’s not coming off.”  
Bucky seemed genuinely alarmed, scratching the patch with his nails, “well what is it?”  
Steve gripped his face, eyes trained to the paranoid spot of skin.  
“Its your adorable face...”  
Bucky blinked in quick succession, then shoved Steve in the chest so he toppled over laughing.  
“You’re a jerk, you know that?”  
Steve pinched the still reddened cheek, giggling to himself. Bucky straddled his lap, bringing his hands up Steve’s chest, unlike the brunette, Steve’s skin was resistant to dancing hands, he smiled triumphantly at Bucky’s pointless efforts of tickling, all until he pincered a grip on Steve’s armpit hair.  
“Ow!”  
“Say you’re sorry.”  
Steve shook his head defiantly, lurching forward with a gasp when the hairs were tugged.  
“Say it.” Bucky pouted, mouth millimetres from Steve’s lips.  
The eyes on him were darkening rapidly, Steve was sure his were doing the same, there was a swell in his jeans that was for sure. Bucky pinched again and when he jerked forward with his mouth open Bucky clamped his lips on Steve’s bottom one, nipping and not letting go.  
The hairs twisted in his fingers, earning a hiss and a chuckle from the blonde.  
“Say it.” Bucky mouthed against his lip, licking along the seams, making Steve’s breath catch in his throat.  
Truth be told Steve had forgotten what the hell Bucky had wanted him to say, brain utterly muddled by sensation and wanting.  
“None of that, seriously, not gunna sit here and watch that.” Tony grumbled, shaking a firm finger in Bucky’s face, “down boy.”  
Bucky released the hairs and slid his hand out from underneath Steve’s shirt, he scooted back over to his seat, being sure to give Steve’s crotch a hidden squeeze.

 

So began the most sexual frustrating night of Steve’s life, each time his erection started to lessen, Bucky quickly got it up to full hardness, sometimes it was with a look, other times he smacked his lips and poked the tip of his tongue out to swipe along slowly. Steve pressed his lips together, cracking his neck and shifting restlessly.

 

It became even more difficult when Bucky ‘dropped’ his phone, an excuse for him to lean fully over the blonde, place his face against Steve’s crouch as he swiped at the floor to find it. Steve did his best not to grind at the pressure, even when they brunette turned and looked up at him with a flushed face and black as night eyes.  
“Please Sam, I wanna dance.”  
Nat’s voice cut through the fuzz of Steve’s brain.  
Sam shook his head, gesturing to his glass, “maybe when I finish this.”  
She narrowed her eyes, taking the glass from his hands and downing it in one.  
“All done, come on.”  
Sam reluctantly climbed to his feet, moving across the club with his head hanging low and his shoulders slumped. Tony excused himself to take a call, leaving the on edge Steve and the cat-grinning Bucky.  
“Sooo you dance, old man?”  
Steve shook his head, he had gifted feet when it came to running for his life but dancing, hell no.  
“You?”  
A seductive smile spread the brunettes lips, blood filtered down Steve’s body at the sight, straining his already swollen cock. He was hoping his arousal could peacefully dwindle but apparently Bucky had other ideas.  
“Could give you a lap-dance...”  
Steve swallowed, hiding his arousal with a chuckle and a scanning of the room, Bucky’s eyes were boring into him, he could feel the heat radiating from them, he was leaking, could feel it in his shorts, thank god he wore dark jeans.  
“Bucky...” he warned.  
The brunette smiled, tipping back his drink with ease, “what?”  
“You know what.”

 

Tony reappeared, eyebrows dancing at Steve, “you alright there big guy, look a bit red?”  
“Yeah fine Tony, hot in here, is it hot in here?”  
Steve gripped the front of his shirt, flapping it slightly in an attempt to cool down, Tony just frowned looking slightly concerned.  
“No, its a comfortable temperature I’d say, not like when I was in the Maldives-“  
Steve tried his hardest to listen to Tony, he laughed at the cues to laugh, frowned when Tony frowned, but his mind completely consumed by the man at his side, sipping far to loudly on his drink.

 

Sam sat back at the table, beads of sweat running down his forehead, “can’t, can’t do it...dying.”  
Nat stalked over, pout on her luscious lips, “no fair, what about you Barnes?”  
It was the perfect opportunity for Steve to cure his hard on, he gripped the brunettes hand placing it in Nat’s who tugged him to his feet.  
“What the hell!”  
“Lets see if that cute ass of yours can swing.”  
Steve winked in Bucky’s direction, shifting himself in his jeans so the bulge was slightly more comfortable. It was time for his erection to chill the fuck down.

 

Steve couldn’t of been more wrong if he tried, sending Bucky off to dance was just as enchanting as having him sat close. He couldn’t concentrate, eyes focussed on the dance floor. He tried to convince himself it was a habit, he’d been paid to watch the brunette, had it burned into his mind to study his targets in the army, except this wasn’t the case. He was raging hard, seeing the brunette swaying his hips, pulling goofy faces, throwing his head back laughing, Steve’s body couldn’t help but react. They danced filthily, Nat’s hands skimmed up his tight shirt, she scored her nails back down making the brunette wince, Bucky moved, twisting around so his back was to Steve, the blonde couldn’t help his eyes being pulled down, to the tight pants cupping Bucky’s perfect rear, out the corner of his eye he could see Sam pulling the same gob-smacked expression.  
“Your boy he defiantly gay?”  
Steve nodded before frowning at the question, he’d never directly asked Bucky’s preferences...  
“You sure?”  
“Think they’re doing it for our benefit...”  
Sam cleared his throat, gulping hungrily on his beer, “think I can dance again now...”

 

He scampered up, dislodging Nat from grinding the brunette, it was worse seeing Bucky dance with strangers, the threat complex in Steve’s head was raring and the thought of people touching and trying to grind with him, had Steve stagger up, tunnel vision expanding to the brunette.  
“Ah, so you can dance.”  
Steve shook his head, hands itching at his sides to clutch.  
“Hmm, follow my lead.” Bucky reached for Steve’s hands, pressing them on his hips, moving in close, “It’s kinda like sex, two body’s rubbing up against each other....”  
Steve squeaked, trying his best to sway in time with Bucky, with the beat of the music but it wasn’t the motion he wanted to perform, he wanted to rub his hardness up and down against Bucky’s. Preferable with no clothes barrier between them.  
Bucky twisted in his grip, back to Steve’s front and shuffled himself down with the music keeping firm pressure on Steve’s crotch, Nat performing the exact same move on Sam, Sam who wasn’t panting and unfocused like Steve was.  
“You’re teasing me.”  
Bucky turned over his shoulder, innocent as a lamb, “Am I?”  
He was moving deliciously slow, all the way down to the floor while Steve barely managed to stay upright.  
“You want me Steve?”  
The blonde nodded with a slack mouth, spinning the brunette round so he could perform the same move but facing him.  
Steve had bambi legs, unstable at the down-right pornographic dancing. The blonde caught Bucky, hauling him up by the armpits to get to his mouth, the brunette tilted away with a smirk and narrowed eyes.  
“Not yet old man...”  
Bucky held his palm to Steve head in fake concern, moving round to his cheek,  
“Wha?”  
Nat and Sam immediately noticed and started fussing, asking if he was alright and whether he needed air, before he knew it Sam was shepherding him outside, believing he was on the verge of collapse. He turned just in time to see the brunette chuckling.  
“Sam I’m fine, really.”  
He wasn’t fine but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell Sam the problem, he was doing his best of standing in a slouch position and keeping his hands in front of himself, not wanting to draw attention to the real issue.  
“You sure man? You’re like red and pale at the same time.”

 

Steve assured Sam he was fine, agreeing to stay off the dance-floor and sit and relax, except it wasn’t relaxing it was tortuous, His cock ached to have Bucky’s attention. Tony was speaking, talking about the usual tech and mumbo-jumbo Steve knew nothing about, the sound was all a buzz in his head anyway, each person that got too close to the brunette had Steve growling in warning under his breath  
.

Everyone returned to the table, Tony dissapeared for yet another call, Steve was pretty sure Peppers name had been flashing like a strobe light. Nat and Sam were along the bar again, leaving the smug looking brunette, who straddled Steve’s thighs the moment they were alone.

 

“You know you drive me crazy right?” Steve muttered into his ear.  
Bucky was staring with dopy affection, his sweaty hair clung to his forehead, Steve swiped it away and the brunette turned his face so Steve’s finger lingered longer. The brunette nuzzled close, lips ghosting the shell off Steve’s ear when he spoke.  
“I love you.”  
Steve grinned, echoing the statement with a kiss between each word. He peeked at the glass on the table wondering what drink the brunette was indulging on, what had loosened his tongue and limbs.  
“Wanna try?”  
Steve shook his head, he was on alert, one of them had to stay sober enough to function, it was Sam’s birthday so he had dibs on getting the most drunk. Tony sipped on his wine oblivious to the world around him, Nat was giggly and Bucky had three glasses under his belt. He was still functioning, better than Steve who hadn’t had one drop. Steve was high on Bucky.

 

Bucky shrugged, drinking a long gulp of his drink and moving in on Steve’s mouth, he coaxed the blondes lips open, tongue cool and slick as it danced inside, ice cube held delicately on his tongue till it was pushed forward. Steve groaned, relishing the sensation of coolness, the sexiness of the brunette nudging an ice cube inside his mouth and fighting him for it till it melted.  
“Fuuuck Bucky.”  
“Soon” he mumbled back.  
Half an hour later Steve was an incoherent mess. Tony hadn’t returned and Nat and Sam had vacated the area, not wanting to watch the full on make out session. Bucky was shamelessly grinding on Steve’s lap, mouth fixed to his neck, moaning while he lay sloppy kisses along the skin. Steve was sinking into the seat, neck flopping, giving the brunette more skin to work with.

 

“You’re gorgeous, Steve.”  
The blonde couldn’t muster words, his eyes slid shut and he angled his neck to the side, giving access to his collar bone, Bucky licked along the hard line, rolling his tongue in the hollow, knowing it drove Steve crazy.  
Bucky gripped his glass, tonguing a cube into his mouth, Steve opened his lips to receive it only to have the brunette lean down and press an open mouth kiss to his nipple, cooling the bud till it turned tight and extra sensitive.  
“Fuck-fuck-fuck.”  
He didn’t even care that a huge wet patch was on his shirt, material darkening where the brunette had caressed.  
A moral thread had Steve clinging on, Bucky was drunk, at the very least tipsy, he wouldn’t be alright with having the brunette like that- as if reading Steve sudden change, Bucky took a swig of his drink, this time instead of ice Steve got a mouthful of the brunette’s beverage of choice...uninspiring cola.

 

“I haven’t had a drop...”  
Steve frowned at the empty glasses on the table, “why?” god his voice sounded embarrassingly raspy.  
“Knew you wouldn’t have me like that...”  
Steve shifted on the seat, position becoming more uncomfortable every millisecond that past.  
“Everything about you turns me on.” Bucky purred, hands mapping the blonde’s chest, tweaking the over sensitive nipple. For the second time that night Steve squeaked, skin under his shirt tingling under the weight of Bucky’s hands.  
“Never knew I could want someone like this, need them. Like I need you.”  
Steve was moaning at the words, unable to help it, the music masked the sound but he knew the brunette could feel the vibrations, he kissed back up to the blonde’s ear.  
“The way you taste, your skin, your sweat, the feel of you stretching my mouth.”  
Steve was panting, aching against his jeans, he rocked on the seat, sweat beading at his back, they’d been there too long, the entire time he’d been hard, unable to temper his stubborn erection away.  
“I love swallowing you up, taking all that you give me.”  
Steve was pretty sure the strangled cat sounds were slipping past his own lips and he struggled to hang on, fingers making craters in the seat. He daren’t let go, he was moments away from tugging Bucky’s trousers down, shimmying out of his own and settling the brunette down on top.  
“Most of all I love you inside me-“

 

Right, they needed to leave, get back to their bed and not surface for a few days, Steve gripped the brunette, scooping him up and making his way towards the door.  
They passed Tony on the way out, chuckling into his phone, he did a double take when he saw them, Bucky plastered to Steve’s front, gripping on. Bucky called a cheeky goodbye, Steve flapped his mouth helplessly, mortified when a groan slipped out instead of words.  
“Jesus” Tony mouthed, shaking his head as they passed.

 

Bucky struggled from the grip, skipping out the way of Steve’s seeking hands, the whole way back he was just out of reach, darting away, twirling from Steve’s grip.  
“You want me Steve?”  
The blonde could only nod dumbly, want was an understatement, he needed Bucky right that second. Was amazed they had managed to walk- jog-run back to the apartment without rutting in the street. To be honest he would’ve had he been able to catch the brunette.  
“Got to catch me first...”

 

He was running away, Steve’s brain took a few moments to bounce the words in his head before he was running after, hardness in his jeans rubbing painfully, making him slow. Bucky skipped up the stairs, disappearing before Steve had remembered it was a pull door not a push. How the hell had he forgot that?

 

The door of the apartment was open, the lights were off, Steve clicked at a switch, frowning when the room wasn’t immediately bathed in light.  
“I flicked the main switch, you want me Steve gunna have to find me...”

 

Steve marched in the direction of the voice, knee smacking into the coffee table with a loud thump, he was sure the mark would bruise, but he couldn’t feel it above the tingle in his veins. There was a chuckle in the darkness, muffled by what Steve assumed was the brunettes hand.  
“Find me an I’ll kiss it better.”  
Steve grabbed onto his blonde strands, giving a hard yank to pull him out of his hazy state, he blinked in shock when something struck him in the face, he held the material, fingers moving along the fabric of Bucky’s trousers.  
He whined, body wound up to the point of explosion.  
“Where are you?”  
A door opened, Sam’s door...or the bathroom? Steve bulldozed to that area, pausing at the sound of a laugh behind him, no where near the bloody doors!  
“Can’t want me that much...”

 

Steve stalked into the darkness, stilling his own breathing to hear Bucky, nothing. He twirled on the spot, waving his hands in front of himself to find the kitchen counter, to slide right along it and clutch at the marble.  
“Please, Buck- I fuck I-”  
“Aww Steve, I want you too, Come get me.”

 

Steve growled, twisting on the spot facing a new direction, he tiptoed forward, testing the floor in front of him with his foot before stepping. This was his apartment, he’d lived there years, yet lust for the brunette had left him utterly confused by the layout, he might as well of been on the moon.

 

“You’re a brat Bucky Barnes.”  
There was a humming agreement, near the front door, Steve followed it, a moth to the flame, only to smack into the back of the couch and fall head first onto it, the smell of sour milk assaulted his senses, Steve yelped at the slap to his behind, he struggled up, trying to catch the smirking man.  
“Bucky please-“  
Another item of clothing was flung Steve’s way, he ran his fingers along, feeling the buttons of Bucky’s shirt. Steve clutched the fabric tightly, bringing it to his face and breathing in the scent, spicy aftershave and the musk of the man he was after.  
“Please-“  
“Pleeeease.” Bucky mimicked back, smirking. Steve clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth, frustrated as hell.  
Before Steve could think of a reply, a smaller piece of clothing struck him in the chest, Bucky’s shorts, Steve balled them up, throwing them into the darkness in annoyance. His cock was aching, straining painfully, he popped the button, yanking the zip to the bottom for a small relief. 

 

There was the squeak of a bottle opening, the noise of liquid being squirted-  
“I’ll even prep myself for ya- if only you wanted me as much as I want you.”  
Steve leaned against the kitchen counter for support, groaning and downright sobbing, mind flooded with desire, his fingers twitched unconsciously, wanting so badly to perform the prep, to stretch Bucky out for him.  
“Fuck-please, enough Bucky- I need.”  
“I need it too Steve, doing this for you, getting ready right now for you. ”  
Bucky was groaning, noise driving Steve wild, he flung his head back, colliding with the fridge, own breathing ragged, no chance of calming it to hear the others, to pick his footsteps out. He was too far gone, eyes watering with need , seconds away from dropping down to the floor and bawling his eyes out.

 

“Bucky, now”  
His own voice sounded pathetic, child like, not the voice of Captain Steven Rogers, Bucky had reduced him to a bumbling mess.  
The hum of the fridge became more obvious, the still running fridge that had its own bulb, unaffected by the brunette flicking the main lights. The electricity for appliances ran on a different circuit.  
“I’m gunna get you.” Steve said with a smile.  
“Come on then old man...” Steve could tell he was pouting, voice the other side of the room.

 

Steve grinned to himself, unbuttoning his shirt and dropping it to the side, shimmying out of his jeans and unpeeling his cock from his sticky shorts so it could follow on the heap on the floor. Stark naked and ready he moved his hand to the fridge, a sly smile graced his lips, he faced the rest of the room, swinging the door open fast, orange light illuminated, reflecting off Bucky’s bronze skin, highlighting the muscles in his chest.

 

“Cheating bastar-“  
Bucky didn’t get a chance to say more, Steve charged him, leaping the couch in the process, fridge door still ajar. He shoved the brunette against the wall, hand trailing down between his legs, feeling the entrance was indeed lubed he groaned and attacked the mouth in front of him, kissing the outrage expression off of it. He demanded entrance, chasing the brunettes tongue. It was a dirty kiss, full of vibrating moans and groans. Both clothes-less and rubbing up against each other with mouths and hands desperately touching. Steve wasn’t holding back, his blood was singing, heart soaring, brain non existent. He tugged at the brunette’s hair, positioning his neck so he could suck marks on the flawless skin, branding him. Bucky relished the attention, thrashing his head and gripping tighter.

 

Steve angled upwards, gripping Bucky’s thighs and hauling them round his waist, the bedroom was directly next to them but fuck it, the wall was just as inviting. He couldn’t risk Bucky escaping again, darting away. He lapped at the mouth on offer, heart beat pounded in his ears, he was sure he could hear Bucky’s as well, he could certainly feel it ripple his chest, fast fluttering.

 

Steve swallowed the lump of anxiety, trusting the brunettes words from days ago. He pushed inside, as deep as he could, face squeezed into the crook of the brunettes neck. He stayed there, overwhelmed by the sensation, warm and tight hugging his neglected cock. A bite to his shoulder had him yelping, thrusting faster and deeper. The brunette hung on to Steve’s neck, legs wrapped in a tight band round the blonde’s back.

 

He was moaning, gasping for breath and begging for Steve to go faster, deeper, which Steve did, entire body straining, consumed by fire. The sounds were addicting, slick sounds of their body’s slapping fizzled Steve’s body, the brunettes moans and broken words had every ounce on blood migrating south. Yes he needed this relief, this letting going of his mind and allowing his body to take what it needed.  
Bucky’s cock was straining between them, smacking their chests, Steve leaned forward, trapping it between their body’s as he thrust, muscles grinding the length and making Bucky spew curse words like a sailor.  
“Fuuuucck!”  
Bucky flung his head back, arms coiling like a vice as he came, it was sticky and warm all over their chests, Bucky looked spent, eyes bulging from his face as he held on awed.

 

Steve pushed against the tightening round his cock, riding along with Bucky’s aftershocks head muffled in the brunettes neck, he came with an almost animalistic howl, body propping Bucky up as he relaxed back into his body, came back to earth, to the apartment to Bucky pressed against him.

 

Bucky was smiling, soppily as he looked up at Steve, arms and leg still secured to his body.  
“Love you.” He muttered, it took a few minutes for Steve to have enough air to say it back.

 

Then they were kissing, slow and intimate as Steve walked them to the bedroom. Slotting the brunette under the comforter and returning with a cloth from the bathroom to clean the mess on their chests.  
“Thank you Steve.”  
The blonde stroked his cheek, confused by the sentiment, Bucky went on to clarify.  
“I know it wasn’t easy, to let go like that, to trust that I’d be okay. You make me happy, so happy and I owe you everything.”  
Steve went to shake his head but Bucky stopped the movement with his hands, coaxing the blonde to look him in the eye.  
“I do Steve, you make me feel like I’m more that just a tool, or an object...you make me feel like a person, worthy of being alive, you’ve given me a part of myself back, a piece that I didn’t think I could possibly have. I’m not sure I deserve to feel this, but I’m so fucking grateful, so fucking in love with you-  
Steve leaned forward and shut him up with another slow kiss, pulling him close to his body and grinning into his mouth, hands dancing patterns up his spine, writing the word amazing over and over.

 

Twenty minutes of slow kissing and touching had them growing hard again, a slower more sensual round of love making...it would’ve been, had Sam’s outraged shout not echoed through the apartment.  
The lights master switch needed flicking, clothes were scattered all over the kitchen and living space and the fridge had been left open long enough to ensure the contents were inedible.

 

“My shakes!”  
Steve huffed into Bucky’s mouth, body’s both trembling, trying to hold off the raging fit of laughter. It was no use, Steve started and Bucky followed. The blondes eyes itched with tears, not just with amusement but sappy love as Tony would call it at the sight of Bucky looking so adorable and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All this happiness, time for a drive back to angst vill...


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _It started the same, down in the dirt behind the armoured truck, the zinging of bullets ricocheting off of metal filled the air. Face that close to the sand that every movement kicked it up, stinging eyes, irritating lips, burning throats. The heat, the fear and the sound were crowding, pressure pushing, shrinking them, overwhelming them, breathing was harder, thinking was impossible, they just needed to wait it out, the onslaught couldn’t last forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta's so typos  
> Warning for Steve's Afghanistan dream.  
> Holla if you're with me.  
> Hope your enjoying.  
> <3 kudos and comments <3

_It started the same, down in the dirt behind the armoured truck, the zinging of bullets ricocheting off of metal filled the air. Face that close to the sand that every movement kicked it up, stinging eyes, irritating lips, burning throats. The heat, the fear and the sound were crowding, pressure pushing, shrinking them, overwhelming them, breathing was harder, thinking was impossible, they just needed to wait it out, the onslaught couldn’t last forever._

 

_An explosion rocked the ground, breaking the linear movement of sound, every noise seemed far away, bouncing through a corridor before registering in Steve’s head.  
He shouted back to his men but his own voice was lost, detached from his lips, his vision tilted, making him nauseous, reminding him of the deck of a ship in rough sea._

 

_Then Bucky appeared, hair perfectly styled, lips pressed together highlighting his perfectly shaped jaw that could cut diamond. His blue eyes were scrunched in confusion, staring far off in the distance. His back was to the danger, he didn’t flinch at the noise, didn’t shift to compensate for the uneasy ground. His eyes sparkled, reflecting the hue of the setting sun that had captivated him.  
Steve started to move, initial shock wearing off, he had to get to him, tug him down to safety, he would cover him with his own body if it ensured he couldn’t be harmed. His movements were sluggish, as if trying to crawl through tar, his ears were ringing, a high-pitched sound that made him want to scrunch his eyes tight shut._

 

_The sand was hot on his hands as he dragged his body out, voices shouted from both sides, engines growled, guns fired, the sand was thrown twenty feet in the air, raining down on top of him as he made his way across. His eyes burned and he blinked them shut to force out the sand and whatever other crap has got into them.  
When he next opened them, managed to focus on his target, Bucky was no longer standing, he’s was on the ground, blue eyes staring up in to space, unseeing._

 

_Steve’s cried his name out, unable to hear it over the noise, the dull thumping, the sharp chiming of metal and the shouts and screams of men. His own heart cracked, body trembled with devastation. He cradled the brunettes head, pressing his forehead into his cheek, angling his mouth so he could yell into his ear canal, demanding he comes back from where every he’d gone. There was no reaction, he must’ve been shouting loud enough for it to hurt but the brunette didn’t flinch, his body was stiff and cold in his grip._

 

“Come back to me!”  
_His lips were shaking, he couldn’t stop them, hot tears spilled out, sand stuck to the trails like glitter on glue._  
“Bucky!”  
_He didn’t wipe at his face, wouldn’t dare stop cradling the brunettes head, rocking him towards his chest._  
“Please-god-please!”

 

_He sobbed, knowing if he could hear himself he would’ve heard harsh gasps and hiccups spluttering through his lips in despair. He risked a glance back to the truck, no longer the comrades he expected, but Sam, Nat and Tony all down, inching their way forward to help._

 

“Steve?”

 

_He snapped his attention back to the man before him, eyes zeroing on his lips, dried and cracked in the harsh air. He stroked the dimple in his chin with his thumb, wobbling his face till his lips part, he waited, needing to hear his voice, he would sell his soul to hear his voice._

 

“Steve!”

 

_The lips didn’t move, but there’s no mistaking that voice, it was Bucky and he sounded frightened, Steve’s stomach dropped at the tone, that terrified vocal he would do anything to stop. He gave him a bit of a shake, trying to wake him, needing to see those lips move and those blue eyes blink in life._

 

“Steve? Wake up!”

 

The scene before him changed, became a whirlpool of black, swallowing everything up as it went, disintegrates in front of him. The hollow ache in his chest stayed, even as the horror disappeared. He’d lost Bucky and nothing else mattered.

 

Steve’s gasped back into awareness, fumbling with the sheet wrapped round him, shoving at the warmth trying to engulf him, he needed it away, didn’t want to feel the heat, it reminded him too much of sand and the sun, and blood when it’s fresh from a body.  
He moved to the edge of the bed, feet flat on the cool floor, hands slapping the tears off his face and wiping his nose on the back of his arm.

 

“You were calling my name again?”  
Steve nodded into his palms, still not ready to turn, just in case this was part of it, a dream within a dream. The voice was there, it was defiantly Bucky’s, but it could be a lie, what if the empty shell of his body remained and he couldn’t coax him back.

 

There was pressure on the blonde’s back, a soft tentative hand rubbing circles into his skin, fingers trailing over the nobbles of his spine. Steve concentrated on slowing his breathing, mind focused on the hypnotic touches to his back. The hand moved up, joined by another and then his shoulders were being firmly rubbed, massaged by skilled fingers. Steve gave in at the feeling, relaxing back into the chest behind him, sinking into the brunettes body. Steve squeezed his eyes shut, Bucky’s heart was thumping rhythmically at his back, his own chest moved in time with the brunettes, expanding fully and releasing slowly. 

 

Steve gripped one of the moving arms, tugging on the wrist so the man behind slumped forward, the blonde pushed his fingers through the soft strands on Bucky’s head, leaning in close and breathing in deep. Tea-tree shampoo, fresh and clean, not blood, not oil, not heat. Then there was the natural musk of Bucky, dark and exotic.

 

“What happened?”  
Bucky’s voice was clear, spoken softly into the blondes neck, Steve’s mouth flapped helplessly. He didn’t want to talk about the specifics of the dream, didn’t want to fall back down that pit when the brunettes just led him out. It was a tampered memory, feeding on Steve’s fear, that day was awful enough without his mind throwing Bucky into the heart of it.  
“I- you get hurt. I can’t get to you in time.”

 

Steve continued to lean back into Bucky’s warm chest, the brunette angled his head, laying slow kisses along Steve’s neck, up behind his ear where he stopped, “I’m here, and I’m okay.” He kissed back down the trail, lapping at Steve’s sweaty skin with his tongue, “I’m not hurting no more...”

 

Steve breathed the remaining tension out through his nostrils, turning his head so their lips could meet above his shoulder. Steve was still too afraid to look him in the eye, he didn’t want to see the far off expression of death, didn’t want the blues turned to stone.  
“I’m not going anywhere.”  
Bucky hands cupped his cheek, shifting his head so they were face to face, Steve glared at his lips, visible in the soft light from the lamp, they weren’t chapped, weren’t bloodied, he rubbed his finger along the soft skin, they twitched and morphed into an unsure smile.

 

“Tickles.” The brunette admitted still unsure whether to smile or not.  
Steve pressed harder, letting the rubbery skin go with a pop, and then they were kissing, unrushed, Bucky letting the blonde set the pace, allowing him to take it all and following the blondes lead patiently.  
Steve sucked at the sweetened lips till the brunettes body shuddered before shoving him in the chest, forcing him to lay down on the mattress so he could lie on top.

 

The brunettes heart thundered and Steve placed his had over the top, feeling the power. He was alive, safe and the blonde was finally brave enough to look into his face. His skin glowed in the light, not the pale complexion of the fading dream, there was an obvious throbbing in his neck, blood pulsating with conviction and then there was his eyes. The pupil like an ink drop expanding in water, chasing the blue away.

 

“You’re okay.” Steve’s voice shook with the realisation.  
Bucky just about managed to nod, before Steve’s latched onto his mouth. They kissed, and licked and groaned in unison, with hands skimming and clutching. The blonde couldn’t bare being away from his face, needed to watch it the whole time, be laying flush on top to feel the jack hammering heart of his partner. They climaxed that way, passionately kissing and grinding feverishly, it was messy and desperate but perfect, Steve drank in Bucky’s face, delighting in its changes as it broke with pleasure.  
When Bucky tried to leave for the bathroom Steve’s hands gripped, tightening him to his chest. 

 

“I’m just gunna clean us up.”  
Steve knew that was the case, but he still couldn’t let go. In the end they both went to the bathroom to clean up. Steve knew he was staring, knew the look was slightly unnerving the brunette but he couldn’t help it, too scared he’d not see his beautiful face again.

 

The blacks had receded from the brunettes eyes, and Steve stared at the greyish-blue tints, they scrunched in concern, and a hand touched Steve’s cheek gently.  
“Come on, bed.”  
Bucky snuggled into his rightful crook, kissing the skin slowly till he was too exhausted to continue. Steve followed soon after listening to the drumming of his heart, not the one in his own chest, the one pulsing in front.

 

It was harder to see Bucky leave that morning, Steve’s hands made a flexing motion at his sides, that the brunette surely noticed, bounding straight over, leaning in for a tight hug, his hairs was still wet, dripping onto Steve’s chest after his rushed shower.  
“I’m fine, I’ll catch ya later.”  
He swooped in for a quick kiss, darting out of the embrace before Steve could cage him in and keep him safe in the apartment.

 

The door latched shut and a wave of anxiety presented itself, almost suffocating in Steve’s chest. He knew Sam was talking to him, had been for the past fifteen minutes he’d been watching the door, but his brain was displaying unsynced flashes of his dream and no matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t switch it off.

 

“Captain Rogers!”

 

Those words broke through the barrier in his mind, pulled him back into his body and the room.  
“Yeah, sorry.”  
Sam’s warm hand came down on his shoulder, “listen, I did some searching, found a good therapist for Bucky.”  
Steve watched as he fished a card from his pocket, holding it out for the blonde to take.  
“Thank you.”  
Sam nodded, lips pulled in a tight line before he released a sad breath.  
“I heard you last night, calling for Bucky, and not the normal kinda shouting that has me smacking the wall in retaliation,” there’s a lightness to his voice, trying to soften the inevitable conversation.  
“Sorry for waking you.”  
Sam settled into the couch, careful not to sit directly on the pinkish patch they had all been avoiding.  
“Steve, talk to me man.”  
Steve twirled the card in his hands for a minute before opening his mouth.

 

“It’s the same dream, that day in Afghanistan, the one where I thought we were all gunna die- it starts the same, but then Bucky’s there, and I can’t get to him.”  
Sam nodded, his lips moved to respond but Steve didn’t hear and continued voicing his nightmare-  
“He’s in danger, I know he is, but he’s oblivious to it. I glance away for a second and when I look back...he’s down. I can’t get him to wake up, he’s-he’s.”

 

The fear bubbled up again and his feet pressed down on the ground, ready to stand and get to the door.  
“Hey, hey!” Sam stopped him, both hands clamping down on his shoulders as Steve’s chest heaved.  
“Breathe, Just breathe slow.”  
Sam’s mumbling tone broke through the fuzz and Steve allowed himself to be pulled back to reality, firmly pressed into the couch. 

 

His vision jumped, next time he had a linear thought Sam was shoving a glass of water and a packet of painkillers in his hand.  
“It’ll help.”  
The pain in Steve’s temples grew fast, he hadn’t realised he was clenching his face to deal with it until Sam had re-appeared.  
“Thanks Sam.”  
He nodded, moving to sit beside Steve once again.  
“Bucky, he’s doing great, kid smiles so much, looks at you like you’re all the goodness of the world in one person.”  
Steve knew that Bucky was happy, is warmed by every smile that graces his lips, but it doesn’t mean there’s not a niggle in Steve’s mind, some sense of impending doom.  
“I’ve got this feeling, something bad’s going to happen.”  
“That day in the desert, was the scariest day of your life, it bothered you before Bucky came along-  
“I know- but this is worse so much worse, I wasn’t afraid to die that day, it was the fear for the guys behind me, I needed them to be alright, they had lives to get back to, wife and kids, but with Bucky, that fear is a million times worse, I can’t let him get hurt.”  
“He’s not hurt, he’s fine. You’re worried for him-I get that, but you’re also afraid of not having him, you didn’t have a wife and kids, didn’t have that anchor, but now you do and you’re terrified you’ll lose it. Welcome to being in love, its a bumpy-ass ride, especially with the shit you’ve both been through.”  
It was as if he’d cut his own heart out, placed it in the brunettes body and was watching it, praying it would be okay. His love was pulsing in Bucky’s body and it was terrifying, he couldn’t bare to be without the other man, didn’t understand how he had managed so long without finding the missing link and at the same time shit scared that he’d got it.  
“You’re just scared its going to end, and I’ll tell you this, he will not be without you, he’s not gunna go back to them. That danger he’s oblivious to, it’s behind him.”  
“I hope you’re right Sam.”

 

Steve ate the bacon sandwich Sam made him, grumbled his annoyance when Sam suggested he have the day off, went to the garage and immediately sliced his thumb because he wasn’t concentrating.

 

“Home Steve.”

 

Steve didn’t make it home, hailing a taxi half way back to the apartment for a trip to stark industry’s.  
Pepper took in his haggard appearance and led him straight to the lift with no chit-chat, stabbing her manicured nail into the floor button and shooting Steve a sympathetic smile.

 

He strolled into the room with Tony, holding his breath till he finally settled his gaze on Bucky. Relief had his body uncoiling, hands bracing against the window while he panted.  
“Hmmm, you okay there big guy?”  
Steve nodded, resting his forehead on the cool wall, eyes trained on the oblivious brunette, his beating heart in the other room.  
“You want to talk to him? Or just pant in his direction.”

 

Steve nodded, before shaking his head, he’d come to see Bucky, but didn’t necessarily want to be seen. Peace of mind, that’s why he was there.  
“Just carry on, like I’m not here.”  
Tony pouted, making a disappointed noise in the back of his throat, “you know I love to talk.”  
“Fine talk then, I’m not promising to listen though.”  
It seemed to be enough for Tony, who smiled brightly and whacked the blonde on the shoulder.  
“Your boys in the booth with our next guinea pig, six year old Maisie moo.”  
“That’s not very nice Tony.”  
He chewed his bottom lip, “you kidding right? Most awkward Guinea pig ever, refused to wear the cap because it was black not pink, bought her one all glittery and stuff and she still won’t put the damn thing on.”  
Bucky was in the booth, with a girl with long golden locks, big brown eyes and garishly bright pink nails on one hand, the other was absent, a stump of a limb just under her elbow. The kid was scrunching her face, arms folded over her chest, mom next to her doing her best to coax her into the cap.  
Tony prodded a button, “yeah, don’t have all day...”

 

The girl continued to sulk and the mom stared at the mirrored glass in outrage.  
“Not wearing that!” the girl announced, swaying her hips and sticking her tongue out at the mirror, directly in front of where Steve was standing.  
Bucky moved to the far end of the booth, opening a draw and pulling another slightly bigger cap and loading it with lube, “see, I’ll do it first.”  
The girl watched, pouting her lips and pulling a disgusted expression when the cap sunk down on the brunettes hair.  
“You look stupid.” She announced, making Tony splutter a laugh.

 

The brunette nodded in agreement, “yeah but it’s not forever, its just to make sure the nerves are matching up, you won’t need to wear it all the time, just when your here with me and you’re mom.”  
Maisie pointed accusingly at the glass, directly at Steve’s chest who scooted back with wide eyes, “and him?”  
Steve could feel the heat rushing his face, caught out by the six year old, he was about to apologise but Bucky filled in the gap.  
“Yeah and Tony, but he looks like an idiot all the time...”  
She giggled into her palm, relaxing her tensed mother at her side.  
“Now you gunna try it for me too Maisie...”  
She considered, brown eyes blinking at Bucky slowly, before she gave a hesitant nod, “okay, but don’t take yours off ‘kay.”  
Bucky agreed, swearing it on his heart with hand gestures. The girl smiled and allowed Bucky to place the pink rubber on her head, she winced, shivered at the feel off the jelly, and shouted out ‘yuk!’ at the top of her voice.  
Tony did a silent cheer, typing away on the laptop, “we have lift off!”  
The familiar image of a brain map lit up the screen. Warping activity in the brain, Steve was about to ask what all the colours meant but snapped his mouth shut when Tony pressed down on the button.  
“Okay Bucky baby, lets get things moving.”  
The brunette gave the mirror a thumbs up, opening a drawer and putting a wrapped up package on the table.  
“You’re his baby?” the girl asked, wrinkling her nose  
“Ummm,” Bucky glanced up at the glass with a coy smile, “yeah- he’s like really old.”  
“Like a hundred?” The girl asked with wide eyes.  
Bucky popped his mouth open, eyes bulging in their sockets, “I’d say even older by the look of him.”  
“Your boys a little shit...” Tony rasped, tapping away on the keyboard with a look close to a scowl, “I don’t look old, I’m barley older than you Rogers.”  
“Late forties?....late fifties.” Steve asked with an innocent expression.  
“Steveeeeen.”  
“You look old but inside you’re a child.”  
“That’s hurting my feelings....Steveeen..”

 

Steve turned his attention back to the room, Bucky was unwrapping the package with care and a shy smile on his lips, each time the brunette grinned, he felt his own lips mimicking the motion.  
“Let’s see how this goes.” Tony muttered, standing at the blondes side.  
The girl gasped at the sight of it, tugging her moms hand urgently, “Mamma, mamma, look!”  
Bucky removed the limb, “now I know you hated the silver metal, so I sprayed it.”  
Bright pink, a bright pink robotic limb, the girl was ecstatic, hopping on the spot.  
“Everyone will want one!”  
She allowed Bucky to slide it on, positioning straps round the top of her arm and a bigger strap stretching round her opposite shoulder for support.  
“I’m gunna switch it on now, okay?”

 

The girl nodded, rubbing her fingertips along the shinny pink. The arm whirled, Maisie jumped and giggled, focus fixed on the fingers as she practised bending and flexing.  
Bucky took the girl through various motion, small tests. She was particularly happy when Bucky asked for a high five, chuckling when Bucky pulled his hand away with ‘oww’ and his own little giggle. 

 

All anxiety had seeped away, replaced by glowing warmth, a complete feeling in Steve’s body. Bucky wasn’t even aware of the soothing effect he had, didn’t know that just his smile was medicine for Steve’s muddled mind.

 

“It’s nice ya’ know...”  
Steve darted a look at Tony with a raised eyebrow, “what’s nice?”  
“You, being so utterly smitten.”  
“M’not smitten...”  
Tony chuckled, laughter dying off slowly, “you deserve some happiness.”  
“I was never not happy.”  
“You were lonely, and bitter, and kinda up yourself.”  
“Yep just pile it on Tony.”  
Tony shrugged, not even a hint of an apology for his bluntness, “I saw you smile more in the past hour than the three years I knew you before Bucky.”  
“Maybe you made me miserable.”  
Steve could feel the burn of the Tony’s eyes, before slumping in defeat, “yeah well, bout time I found someone.”  
“You’re telling me, thought you were some blushing virgin, never did casual flings.”  
“Was waiting for the right partner.”  
Tony pointed at the glass, amused tone lifting his voice, “bet you never thought that would be Alexander Pierces pawn.”  
“Pawn?”  
Steve heard the scratch of nails on short hair, the brunette itching his face beside him, both watching the tests in the other room.  
“In chess the pawn is disposable, used to make gains, get closer to the over all goal.”  
“His life isn’t some kind of game Tony.”  
Tony held his hands up in surrender, “I know that Steve, but he was being played in a game without even realising it. He’s not anymore, the games over and here he is.”

 

They were silent for a long time, till Tony’s phone tweeted for attention, he scrolled the message, blowing out a breath through his teeth.  
“So, I might have a bit of an...issue to solve.”  
Steve frowned, “what’s that gotta do with me?”  
“Not you, but him.”  
The blonde bristled, a creep of nervousness spiking in his body, he waved his hand so Tony would continue.  
“So Erik, boating incident guy, “Steve winced but let the brunette continue rambling, “yeah, he’s taken the arms for a test drive, told him not to make them too obvious, not ready for this to hit the press. What does he do?”  
Steve waited, surely that’s a rhetorical question...  
“No guesses, fine your no fun. He puts video blogs of the arm all over the net, shows the world what they can do, also talks about our Bucky Baby- a lot. So now people are interested, asking questions and I’m not sure he’s ready to be centre of attention, not when the press might go off track, ask about the crash or Pierce, you know how brutal they can be when they want something juicy.”  
“What do we do then?”  
Tony sighed, eyes lingering on the brunette in the other room, pulling stupid faces to make Maisie smile and giggle into the palm of her brand new hand.  
“I guess I go out and have more threesomes till he’s ready to be in the spot light...”  
“I would say thanks but I have a feeling you were gunna do that anyway.”  
Tony winked in reply, finger pressing down on the microphone button.

 

“Right Maisie, enough for today, I need my Bucky baby back.”  
The girl stomped her foot, glaring venom at the mirror, her angry stare rivalled Nat’s.  
“See why I don’t want kids...” Tony chuckled.

 

Tony went to escort Maisie and her mother from the building, full on flirty mode, the mother twirled her hair into loops as she giggled at Tony’s god-awful jokes.

 

Steve was going to announcing himself as soon as Tony had gone, but instead he just watched for a bit longer. Bucky floated around in the booth, back to the mirror, the warmth in Steve’s chest was full-on buzzing, coursing through his veins, making him feel lighter and close to giddy. He loved that man, was completely caught up in his feelings for him. He had to dampen down any fears, like he did that day in the desert, Captain Rogers didn’t get overwhelmed, he kept his cool, kept everyone calm and things worked out okay. He had to be the brunettes captain to keep a level head.

 

Steve pressed down on the button, the microphone cackled and the brunette looked up.  
“Hi” was all Steve could think to say.  
Bucky smiled at the mirror, big and bright, “Hi to you too, how long you been watching me?”  
“A while...”  
The brunette cocked his head, sly smile spreading his lips, “so you only looking or ya gunna ...?”  
The question was left hanging, Steve released the button, marching along the room to the door of the booth.  
“Oh, I’m gunna all right...” He muttered to himself before pushing inside.  
Just before the brunette could snap the cap off his head, Steve caught his wrists.  
“Leave it on.”  
“Don’t I look stupid?”  
“I want you to explain the scan.”

 

The brunette glanced over to the warping image, red blotches were glowing, becoming brighter.  
“So, this bit?”  
Bucky looked to where the blonde was pointing, huffing a laugh at himself.  
“That’s- um, the bit just above the brain stem?”  
Steve had no idea so just nodded, faking total focus. Bucky’s cheeks reddened fast, and he darted a look to the floor.  
“Well they say that area is activated by feelings of passion, of...love.”  
“Ah, so looking at me has yours flaring up?”  
Bucky cleared his throat, “you knew that anyway, its also the part of the brain that shows reliance...addiction”  
“You’re addicted to me?”  
“Guess so.”  
That made a thrill course into Steve’s heart, it was kind of arousing being the brunettes private stash.  
“And here?”  
He pointed at the area Tony had when Erik was in the booth, the area he knew was linked to sexual arousal.  
“Um, that’s controlling, heart rate, blood flow, um-bodily functions...”  
Steve hummed, walking up to stand directly in front of the stuttering brunette. “So it shows you’re getting turned on just being around me?”  
Bucky huffed, backing a step away from the blonde’s smirking face, “Can I take it off now?”  
“No, I wanna see what your brain does when you come...”

 

Steve almost laughed at the brunettes gob-smacked expression, he managed to recover with a disbelieving chuckle as the blonde approached, pushing their lips together in a loving kiss, Bucky responded eagerly, trying to move the kiss from a slow kiss to a ravaging one.  
“You still being all gentle with me? You don’t need to be gentle.”  
A switch flicked in the blondes head and he barged a thigh between Bucky’s legs, pushing his body forward and savaging the startled lips.  
“Okay, I wont...”

 

He yanked at Bucky’s trousers, getting them down to his ankles, doing the same to his underwear, releasing him from the confines.  
The blonde dropped hard to his knees, without warning or words he took the other man into his mouth, using a relentless pace and swirl of tongue to bring Bucky to the edge in seconds. He pulled back with a slurp, gazing up and smiling at Bucky’s flushed face and open mouth.  
“Lube.”  
Bucky nodded dopily, eyes unfocused as he pointed over to the drawers. Steve left him perched on the desk, scrambling over and opening every drawer till he found the jelly.  
Back in front of his target he began with his mouth again, working the other man till he was whining out loud with his fingers clutched so hard to the desk he was sure they were drilling themselves through.  
“Fuck- Steve, gahhh.”  
“Call me sir.”  
Captain Rogers was taking care of his privates privates, the thought made Steve grin smugly, before sinking back down on the brunettes cock.

 

He flung his head, moving his grip to Steve’s hair and pulling hard, it only excited the blonde further, spurred him on.  
“Fuuuck, sir-fuck.”  
“Don’t come.” Steve panted up at him.  
Fingers prepped with lube, he slid them inside, carrying on his relentless pace, the brunette curled over when Steve found the special spot, he panted, and cried out, one hand pulling Steve’s hair and one hanging on the desk desperately.  
“Sir-Oh, please-just say I can.”  
Steve paused, fingers still imbedded and mouth still full. All those times Bucky had mercilessly teased him, it was his time for revenge.  
“Not yet.” He mumbled round the cock in his mouth, grinning when Bucky’s eyes rolled in his head.  
He spun the brunette around, slicked hands gripping his cock and tongue teasing his hole. Bucky’s whole body was trembling, moans, sobs and groans spewing from his lips, words ranging from begging and pleading to angry frustration.  
He could feel the brunette was close, so eased off, pulled his face away and stopped his hands abruptly.  
Bucky’s desperate whine vibrated his whole body.  
“Don’t stop-please.”  
“That’s not how you speak to a commanding officer.”  
Bucky howled a sob, “siiir, please, sir-just-“

 

Steve twirled him again, mouth finding the original target and fingers hooking back inside the warmth, finding the spot that made the brunette hunker over. Bringing him close to the edge, making him teeter on it and easing off to music of Bucky’s despairing whine.  
He continued spinning the brunette, tonguing his body, stoking with relentless pace, all till the point of orgasm and then stopping completely, spinning the brunette and starting again on him. The sounds strangling there way through Bucky’s lips were feeding Steve’s cock, making it swell almost to the point of coming with no physical stimulation at all.

 

Bucky was a blubbering mess, no longer able to say a single word, his lips just opened to release groans and broken sobs. His body was shaking so much Steve had to use one hand on his hips, pinning him against the desk to stop him from puddling to the floor.  
“Next time my mouths around you, you can come.”  
“’es sir.”  
The brunettes head was unsteady on his shoulders, swaying as he looked down at Steve, he looked utterly dazed, almost drunk with the need to come. His knees were trembling so much Steve had to grip them for a few seconds, give them strength to support the overdone man.

 

“Do you understand? my mouth”  
He didn’t reply, didn’t even nod, there was an extending blink that Steve took as an agreement. Steve gripped the brunettes cock in two hands, gazing at it hungrily, it was purpling at the end, desperate for its release. Steve opened his mouth, all too aware Bucky was watching with a slack mouth, a shudder travelled up from his toes as Steve got closer, making the blonde grin smugly.  
“Not yet.” Steve breathed at the slit.

 

Bucky whimpered, mouth streaming out pleasepleaseplease over and over. Steve stood up, unbuckling his belt and removing his pants, hands rough on Bucky’s skin as he bent him over the desk.  
“You’re forgetting your place private.”

 

The chanting changed from please over and over to a long drawn our ‘siiiiir’.  
Bucky’s sob was broken by Steve slamming home, hard and fast. Bucky’s body accepted the intrusion greedily , swallowing Steve down to the hilt each thrust. He pounded into the willing body, the whole room dissolved into stars, tingles spread down to the tips of his fingers and the ends of his toes. He pushed a hand down between the brunettes still clothed shoulders, keeping him still.  
“You’re so beautiful-so good.”

 

Bucky sobbed in reply, moving back into Steve’s movements, trying to hurry him along so he could get to his own release. Steve’s body clenched tight, he pulled Bucky off the desk when he came, hugging the brunette to his chest.  
Bucky was still chanting please-sir over and over as the blonde came back down to earth, remembering he needed to take pity on the too-stimulated man.

 

“You ready Buck?”  
He released a throated groan in response, allowing Steve to spin him round for the final time.  
It only took Steve’s mouth and a baseline hum for Bucky to go off, hands scrabbling at Steve’s shoulders and mouth open in a silent cry.  
The blonde just about managed to catch him when he fell, puppet stings severed and body flopping.

 

“Whoa, Easy.”  
Bucky didn’t reply, he fell into Steve’s chest, boneless. Soft puffs of air were breathed into the blondes neck, heart pulsating in the brunettes chest. Steve shushed him, snaked his hands up the brunettes t-shirt and rubbed warm circles into his skin.  
“You okay?”  
There was no reply, and Steve stopped mapping the brunettes back and hugged him close.  
“Buck? Did I hur-“  
“’m fine, just-a bit...dizzy I guess.”  
Steve angled the brunette head back, making it tip so he could look at it, he gripped the cap and lifted it off, ruffling Bucky’s wet hair that was plastered to his scalp, the more he combed his hands through, the more the brunette sunk into his body, purring at the contact.  
“You like that huh?”  
“Mmmm”

 

Steve glanced away, faced with the huge mirrored wall, reality creeped up fast, Tony was coming back up, might’ve already come back up...  
“Okay, I’m just gunna sort you out.”  
Steve lay Bucky on the floor, arranged his own underwear and pants before tugging Bucky’s back up his legs, zipping him and buttoning the top.  
“You with me?”  
The brunette grumbled his annoyance, trying to sit up before slumping back to the ground, Eyes flicking from side to side in their sockets. Steve just about managed to catch his head.  
Concern washed over him, and he positioned Bucky’s head in his lap, running his fingers through the sticky mess of his hair.  
“Buck?”  
“’ooms spinning.”  
Steve paused his caresses, fingers climbing down Bucky’s pale cheeks, not the usual bronzed complexion, not the flushed face of moments ago.  
“Did you eat this morning?”  
“We got up late.”  
Steve grumbled, shifting Bucky in his lap and flicking his face, “that’s a no then.”  
“Didn’t have time.”  
Guilt seeped into the blonde chest, it was his fault they had woke up later, the dream had disrupted both of them.  
“Come on, I’ll take you for lunch.”

 

Tony took one look at Bucky and gave him the day off, fearing he had come down with some illness he was desperate not to catch.  
“Get outta here!”  
Bucky nodded, allowing himself to be hauled away from the building by Steve.

 

Steve picked a cafe close by, too concerned Bucky would faint from lack of food it they walked too far. The brunette chose not to sit opposite Steve, plastering himself to Steve’s side while they waited.

 

Bucky had a sweet-tooth, piled his pancakes with so much maple syrup they seemed to be swimming in it.  
“Jesus, Buck!”  
“What, you’ve drained me, I need extra sugar...” He smiled brightly, swiping his tongue round his teeth when he finished the last bite.  
“You feel better now?”  
Bucky nodded, sighing in contempt and leaning his head on Steve’s shoulder.  
“How about you?”  
Steve decided not to play dumb, he was well aware Bucky was taking about the dream the night before.  
“Yeah- was just a dream.”  
“A dream that bothered you enough to stalk me at work...”  
Bucky pulled back, hand finding Steve’s and linking their fingers, “I’m not going anywhere.”  
“You’d better not, you better not-“Steve’s voice broke and he clenched his teeth together to gain some control back, “don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”  
“You’re not going to, I’ve finally got something to live for.” Bucky squeezed, giving the blonde a soft kiss on the cheek. “Push that dream away.”

 

Steve released a pent up breath, finally chasing the last remaining fear away by looking deep into the brunettes eyes, blue and glowing.  
Steve decided to make a day of it, taking the brunettes hand in his and leading him through the crowds of people.  
“Where we going?”  
“Movies, if you’re comfortable enough.” Steve replied.  
He was all to aware they were in need of a shower, but the brunette just shrugged. “yep m’good.”

 

The film would’ve been good had Steve paid attention to it, but his eyes were trained on the brunette, the brunette slumped over the arm-rest, face shoved into Steve’s neck, puffing out soft breaths, the cutest steam train. Steve had finally managed to take Bucky on a date and he’d fallen asleep less that 10 minutes into the film.  
The movie ended, the credits rolled by and only when they finished did Steve wake the brunette.  
“Wha?”  
“Movie’s over.”  
“What movie?”  
He straightened up, rubbing at his eyes, “’m sorry Steve.”  
“Its alright, you were exhausted.”  
“Think you well and truly drained me earlier.”  
Steve held his hand out for Bucky to grip, tugged him off his seat with ease, “you liked me bossing you?”  
Even in the faint light of the cinema, Steve could see the blush growing on the brunettes cheeks.  
“Yeah-it, I liked it.”  
“Good.”

 

Steve didn’t have control over his messed up head when he slept, couldn’t control his love for the other man, dominating him had given him a small sense of control back.

 

“So ummm, you were in the army right?”  
Steve frowned at the obvious question, “yeeah.”  
“You had some kinda captains uniform...”  
Now Steve understood where the conversation was heading.  
“Yeah, I did.”  
“Still got it?”  
Steve nodded, “somewhere, why you want me to wear it for you Buck?”  
Bucky sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and bit down, a desperate expression on his face, “yes please, I'd like that very much.”  
Steve couldn’t stop the shiver, the draining of blood from his head into his pants.  
“Then I guess we should go find it...”

 

Arm slung over Bucky’s shoulders they made their way to the front door of the apartment, had Steve not been riding a wave of bliss and anticipation he would’ve noticed the tension seeping through the door frame, would’ve realised it was far too quiet, where was the beat of Nat’s awful music, or the growl of car engines from yet another motorsport documentary. The key scratched in the lock just as Bucks lips found Steve’s neck, sucking marks that were making the blonde groan throatily.

 Steve batted him away, telling him sternly to wait till they were back in their room, the door opened and the grin on Steve’s face dropped immediately, he braced himself in the doorway so Bucky’s couldn’t pass through, shielding the brunette to the snarky man sat on their couch.

 

Alexander Pierce tilted his head in acknowledgment, stretching his legs out on the coffee table and unbuttoning his suit jacket. “At last, we have some things to discuss...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pierce is a different level of utter asshole!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get the hell out!”
> 
>  
> 
> Steve’s most infuriated bellow and Pierce didn’t even move, a smirk grew slowly on his tight lips until he released a small laugh.
> 
>  
> 
> “Rather impolite don’t you think.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve POV  
> Unbeta'd  
> Pierce is a bastard....  
> Kudos and comments gratefully recieved. <3

“Get the hell out!”

 

Steve’s most infuriated bellow and Pierce didn’t even move, a smirk grew slowly on his tight lips until he released a small laugh.

 

“Rather impolite don’t you think.”

 

Steve fixed his grip on the doorframe, anchoring himself so he wouldn’t charge across the room and forcibly remove the creature on the couch. A quick eye scan for threats, Steve counted five men with Pierce, all identical suits, equip gun holsters on display. Brock was absent, had he been in the room Steve wouldn’t of been able to control himself, he would’ve splattered the couches red to be sure he couldn’t get near the brunette again. Sam and Nat were huddled in the kitchen, concern mixed with a hint of guilt on their faces.  
“You okay?”  
They both nodded, eyes fixed to the man on the couch, drumming a tune out on his knee, “they’re fine Mr Roger, now-  
“How did you even get in?”  
There was a shift in the kitchen but Steve didn’t look to see who moved, eyes trained on the threadbare greying man.  
“Miss Romanov kindly let me in.”  
So it was Nat that shifted in Steve’s peripheral with the guilty-ass expression.  
“He said he wanted to speak to James-and well its his dad...”  
Pierce nodded along with Nat explanation, smiling to himself.

 

“I’m here to speak with James, if your apartment is unsuitable, I’ll be happy to drive him back to the mansion.”  
“He’s not going anywhere with you.” Steve growled, fingers tightening so much into the wood it squeaked in protest.  
“Then I suggest you let him inside so I can speak with him.”  
There was a hand at his back, hesitant in its caress, “it’s okay Steve.”  
“No!” he said sharply, inwardly kicking himself when the hand at his back recoiled.

 

It wasn’t bloody okay, it was far from it, but Steve relaxed his grip, stepped into his apartment that no longer felt like his home but an extension of Pierces office. The brunette made his way forward, sitting down on the unoccupied couch. The armed men shifted, making a perimeter around the room, caging them in.  
“You always let him control you like that?”  
Bucky blinked, shaking his head in confusion, “Steve doesn’t control me.”  
“Sure looked that way.”  
The brunettes lips opened, ready to deny but Steve was riding a wave of anger and interrupted.  
“Shut it!” he yelled, making everyone in the room jump.

 

It was Sam that moved closer, tugging Steve’s T-shirt so he retreated into the kitchen.  
“Don’t play into his hands.” Sam mumbled, barely audible even when the room was a cell of silent tension.  
“Well lets make this as quick and...painless as possible, we made a deal, the anniversary is next Saturday just in case you...forgot.”  
Bucky didn’t rise to the bait and just nodded solemnly at the floor.  
“We made an agreement, stop all the trolling in the press and you’ll be there.”  
“I will. I said I would.”  
Pierce directed his index finger in Steve’s direction, “he won’t be.”  
“Just try an stop me.” Steve growled before he could stop it, there was a warning glance from Bucky, not impressed by Steve’s outburst.

 

Pierce straightened up on the couch, twisted scowl on his face, “you will not interfere, you do and I’ll troll your name so bad suicide will look like a happy vacation.”  
“I don’t care about the lies you sell people, I’m not letting him go with you.”  
Pierce grinned toothily, as if Steve had just given him a reward, he turned his attention to Bucky.

 

“There he goes controlling you again-telling you what to do.” He barked a laugh “ always need someone to tell you what to do...”  
Steve ground his teeth, spinning in a circle with his hands gripping his hair. “You’re telling him what to do-your forcing him to go to this stupid press campaign?”  
“Stupid? You think remembering his mother and sister is stupid?” Pierce shook his head disapproving, masking the upward tilt of his lips. “Does he care about you at all...”  
“That’s not what I meant-  
“It’s what you said though, we all heard it.”  
Bucky couldn’t meet Steve’s eyes, he scanned the floor with crease lines becoming more and more pronounced each second that passed.  
“I don’t trust you or your men alone with him.”  
Pierce huffed a laugh, darting a look over his shoulders to his men, “none of them have ever caused him harm.”

 

“What about Brock?”  
A darkness settled in Pierces face, his jaw clenched tight before releasing with a sneer. “you don’t have to worry about Rumlow anymore.”  
“Where is he?” Bucky asked quietly, voice unwavering.  
Pierce studied the brunette for a long time before replying, “he no longer works for me...a difference of opinion, it was for the best we parted ways.”  
That did nothing to sooth Steve’s mind, all it meant was an unshackled Brock Rumlow was out there somewhere. 

 

“I am surprised James, you’ve traded Rumlow for Mr Rogers, both similar in their nature-  
“I’m nothing like Brock Rumlow! I don’t hurt Bucky and I never would.”  
Pierce rolled his eyes, making Steve take an involuntary step forward, a step closer to smacking the look off his face. One of the suits coughed loudly, flashing the holster on his belt in Steve’s direction.

 

“This is all very irrelevant, I’m here to talk about Saturday and what’s expected of James, I’ve given him a choice, he’s made it, it’s you that’s trying to undermine him.”  
“Blackmailing isn’t a choice-  
“But it is, he could come on Saturday, play the part and we’ll part ways, or don’t and I’ll get the press to rip you to shreds, he has a choice and he’s made it, I suggest you quieten down and respect his decision, he has his own mind after all...”  
Steve was about to retaliate, hurl the toaster in Pierces direction but Sam hissed sharply in his ear, muffling the roaring anger in his head.

 

Steve finally looked over to Bucky, who had sunk into the couch, back slunk forward and face to the floor.  
“What do you need me to?”  
“It’ll be in the morning, don’t want to drag it out all day. The plaques unveiled, a few pictures, I say a speech, you say a speech. Done. A few hours of your time and we’re done.”  
“Speech, what speech?”  
Pierce clicked his fingers and one of the suits surged out of formation, pulling a folder from inside his suit jacket.  
“Learn it, and say it. It’s simple, even you can handle it...”  
Bucky took the outstretched piece of paper, scanning the words before glancing up at Pierce with a kicked dog expression.  
“You want me to say this?”  
Pierce pursed his lips nodding slowly, “why don’t you give it a go now. Need to practise.”  
Bucky’s eyes whipped along the paper several times before he began reciting the prepared words.

 

“There’s not a day goes by where I don’t think about my mother an sister. Where I’m not haunted by what happened. My mother was a victim of addiction, and I should’ve learned from her mistake but I didn’t. I followed my mother into the grips of it too. I didn’t deserve the second chance I got, the third and the fourth, but each time I fell, I wasn’t alone. My father never gave up on me, I don’t deserve the love he’s given me, I don’t deserve pity or sympathy. I don’t deserve the privileged life I’ve got, I am a waster-

 

Pierce sighed loudly, cutting Bucky off, “and I reply, you’re not a waster, you are my son and I’ll never give up on you, not while there’s breath in your body, and beating heart in your chest....and then you’ll hug me-and thank me for all I’ve done for you...”

 

“Thank you?”  
Pierce nodded, “yes, the chances I’ve given you, the love you’ve received from a man that isn’t even your blood, oh and off record-hiding your dirty little secret and the real reason your family is no longer here...”  
Nat’s eyes were burning into Steve’s face, a flicker of a glance her way had her mouthing 'what' under her breath.  
“I doubt even Mr Rogers knows the extent of your secrets...”  
Steve shifted foot to foot, temptation dancing on his tongue to yell back, to let Pierce know he knew everything, knew how Brock had abused him and the greying man had manipulated his life, but Nat and Sam, as well as five total strangers were in the room.

 

The brunettes hands that had gripped the paper steadily a few seconds ago were full-on trembling, the flapping only stopped when Pierce removed it and placed it on the table.  
“Reading is simple isn’t it.”  
Bucky’s ashen face nodded, “Yes.”  
“Good...learn the words, say them like they’re yours.”  
“I will.”

 

Pierce smiled brightly, slapping his hands down on his knees and glancing around the room, his mouth opened as if he had suddenly remembered something vital.  
“Oh, whatever you’re doing with Mr Stark, it stops.”  
That pulled the brunette eyes out of tunnelling a hole in the floor.  
“What? Why?” It wasn’t Bucky’s outraged cry but Nat’s, “what they’re doing is amazing.”  
Pierces eyes bulged dangerously from their sockets, “I don’t need him to be amazing, I need him to play his part, the part that he’s been playing since he was a child” He pinched his brow, voice losing its cutting edge, “just until Saturdays done, then you can do what you’re doing to your hearts content.”

 

He shifted, sitting up with his feet on the floor, Steve sagged in relief, he was leaving, and Steve would do his best to fix whatever mess he had made in the brunettes head, only he didn’t leave, he pulled a case from next to couch and placed it in his lap. Bucky’s whole demeanour changed, his eyes fixed to the object, mouth popped in disbelief.

 

“Now, I was thinking about the plaque and where It should be...and route 36 just doesn’t seem very photo friendly- anyone could deface it out there on the highway, is there anywhere else, more fitting for a final goodbye.”  
Steve wasn’t sure whether it was a question directed at the brunette or whether he was just thinking out loud, liking the sound of his own voice....  
“The lake.” Bucky whispered, his voice was faint, floating.  
A blade of unease sliced up Steve’s side, the lake was isolated, in the grounds of the mansion where all Pierce’s men lurked, somewhere he couldn’t go, wasn’t public access.  
Pierce rubbed his chin, eyes brightening, “ah, great minds think alike- the lake would be just perfect---  
“No!”  
“No? You think you know better do you Mr Rogers...”  
Another hiss from Sam had Steve’s jaw clicking shut, forced to silence in his own home.  
“I didn’t think so....James is right, the lake is perfect, the oak tree nearest the water is ideal.”  
“Ma and Becca loved the lake.” Bucky replied sadly.  
“Yes, Becca never got the chance to swim to the other side...and your mother, she wanted to paint the lake at the height of each season, one of the many dreams she didn’t get to fulfil...”  
Bucky nodded along, eyes shinning as he continued to stare unblinking at the case on Pierces’ lap. The older man tapped his fingers on it with a grin, a shark like expression, ready to devour an injured man.

 

He opened his mouth to speak, but Steve had reached his limit, whatever was in the case wasn’t going to be good, the way the brunette had started to tremble watching it spelled disaster-  
“You’ve said your piece, get out.”  
The drumming of fingers stopped, Pierce took his predatory expression off of Bucky.  
“You want me to leave?”  
“Yes! Get out!”  
None of the armed men shifted, Pierce rubbed his finger tips along the case, knowing full well the brunette was watching with watering eyes.  
“I was going to get a picture etched into the plaque,” he grabbed the handle of the case, rising to his feet, “was even going to let you pick James, but if Mr Rogers won’t let you...”

 

Bucky dropped down from the couch to his knees, body shaking as he muttered please under his breath at Pierce, the older man just pulled an apologetic look which held no single note of sympathy.  
“P-please, just, c-can,” the stuttering man turned his pleading towards Steve, “ju-just a bit longer, I want-let me see.”

 

Steve was so numbed by the plea in his direction, the desperation in his lovers face and his arms held out like he was offering himself up as some sort of sacrifice, all Steve could do was nod, nod and allow the greying man to stay.

 

Pierce bobbed curtly, dropping back down and unhooking the locks on the case, Bucky crawled the few paces to the couch, pulling himself up and practically diving into the case.

 

His hands withdrew, still shaking as if a harsh electric current was travelling through, held so carefully in his grip were photographs, Steve couldn’t see them clearly from his position but from the way Bucky’s face lit up, the joyful tears that travelled down his cheeks and the disbelieving hiccupped laugh, he knew they were of his family, his mom and his sister smiling back from a snapshot of time.  
Pierce’s hand tightened on his shoulder, he leaned in and spoke soft words at the brunette, “you can pick.”  
Bucky grinned again, wiping his face on the back of his arm, “thank you.”

 

Steve’s gut rolled, the brunette continued to flick through the photographs, smile becoming a confused frown.  
“You’ve taken me out of them.”  
Pierce nodded, as if it was an obvious, “Yes.”  
“Why? I mean-you’re in them-why would –“  
The hand on Bucky’s shoulder tightened, Pierce leaned close to the brunettes ear, lips visual in their movement but no sound reaching anyone else in the room.  
Bucky’s face broke, tears dripped quicker from his face and Pierce shushed him with faux concern.  
“You understand?” Pierce asked.  
“yes-yes. I- your right-“  
Steve took a step closer, distancing himself from Sam’s clutching grip, “whatever he said to you- it’s shit.”  
The brunette shook his head, teary eyes finding Steve’s, “No he’s right-  
“Buck, he’s screwing with your head.”  
The brunette gestured to the pictures in his hand, smiling down at them. “I don’t deserve to be remembered, I don’t deserve to be in a photograph with them when I’m-  
Pierce’s fingers curled into the fabric of Bucky’s shirt, stopping him from saying more on the subject.  
“You should be in photographs with your family, You deserve things Bucky, we talked about this.”

 

Pierce huffed a breath, gathering up the pictures, “If he’s going to continue to interfere I’m leaving.”  
“No pl-please- just- Steve, stop it, just stop it!”  
The blonde backed up a step, trying not to take the brunettes shout personally.

 

Bucky glanced through the photographs, Pierce’s face perched on his shoulder like a parrot, speaking poison none of them could hear, the brunette’s face grew whiter, his bottom lips wobbled and his eyes bled tears.  
“This one.” He said finally, wiping his face for the hundredth time.  
Pierce nodded, taking the picture and rubbing his finger along the edge, “yes, this is perfect.”

 

Steve stood on the tip of his toes, moving in closer to get a look at the picture. Bucky’s sister on his moms lap, the girl was grinning, bright eyes the same tear drop shape as her brothers, in fact his mom had the exact same coloured and shaped eyes. Bucky’s mom had her arms tightened around Becca’s waist, face pressed close to the side of the ecstatic looking girl. Their hair was lighter than Bucky’s, bordering on mousey blonde, but there was no mistaking they were his family.

 

The photograph was abruptly ripped away, placed into the case on top of the others and hidden from view with a snap. Bucky looked gutted, rocking on the edge of the couch, blinking back tears.  
“Jesus, let him have one picture of his family!” Nat was making her way forward, seething as she stalked Pierce, one of the men in suits immediately intervened, blocking her path with a threatening glare.  
“He doesn’t deserve one...”The greying man mumbled.  
Bucky made a sobbing noise, clamping his lips to keep it from escaping his body louder.  
Pierce stood, re-buttoned his suit jacket and arranged his tie, “I’ll tell you what- if you’re good on Saturday, I’ll let you have them.”  
“All of them?” The brunette’s grateful tone itched Steve’s skin. His lips still quivered but there was hope in his eyes.  
Pierce just nodded, flicking his head in the directions of his men who all began exiting the apartment.  
“Saturday James....”  
He gave a pointed look at Steve, smirked as he broke eye contact and strolled through the door like he owned the place. The door was left to flap open behind them, receding steps of expensive shoes slapping down the corridor.

 

Sam moved to close it, turning back to the frozen room, the brunette stood slowly, still white and quaking like a leaf in a storm.  
“Buck-“  
“Shower.” was all he managed to say, eye’s not pulling away from the ground.  
He was up, moving round the couch faster than Steve could get to him, the door was closed in his face, a physically wall as well as an emotional one now put between them.  
“Damn it!” Steve rested his head on the door, the rushing of water started on the other side and he retreated to the couch, avoiding the area Pierce had been sitting.

 

“That was Alexander Pierce?....”  
Sam nodded affirmative at Nat’s question.  
“He’s nothing like the man on TV.” She said quietly, the bitter part of Steve wanted to yell ‘I told you so’ but instead he pressed his lips together and ran through the whole meeting with Pierce in his head. In ten minutes he had managed to plant seeds of doubt over Steve and undo all the positivity from the brunette.

“I get the feeling something bad’s going to happen, I don’t even know the whole story but...Saturday shouldn’t happen...” The words cut through Steve, he glanced at Nat and then to Sam, tempted to say ‘I told you so’ for the second time.  
“I won’t let him go Saturday.”  
Sam shook his head, “You can’t stop him, he wants to go , gunna have to let him.”  
Steve pointed to the bathroom door, “did you see him, did you see how he looked after 10 minutes with Pierce.”  
An uncomfortable silence fell over them, Sam shaking his head in disapproval, Steve chewing an invisible wasp and Nat in the middle, unsure which way to swing.

 

Americans next top model rolled on in the background, it didn’t penetrate through the fuzz of Steve’s mind, just flashing images and beeped out words.  
The brunette shuffled out the bathroom, skin red raw, towel round his waist, face still down cast as he avoided Steve’s outstretched arms.

 

The bedroom door closed on Steve and the blonde tugged at his hair in frustration.  
“What do I do Sam?”  
“Just give him time, don’t go at him...”  
Steve collapsed down on the couch, trying his best to be absorbed by the mind numbing programme Nat was watching, or pretending to watch.

 

Thirty minutes later the bedroom door opened, Bucky walked out, fitted shirt, tailored pants and perfectly styled hair. His eyes were cold, barely registering there was other people in the room before strolling to the front door.  
“Where are you going?”  
Bucky turned toward Steve’s voice but didn’t make eye contact.  
“Out.” Was all the brunette offered.  
“Where?” Steve growled, a ball of nerves was tightening in his chest, he knew it was wrong to crowd the brunette, to stalk towards him with anger and concern at war.  
“You can’t stop me.”  
Steve froze, not because of the words but the way they were spoken, lifting at the end as if it was a question.  
“I won’t stop you, I’ll come with you-  
“No! I just need to clear my head.”  
The blonde rocked back on his heels, hands folding over his chest to ensure he didn’t try to grab and hold on to the other man.  
Sam cleared his throat, forcing Steve to take another step back, “mind if I come with you Bucky?”  
The brunette eyed Sam with suspicion, cocking his head but not outright saying no. Steve concealed another stab to his heart, Bucky wasn’t refusing company from Sam, just him.

 

The brunette shrugged at Sam, drifting through the door with the absent expression on his face, a walking zombie functioning with no emotional output.  
Sam’s hand clapped down hard on Steve’s shoulder, “I’ll look out for him don’t worry.”  
The words didn’t do a thing for Steve, he watched as his battered heart faded down the corridor.

 

Steve paced the apartment, made far to many coffee’s that were left to cool and tip away, washing up gave him something to do to waste away the endless minutes.  
“So what’s the plan Saturday?” Nat had been silently watching the blondes obsessive behaviour.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Pierce isn’t trustworthy- Bucky is...unstable around him.”  
Steve sighed, throwing the sponge on the marble top, “I guess I just pick up the pieces when it’s over...”  
Even saying the words had a part of Steve curl up and die, he had promised to take care of Bucky, keep him from more pain and he was already destined to fail.

 

“There’s something sinister about that man...I don’t think Bucky going alone is such a good idea.”  
Steve whirled round, hoisting his shoulders up and dropping them in huff, “what do I do then, hey?”  
“We go with him...in disguise, there’s going to be press there right? We dress the part and we won’t even be noticed.”  
“I’ll be recognised, even in a disguise, they will know it’s me.”  
Nat nodded, but a sly smile stretched her lips anyway, “maybe, but I’m a master of disguise, a master of seduction...I’ll be able to get close enough, you and Sam wait in the truck up the road. Second its over, I’ll make sure he follows and doesn’t listen to anymore bullshit Pierce says to him.”  
Steve tapped his fingers on the marble, the idea was better than waiting at the apartment, seeing if the brunette came back at all or got hypnotised back under the spell of Pierce.  
One quick nod was the response he gave to Nat’s plan, she smiled again, patting the free seat next to her.  
“Now sit, it’s exhausting just watching you.”

 

The blonde did as he was told, found himself fidgeting and shifting, mind rolling over and over like a mashed up engine, unable to make progress and move forward. An idea clicked in his head and he jumped up ignoring the redheads fed up sigh.

 

Seconds later he returned with his sketchpad and pencils and began drawing, squeezing his eyes tight and trying to remember exactly the photograph of Bucky’s mom and Becca.  
He wasn’t aware of time passing, too focussed on getting the picture just right, capturing the presence of the people in the photo he had never met.

 

He was so captivated he didn’t notice Nat leave the apartment, only looked up when her key scratched in the lock and his breath caught in his throat, hoping beyond hope that the brunette had returned.  
“Yeah, don’t look too disappointed.”  
Steve rubbed at his tired eyes, “I’m sorry Nat.”  
“Don’t be, I bought these...you said he has a sweet tooth.”  
Cupcakes with swirls of thick icing were presented triumphantly under Steve’s nose. So much sugar in the box Steve could taste it in the air.  
“He’ll love them.”

 

She smiled sweetly, placing them in the kitchen, she pulled her phone out and gave it a worrying glance.  
“What is it?”  
She waved her hand dismissively, “just...work.”  
Had Steve not been so focused on his drawing he would’ve picked up on the slight tremble of her voice, her darting eyes and her flushing red face.  
“So um, can I see...?”  
Steve paused his pencil, shyly turning his sketch round for the red head to see. Her mouth dropped open in a gawp and for a few seconds Steve was genuinely worried she had jaw-lock.  
“Is it alright?”  
She made a spluttering sound before throwing her hands up to the heavens, “Jesus Steve, it’s amazing...how did you even manage that? The photo was only out for a few seconds before Pierce ripped it away.”  
Steve turned the pad back towards him, giving a small grin at the smiling two, “photographic memory- I hope he likes it.”  
“He’s gunna love it.”  
The photograph had been full of harsh lines, Steve had softened their faces, put the most detail in the eyes and smiling lips.

 

It had been hours, Steve was positive of it, he avoided watching the clock or over checking his phone, but he knew by the trashy television, by the non-stop yawning from the red head beside him, it was late, very late and Bucky and Sam hadn’t returned.

 

When the key finally scratched in the other side of the door, Steve bolted to get there, Nat mumbled incoherently, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, “finally...” she said groggily.

 

The door opened and the brunette all-but fell in the room, Sam barely able to support him. Drunk was an understatement...Steve heaved an arm over his shoulder, Sam took the other.  
“Fuck Sam-  
“I know, I know.”  
“Where are we going?” Steve asked, on one hand Bucky was barely awake, on the other hand his face was pale and eyes sunken.  
Sam flicked his head towards the bathroom and they both carried the brunette, his legs dragged along the floor, no longer any coordination to move them.  
“How much?”  
The bitter smell of alcohol floating on the air was certainly an indication. “A lot, I tried to get him to stop, but he got away, man can disappear like smoke.”  
They got him on to his knees, face dangling dangerously close to the toilet bowl.  
“Drink, just drink?”  
The inebriated man was still able to curse in Steve’s direction, eyes unfocused and head swaying but he still managed to be hurt by Steve’s suggestion.  
“Just whiskey Steve, he downs it like its water.”  
Steve nodded, gripping the brunettes face with his hands, “you need to be sick?”  
The swaying man shook his head, paused, eyes rolling before nodding.  
The blonde gripped his shoulders as the contents of Bucky’s stomach released itself, heaving and spluttering into the pool of water below.

 

Sam excused himself, there was a small conversation between him and Nat before her head poked through the door.  
“Sam’s kryptonite...”  
As if on cue the brunette vomited again into the bowl, head flopping on his neck.  
“’urts” the brunette grumbled, hand coming up to rub on his throat with a wince.  
“Um...Steve, I’m gunna take Sam back to mine...”  
The blonde nodded, the walls were paper thin, and he doubted Sam and Nat would sleep well listening to the soundtrack of Bucky’s sickness.

 

The front door banged shut and Steve turned his attention back to the man he was holding up.  
“Buck, you gunna be sick again.”  
His head swayed, eyes shut, Steve thought he’d fallen asleep, until a rough sounding ‘no’ escaped his lips.  
Steve positioned himself, legs splayed wide so the brunette could sit between them, lean back against his chest for a pillow.  
Bucky grumbled, shifted and twisted till Steve let him go, he curled into a tight ball, lying on his side on the floor, head pressed against the tiles.  
“Cold.” He muttered.  
Steve immediately yanked his hoodie off, placing it over the brunette who just groaned annoyed, doing his best to remove the item of clothing, another emotional stab wound was carved into the blonde, the brunette still didn’t want comfort from him, wouldn’t even except warmth.  
“Like cold.” The brunette managed, fingers doing their best to unhook the shirt buttons.  
Steve took pity on him and did it for him, reaching into the shower and grabbing a washcloth.  
Bucky’s blissful sigh sounded in the small room when the wet cloth was held to his forehead, more content noises past through his lips when Steve held it over his eyes.  
“The light, is it too bright?”  
“Hmmm”  
Steve stood, flicking the switch and edging the door open so there was at least a slither of light from the living room.  
“’m sorry Steve.”

 

The blonde shushed him, moving the cloth round his face, “Sleep if you can Buck.”  
“My headsss, a mess, I just- I can’t think.”  
Steve leaned in a pressed a kiss to his temple, “we’ll talk tomorrow.”  
“I’m not worth- You should just leave me.”  
“Not going anywhere Buck.”  
He turned enough to peer up at the blonde, eyes searching his face, “cuz you love me?”  
Steve pressed his lips to his damp forehead, speaking into his skin, “yes, because I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to get darker towards the end, Pierce is as Evil as they come!  
> Please stick with it...


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took two hours for Bucky’s body to burn off the excess alcohol curled up on the bathroom floor, a chill ran through his skin, Steve raked his fingertips over the bumps on the brunettes abs and stomach, there was definite coolness to his flesh.
> 
>  
> 
> “Buck-let’s move to the bed, wrap you up.”  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos.  
> I ummed and rrred over this chapter for ages but decided to put it up, hope you enjoy :S....  
> Only two more chapters after this one, Eeeek!  
> <3 comments and kudos <3

It took two hours for Bucky’s body to burn off the excess alcohol curled up on the bathroom floor, a chill ran through his skin, Steve raked his fingertips over the bumps on the brunettes abs and stomach, there was definite coolness to his flesh.

 

“Buck-let’s move to the bed, wrap you up.”  
The brunette grumbled, body uncurling fast, too fast for Steve to stop him smacking his head on the bottom of the shower.  
“Owww.” He mumbled, curling back up into his safer position, Steve rubbed the sore patch affectionately, carding his fingers through his hair to hear the content sound of purring.  
“Let’s get you up.” Steve gripped under his arms, hoisting him up and holding him still till the brunettes legs had untangled and straightened down to the floor. Walking Bucky to the bedroom wasn’t easy, several times they careened into the wall, knocked knees and cursed at the difficulty of walking five paces into another room.

 

The brunette slumped, head first, starfish onto the bed, groans sounding like a re-animated corpse seeped through his lips. Steve helped him to roll onto his back, slipping the shirt off his shoulders as he did. He was overly aware, if not splash back from sick it certainly had splashes of whiskey on the material, he could smell it.  
Steve looked sadly down at his lover, fingers running along the top of his tailored pants, the position on the bathroom floor had resulted in a red-surely-purpling mark growing on the brunettes hip where the belt had hoisted itself up and cut in to his skin.

 

“Let’s get this off.”  
The blonde sighed, unbuckling the belt so the brunette would be more comfortable in his slumber, had Steve of took check and actually thought about how his actions might’ve been perceived, he wouldn’t of had his hands picking at the other mans clothing, trying to undress him.

 

The whip-slide sound of the belt being forced through the loops had the brunette’s breathing change, panting harsh breaths through his nose, harsher and loudly as he began to tremble. Steve froze, realising his mistake too late.

 

“Buck-your fine- I promise you’re okay.”  
The brunette wasn’t convinced, in the dull light seeping in from the living room Steve could see his tightened face, thrashing head on the pillow. He tried to rest a hand to Bucky’s chest to still him, uttering quick reassurances but it was brushed away with a helpless whine.  
“D-d-don’t”  
Steve pulled back fast, belt held in his numb hands, “I didn’t- you looked sore...”, Fuck, Steve had no idea what to do.  
“I’d never do something like that- I wasn’t- swear I’d never.”  
Bucky’s unfocused gaze locked with the belt and the whiteness of his face had Steve worrying he’d stopped breathing, fainted of fright.  
Steve surged forward, aiming to bring his hand up to cup the brunettes cheek and cuddle the fear away, all the brunette saw was a man in shadow, leaning over with a belt in his hands.  
“B-brock...I don’t-“

 

Steve recoiled from the bed, colliding with the wall behind. The belt clumped down to the floor as the blonde barely held himself up, too shocked, he fumbled with the switch near the door, bathing the dull room in a yellow glow.

 

Bucky scrunched his eyes shut at the intrusion, jaw set and skin as white as the day on ice. Steve waited, waited for the moment Bucky opened his eyes, blinked in the light and lit up in the knowledge it was Steve in front of him and not the abuser he had been mistaken for.  
Only, the brunette didn’t open his eyes, they stayed forcibly closed, jaw relaxing and clenching over and over in the uncomfortable wait.  
“Buck, open your eyes.”

A spluttered sob broke through his lips, he bit down hard to stop anymore sounds escaping, Steve moved forward, perching on the end of the bed, as soon as it sagged the brunette tensed, harsh rushes of air struggled through his nose, lips bitten shut to muffle any noise.  
“Please Buck- It’s me, gotta trust me.”  
Steve wanted to reach over, tug the brunette into a firm hug, rub his hands along his arms in comfort but he wasn’t sure it was wise, the brunette was hyperventilating with him close by, his heart was jack-hammering hard enough for the vibration to travel through the mattress and be registered by Steve’s body.

 

“Please Buck, I don’t know what to do. Open your eyes it’s me, it’s Steve...”  
When he did finally open his eyes, registering the room he was in and the man at the end of the bed, Steve’s heart sunk at the suspicion in his face, the questioning look and the fear all swelling in the blue orbs.  
“I was just trying to get you comfortable, I didn’t mean to- ah fuck,” Steve brushed his hands through his hair, stopping with his fingers taking a painful grip, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”  
Bucky swallowed loudly, he brought his hand up to massage his still sore throat. Steve watched helpless, cursing at himself for being so utterly useless.

 

“Fuck-Bucky, can I touch you?”  
Not the right phrase to use, Bucky’s eyes widened in mistrust-Steve smacked a hand into his forehead-  
“I mean a hug, that’s all- please can I just hold you?”  
Bucky shook his head and Steve’s stomach dropped to his feet, his eyes had started stinging as he fought a wave of guilt and desperation. Bucky had thought he was Brock, had thought he was going to...he didn’t want to think about it, couldn’t think about it.  
“You want me to go?”  
Bucky’s face snapped left to right over and over until the blonde shushed him.  
“Okay- not leaving, just- the belt mark looked painfully, I-...“

 

Bucky’s fingers dipped down his body, running along the edge of his pants so he could fell the moulded dents in his skin from the leather, his face winced as he pressed the bruise.  
“See, I just wanted to make it better.”  
In so doing he had made things a hundred times worse. Bucky still wore suspicion like a shield, guarding all other emotions, Steve longed to know what was running through his head.

 

“You’re not Brock...”he mumbled, whipping his eyes round Steve’s body to confirm it.  
His voice was hoarse, raw from the bouts of throwing up, his fingers pressed circles into the column of his throat as he waited for Steve to speak.  
“No, nothing like him- I’d never hurt you-never do something like that-

 

Steve closed his mouth when the brunette rolled on his side, presenting his bare back. The tensed shoulders and stiff back made the blonde nervous. He scooted over, hovering his hand over the other mans side, slowly lowering till their skin made contact. Bucky flinched, taking in a gulp full of air and holding it.

 

Steve recoiled his hand, patting the side of the bed, “it okay If I lay down?”  
“It’s your bed.” Bucky replied softly.  
Steve didn’t get any sleep that night, his fingers flexed helplessly, every position was uncomfortable without another body moulding around his. He ended up on his side, watching the back of the brunettes head, soft strands he wanted so badly to run his hands through, to sooth the tenseness of his body.

 

The following day Bucky was far too ill for a conversation, every time Steve tried he groaned and hid his head under the comforter. Steve took pity on the hangover and allowed the brunette to stew in the room of darkness. Occasionally he went in with water and painkillers, there was a mumbled thanks, but it was all he said. Steve was half thankful, half worried they hadn’t discussed the night before, he convinced himself the brunette probably couldn’t remember the mishap, but each time Bucky’s body curled up when he approached told him otherwise.

 

When Bucky finally surfaced from the bedroom he couldn’t meet anyone’s eye, he floated in the kitchen, giving non-committal answers to questions. They weren’t even registering in his head, made apparent when Nat asked him to be a bridesmaid for her wedding and he just muttered a yes under his breath. Sam’s eyes had got comically wide and he spluttered his protein shake back into the cup.

 

“All my bridesmaids are gunna dress up- I’m thinking superheroes...”  
The brunette bobbed his head, agreeing to anything that was thrown his way, it didn’t deter Nat though.  
“I got you these...” she held the box out to him, smile beaming from her face, the brunette mumbled a thank you and placed the cupcakes back on the marble top, not even registering what was in the box. Nat shot a worried glance over to Steve before retreating, all happy energy sucked out of her body as she collapsed back on the couch in defeat.

 

Steve attempted to pull the brunette into a light-hearted discussion but Bucky rebuffed his attempts, shrugged and kept his distance.  
It was physically painful for Steve to watch, his skin had an uncomfortable itch, like he was dirty, had done something so disgusting it had clung to his body. He tried to apologise, tried to close the gap between them but Bucky only pried it open more, refusing Steve’s touch. He slunk back to the bedroom, curling up in the darkness once again. The normally insightful Sam was quiet, his advice of leaving Bucky’s to come to them was the worst. Steve was going crazy, his insides squirmed, his heart ached and Sam still told him to wait, Bucky will talk when he’s ready. The other night Steve had made a mistake, his intentions had been misinterpreted and now Bucky was...scared of him?... or was his mind stuck in an evil loop of Pierces unheard words?...Steve ground the base of his palms into his eyes sockets, forcing the watering to stop.

 

No matter how badly he wanted to tug Bucky to his chest and kiss up and down his face he didn’t. In fact he moved to sleep on the couch, not the one Pierce had contaminated. He was hoping the extra space would have Bucky relaxing, filling the shell of his body, he was avoiding all eye contact, vacant from conversations. There had been days like this before at the mansion, back when the brunette didn’t trust him. When Steve didn’t know what tragedy and guilt had been forced on the other man.

 

Nat and Sam got up in the morning, giving each other worried glances when they saw Steve on the couch, Steve couldn’t be bothered to explain, he shuffled up, giving them space to get on the couch beside him. They were defiantly getting rid of the other couch, and it wasn’t because of the sickly shake smell wafting from it.

 

The musical tone knocking on the door barely registered in Steve’s mind, next thing he knew Sam had opened the door and welcomed the always overly cheerful Tony.  
“It’s been like two days, I need him back...”  
Sam sank back into his seat next to Nat, kissing the top of her head with a sigh.  
“He’s ill, like I told you.” Steve mumbled.  
Tony cocked his jaw and nodded his head slowly, “right well, can I see him? We’ve got a new guinea pig, something special for him to sink his teeth into-

 

His voice trailed off when he realised no one was listening, all locked in a pit of worry.  
“He’s sleeping right now Tony, I’ll get him to..to call you later.”  
Tony nodded, shooting looks at everyone in the room, “right, who’s died?” three blank faces glared back at him, “okaaay, what’s going on, there’s more life in a graveyard, what’s happened?...”  
Steve was ready to usher the other man out but the red head had other ideas.  
“Alexander Pierce.” She muttered under her breath, Tony’s eyebrows quirked up.  
“Big daddy, he been upsetting my Bucky-baby-boo-  
The blonde moved, rising to full height and pointing at the door with a growl, “out, just get out Tony.”  
He held his hands up in surrender with a nervous laugh, “okay big guy, I won’t joke around...just tell me what’s going on.”

 

“Bucky will be back at Stark industry’s after Saturday.”  
Steve flicked his head in dismissal but Tony didn’t do as suggested, only rubbed on his beard with a frown. “Saturday?” he moved further into the room, strolling into the kitchen, running his hand along the edge of the units.  
Steve ground his teeth together, he wasn’t in the mood for the flamboyant Tony Stark, he wanted to sit, and work out a way of getting through to the man hauled up in the bedroom. To carefully but surely breakdown the unhealthy defences he had put around himself.

 

“It’s ten year on from the crash, Pierce has arranged a plaque unveiling in their memory and Bucky has to be there, ‘playing the part’, can’t be running around with you the week before.” Nat said, biting tone making Sam tense beside her.  
Tony pointed his index finger in the air, “ah, now it makes more sense...”  
“What does?”  
“The throw back articles, the crash, the drug over-doses, the rape, it’s all in the papers, gathering momentum for Saturday...”  
Steve avoided the news at all costs after they had publically shamed him with lies, but Sam nodded in conformation, Bucky was front page news yet again.  
“Pierce got rather a lot of supporters from their deaths, from Bucky going off the rails. Humble and forgiving is what the press describe him as.” Tony sounded close to bitter, squeezing the bridge of his nose as he spoke.  
“He’s a heartless creep, feeding off his misfortune.” Nat spat, digging her nails into the arm of the couch.  
“So sour-puss has come around, seen the white knight for what he is.”  
Sam shifted, wagging his finger at the man leaning on the fridge, “shut it.”  
“You’re going with him to this plaque thing?”  
Steve reluctantly shook his head, “that’s one of the conditions, he goes alone or the press destroy me.”  
“Ah good old fashion blackmail...interesting...Hmmm what I don’t get is why after Saturday, a week of playing the unhinged version of Bucky Barnes, why would Pierce allow him to come back to me at all, the worlds going to see he’s not how Pierce presents him, hell-they already are on social media, so what’s his plan.”

 

The blonde shrugged, he didn’t care what game the venomous creature Pierce was playing, his only desire was for Bucky to be safe, to return from the unveiling okay, but ten minutes in Pierces presence had sunk him into a depression and Steve was unable to pull him back.  
“He doesn’t see what you’re doing as a threat?” Nat suggested.  
Tony perked up, itching his beard loudly, “But he does, he’s worried something would come out this week, wants Bucky to keep quiet...”

 

Steve went to bed with Tony’s words echoing in his head, He’d moved back into the bedroom, asking the brunettes permission.  
“Its your bed.” He whispered back.  
Bucky curled into a lump of covers, breaths evening out into sleep, at least he felt safe enough in Steve’s company to drift off, that had to count for something...

 

The next day the brunette didn’t just avoid eye contact and speech, touch was now off limits, Steve hadn’t been able to get close enough for a hug for days, he daren’t try when there was still the hint of mistrust lingering. Bucky’s body tensed when he was near by, but he noticed it wasn’t just him, he did the same when Sam was close, and even flinching at Nat when their hands brushed.

 

Steve had bitten his nails down to the hilt, still nibbling even though it hurt, he felt utterly helpless. Bucky retreated to the bedroom, leaving Sam and Steve to stare holes into the door.

 

“What do I do Sam?”  
“Just be there for him.”  
Steve stamped his way into the kitchen, stabbing the coffee machine on with extra force, “I’m trying, but he doesn’t want me around him.”  
The other man nodded, joining Steve in the kitchen so they could continue their conversation out of earshot. “He’s got shit in his head from Pierce...unless something else happened?”  
Steve breathed into his hands, scrubbing his face till it was raw and Sam had to remove them.  
“It’s that and...”  
“And what?”  
“I fucked up.”  
“How?”  
“When he was drunk...I tried to get him out of his clothes-just so he was comfortable, but it was dark and for a second he thought I was Brock- and was gunna...”  
Steve let the end of the sentence dangle, Sam knew enough about Brock to know their relationship was messed up, the older man had groomed him, preyed on him..  
“You think he’s afraid of you?”  
That felt like a shard of glass stuck in his heart, each beat had the wound opening wider.  
“How do I fix it?”  
“Talk to him.”  
Steve waited for more but that was all the voice of reason offered, moving to the couch and switching the television on.

 

“Buck, can we talk about-  
“Tired.” He grumbled back, pulling the comforter tighter to his body.  
“I know but,” Steve perched himself on the bed, hand hovering over the bundle of fabric before pulling back “the other night- we need to talk about the other night.”  
“What about it?”  
At least he wasn’t outright saying no...  
“When I tried to get your belt off...” The brunette didn’t reply, didn’t shift or seem to acknowledge Steve’s words so he continued, “you know I’d never do that right, I’d never take advantage. I’d never hurt you Buck.”  
Steve chomped on his tongue in the silence that followed, only relaxing with a sigh when the brunette breathed the words, “I know you wouldn’t Steve.”  
It was a relief, a big enough one for Steve to tilt his head back and say a silent prayer.

 

“Why are you shutting me out then? Why are you shutting all of us out?”  
Bucky shifted on the bed, drawing his knees up to his chest, still lying on his side, “Just- I don’t belong with you, But I’m too selfish to leave.”  
“What the hell does that mean?”  
A sad laugh was breathed across the pillow, “The way you look at me, it’s like you see a person I’m not, I’m not a good person, I’m selfish-my selfish decisions have hurt people, will hurt more-.”  
“Please don’t do this to yourself again, don’t let him mess with your head.”  
“He sees me for what I am. You’re blind to it.”  
Steve stood up abruptly, trying very hard to keep his voice level. “That man fucks with your head, you’re not what he says you are.”  
Bucky rolled from the bed, getting to his feet with a wobble. He attacked the clothing in the cupboard, finding a suitable shirt and slipping it on.

 

“Buck, don’t do this.”  
The brunette huffed, buttoning himself up quickly, “I need to get out.”  
“It’s not a good idea-  
“Its a much better idea then talking.”  
Steve walked round the bed, standing closer but not so close Bucky felt caged.  
“Drinking won’t deal with anything. Just talk to me.”  
Bucky moved to the drawers, tugging out some pants and sliding his long legs into them.  
“I just need to get outta here.”  
“Please, don’t do this. I love you Buck-let me in.”  
“Stop! Just- stop being nice to me,” his voice took on a sharper tone, “maybe if I do something you don’t like you’ll realise I’m a waster and see me for what I really am....”  
“That’s his words Bucky, you’re not a waster, I’ll never think that.”  
The brunette chuckled darkly, “ If I go out and score Steve, will you hate me then?”  
Steve tensed at the thought, but didn’t want to rise to the bait, “I’d be disappointed, but I wouldn’t hate you.”  
Bucky turned considering Steve for a moment while arranging the collar on his shirt, grinning sinisterly, eyes withdraw.  
“If I go out and let some random guy take me home, will you hate me then?”  
That was painful, a stone sinking in the blondes stomach but he wasn’t going to show it.  
“I’d be hurt...worried...but I wouldn’t hate you.”

 

Bucky rocked back on his feet, head dropping forward on his shoulders, “why can’t you hate me,, why won’t you just send me away...”  
“You know why-  
“There’s someone out there, who deserves you Steve, but its not me.”  
The blonde shook his head, taking a step forward but wincing when the brunette took a step back.  
“I’m not going anywhere, I’m yours and I’m right here. You deserve to be happy Buck, do I make you happy?”  
He nodded with watering eyes, dropping to sit on the bed.  
“You told me Pierce hates you-hated you from the start. Don’t let him win, don’t listen to the stuff he tells you, what did he whisper to you?-please, let me in.”  
“He didn’t say nothing I don’t already know.”  
Steve growled, pacing three steps one way and three steps back.  
“Can I tell you what I know...You’re amazing, what your doing with Stark its incredible, its going to make such a difference, it already is. You’re funny and smart, and sometimes you’re an absolute tease but you make me happy Buck- happier than I’ve ever been.”  
“Someone else could make you happier-  
“No they couldn’t, they really couldn’t. I’ve had relationships okay- ones that I didn’t try to save- I didn’t want to, but I’d do anything for this, I won’t give it up, even when you try to push me away I won’t leave and I won’t send you away.”

 

Bucky looked up for the briefest of seconds, before staring back down at the floor.  
“You’re going to talk me out of Saturday, try to stop me from going, control me.”  
Steve was afraid Pierce’s taunting had put the idea of control in Bucky’s head-  
“Its not about control, I just want to keep you safe. That man is evil, I don’t want him near you. He screws with your head, makes you think stuff about you that’s not true. I’d rather have my name put through the shit then have you within 10 miles of him.”  
The brunette shook his head, chin wobbling as he continued to stare at nothing.  
“I have to go, I can’t have you torn apart because of me, I’m messed up but you- your good and I’d be damned if you think I’m gunna let him turn people on you.”  
Steve held up his hands in surrender, “okay, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it, doesn’t mean I like the idea.”  
The blonde didn’t mention he had a plan, Nat was going to be there keeping an eye out and Steve was going to swoop in an rescue the brunette as soon as it was over.  
“Cuz you love me?”  
Steve nodded, repeating the words from the other night, “because I love you.”

Bucky returned to his curled position, fully clothed, on his side but at least he wasn’t carrying out one of his threats, hadn’t gone out to medicate his head by substances. Steve still didn’t touch, oh god he wanted to but he was waiting for a sign that contact was okay again. Steve barely caught the brunette mumble, “maybe you shouldn’t.” before falling asleep.

 

Sam had a reluctant day of work, reluctant because Nat demanded it be taken off, she wanted to go to Luna Park, the day it re-opened for spring.

 

“Right we’re going.” Nat announced, tugging a grumpy Sam from the couch.  
Steve waved from the couch, relieved they were leaving, he was going to give Bucky the pencil sketch, hoping it would help him out of the pit he’d fallen into.

 

Nat turned around with a lopsided grin, “your coming too, and Bucky...”  
Steve glanced at the door, the barrier that was always up between them and the brunette, “don’t think he’ll go.”  
Her lips bunched together, plotting how to get Bucky out of the bedroom, she smiled brightly, strolling through the door. Steve watched from the couch, noting she didn’t try to shake him awake, didn’t lay a hand on him, even she had noticed his stiffening body.

 

“Hey Bucky...we’re going out.”  
Steve just about made out a grumbling sound from Bucky, a rough sounding ‘no thank you’  
“Oh Please,....I didn’t want to say anything, but it’s kinda my birthday.”  
The comforter shifted, Bucky’s voice sounded clearer, still croaky but at least understandable, “you’re shitting me.”  
“I hoped we’d go out, just us four, I don’t really do the birthday-shout from the rooftop thing.”  
Sam sniggered and even Steve cracked a smile at the blatant lie, Nat went completely crazy on her birthday, bar hopping and getting randomers to join the group partying.  
Bucky heaved himself up, moving to the cupboard to get different clothes.  
“I’d shower first” Nat suggested, retreating from the room with her hands up, backing away from the beast.  
“Point taken.” He mumbled, grabbing his clothes and plodding to the bathroom. Nat flashed a double thumbs up at Steve, smile so big her cheeks were in danger of splitting open.

 

Bucky came out looking fresher, hair growth of four days still in place on his jaw but Steve kinda liked it, he was always handsome, but this was ruggard handsome. Steve blinked himself into awareness when Sam said his name for the third time.  
“You ready?”  
Steve nodded, ushering everyone out and locking the door, praying the day trip wouldn’t be a disaster.

 

The hour drive was filled by Nat’s god-awful singing, making them all wince, at least it proved Bucky could still hear, certain things could penetrate through the walls in his head.

 

Coney island, Steve’s idea of hell, far too much sugary food and rides aimed to disorientate the hell out of your brain. Steve wanted to protest, rides were for kids not four adults, but Nat tugged on Bucky’s wrist and he followed obediently, Steve had no choice but to go along to, not wanting to look like a coward and needing to ensure the brunette was alright.

 

Nat screamed her head off on the rides, Sam’s normally deep boom became a strangled shriek at each drop and turn, Steve would’ve laughed had he not been pressing his lips firmly together to stop anything coming out. Bucky continued to be stoic, not reacting at all to the rides that were trying to batter them to death.

 

Steve did his best to walk off each ride casually, to follow behind Nat who giddily skipped to the next scaffolding of doom. Steve could do this- he could survive everything in this place without sicking up...

 

Each ride they buckled into, a wave of anxiety ran up Steve’s body and he couldn’t help but double-check the brunettes harness, he ignored the frown he received and gave the restraints a hard yank, ensuring it was secure, once satisfied he sunk back into his own seat and grit his teeth, willed the sloshing in his stomach to go away.

 

The ride started, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the darkness would some how improve the nausea. It didn’t, vomit was creeping up his throat, his head being smacked side to side had given him a stabbing headache in his temples. The carriage stopped an his eyes rolled in their sockets as he tried to focus, Bucky was watching him with a curious expression, Steve did his best to smile reassuringly, but he was almost certain it came out as a scowl.

 

He couldn’t take it, he managed to sneak away from the group, to be sick in peace and then re-join them without them ever realising.  
He hurled, acid tickled the back of his throat and made him gag again, finger clutched at the metal sides of the bin, keeping him steady. Jesus he hated rollercoasters, god his head hurt. Why the fuck had he thought this was a good idea, he knew why of course, A certain handsome brunette who was walking around in a lost haze.

 

A bottle was tapped against his arm, he managed to release his grip for second to grab it, take a gulp, swell it and spit it. He cracked an eye open, mouth poised to thank the stranger for taking pity, Bucky was there, sympathetic expression on his face, eye’s no longer cold and distant but warm as they locked with Steve’s. The blonde held his breath, sinking into the eyes that watched him, the eyes that hadn’t made contact for days.

 

“I knew you felt sick, yet you kept going.”  
Bucky’s voice was clear, no longer the incoherent grumble. Steve took another sip, this time swallowing it down with a grimace, “I wanted to, for you.”  
“Even though it’s made you sick?”  
Steve nodded, feeling more and more like an idiot each second that passed in silence.  
“Big-blonde bodyguard vomiting everywhere- it was only the cyclone Steve.”  
The blonde paused, heart quickening when it registered Bucky’s teasing tone. Even though he was leaning over a bin, trying to convince his gut it didn’t want to contract again, he was grinning. The coils that gripped his heart were loosening. The dumbbells of helplessness were easing off his shoulders.  
“It was all of them- not the cyclone, all of them put together.”  
“ Yeah, sure....Army captain, couldn’t handle the cyclone...”  
“Screw you Bucky.”  
The brunette laughed, bringing his hand up to pat on Steve’s back, “it all out old man?”  
Steve took another swell of water just to be sure, before nodding and straightening up. Only then did he realise he had an audience, a group of school kids where sniggering and pointing his way.  
“Ah fuck-  
“Language Steve, kids about...kids that can handle the cyclone...”  
Steve shoved him in the chest, delighting when the brunette laughed, tightened his hand around the blondes wrist and pulled him along. His pulse was fluttering under the brunettes fingers, he suddenly felt a different swell in his stomach, butterfly’s waking up and beating their wings in happiness, in relief.

 

“Come on.”  
Steve followed, desperate to keep them connected, his wrist was still held in Bucky’s grip as they made their way through the attractions, the blonde twisted his hand, holding his breath when he stroked the top of the brunette hand in question. His wrist was dropped, but before he had a chance to register disappointment Bucky had taken his fingers, linked them together. Their eyes met, a shy smile tugged at Bucky’s lips, fleeting- a blink and you’ll miss it kinda smile, but it was more than Steve had had in days.

 

Bucky’s idea of nourishment was a bag of candy floss, he pulled it off in clumps, pushing it between his lips with a grin.  
Steve was unable to pull his eyes away, relief flooded him at the sight of the other man looking more like himself.  
“What?” He asked between mouthfuls.  
Steve could only grin back in reply, squeezing their still knotted fingers.  
“Open up.” He said, ball of sugar outstretched for the blonde.  
“Nah, ‘m good.”  
Bucky grinned cheekily, “won’t kiss you with sick breath.”  
Steve almost nipped his fingers with eagerness, enduring the overpowering sugar to get a kiss from the man he loved. Bucky frowned again, rubbing his thumb against Steve’s bottom lip, sticky with grains of sugar.  
“You hate sweet stuff.”  
“Yeah well, if it means you’ll kiss me again.”  
“You’ll eat something you hate just for a kiss?”  
Steve nodded, relishing in the warmth of Bucky’s hand still cupping his face, he was moving closer, leaning in, the blonde shut his eyes, relaxing his mouth ready for a kiss, except Bucky didn’t kiss him on the lips, he lay one soft kiss to the end of his nose.

 

“That wasn’t on my lips.”  
“I never promised that.” He said with a sly smile, eyes crinkling.

 

Steve whole body soared, a smile directed at him, a real smile that reached his eyes, eye’s that shone, no longer holding onto shadows, no longer sunken and distant. Steve didn’t know what had done it, what had re-awoke Bucky from his absent state, but he wasn’t going to question it. He just wrapped his arms around his waist, tugging him into a hug. So happy he could’ve cheered when the brunette did the same with his arms, melting into the embrace instead of tensing up.  
That’s how Nat and Sam found them, clutching on to each other, it might’ve been mere seconds later, might’ve been an hour. Steve felt complete again, his heart was coming back to him, on its own accord.  
“Come on you two, circus show.”  
Steve lessened his grip, stepping back from the embrace and grinning like the loved up idiot he was.

 

The show had everything a self-respecting circus should have. Jugglers, sword swallowers, fire eaters and Gymnasts that could bend into an array of uncomfortable positions.

 

But it didn’t draw Steve’s attention once. Bucky was far more amazing, watching him was like watching someone come back to life, a miracle. Everything that had been missing from him the past few days returned all at once. The emotionless face had vanished, replaced by expressions of amazement, awe and anticipation. The muscles in his face no longer set in stone, he smiled, enough to round his cheeks and crinkle his eyes, he frowned at the more impossible performers, wrinkling his forehead with creases. Steve wanted to kiss him, to squeeze him to his chest and not let go.

 

Of course the brunette caught him looking, mouthed a ‘what’ at him.  
Steve flushed in embarrassment, any explanation of why he was transfixed by the brunette was just too sappy.

 

The show ended, Steve clapped and cheered along with everyone else although he couldn’t recall one memorable moment of the performance. Fingers linked once again, they escaped the crowd and walked along the boardwalk.  
“Soo how do I get another kiss?”  
Bucky raised his eyebrow, pouting his lips, “you get me a candy apple, I’ll think about it.”  
“I’ll buy all the apples at the stall if it means you’ll let me kiss you.”  
Steve only needed to buy one apple to get a kiss, to his cheek, he smiled when Bucky said he never promised one on the lips. They sat down on a bench, looking out at the sand and water.

 

Steve was sure the brunette was licking at the apple slowly, just to tease him, to make him wet his own lips in appreciation. Bucky’s palm was open, facing up on Steve’s thigh, the blonde was drawing patterns while humming happily. He didn’t notice he was writing ‘I love you’ over and over without even thinking about it.

 

“You been here before?”  
Bucky nodded, resigned expression on his face, an alarm bell went off in Steve’s head, please don’t say it was with Brock-  
“With mom and Becca, long-long time ago, she always wanted to go on the cyclone, but she was too small, had to watch me go on it instead...I promised her, when she was big enough, I’d take her on it.”  
“Do you think she would’ve liked it?”  
Bucky chuckled, cheeks bunching in amusement, “she would’ve been sick for sure, would’ve only gone on to try to impress me...”  
“Maybe I have something in common with your sister.”  
“You went on the cyclone to impress me? The way you were checking my seat...felt like you were mothering me...”  
Steve rubbed at his reddened face, “sorry- bout that.”  
Bucky held his hand to stop any apology, “don’t be, was kinda nice, you making sure I was safe...you didn’t double check your own seat though.”  
“Less important...”  
Bucky frowned, turning his hand over on Steve’s thigh so he could grip, “Much more important.”  
The hand withdrew and Bucky slumped forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

 

“How long had it been since you’d seen those pictures?”  
Bucky released a long breath, “as soon as I got back from hospital after the crash he’d stripped the house, I didn’t deserve to look at them, I was the reason they were gone, he told me he had some though.”  
Bastard, utterly evil bastard, Steve curled his hidden hand into a fist, trying hard to control his voice.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Bucky huffed air through his lips like a pissed off horse, “don’t be, I wasn’t expecting it, but had a gut feeling when I saw the case.”  
“I’m sorry he didn’t let you keep one.”  
“No matter, Saturday, I’ll get ‘em back.”  
Steve decided not to voice his doubt, Pierce was as trustworthy as the devil...  
“What was he saying to you?”  
Steve was done using that creatures name, Bucky knew who he was referring to anyway. The brunettes lips opened but no words came out, he cleared his throat and tried again.  
“Stuff I already know...”

 

The breakthrough Steve felt was coming suddenly came to a jarring halt, he squeezed the brunettes fingers but didn’t press him-  
“How Becca would never get to go to Prom, never graduate, never get married, have kids. How my mom would never paint all the pictures she wanted, never display them in a gallery like her dream, I’m the reason, its what I do to the people I love- I ruin them, you’ll wake up to it and get rid-”  
The list was never ending and Steve had to brace his hands on the brunettes chest.  
“Stop, just stop.”  
Bucky did, clenching his jaw.  
“Your mom and your sister, aren’t going to do all those things, but it isn’t your fault, shit happens to good people.”  
Steve drew Bucky back up, hands sliding against his jaw to turn his head.  
“You’re not going to ruin me- you are what I want, all I want. There’s one thing I want and I’ve got it.”  
There was a twitch of a smile on the brunettes lips and he ducked in to press a kiss on Steve’s chin.  
“Still not my lips?”  
Bucky’s eyes twinkled, “not yet...”

 

The rest of the day was spent playing on stalls, winning random plastic crap and poor quality plush toys. Everyone froze when Bucky won a giant teddy bear and handed it to Nat with a small smile.  
“For your birthday...”  
Nat took it, mouth flapping but no words presenting themselves, first time the red-head had ever been speechless.

 

Steve wrinkled his nose up at the amount of sugary foods the other three were eating, so much sweetness Steve could smell it on their breaths when they spoke. 

 

They were all super competitive, everything they tried there was a fair amount of playfulness, Sam was the easiest to irritate, especially when he failed to land a single basket ball in the hoop.  
“It’s fixed, so fixed...”  
Nat took the ball and slammed it in first time, grinning cat like and fluttering her lashes.  
“Whateva.” Sam muttered, moving along to try something else.

 

Steve and Bucky scored equally, even with the blonde distracting with tickles, Bucky got his revenge later, breathing close to Steve’s neck, making his skin tingle at the closeness, The blonde missed every can towered up, ball hitting the base of the stand.  
“Damn it Bucky.”  
His innocent lamb expression only made Steve smile, and run his hands under his T-shirt to make him thrash and squirm again.

 

There was one activity Steve knew he would be best at, he was gloating when he strolled up to the shooting gallery, wagging his eyebrows and drawing in a crowd to watch him. An ex army captain who defiantly knew how to shoot- he was pretty confident until Bucky took aim, smashed his score into the ground with a smug-ass-licking expression.

 

“Aww don’t look so grumpy old man.” Bucky teased, pointing around at other stalls, “Look, hook a duck, that might be more your thing...”  
Bucky ran and Steve gave chase, capturing him, crowding the brunette and tickling him till he begged for mercy. Bucky’s laughter and desperately shouted apology only made Steve smile more, to grip him and tug him into his body.  
Nat dragged Bucky on the Cyclone again, the blonde’s stomach was full of unease until it stopped after its run and the brunette bounded over.

 

“Think I’m ready for a kiss now.” The brunette said.

 

Steve led him away from the other two, the other two who were queuing for food yet again.

 

Steve leaned him against the side of the snack shack, framing his head with his fingers and leaning in for a kiss. Oh fuck Steve missed this, the feel of his lips against Bucky’s, not a deep kiss, just enough for a slight taste, warm and soft. The blonde sighed happily, pressing his forehead against the other mans. Four days they’d gone without a kiss, four torturous days with the blond feeling like he’d lost his mind as well as his heart.

 

They exchanged more leisurely kisses, pressed up against the shack, ones of affection and devotion not ravenous. There was an underlying simmer of sexual desire, Steve couldn’t help it when their body’s were pushed together and he was allowed access to the brunettes mouth. Steve didn’t push for more though, Just lips on lips till they broke apart both panting.  
“God, I’ve missed you...” Steve took a few seconds to realise Bucky had spoken the words and not himself.  
“I never went away.”  
Bucky nodded sadly, burrowing into Steve’s offered arms, “I know- I’m sorry...”  
“Don’t shut me out, don’t push me away, I’m here no matter what.”  
“I know I’m not good for you- you can do better”, Steve went to speak but Bucky pressed his finger to his mouth, “I’m too selfish to leave, I don’t want to- It would be easier if you had enough of me- sent me away.”  
Steve shook his head, face scrunching up in distress, “ You shut me out, thinking I’d send you away?”  
Bucky didn’t reply, pushing his forehead against Steve’s cheek.  
“If you’re selfish Bucky, then I’m selfish too, there’s no way I’m letting you go, so it’s pointless shutting me out, not going anywhere...”  
Steve’s eyes fluttered shut when he felt Bucky’s fingers in his hair, trailing down his face softly, before hooking at the back of his neck, “I won’t do it again.” He promised with another kiss.

 

“Home?” Sam sighed, rubbing his inflated stomach.  
They all nodded in agreement, climbing into Sam’s truck and buckling in.  
“You gunna check my seatbelt Steve?”  
Even though Bucky was teasing and Steve knew it, he still glanced down to see it firmly fastened.  
“Jerk.”  
“Are you going to be having makeup sex?”  
Nat’s bluntness had Steve stuttering, “Um...” He darted a look towards Buck, “well Um.”  
“Yes Nat, we are probably going to have sex...”Bucky answered.  
Steve was flushing, positive his cheeks looked like glowing apples.  
“We’ll drop you off, I’m not listening to your moaning Bucky, you really are a shrieker.”  
Bucky laughed, nudging Steve in the ribs, “that’s not me, I’m quiet compared to Steve.”  
Sam dropped his head to the steering well, “Jesus, please shut up.”  
Steve hid his face in his hands, beyond mortified.

 

The drive back was filled with more piss-pour singing, Nats voice was joined by Bucky’s, singing duets sounding like fighting cats.  
Even listening to that was making Steve cheerful, making him hide grins in his palms.

 

They managed to walk quite civilised into the building, even managed to unlock the door and enter the apartment calmly, that was the end to their restraint, as soon as the door clicked shut, Steve had Bucky shoved against it, no longer holding anything back.  
It was a messy kiss, more of a mauling of lips and tongues, Bucky opened his mouth, allowing Steve to do as he pleased with his tongue, twirling it, sucking its opposite, all to the musically notes of Bucky’s throaty groans.

 

Steve pulled back, resting his forehead against the brunettes, panting noisily.  
“Ple-Please don’t shut me out again, it was killing me.”  
Bucky pulled a tragic expression, fingers stroking their way up Steve’s neck to his face, “I won’t, I swear.”

 

Steve dragged him into the bedroom, flicking the light on, he needed to see Bucky, all of him while they did this. Steve’s hand hesitated at Bucky’s pants, hooking the material but stopping in a moment of unease. The brunette leaned in, capturing Steve’s lips in a searing embrace, the next time Steve reeled in and took check, the brunette had shed all his clothing, and was attacking Steve’s with vigour.  
Both bare they fell on the bed, Steve scrambled across, hand diving into the bedside drawer, made difficulty by the brunette lavishing wet kisses up his neck and face.

 

Steve fumbled, tugging the lube out, hands shaking slightly in his eagerness, he needed to be inside Bucky, as quick as possible.  
Fingers slicked, he chased the mouth on his neck, fitting their mouths together while he prepped slowly, Bucky breathed moans into the kiss and Steve lapped them up, whole body tingling at the sound. Steve shuffled up the bed, back to the headboard and beckoning Bucky towards him, he was giving the other man control, letting him set pace, In Steve’s head it was a loving gesture, proving he was trustworthy, Bucky used it to his advantage to tease Steve into a blubbering mess.

 

Steve wanted declarations of love to pour poetically from his mouth, telling the brunette how deep and true his affection was, in the end he just managed to moan and groan. Vocal cords only usefully to express passion and pleasure. He would save his rehearsed words for afterwards, when he could actually remember how to talk. 

Bucky drove Steve crazy, the feel of the tightness gripping his body, the heat and the stretched, the sight of him with his head flung back, perfectly sculpted bronze body to be worshiped by Steve’s hands and mouth.

 

The pace was slow, deep, each time Bucky sunk the whole way down Steve released a long tortured howl, hand scrambling across the mattress to grip the sheet. Bucky smiled toothily at the reaction and the blonde traced his lips with his fingers, groaning again when the brunette nipped at them, sucked them into his mouth as he sunk down again. He kept a finger hooked in the brunettes mouth, feeling the softness of his inner cheek, the wetness of his mouth, the playfulness of his tongue. Bucky kept his deliciously slow pace, till they were both panting into the air between them, both coated in a layer of sheen, both unable to string a word together, let alone a sentence, only capable of moaning, and answering with groans and sobs.

 

Steve moved his hands fast, gripping on to Bucky as he shuffled down the bed, enough space to spin and have the brunette out on his back. There was sinful smile from the brunettes lips, his eyes were black, possessed by lust. Steve couldn’t stand the slow pace, he’d endured it for what felt like hours, now he had Bucky on his back, kissing him in encouragement.

 

Steve was almost frantic in his movements, desperate to reach their mutual climax, Bucky was stroking himself in time with the blondes thrusts, eyelashes fluttering and mouth agape as he got closer. He was the most beautiful thing Steve had ever seen, matched with the sensation of tight heat round his cock and the noises being drawn from both of their mouths, it was the hottest, sexiest thing he’d ever seen and his mouth slacked admiring the man beneath him.

 

Bucky stiffened, groan reverberating in Steve’s chest, he came, gulping at air and moving his hands away from his oversensitive self and gripping the blondes shoulders. Sensation and instinct had Steve’s eyes trying to close as he released himself, he pushed it away and kept eye contact, getting lost in the pools of black as he finally went over, heaving and howling lost in the buzz.

 

He felt kisses to his face, had some how managed to get onto his back with the brunette lying flush on top.  
“I fucking love you.”  
Not the romantic thing Steve wanted to say, but it made the man slathering him with kisses pause, and grin.

 

Bucky continued to lay kisses all over Steve’s face and body, till his thumping heart had returned to normal and his breathing had evened out. They were both covered in sweat and were sticky from Bucky’s release but neither wanted to move. The blonde eventually had enough energy back to chase the lips skimming over his skin, to plunger the mouth till they were both straining hard again.  
Bucky wore his face of seduction as he kissed down Steve’s chest, licking stripes along his upper thighs and the creases of groin.

 

Steve gripped the sheet in his hand, steadying himself for the onslaught. No matter how many times they’d done this Steve still couldn’t hold back, Bucky was ridiculously gifted with his mouth and could turn Steve into a quaking mess in seconds. He twirled and sucked, eased off and went deep, suckled the end and used his hand’s on the base, Steve willed his mind to focus on something else just so he wouldn’t embarrass himself and come too quickly. It was no use, he came with a war cry, slamming into the pliant mouth.

 

Bucky poked his head out from the comforter, flushed face and wet lips, “You trying to hold back on me?”  
Steve groaned, wishing he’d turned the bloody light off, he could see a red flush running down his whole body.

 

Returning the act on Bucky did wonderful things to Steve’s insides, made them fizzle and soar, Bucky moans rang through his head, the sweetest most alluring music. The feel of the brunette overstretching in his cheeks, so ready to let go had an electric current go down to Steve’s toes and up again. It wasn’t about the tease, Steve just needed Bucky to feel good. He pushed the brunette over the edge, savouring everything the brunette gave to him. He released his mouth with a pop, crawling up Bucky’s panting body with his own smug smile.  
Bucky noticed and swatted him on the head with an exhausted laugh. 

 

Body’s wiped up, limbs arranged together they both sighed happily, Bucky ran his scratchy chin along Steve’s face, laughing when the blonde pulled away with a hmph.  
“You don’t like it?”  
Steve brought his hand up to scratch at it, it sounded like sandpaper under his nails.  
“Actually it looks good...”  
Bucky smiled, running his chin down Steve’s neck who jerked at the contact, “Looks good, feels rough.” Steve corrected.  
“Calling me rough old man?”  
Calling you handsome, with sharp facial hair...just don’t take it too far, can’t have you looking homeless.”  
Bucky’s popped his lips open, “you wouldn’t sleep with me if I looked homeless...maybe you’re not so perfect, kinda vain, but don’t worry it’ll be gone for Saturday.”  
Saturday, the dread stirred in Steve’s chest and he pulled Bucky closer.  
“I don’t like it.” Steve muttered.  
Bucky patted his chest, “I know, but once it’s done, I’ll come back-  
“What if he messes with your head again, try’s to hurt you on national Television.”

 

Bucky was idling walking his fingertips up Steve’s body. “You’ll do what you always do- you’ll pull me out of it, make me happy.”  
The blonde kissed the top of his head, scooting down so they were level and pressing their lips together till the brunettes returning kisses got lazy.  
“I’ve got something to show you.”  
Steve managed to detangle himself from Bucky’s limbs, ignoring the groans of protest.  
“Two seconds...”

 

The blonde sprinted to the living room, sticking his hand under the couch and patting about. Sketchbook found he tugged it free, flipped through the pages finding the one of Bucky’s mom and Becca, grinning down at their joyous faces.  
Satisfied the drawing was finished, and looked pretty damn-good, he jogged back into the bedroom, kneeling on the bed.  
Bucky was still, soft puffs of air could be heard escaping nose. The contented swell in Steve’s chest made him laugh softly, slipping the book under the bed and climbing under the comforter.  
Sensing another body in the bed, Bucky rolled over, shoving his face into Steve’s neck and sighing in bliss. 

 

The drawing could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dreaded Saturday arrives...


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So how do I look?”
> 
>  
> 
> Steve was glaring, he knew he was, knew he had waited too long to reply, had actually managed to forget what Bucky had just asked him, when it had been the only words spoken in the last twenty minutes...
> 
>  
> 
> “Umm.”  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos  
> Thanks so much for comments and kudos, means the world <3
> 
> *************warning for character death********  
> If you wanna know who, read the notes first. Read the tags above incase there's something you really don't like <3

“So how do I look?”

 

Steve was glaring, he knew he was, knew he had waited too long to reply, had actually managed to forget what Bucky had just asked him, when it had been the only words spoken in the last twenty minutes...

 

“Umm.”  
The brunettes shoulders slumped, he shifted foot to foot finally displaying his nervousness, “ seriously Steve, you’ve been zoned out all morning...”  
It was saying something when Bucky was accusing Steve of being ‘zoned out’. Steve straightened up, placed his hands atop of the brunette shoulders and stared deep into his face.  
“I’m sorry, just worried.”  
Worried was the restrained way of Steve saying he felt like his heart was being wrenched from his body and he could barely think straight so full of nervous tension.

 

An unsure smile flashed on the brunettes lips, twitching at the edges, “Do I look alright?”  
Steve took a step back, nodding his satisfaction. Suits, ties, shirts, Bucky wore them like he belonged in them. In all honestly he looked amazing, had it been a different day and different situation Steve would’ve dragged him back into the bedroom and removed all the items slowly, keeping the tie for last....  
“Y-yess.” It came out slightly breathless and Bucky frowned, moving closer to cup the blondes jaw with careful fingers.  
“I’ll be okay.”

 

His voice was confident, no waver of nervousness or anxiety. In fact he had an odd calmness about him, when Steve was the opposite, sweating top lip and heart racing. Bucky’s only tell had been the night before, after sex, after their blissful kissing session he had faked sleep, tugged the ribbon from the bedside drawers and wound it round his fingers, he kept the motion up for an hour before Steve stilled it, pulled the brunette back to his chest and held him till he drifted off. Steve had struggled with sleep too, Pierce was flashing in his mind, the smirking grin, the bitter bark. His tongue lashed out venom that poisoned the brunette, dragged him down and seeped his life away. Pierce was dangerous.

 

“Whatever he says to you...don’t listen.”  
Bucky’s face dropped down, eyes to the floor like a scolded child, Steve lifted his chin up with a single fingers, “You got that?”  
The brunettes lips twitched but he didn’t respond, still fighting some internal demon. He breathed a slow breath through his nose and was finally able to make eye contact.  
“I’ll try to block him out...”  
Steve moved both hands to his face, leaning in for a press of lips, “Block him out...”  
Bucky nodded, cracking his neck and pulling out of Steve’s embrace, “I just want this to be over-  
Steve was about to reply the same thing but Bucky smacked himself in forehead with a despairing growl.

 

“Jesus, what kind of son and brother am I...to say that today...”  
“This is all a shit-show for Pierce....we’ll do something for your ma and your sister when you come back.”  
Bucky’s watering eyes were quickly wiped at, he nodded with a true smile, “take some flowers to route 36, we can do something here too.”

 

The sketchpad was still under the bed, unseen by Bucky. Steve was going to frame the picture, put it on the wall so he could always see his mom and sister when ever he needed to, their smiling faces watching over him.  
Bucky’s chirping phone had Steve’s heart thumping, the brunette answered speaking swiftly into the receiver before hanging up.  
“Cars outside...”

 

Steve nodded, moving in to press his forehead to Bucky’s, eyes fixed open and searching. “I love you Buck.”  
The brunette smiled, “sappy idiot.” He muttered and moved in for a lingering kiss, warm and soft, nerves had dampened Steve’s normal need to ravish those lips, to delve his tongue inside and taste. Bucky pulled away, running an affectionate hand through Steve’s hair.  
“Love you too, catch ya later.”  
Steve watched him from the doorway, noticing the brunette reached into his pocket, tugged the red material free and began rotating it round his fingers. He dissapeared from view and Steve closed the door, banging his head against it and squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Sam’s door opened a fraction, his head poked through, making sure Bucky had left.  
“Trucks parked round back.”  
Steve nodded in reply, still waiting for Nat to reveal herself. When she did, Steve couldn’t help but laugh in amazement. The normally fiery red head, was wearing a black wig, cropped at her chin, large black-framed glasses, she pinched her chin with her thumb and forefinger.

 

“I look like a journalist?”  
Steve chuckled, “You look like something...I’m not sure what...”  
“Too much leather?” She asked, walking fully into the living room, leather pants squeaking as she did.  
“Nat, how many journalists have you been around...”  
She shook her hair, practising her seductive walk, “None, but all Pierces guys will be look’n at me..”  
Sam grumbled from the kitchen, shaking his head in disapproval. “Let’s go...”  
“Awww babe, don’t be jealous...”  
“Don’t be jealous? I don’t want all those men looking at you.”  
She swayed her way over, hooking her hands over the back of the irritated mans neck, “I’ll be able to get closer to Bucky, make sure he’s alright.”  
Steve glanced at his phone for the time, “guys lets get going.”

 

A fist thundered at the door, Curious looks were traded round the three, until a stern voice penetrated through the wood.  
“NYPD open up!”  
Their jaws dropped in unison, Sam made an unsure Step towards the door, mouth still hanging. He unlocked the door only to have it shoved in his face.

 

Men in uniform swarmed the room, bullying Nat and Steve into the wall near the door. Made to face away from the room, legs splayed and hands to the wall. They were patted down vigorously, all confused questions ignored.  
“What the fuck?” Steve yelled, earning him a rough shove in the back.  
“We have a search warrant.”  
Steve pushed off the wall, whirling round and yelling at the nearest uniformed man, “for what!”

 

One of the other officers, wearing a smug-ass face was in the living room, hovering over the couch, he paused, whistling, and stood up slowly.  
“Gloves.” He yelled.  
A pair was slapped into his palm and he struggled into them before reaching down the side of the couch, hand vanishing from view.  
“What do we have here?”  
Steve froze in horror when the goading officer pulled a wrapped up bag from the couch. The man peeled back the Clingfilm, showing a colleague the contents of the package.  
“Well, well well, far too much for personal use...”  
Drugs had been craftily concealed, the only culprit was Pierce, ever since he’d sat there the space had been avoided like the plague.  
“There not ours.” Nay yelled, spinning around so she was also facing the drama unfolding.  
“Who’s are they then Mrs Dominatrix?”

 

Her mouth flapped, eyes tracking the air in thought, “there James’...”  
Steve gawped, squeaked in the back of his throat, “What the hell-  
“James who...?”  
Nat took a step forward, ridding herself of Steve’s glare burning into her face, “James Barnes...there his.”  
“No they’re not-“ Sam kicked out at the blondes ankle, silencing him as Nat continued to speak.  
She told the officers they were his drugs and where they could currently find him. One of the men jotted down in his note pad, flipping it over with a slap.  
“Thanks ma’am, now if we can just get you in the van outside, check you in.”  
“Check us in?” Nat echoed, “what? Why?...there not ours.”  
The man patted the badge on his chest, “look there’s enough drugs here for a major operation, we’re going to get you settled in while we go through the rest of the apartment, then we’ll go from there.”  
“What about James?” Nat asked, voice pitching high.  
The officer shook his head, “He’s not here now is he.”  
The gloved officer turned, barked orders at the others and the next thing Steve knew, he was being shuffled out, shoved into the back of a van with Sam and Nat.

 

“Shit.” Nat muttered. That one word managed to pull Steve from his shock, to force the smirking image of Pierce out of his head.

“Shit! What do you mean shit! Why would you say they were Bucky’s, clearly Pierce had planted them-  
Sam clamped his hand to the blondes knee, “We know that-  
“Then why you saying there his?”  
Nat tugged her wig off, roughing up her red hair, “I was hoping they’d go over and arrest him, get him away from Pierce.”  
Anger seeped away in an instant, replaced by breathless worry. “You think- he’s not safe...”  
Pierce was that desperate to keep them away, had ensured they wouldn’t be able to follow after Bucky’s car.

 

“All I know Steve, Pierce wanted to be sure he was alone, no back up, he knew you would try to follow, he’s made sure we can’t.” She thumped her foot on the floor, “we’re stuck here, going to be chucked into a cell for who knows how long.”  
The rest of the drive was in sober silence, worry swelling in Steve’s stomach, festering fear growing.

 

The cell door closed on them, all the pleading and begging had done them no favours. Steve gripped the bars, praying they would snap like toothpicks from pure desperation.  
“Shit! Shit!”  
Nat rubbed Sam’s tense shoulders, “we get a phone call right?”  
Steve twirled, hands scrubbing at his eyes, “yeah, when they let us.”  
The blonde sunk down to the floor, pushing his back into the metal bars behind, he liked that it was uncomfortable, liked his spine pressing into the hard metal.

 

Time ticked by slowly, Steve paced the square, hit out at the bars hard enough to bruise his hand, he was a caged animal, had been played in a game and lost. But what was the cost, destroying Bucky on television, making him break down over the deaths of his family. The phone call was denied by the goading officer, he peeled back the sleeve of his shirt an whistled at his watch.  
“After lunch, you’ll be allowed your calls.”  
He left smirking, fading away down the corridors to Steve’s shouts and protests.

 

Too much time had past, the unveiling would be happening, would’ve happened. Bucky needed him to be there after, Bucky needed an ally with him in enemy territory and there wasn’t anyone.

 

“The stuff you get yourself into...”  
Steve’s head snapped up at the voice, he twirled around rushing to the bars. “Tony, you gotta help.”  
He held a hand to halt the blondes words, “that’s what I’m doing, places like this bow down when you offer them bail...a very hefty bail figure for...” He glanced down at the papers in his hands, “drug dealing, now that is unexpected.”  
“It’s not ours and it’s not Bucky’s.”  
Tony shook his head with a small laugh, “I know Steve.”  
“You getting us out?” Sam asked, coming up to stand on Steve’s left and brace the bars.  
“They’re just going through paper work, offer then three lots of bail and they trip over themselves to get the money.”

 

An officer appeared, gleeful expression that grated every nerve in Steve’s body. “You’re out on bail, don’t leave the country.”  
Steve tried his best not to shoulder barge past, only catching the officer slightly and affecting his balance.  
Tony gripped his biceps, “Easy Steve, won’t let you out if you assault an officer.”

 

The blonde snorted, stamping his way through the station and demanding his possessions back. He didn’t care for the random stuff he’d had in his pockets the moment of his arrest, he didn’t even pick his wallet up, just the phone.  
Shaking fingers stabbed the screen of the cell, image of a smiling Bucky filled the screen as the phone tried to connect.

 

“How did you even know we were here?”  
Tony shuffled fast, avoiding the question. Steve caught his arm, “How?-“  
“Cameras remember... I can access all the camera’s...was worried about Bucky, watched him leave...as soon as the car goes the police parked up. Ten minutes later your being led out.”  
Steve nodded, the phone went to voice mail and his heart faltered.  
“Come on Bucky.” He muttered, following Tony to a gleaming white range rover.  
“That’s new,” Sam scoffed, eyebrows dancing, “ can I drive?”  
“Sure,” Tony threw the keys at Sam, “I prefer to be chauffeured anyway...”  
Sam scampered to the drivers side, Tony strolled to the passengers door and received a scowl from Nat.  
“Okay, okay...you’ve called shotgun, I get it.”

 

The red head grinned, cat-like as she slipped into the seat beside Sam. Steve climbed in, device still stuck to his ear,  
Tony turned toward the blonde, tugging his seatbelt over his chest., “can you believe that? It’s my car.”  
Steve gave a weak smile that convinced no one, phone to his ear as he called Bucky, each ring had a coil tightening in the blondes chest. The phone crackled to voice-mail and Steve hung up, redialling the number, trying his best to stay calm and failing completely, Tony stilled the blondes bouncing leg with a palm. The car roared into life, and Sam took off down the road.

 

“He’ll be okay Steve...”The bearded man yanked a laptop from under the seat, fingers dancing on the keys in a blur, “but just to be sure...”  
The screen was turned towards the blonde and he gasped, eyes scanning the different boxes. Tony wore a pinched grin, half proud, half ashamed at hacking into the mansions cameras.  
“What’s going on back there?” Sam yelled careening his head round.  
“I’ve got access to the mansions cameras trying to find-  
Sam pushed a breath through his teeth, “what the hell is it with you and cameras.”  
Tony shot a confused look at Steve, who only shrugged in response, it wasn’t the time to have a conversation about privacy.

 

Steve scanned the screen, broken up into six boxes, four external cameras and the two in the house, one in the kitchen and one in Pierces office. Bucky wasn’t on any of them, a few men in suits lingered around, they were recognisable from the apartment takeover.  
Yet again the phone went to voicemail and Steve growled, tapping it on his knee before dialling again.  
Nat turned around, her own cell in her hand, “the news is reporting the unveiling.”  
“What they saying?”

 

She scrolled down the article, brow furrowing, “James looks fragile... Pierce is an inspiration...a load of shit basically..”  
Steve swallowed loudly, trying his best to clear his slowly closing throat, “come on Bucky.” He croaked at the phone. The call connected and Steve smacked his fist down on the seat, making Tony jump and almost drop the laptop.

 

“Bucky?”  
There was a background trudging noise, filling the silence before the man finally spoke, “I’m here Steve.”  
His voice sounded dejected, exhausted and sad, but the relief the blonde felt at hearing his voice had him clutching his chest.  
“Where are you?”  
He scoffed at the question, annoyance clear in his tone. “I’m at the mansion, what the hell Steve!”  
Steve winced at the shout, “where exactly?”  
He puffed a breath out, “Walking back to the house...”  
It was over, the public-shit show had ended. Bucky was free of Pierce, had survived his emotional bludgeoning and hadn’t even needed help.  
“How was it?”  
There was no reply, but the repetitive trudging noise let Steve know he was still on the line.  
“I don’t want to talk about it...” He said eventually.  
It had taken its toll on the brunette but Steve was going to make it better, take care of him and build him back up.

 

Tony tapped on Steve’s shoulder, drawing his eyes to the laptop, Bucky had appeared, walking along the side of the building, shoulders slumping and pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. The ribbon was wrapped tightly round his fingers, fixed in place.

 

“You’re amazing you know that Buck.”  
The brunette stopped, shuffled towards the building and leant his back against it, he didn’t speak, but didn’t hang up either, just slumped.

“Don’t listen to Pierce, whatever he said, just shut it out and listen to me.”  
It was odd having a supposed private moment with Bucky, with three other people in ear shot.  
“I love you, you deserve happiness, you deserve someone to look after you...Pierce is nothing Bucky, he’s the lowest of the low-  
“He took me on after mom died, I owe him-  
“You owe him nothing, he didn’t help you with your grief, he added to it. He’s a manipulative bastard, and he’s used you in his messed up game, you’re a pawn in his game”  
Steve caught Tony’s eyes, the bearded mans mouth flapped open and he bounced in the seat, happy Steve had finally understood what he’d meant.

 

“Now your gunna come home, when you get back we’ll take some flowers down to route 36, you can stay there as long as you need...”  
Steve watched as Bucky drummed the phone on his head before pushing it to his ear, “that sounds great Steve.”  
“Go get in a taxi then, come back to me.”  
Steve knew that sounded a bit pushy, a bit too eager, but he needed to have him home, wrapped up in his embrace.  
“Called the taxi, will be here soon.”  
It would be another forty-five minutes till they’d arrive at the mansion, Steve didn’t want him alone with the sharks, it was best he got in the taxi and got far away as quick as possible.  
“Take-out tonight?” Bucky pushed off from the wall, holding himself taller.  
Steve smiled, “okay, whatever you want.”  
The brunette quirked his eyebrow up, an expression that said mischief. “yeah? Ice cream...pancakes...”  
The blonde released a chuckle, chest lightening, “if that makes you happy.”  
“You make me happy Steve, all you do for me...I can never repay you-  
“You don’t need to repay me Buck-“

 

A man jogged over to Bucky, intimidatingly close waiting for the call to end.  
“I’ve got to go, I’ll be back soon.”  
“Wait, Bucky-  
“Love you.”

 

He hung up the call, slipping the cell into his suit trousers and flicking his head in the mans direction. The man spoke, mutely, the cameras didn’t have any sound feed. Steve growled and Tony nudged his shoulder.  
“Lip-reading software remember.”  
The computer put a smaller box around the mans lips, tracking the movement and displaying the most likely thing he said.  
“The case is inside, in your room.”  
Bucky nodded in response, distancing himself from the man with no concept of personal space.  
Tony turned to Steve urgently, not happy he had missed something vital, “what case? What’s he on about?”  
“It’s full of photographs, Bucky’s mom and sister...Pierce said if he was good he’d get to keep it.”  
Tony scratched his face, sandpaper noise filling the car, “He’s a bastard...”  
Understatement of the year, Tony tapped the keys on the laptop, switching the display to the nearest camera, Bucky walked around the house, going in the front door and jogging through the kitchen and out of sight.  
“Just got to wait for him to come out.”

 

Pierce appeared on the external camera, flanked by his guards. Tony focused the software on his lips.  
‘where is James?’  
The man pointed to the house and the greying man smiled, teeth glimmering.  
‘Get rid of the car’  
The man nodded, strolling briskly away, Pierce was still grinning, rubbing his chin as the men around him shifted in agitation.  
‘Now?’ one of them asked, but Pierce raised a finger shaking his head.  
‘No, give him a minute.’  
“What the fuck’s going on” Tony muttered, eyes scrunched in concentration. Nat turned in her seat, questioning look on her face.  
“Is Bucky okay?”

 

Neither of the men answered, too focused on the images in front of them, Pierce and his group of guards made their way to the front door, happy smile plastered on the greying mans face.  
Steve was so transfixed by the group lingering at the front door, he failed to see the man who had appeared at the back of the property. Harley Davidson propped up fast as he galloped through the back door.

 

“Who’s that?” Tony asked, pointing at the figure that darted passed the camera, Steve only saw a blur of dark hair, but that, matched with the bike told him the mans identity. Brock Rumlow had entered the house, sprinted past the camera so quick it barely registered.  
Then the camera feeds stopped, squares filled by fuzzing black and white.

 

“What the hell?” Tony yelled, stabbing at the buttons.  
Steve curled his hands into the thighs of his jeans, trying hard to breathe normally, his heart was threatening to implode from pressure and he was sure his lungs were close to bursting. Bucky was in danger and he was too far away to help.

 

“Steve, Just breathe, deep breaths man.”  
Sam was watching in the mirror, coaching Steve back to normal breaths. He was vaguely aware Nat and Tony were speaking, she suggested the electricity had failed and Tony glared back angrily.  
“It’s still running Natasha, someone has turned the cameras off not the electricity.”  
Steve gripped the laptop, pulling it from Tony’s legs “Now’s not the time to check your Facebook Steve.”

 

The blonde ignored the brunette, Fingers tapped urgently, logging into Steve’s files, eyes fixed to the screen as an image stuttered into life, Steve wasn’t even sure it still worked, hadn’t needed to open it up since they’d moved out of the mansion.

 

The hidden camera whirled into life, filling the screen with the image of Bucky’s room, the brunette was perched on the bed, hands full of what Steve assumed were photographs. His back was to the door, body curled forward as he stared down at his family.

 

Steve stabbed at his phone again, dialling Bucky’s number, it was ringing, he didn’t just hear it in his ear but from the speakers of the laptop. Bucky seemed oblivious.

 

“James.”  
Bucky sprung from the bed, whirling round and glaring at the man in the door way, no longer a fleeting glance, Brock stood there, clothes tattered, facial hair unkempt, he took a step forward with his hands out stretched, like he was approaching a skittish animal.

 

“James, you’ve got to come with me, need to trust me.”  
Bucky’s skin blanched and he chocked on air, “trust you!”  
Brock nodded, hands held in surrender, “we need to get out of here.”  
“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

 

The man in the doorway growled, glancing back over his shoulder, “come with me, please.”  
The please sounded almost like a desperate whine, he rocked on his heels, gripping the doorframe with his hands. “you’re not safe here.”  
“I’m not safe with you either.”  
Brock opened his mouth, snapped it shut, then tried again.  
“I know things between us got a bit....messy.”  
The brunette shook his head, hair flapping slightly, “messy? You held me down and had random guys rape me, you controlled me, told me I was disgusting and didn’t deserve to feel loved.”  
Tony’s whole form went rigid, Nat visually paled a few shades as she acknowledged what Bucky had said.  
“What the?”  
Steve shushed them, eyes beginning to sting as he watched the screen.

 

“That-that just happened...It wasn’t supposed to be like that,” Brock gripped onto his hair, letting out a despairing groan, “you turned me into this, you made me enjoy hurting you, beating you and then...then you just left.”  
“I wanted a life Brock, I wanted something to cling on to, to pull myself out of feeling like this.”

 

A small about of pride ignited in Steve’s chest, Bucky was standing up for himself, confronting Brock. Concern still outweighed every emotion though, the blonde could feel his own body itching with unease. Bucky could yell, alert Pierces men to Brocks presence, get him removed from the property. 

 

“What about me? I didn’t want to hurt you- but I couldn’t stop....I just- I want it to go back to how it was before....you being my boy.”

 

Steve tightened his grip on his thigh, hard enough to break through the skin, air seeped out of his nose and he battled his emotions. Sam’s comforting boom was encouraging him to breathe, nice slow breaths. The tightness in the blondes chest was getting harder to ignore...

 

“Like it was before,” Bucky said dream-like, before he snorted a laugh, “like when I was 14...when you got me high and I’d do whatever you wanted, when I was so reliant on you for drugs I’d whore myself out to you...I am worth so much more than that shit.”  
Brock’s head slunk forward, “I’ll take you to Steve, just- trust me right now.”  
Steve was begging under his breath, hoping to god Bucky wouldn’t fall for the act and follow Brock out. He saw the brunettes eyes flicker towards the bathroom, yes, thought Steve, go out the window like you’ve done before, escape.

 

The movement behind Brock was so sudden, so aggressively performed that all Steve could do was blink, jaw dropping open. Tony was muttering fuck over and over and Nat demanded to know what was happening. Neither Tony, nor Steve could respond, both consumed by the horror. 

 

Brock lurched forward, hands scrambling at his throat at the escaping red. He collapsed on the bed, gasping and gurgling, blood flowing down and soaking the comforter beneath. Pierce stepped into the room, knife glinting in his hand, he was accompanied by his group of suits, flowing into the room and positioning themselves. 

 

“I hate it when people interfere.” Pierce muttered, wiping the blade on the bed beside the convulsing man, tutting at the still heaving man on the bed, watching life escape through his throat.  
“Always so infatuated with him weren’t you.”

 

He perched on the bed, smirking in the dying mans face. Brock reached out, a blood stained hand towards Bucky who had frozen on the spot, rooted to the floor. The desperate gurgles of Brock Rumlow filled the room, one final time before his body fell still.

 

“I think in his own messed up way...he really did love you James. Couldn’t bare to be without you, betrayed me and came here...You know, I never did tell you why I pulled you from that car,” Pierce pointed to the body on the bed, red seeping into the crisp sheets, “he begged me to pull you out, dropped to his knees and begged for your life. I was going to let you burn with your mom and your sister, I thought about it...had enough time to have a cigarette and think about it...”  
The shark smile returned, eyes tracking the growing damp of red, he stood just before it reached him. 

 

“Ww-why would you-  
“I told you, he was trying to mess up my plan.”  
Bucky shifted, backing away from the bed, only to bump into the solid body of one of Pierces guards.  
“Ww-what plan?”  
The greying man grinned, straightening the lapels of his suit with his fingers.

 

“I thought marrying your mother, would make me seem more human- a more approachable candidate,...all that forced affection, staged days out and nothing...the minute they die, suddenly everyone is interested...your tragic life had bought me more supporters than a happy one. I’m the man that doesn’t give up, understands tragedy, takes on a problem child....don’t you see, them dying has bought me everything, has let me climb high.”  
“You’re a bastard.”  
Pierce grinned, hands clapping together, “there you are, the old James, the feisty one that I despised...still in there, locked away.”

 

Bucky surged forward, immediately leaped on and pulled away by two of the guards, gripping his arms and bending him forward as he hailed Pierce with insults.

 

“You’ve had a really difficult day, remembering the crash...you’ve been on the edge for a while and this was the finally push, it was too much for you...Brock tried to stop you but you killed him, slit his throat and left him to die. I was worried, went looking for you. Found Brock dead, nothing I could’ve done to save him. I couldn’t find you anywhere in the house,” Pierce drummed his fingers on his chin, failing to withhold a huge smile.

 

“By the time I think to check the lake it’s been hours, your body hangs limp from the branch, the crows have scratched your pretty face and gouged out your eyes.” 

 

Bucky stilled, eyes growing round with realisation.

 

“A sad end to your sad life, swinging with a rope round your neck, facing the lake. Its a haunting picture, a sad story. A believable one too.”

 

“Steve will never believe that” Bucky sobbed, shaking his head from side to side.  
Pierce chuckled, “don’t worry, I’ll be sure he joins you one day, destroy his life so he has no other option... I’ve already started...”

 

Bucky kicked out, dislodging the grip on his arm and running towards the bathroom. The men were close behind him. Steve listened to sound of wet thumps and pained gasps.  
“Get off me!” the brunette begged, more crashing and smashing could be heard.

 

“Brock must’ve put up a bit of a fight first, judging by the bruises on your body, that’s what the police will think anyway...”  
Steve was sure he heard his own name, laced with agony, the last thing Bucky said before falling silent.

 

“Take him to the lake...hang him up.”  
Bucky was dragged through the room, out the door. Pierce stayed behind, lighting a cigarette and spinning it in his fingers with a sinister smile on his thin lips.

 

Sam’s voice barely registered through the daze in Steve’s head, the uncomprehending horror of the danger Bucky was in, his life was in danger, the blonde could feel he was swaying, head bowed into his hands and swaying back and forth in his seat. He was choking on breaths, mind replaying everything on camera, filling in the gaps with more terrifying images. Pierce was going to kill Bucky, string him up and leave him to die. 

 

Someone was gripping his arms, squeezing them hard, tugging at his body.  
A pain stung out in his face, he touched his cheek, finally glancing up. Nat had a tear-stained face, and she was yelling, sobbing out at him.  
“Steve! he needs you.”

 

A despairing whine escaped Steve's lips, drops leaked down his face. He felt his body was trembling, muscles weak from lack of oxygen, from a fluttering heart.  
“Don’t p-pass out- I don’t know w-what to do, just c-calm down.”

 

Calm was impossible, he was consumed by simmering fear, aching despair, it pushed at him, sunk him down deep under water where there was no light, no oxygen...but

 

Nat was right, those emotions were no use. He needed to be strong, to keep going, to swim back up and seek his heart out. He glanced out the window, thirty minutes away from the mansion, he must’ve said the words out loud, Sam yelled back.  
“20 minutes”.

He revved the engine, the growling and roaring of the gear box yanked Steve into awareness. Pulled him from the overwhelming horror and filled him with desperate fire. He was going to save Bucky, would do anything and everything in his power to save his heart from stopping.  
He was a military captain, had been down in the dirt with death all around and he kept a level head. He needed to do that now, squash the fear. He whipped his head round the car, Tony’s skin had paled, and he was unable to speak, still clinging on to Steve’s arms with a panicked expression. The normally hardened Nat was sobbing, wiping her face on her sleeves and Sam was cursing under his breath, hand tightening on the steering wheel every time they were forced to stop in traffic.  


 

“We’re going to save him.” Steve growled, three pairs of eyes locked on to him, he glared in the mirror, speaking to Sam, “this thing good off-road?”  
Sam nodded, “yeah...?”  
“We’re going to drive in through the woods, straight to the lake.”  
“In that case, ten minutes.”  
Ten minutes, ten minutes to go reclaim his heart before it was taken away for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye bye Brock Rumlow....he could never redeem himself but couldn't stand the thought of bucky dying.  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger, I update relatively quick, just got to put the stuff in my head down on the tablet.  
> <3  
> Don't hate me! Mwah!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The longest ten minutes of Steve’s life, he managed to squash down the fear, the disturbing images and poisoned thoughts that would render him useless. He needed to focus on Bucky, his mission. It was a rescue operation; he was leading it, reclaiming one of his own that had been abducted by Pierce and his men.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/bucky  
> unbeta'd so typos
> 
> Life threw me a curve ball hence the delay.  
> hope this goes down okay...  
> Kudo's and comments lighten up my life <3
> 
> *****Hurt Bucky warning****  
> Read notes and tags if not sure.

The longest ten minutes of Steve’s life, he managed to squash down the fear, the disturbing images and poisoned thoughts that would render him useless. He needed to focus on Bucky, his mission. It was a rescue operation; he was leading it, reclaiming one of his own that had been abducted by Pierce and his men.

 

They were approaching from the south, taking the enemy off-guard, if they tried to fight their way in from the mansion they’d be stopped, they’d lose time. They couldn’t afford to lose time. They’d have to ditch the car, the engine was too loud; they needed the element of surprise, park it on the opposite bank and sneak round the lake undetected. The enemy would have to carry the unconscious target down to the lake, they would probably stroll, take their time. There was no urgency from Pierce. Steve could get there first, hide behind the great oak tree and ambush them, or climb up and wait on the branch, a strike from the air to incapacitate the enemy. Plan set, Steve took stock of his troopers.

 

The car bumped and jumped over rough terrain, Tony clutched at the seat, face slowly growing greener at the violent motion. Steve could sympathise, he was sure he looked the same during a ride round the cyclone...

“Keep it in Tony.”  
The bearded man glared back, eyes rolling in annoyance.  
“’m tr’n.”

 

Nat was barking directions at Sam, as fierce as a lioness with cubs, pointing fingers telling Sam the best route to get through the trees, to avoid the deep trenches in the mud and the too narrow gaps of trunks.

 

Sam was growling, one hand clutching the wheel, the other battering the gearbox in time with his stabbing feet. The car protested, whined and crunched but he ignored it, forced it to respond, breaking in the wild stallion of expensive metal. This was Steve’s rescue team, the best possible one.

 

The smallest glimmer of water shone through the trees, 100 meters away. They were closer to the target, they didn’t have eyes on him but they knew he’d be on the opposite bank... Steve was going to save Bucky, hurt the men who tried to take him away...

 

“Look out!!” Nat screamed.  
The car whirled, Sam tried to settle it on all four wheels, back on the ground but the momentum was too great, they were toppling, car rolling over as it fell down a dip in the mud, concealed by bushes.  
The whole world went off kilter, angry metal scrapped along branches, harsh enough to feel in Steve’s teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut and his senses all numbed.

 

There was nothing.

 

Darkness took charge.

 

Steve’s head throbbed, he forced his eyes open, only for darkness to invade his vision.

 

He tried again and flexed his face, every muscle in his body was tight, bordering on cramping, he was braced for impact, his head felt too full, heavy with pressure. He shook it, trying to get his brain to function, to start making sense of where he was.  
The world had quite literally turned upside down. There was a pain at the top of his shoulder, another around his stomach, he moved shaking fingers along the restraint, brain telling him it was a seatbelt. His neck was stiff, he managed to turn it, eye’s focusing in on the man beside him.

 

Tony stark, hanging upside next to him, still greener that usual, a shattered laptop was on the floor....or the roof.  
“You ‘kay?” Steve asked, his voice was sluggish, sounding far away, Tony didn’t appear to hear, he continued to wince, covering his mouth with a palm.  
An armoured truck, must’ve been struck by IED explosive...Steve frowned, brain scrambling to decode the confusion. Tony to his left was trying very hard not to heave, Tony who had never been in the army...

 

Not an armoured vehicle then.

 

Steve fixed his eyes on the seats in front. Red hair was shaking, it stood on end, Nat resembling a troll with crazy-ass hair, the thought made Steve smile for a second.  
She was shoving Sam’s shoulder, lips moving, stretching open with obvious shouts. The voice was out of sync, hurting Steve’s ears with a delay. Steve patted over them, trying to dislodge whatever had upset the sound waves from processing.

 

A vibration rumbled through the car, Sam’s voice waking up. Sam who was driving...driving Tony’s shinny new ranger rover....

 

Nat turned in her seat, mouthing a word at Steve, getting more and more desperate, watching her lips for clues, it sounded like ‘ get fuck... get Fucky... go get fucked?”

 

That was a bit uncalled for wasn’t it...

 

She was getting more and more frantic and Steve ran the words in his head, stumbling on Bucky’s face in his memories.  
“Get Bucky!”  
Bucky, stunning brunette, whose smiles ignited fire in Steve’s chest. Who had stolen Steve’s heart and desire. Bucky who was in danger. Bucky who they were on the way to save....

 

Steve stabbed at his seatbelt, gasping at the dull thump when he landed on the inner roof of the car. The window had smashed, jagged spikes lined the frame but Steve didn’t care, he pulled himself over them, ignoring the stinging of punctured flesh. He sunk his fingers into the mud, using all his strength to pull his weakened body from the car. He crawled out over brambles and dirt, not sand. The fog in his head was far too familiar, from that day in the dirt, the day of fear. He had to remind himself he wasn’t in Afghanistan...

 

His arms and knees were shredded, head swaying and vision spiralling. He managed to stand, leaning on the car, tracking the environment for the enemy. The lake, it peeked through the trees at him. Aching limbs and muddled mind, he needed to focus, didn’t know how long he had blacked out for, didn’t even want to think about it.

 

He trudged forward, leaning against trees for support, leaving bloody hand prints on trunks like a trail, he couldn’t fall, if he did he wouldn’t be able to get back up. He couldn’t fail Bucky.

 

The walk to the lake was made more difficult by the swaying motion, the roots of trees mocking his rescue attempt. 

He broke through them, eyes locking in horror on the opposite bank. He gasped, almost losing his balance with the howl of despair, the image of Bucky hanging like that would forever be burned into his head, his limp fragile body connected to the tree they had enjoyed by a rope. Shadows were moving away, their backs to Steve and the lake, leaving Bucky to die alone.

 

The image of Bucky stilled the spinning in his head, all aching pain in his body faded to a background hum, he forced his shattered heart to re-aline and slot itself back together. Adrenaline pumped into his system, forcing him act, no time for going around the lake, Bucky needed him and every second counted.

 

Soaked pants and shirt he attacked the water, aggressively pounding the surface as if it had personally offended him. His body didn’t even register the bitter bite around him. Every muscle numbed with exertion, making it hard to stumble up the bank the other side. He gripped on to Bucky’s legs, hugging his knees and lifting him as high as he could, relaxing the pressure on the brunettes neck.  
“Bucky!”

 

The brunettes face was blank, skin taunt with trenches of grey under his eyes. Steve sobbed up to him, mouth agape and chin wobbling with threatening tears.

 

“Please Buck!”

 

His feet slipped on the ground, all the water that clung to his clothing was dripping down, dampening the mud and making it squelch. His arms began shaking, straining to keep the weight of the brunette supported. He couldn’t look at his face anymore, couldn’t see the lifeless features. He hugged the brunettes legs to his body and cried into the material of Bucky’s pants, waiting for help.

 

Steve could here stomping feet, praying to god it was one of the others and not one of the suited men.  
Sam darted out of the trees, bounding up to Steve and nearly losing his balance on the slippery soil.  
“T’ legs,”  
Steve coughed out his throat, it sounded wrecked and he wasn’t sure Sam had heard him.  
“Take his legs-  
“Yeah, I’ve got this- go!”

 

Sam hauled the limp body up, fresh arms able to hold Bucky higher, Steve scrambled over to the base of the tree, He was well practised at climbing it, but the fatigue an his mud covered shoes had him slipping, had him begging to god for help.  
He shuffled along the bark, hands scraping with the knot, that had been hastily tied. His fingers shook, body succumbing to the effects of shock.

 

The rope slumped and Bucky fell, Sam caught him and lowered him to the floor gently, untying the material round his neck and throwing it away.

 

Steve jumped down from the branch. Finally able to see the brunettes face up close...it didn’t even look like Bucky anymore, skin pale and lips bluing at the edges.  
Steve stoked his face, pinching the skin on his cheek-bone to see in his eyes. The blue eyes that were focused far off, unseeing, the eyes of all Steve’s worst nightmares.  
“He’s not breathing.” Sam whispered.  
The fear was there, stalking Steve, readying itself to destroy him. He couldn’t let it, couldn’t give up on Bucky-his beating heart.  
“Sam, can you do compressions?”  
Sam nodded, mouth drawn in a tight line, he began pushing on the brunettes chest, trying to force the diaphragm to begin working, to draw breath on its own. Thirty beats and Steve took hold of Bucky’s nose, pinching it and covering his mouth with his own. He wasn’t going to accept Bucky had gone, wasn’t going to let the fear and horror freeze him from trying anything and everything to bring him back.

 

He breathed deep breaths, watching the chest cavity expand before giving Sam the nod to continue. Steve didn’t know when the other two had got there, Mind and soul utterly focused on the brunette he was trying his damndest to revive.  
Nat sniffled, wiping her eyes and shaking her head. Tony was on his cell, barking orders at the police or ambulance, Steve wasn’t sure which. But his cheerful tone had been replaced by one of resignation, of defeat.

 

Sam finished his reps, and Steve was breathing into Bucky’s mouth again. His lips were cold, cracked and bloodied, so different from how they’d been the last time they’d kissed...

 

Steve tried not to think about it, he wanted to sob, to beg and cry but that wouldn’t save Bucky, this at least gave him chance.

 

The repeats continued, Nat no longer trembled, skin a veil of white as she looked on stone-faced, Tony still had the phone pressed to his ear, eyes shinning as he watched their desperate attempts to bring the brunette back.  
Sam shook his head, mouth poised, Steve didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want Sam to say it was too late, so he shoved him away with a broken cry.

 

Steve took over, doing both CPR and rescue breaths. Begging with the body of his lover to come back. He was waging war for Bucky, a solo mission that he couldn’t afford to lose.  
Sam had moved, embracing Nat who snuggled into his arms, they rocked in an embrace in Steve’s peripheral. They’d given up hope. Steve wouldn’t, he couldn’t. Fear prickled the back of his neck, tingling his skin, making him shudder.

 

“Come back to me.” Steve whispered into the brunettes ear, skimming his lips over his face to reach his lips again, to puff every ounce of air into the other mans lungs.

 

“Bucky!”

 

Steve was getting annoyed, he couldn’t leave him behind, couldn’t fade away after he promised he wouldn‘t. He continued the chest compressions, counting out loud with a biting tone. He could feel the three pairs of eyes on him, wanting him to stop, fearing he’d lost his mind.

 

Press eighteen there was a small movement under the blondes hands, had he imagined it?

 

Press nineteen and the brunette lurched violently and Steve viced his arms around the jerking body, gripping him under the armpits and tugging him to the blonde chests. Bucky was moving, limbs flailing and chest panting with shallow breaths. Steve couldn’t breathe, too scared it wasn’t real, the body was just reacting from nerves being tweaked, not systems restarting.

 

But he was spluttering, his head was thrashing and his hands were clawing at his throat. Like animal in a snare. Terrifying but he was alive, was pulling away from eternal darkness.

 

Sam had moved, was gripping the brunettes head in his hands, encouraging him to breathe while Steve just clung to him, all control seeping away and leaving him breathless, dizzy with worry, sick with realisation at what he almost lost.

 

“Breathe deep, deep and Slow.” Sam was using his calm voice, but it had no effect on Bucky who continued to struggle and gulp for air, seemingly drowning on dry land.

 

Steve hugged him tighter, unable to speak, face pressing into the brunettes hair breathing him in. Relief and aching muscles had Steve feeling suddenly heavy, he was being submerged in emotions, no longer the captain but Steve who had been so close to losing everything. Bucky was trembling, Steve hugged him close to comfort him with his soggy body.

 

“Steve, let go-“ Sam hissed out.  
Steve shook his head, tightening his grip, he would never let go, Bucky was far too important, all the repressed fear bubbled up and all the blonde could do was cling to the man he loved. He realised then, the only reason Bucky shook was because of him. His body trembled, skin soaked through from the lake, body reacting to the loss of adrenaline powering it.

 

“You’re hurting him.”  
That stopped Steve sinking too far, he had to keep himself together. He relaxed his grip around the brunettes ribs, remembering the beating he had received earlier. He nudged the brunettes head till it flopped back into the crook of his elbow and he could have a good look at him. Still pale, still the hint of blue clinging to his lips. His eyes were scrunched shut, and his lips parted to cough and wheeze in air.

 

“Breathe deep...like this.” Steve took deep breaths, chest pushing against Bucky’s back so he could feel it, so subconsciously his body would try to mimic the motion.  
Harsh air whistled through Bucky’s mouth, but Steve’s hand on the struggling mans stomach picked up on the deeper breaths, the rise and fall of his chest.

 

“That-That’s it, doing great.”  
There was still hiccupping noise, dry throated sounds that made Steve wince, the blonde shoved his face into the brunettes neck, nose brushing the artery and feeling the solid beats of a pulse. Ensuring himself it was real, not a trick of his addled mind.  
Steve drew back, “Open your eyes.” he pleaded, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to look into them, to get the last bit of proof needed.  
“Please Buck, for me...look at me.”  
It took a few minutes, wheezing and wincing before Bucky was able to open them, his blood spotted eyes that gazed up at Steve with a whole range of emotions. Steve only realised he was crying when tears dropped down on Bucky’s face, splashing on his delicate skin and making trails down to his jaw.

 

“I-I thought I’d lost you-“  
Bucky tried to smile, tried to part his lips to say something but all that came out was a volley of crackling coughs.  
“Breathe deep, try to relax....”  
Bucky’s eyes struggled open again, fixing onto Steve’s lazily. The blonde ran his fingertips through Bucky’s hair, not expecting to hear the familiar purring grumble but happy the motion got rid of the tightness in his face, soothing him enough to relax.

 

“Gunna get you to hospital real soon.”  
The brunette flashed the smallest of smiles, sapping his last remaining energy, he fell unconscious and didn’t hear Steve whispering he loved him over and over. Rocking him in their position on the floor.

 

“Steve, ambulance...”  
He nodded, struggling to his feet with Bucky in his arms, Sam and Tony flanked him, making sure he was stable and able to walk with the added weight. They knew better than to ask to carry Bucky, Steve wasn’t giving him up to anybody.  
“It’s-its parked at the mansion.”  
Steve paused in his stride, teeth gritted, but it was Nat that replied, her shriek of outrage.  
“We have to go up there- towards the bastards that tried to kill him!”  
“It was the only suitable place-  
“Pierce is up there!”

 

A lightning bolt of rage struck Steve’s body, he narrowed his eyes and began a swift march back up the track. Pierce would pay.  
The paramedics spotted Bucky’s passed out form an jogged to Steve’s side, trying to pry the brunette from his grip. It took Sam’s calming voice, and firm hold on Steve’s shoulders for him to finally let the brunette go.  
“They’ll take good care of him...”  
Steve hovered close by, anxious at the sight of men prodding the brunettes neck, shoving a mask over his face to aid his crackly breathing.

 

Police had gathered around the property, were in the process of arresting the guys in suits. Storming the house where they were sure to find Brocks body slumped over the bed. The commotion was deafening, men denying their involvement, forensic investigators strolling into the house to document the body of Brock Rumlow.  
“What’s the meaning of this?”  
Pierces voice sliced through the disarray, Steve scanned the area to find him, hands bawled into fists and breaths steaming through his nostrils.

 

“Steve don’t...”  
It was Nat that took hold of his bicep to stop him, if it had of been Sam or Tony, he would’ve shoved it away and growled angrily at them. But the soft voice of Natasha made him rethink his desire to hurt Alexander Pierce.  
“Bucky needs you Steve....”  
They greying man hobbled out, shocked at being manhandled by the officers, “I have no idea what’s going on....” he locked eyes with Steve, words dying on his lips.  
The blonde was expecting annoyance to shine through his pores but instead he offered up his normal smirk.  
“My Son!” he yelled, struggling with the officers and pointing towards the brunette in the ambulance, “Oh my god, what happened.” He turned back to the house, “I found Brocks body, he-must’ve killed him-“  
“Liar!” Steve yelled, hoarse throat burning.  
The officers darted looks to each other as Pierce continued to plead with them.  
“He was so upset, Brock went to talk to him. He must’ve lost it and lashed out, then tried to end his life.”  
Pierce had spent his life lying, had become so utterly convincing Steve saw the exact moment the men trying to arrest him got consumed, got taken in by the well acted desperate father.

 

“It was him, he must’ve killed Brock- who told you It had anything to do with me?,” he pointed an accusing finger towards Steve, still being held back by Natasha, “there trying to cover for him, I’ve only ever tried to take care of James, but he’s beyond help now...”  
Steve couldn’t take it, he yanked his arm free, barrowing toward the greying man, teeth gnashing together and arms ready to land blows.  
“You son-of-a-bitch, you did this!”  
Pierce put his hands up, trying innocently to calm the raging beast from attacking, “Bucky’s been unstable for a long time, you know that best-  
“Shut up!”  
Steve made up the last few steps thumping Pierce in the face, hard enough to crack his nose. It wasn’t Steve’s strongest punch, the intention had been to knock the other man clean out but his limbs felt jellyish and it was the best he could do.

 

The blonde wasn’t expecting to be forcibly thrown to the dirt, vision swaying and breath stolen from his chest by a man pinning his back.  
Sam was shouting, Nat was yelling. The sound of rustling fabric nearby followed by a thump as Sam landed on the floor with a wince, pined by another officer.

 

“Fuck, twice in one day” Sam muttered.

 

A band of cold metal embraced Steve’s wrists with a snap and he was hauled to his feet.  
There wasn’t the satisfaction Steve expected at seeing Pierces bloodied up face, one hit was no where near enough. Steve wanted to kill Peirce, rip his head from his body with an animalistic growl. He made an aborted effort to move his hands, the metal wouldn’t yield.  
“It’s broken...”The greying man uttered, not at all irritated, he puffed out a small laugh, nudging his nose from side to side,“Good job there’s an ambulance....”  
Blood dripping down his face, and he still grinned, shark like in Steve’s direction. Smirking to himself as paramedics rushed to his side.  
“Let’s get you in the ambulance-“

 

Steve thrashed like a wild bull, spitting insults his way. A few well aimed kicks had him panting on the floor again, pinned to the mud while the two police officers demanded he calm down.  
“No! You can’t let him near Bucky.” He wheezed.  
“He’s dangerous” Sam shouted, head shoved down so they could push him into a cruiser.  
“The only people acting dangerously are you two.” One of the men spat.  
Steve craned his neck, lifting it off the floor to look back towards the stricken brunette being treated in the ambulance. Tony was pushed away from the door, protesting as they ushered Pierce towards the vehicle.  
“No!”  
The single word that strangled through Steve’s lips had no heat to it, it sobbed into the ground. Pierce turned, sadistic wave of his hand as the ambulance’s door shut behind him and roared into life. That look, the look of victory had a war cry fill Steve’s head, Pierce couldn’t win.

 

Steve struggled in his position on the floor, managing to dislodge the men restraining him.  
“Stop!” he yelled, running after the vehicle with his hand secured around his back. A well timed tackle had him on the floor again, gasping for air and head swaying. He was dragged along the floor, knees catching on cobble stones as they got him towards the car.  
“Get in the god-damn car-“  
Nat positioned herself in the way, arms folded over her chest.  
“You need to listen to us!” Nat sadly fiercely, glancing back toward Tony who was on his cell again. He whirled around, “Steve, Login details and password!” 

 

Steve blinked a few times before his exhausted self caught up, he recited the details out loud, not caring who else got access to the footage, the more people the better.  
Tony shoved the phone under the officers nose, “look, just look!”

 

The man sneered, refusing to watch the footage and batting Tony’s hand away. Pierce’s unmistakable voice cackled from the speaker, the moment where he’d threatened Bucky life, had told him what was going to happen to him. Brock lifeless on the bed, knife glittering in Pierces grip, even a child could work out what had happened...  
“Wha....?”  
“See! he’s dangerous! He’s going to hurt Bucky.”  
The man watched the horror unfold, mouth dropping open in a permanent O.  
“What is it Mathews?” One of the others asked, concerned at his colleagues shock.  
Mathews ignored the question and barked orders into his radio, Pierce wasn’t to be left unattended, someone needed eyes on him at the hospital. The man removed Steve’s cuffs, flicking his head towards the car with Sam hauled up.  
“Let him go.”  
“We need to get him away from Bucky now!” Steve yelled, authority of a captain creeping into his voice, making the officer shrink at the weight of it.  
“Get in...”  
Steve jumped into the passenger Seat, leaving Sam, Nat and Tony behind to answer questions. Pierce had no idea about the camera, he still believed he could swing the situation in his favour, but what would he do when he realised he’d been caught out, he’d tried to kill Bucky once, would he really be so brash to kill him in a hospital....if he had nothing left to lose...

 

There was no doubt that Pierce was deadly, Steve had seen the velocity of violence with his own eyes. That matched with the twisted lies he could spin, Pierce was one step ahead in a game neither of them were prepared to lose. Pierce had called check-mate, Bucky being the most valuable piece in the game, Steve was going to shatter the board.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky stops breathing and Steves forced to use rescue breaths and CPR. Steve would never give up on his Bucky!
> 
>  
> 
> One chapter to go and then I'm all done :)
> 
> Hopefully someone's still interested <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dark thoughts festered in Steve’s head, the desire for Pierces blood was overwhelming, making the blonde fidget in his seat, sweat trickle with fury, it was a bit inappropriate to have such consuming thoughts sat next to a man trying to uphold the law, but Bucky was in the monsters grips again, unable to defend himself if Pierce tried anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally chapter, Eeeeek!  
> hope you guys enjoy!  
> Unbeta'd so typos.  
> Thanks so sooooo god-damn much for reading :)  
> Kudos and comments give light to my life <3

Dark thoughts festered in Steve’s head, the desire for Pierces blood was overwhelming, making the blonde fidget in his seat, sweat trickle with fury, it was a bit inappropriate to have such consuming thoughts sat next to a man trying to uphold the law, but Bucky was in the monsters grips again, unable to defend himself if Pierce tried anything.

 

He winced at his tightened fists, uncurling them slowly. Slices of red broke his skin, seeping colour into his hands. He hadn’t noticed the cuts from climbing through the window, his own pain was secondary when the brunette was involved.

 

An image flashed in Steve’s head, Bucky hung up like a puppet, limbs dangling. The blonde ran a finger along his bottom lip, remembering Bucky’s cold chapped ones, bluing from lack of oxygen. He’d been so close to losing the brunette, only by some miracle he hadn’t but Steve’s stupidity of attacking Pierce had put him in danger...again. If anything happened to Bucky he’d never forgive himself. That was a fate worse than death.

 

Steve distracted his descent into self-loathing by analysing the man beside him, Stocky in build, thick black hair swept back. Mathews was written on his badge, shinning as if regularly cleaned in admiration. The shocked expression was no longer plastered on his face, but one of steel determination, brow scrunched as he scanned the cars clogging the way.

 

“Alexander Pierce, arrest immediately.” He hissed into his receiver.  
The responding voice sounded sceptical, chuckling as it replied, “yeah...good one Mathews...”  
“No- he’s dangerous. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, as soon as anyone has a visual arrest him.”  
“For what?”  
“Murder...”  
Mathews pulled his hand from the radio, ignoring the static of voices trying to connect with him.  
“Can’t you go faster?”  
He jumped in alarm, glancing over to Steve as if he’d suddenly materialised out of thin air. Mouth popping open at the stranger in his car.  
“Wha-da?...”  
“Go faster.” Steve spoke the words clearly, relief coursing through his veins when the lights and sirens started blaring. Most of the cars parted, a few stubborn ass-holes lingered in front of the car, slowing them from making progress.

 

Mathews darted looks to Steve, lips parting but no words leaving, until, “I’m sorry I arrested you.” grumbled out.  
It was Steve’s ridiculous decision to bound over and assault another person in full view of cops. His eyes dropped from Steve’s face to his bleeding hands, the blonde held them up, “this wasn’t you...”  
“Oh?”  
Steve shook his head with a sigh, “car rolled onto its roof, had to climb through the window.”  
“You’ve been in a crash?”  
Steve nodded, a flare of guilt igniting, the other three had seemed okay but they’d all been knocked about by the tumbling car, he hadn’t checked if they were alright, “we were trying to get to Bucky- to James in time...”

 

Mathews nodded, eyes snapping forwards again and car accelerating in intimidation, “we’ll get to him, Any luck someone will be closer, have Pierce detained by the time we arrive.”  
The radio crackled, alerting Mathews to another unit nearer to the hospital. Steve slumped in his seat, an ally was close to the brunette, could get Pierce away from him, the officer’s voice fuzzing through the radio seemed uncertain.

 

“What evidence have you got exactly?”  
“Video footage of him performing the killing...have you arrested him?”  
The silence that followed had both men twitching in their seats.  
The radio cackled with a different voice, “Dr brown has been called.”  
Mathews threw a wide eyed expression Steve’s way and the blondes worry spiked back to the max, “what the hell does that mean?”  
The man beside him clicked the radio again, “understand, ETA 7 minutes...”  
“What’s wrong?”  
“Doctor Brown is hospital code, if staff feel they are under threat they ask for Doctor Brown, it alerts security without drawing too much attention.”

 

Steve’s heart picked up the pace and he gnawed at his knuckles, trying not to think worse case scenario, Bucky was in hospital, surrounded by medical staff, police were on the way....  
“It might be unrelated, another patient behaving threateningly,” Mathews was stopped from speaking by more crackling voices.  
“They’ve reported a code silver.”  
Steve rolled his eyes in annoyance, detaching his teeth from mauling his hand, “what the hell is going on?”  
“He has a weapon.”

 

Steve physically felt his face drain, Mathews patted his knee in sympathy, “as I said, probably unrelated, more that one nutter right?”  
The ball of dread started to coil up, gripping Steve in a vice. This was the worst feeling, the one he had in the cell earlier, the one he battled to contain in the range rover on the way to the lake. Helplessness, he couldn’t do a thing to help Bucky, just had to wait, arrive and deal with the aftermath. Steve clung to the last remaining hope this situation was unrelated, Pierce wouldn’t be so brash to threaten staff, surely.

 

The hospital came into view, towering high building, it was ridiculous to scan the windows for a sign of the brunette, but Steve still did, knowing he was in there somewhere, hidden in a maze of corridors and rooms.  
“Any luck my buddies have got the mad man and we’ll deal with Pierce-“  
The radio crackled into a mass of shouts and confusion, the static and fuzz made it impossible to understand the other officers. Mathews hand was poised at the receiver, readying himself for an opening so he could ask what the hell was happening.  
“Shots fired!” The voice yelled.  
“What’s happening?” Mathews hands clamped around the wheel, tightening in frustration. Steve swallowed the lump in his throat, convincing himself it was best not to choke to death on fears.  
“He was resisting arrest, he had a gun-  
“Anyone hit?”  
The voice panted, “no, dived for cover, Alexander Pierce...he’s got a gun.”

 

Steve was sinking in his seat, so much he feared falling out of the bottom of the car and been dragged along the road. The engine, the voice of Mathews and the hiss of radio merged together, bounced around Steve’s head, echoing in the chambers of Steve’s mind. Darkness prickled around his vision, swamping his sight and plunging him into black, where no sound or light could travel.

 

“Oi! Buddie, you alright?”Mathews was smacking him hard on the leg, making his body jolt, “I’ve got enough on my plate, don’t you go fainting on me.”

 

Fainting seemed far too soft, a gentle fall into unconsciousness. This felt anything but, it felt like poison, sucking away all life, contaminating his body, Steve was exhausted, skin heavy from damp clothes, muscles aching and hands stinging, it was nothing compared to the pressure in his chest, another slice into his already bleeding heart. Bucky was in mortal danger and there was nothing Steve could do, the thought was so terrifying he couldn’t remember how to breathe, struggling with his body’s unconscious reactions, lungs heaving and heart skipping beats, making strobes of light pulse in his eyeballs.

 

“Buddie, snap out of it!”

 

This time rather than a smack to his knee, he got a swift slap to his face, so shocked by the act he gawped, body returning to its normal state. His numb skin began to feel again, pins and needles fading away. Steve righted himself from his slumped position, hands splayed on the dashboard in front.

 

“You ‘kay now?”  
Steve was far from okay but he managed to nod, “ what’s happening?” His voice was shaky, effected, but at least he could remember how to communicate.  
“The latest...Pierce pulled a gun when they tried to arrest him, he’s taken a room hostage, two nurses, one doctor and James....”  
Mathews mounted the curb, forcing the car to a screeching stop, “They’re evacuating the hospital...  
“I’m going in with you.”  
Mathews looked like he wanted to argue but sighed under the weight of Steve’s gaze, “you do as I say...”  
Steve nodded, knowing full well he couldn’t promise that....

 

An alarm blared out in the hospital, patients and staff looked around with obvious concern, the whole bottom floor was overcrowded, far to many beds blocking the corridors.  
Another cop spotted Mathews and darted over, his face was red and he panted a few breaths before speaking,  
“He just snapped- took a shot at me-

 

Before the two officers could trade conversation Steve butted in, “Bucky, is Bucky alright?”  
“Who the hell is Bucky?”  
Mathews shook his head, “he means James, James Barnes.”  
“Oh, he looked shaken up, there was obvious bruising to his neck and chest...um...I’m sorry I was only in the room a minute before Pierce shot at me.”  
“Shaken up? Was he awake?”

 

The officer nodded, moving his attention back towards Mathews. Steve clutched at his chest, Bucky had woken up and instead of having the blonde there by his side he had woken to Pierce and found himself in another terrifying situation.  
“He asked me what proof I had and I said what you told me.”  
Steve snapped to attention, noting the anger in Mathews face, “what exactly did you say-  
“We had video feed of him committing the crime...”  
“You told him that before you got cuffs on him?”  
The officer blanched, shifting foot to foot, “It’s Alexander Pierce, I didn’t think he’d be armed.”  
“Now we’ve got a hostage situation...”

 

Hostage situations weren’t anything like the movies, seconds sped past, leaking into minutes and bleeding into hours. Steve wasn’t given access to the floor the situation was unfolding, not even Mathews could swing a civilian being that close. No, he was forced to wait, on the deserted third floor, knowing Bucky was somewhere above him. He couldn’t sit, each time he did, his body began to slow, the sinking sensation tried to dunk him under, drown him in fear and hopelessness. Instead he marched a trench of frustration and worry into the floor, pausing every so often just to listen.

 

Mathews regularly came down to check on him, to update him on progress or lack of it. Pierce only demanded to see proof of his crime and the police were withholding it, hoping to bargain it for the people in the room.  
“He’s an emotional yo-yo. One minute claiming he’s been framed, all tears and sobs, next minute raw anger, blaming everyone else and flashing that pistol in James fac- Mathews snapped his mouth shut, leaning back on his heels. “he’s fine...”

 

Steve turned and began his hypnotic marching again, it was a weak distraction, but the motion kept his over-active mind from firing off horrible conclusions to the hostage situation.

 

Six hours in, and Mathews bounded down the stairs, almost tripping on the door in his eagerness to get to Steve.  
“We’ve made progress.”  
Steve nodded eagerly, gesturing wildly with his hands for the man to put him out of his misery.  
“He’s letting the nurses and doctor out.”

 

He should’ve felt a glimmer of something, a small relief that Pierce was letting the hostages go, but if anything Steve felt worse, Bucky was going to be alone, trapped in an injured state with Pierce and a gun...  
“What about Bucky?” He croaked.  
“It’s a start, we’ve made progress with him, he’s making his demands for James’ release...”  
Mathews shoved a card into Steve palm and directed him towards a phone, “your buddies will want to know what’s going on.”

 

Steve followed the orders numbly, typing Sam’s number in, the only one he knew by heart.  
Sam’s gruff voice filtered through the phone. “Hello?”  
Steve waited a beat before speaking, “Sam its me.”  
“Thank god, Is Bucky alright?”  
“I dunno Sam- I just don’t know-, he let the nurses go but he wont let Bucky out, he’s going to kill him, -I just know it-  
“Steve! Deep breaths remember, nice and slow.. .”  
“He’s got Bucky, there nothing I can do.”

 

Even though he knew he was descending into hysteria, he couldn’t help it, thankfully the floor was empty and no one could hear him losing it.  
“Steve, just calm down-  
“He’s taken him hostage-  
Sam shushed him down the phone, a parent trying to sooth a distressed child. “I know, its on the news. Alexander Pierce snapping and taking his stepson hostage, its on every station.”  
Every press van in the city had gathered outside, information leaked like a sieve and the whole county was in shock knowing Pierce had taken his own stepson hostage, was threatening to blow his brains out if his demands weren’t met.

“Sam, I don’t know what to do.”  
“Just breathe, get yourself together...”  
Steve did as he was told, dissolving the panic that gripped him and replacing it with the next prominent emotion.  
“I wanna KILL him.” Steve didn’t need to sugar-coat things for Sam, “I wanna go in there and rip his head off!”  
“Yeah, well that’s normal Steve, but not the best idea...”  
Steve continued his badmouthing of Pierce. “He’s evil, he doesn’t deserve to be alive.”  
“Trust me, when he gets locked up, he’s going to wish he wasn’t.”  
“What if he weasels out of it?”  
“He won’t Steve, he can’t...its all on camera, once he’s locked away he wont be tasting freedom again.”  
Pierce locked up for good wasn’t as satisfying as his bloodied corpse but an ex politician in prison, it certainly wasn’t going to be a picnic.  
“Just try to calm down, let us know if anything...if anything happens.”  
Steve agreed, knowing he would only contact Sam again with the end result, to report whether Bucky was alright...or if he wasn’t.

 

Guilt reared its ugly head when the two shell shocked nurses appear, huddled together and shaking. Steve hadn’t cared that they’d been let go by Pierce, but now, looking at there shaking forms and pale faces he felt awful.

 

“You’re safe now.” He said, awkward as hell, not knowing quite what to say to them.  
“I just hope they get James out of there quick.” The less panicked one replied.  
“Excuse me ma’am, James, is he alright?”

 

The stunned nurse stopped, swallowed awkwardly before settling in the seat nearest Steve, the blonde waited a second before following and parking himself beside her.  
“He’s breathing with the mask, he didn’t need a endotracheal... broken ribs, bruised kidneys.”  
Steve swallowed, ears remembering the sounds of Bucky getting pummelled by fists. The image of his swinging body on the branch flashed in Steve vision forcing him to scrunch his eyes shut and ground his palms into the sockets.  
“He was asking for someone called Steve, got quite distressed...”

 

Steve didn’t think it was possible to feel much worse, apparently that wasn’t quite true, his eyes ached from the persistent rubbing but his skin registered wetness, his eyes were leaking tears, scratchy tears. Bucky had asked for him, wanted him, needed him...and Steve hadn’t been there.  
“He freaked when he saw Pierce, I couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell us...I was forced to sedate him in the ambulance.”  
“He’s sedated now?”

 

She shook her head, “no he came round, tried talking Pierce into letting us go....he doesn’t love that boy at all...”  
He came round and Steve still wasn’t there, just the monster that manipulated and hurt him. If Steve hadn’t of rose to that bastards taunts, this wouldn’t of happened-  
The woman’s soft voice gained Steve’s full attention, “sorry?”  
She shook her head, “ the way he speaks to him...” her hand rested on Steve’s thigh, brown eyes boring into Steve’s blue, “He’s not going to let him live, he hates that boy.”  
Steve recoiled as if stung, jumping up from the chair and backing away and knocking into the other nurse.

 

“Sorry, Anna’s pretty shaken up...here.” She said, handing Steve a pile of folded clothes, “they should fit, get you out of those dirty ones.”  
Steve took hold of them with numb fingers, the badge on her whites held the name Sharon, a bloodied thumb print had smudged over the letters. Sharon seemed to realise the cause of Steve’s sudden alarm, and she gripped Steve’s bicep. “Not James’, Alexander Pierce, had to fix his nose best I could...he refused treatment, was waiting for James to wake first...”  
Sharon pushed Steve over to a door, swinging it open for him to pass through, “get changed in here.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Look after yourself,” she said, before turning and gathering up her stricken colleague.

 

Steve yanked his mostly dry shirt over his head, climbing into the white T-shirt Sharon had offered, he removed his shoes and socks, tugging off his damp jeans that tried their damnedest to stick to his skin. The grey sweatpants were a relief to climb into, warm and soft against Steve’s aching skin. He left his dirtied clothes in a heap on the floor and walked into the newly emptied corridor barefooted.

 

Drained of all energy he slumped down in a chair, eyes on the door to the stairwell awaiting Mathews with his latest report. Bucky swirled in his head, how he looked at the lakeside, his limp body cradled in the blondes arms on the way towards the ambulance. He probably thought it was all over, that Steve would take care of him and he’d never have to see Pierce again...but now he was trapped with the greying man losing it, waving a loaded gun around.

 

He had seen the effects of gunfire, the damage small glints of metal could do to a man’s skull. His nightmare came to mind, Bucky lying in the dirt wearing the mask of lifelessness, now made more sick inducing by bullet wounds.  
He'd witnessed Bucky as close to death as someone could get and it terrified him, he couldn’t walk into that room and see his face changed by the bluntness of a bullet.

 

Steve hit his head with a growl, stopping the imagined images of Bucky with bullet wounds in his face. He flipped through the book of the brunettes smiles, his genuine ones, sly ones when he was plotting, his soppy ones when Steve kissed him to sleep. He filled his head with positive thoughts.

 

Steve was going to take him climbing again, in the summer time though, so they could camp under the stars and roll around like teenagers inside the tent.

 

He was going to look up how to make candied apples, every flavour combination possible and cover the apartment in them, the smell of sweetness would drive the blonde crazy but it’d be worth the undeniable headache to see Bucky smile, to see his eyes bulge at the sight.

 

He still had to dig his old uniform out, parade around in front of Bucky and boss him around, do unspeakable things to the brunette and draw moans from his lips without removing a single piece of his elaborate captains uniform.

 

Most of all he was desperate to see the moment the world realised he wasn’t the lay abut he'd been painted, but he was amazing and clever and he had created something self-less. Not to gain favour or money, but because he could, he wanted to help people, change their lives for the better. Steve wanted to stand by his side every step of the way but Bucky’s life had hit a mountain of a hurdle.

 

“Steve!”  
The blondes head snapped up at the pained cry of Bucky, he blinked the glowing lights of the hospital into focus, head fuzzy.  
“Steveee.”  
His name was breathed out, on the dying breath of Bucky Barnes. Steve sat bolt upright ears picking out the noise of breaking glass? No...gun shots... Bucky calling for him...

 

He charged towards the door to the stairwell, legs heavy from sleep, palms flat to batter the door off its hinges. Gun fire, had Steve heard gun fire. Bucky had begged for help, it was maddening, in his crazed state he galloped the stairs, three steps at a time and through the door with the velocity of a missile. Mathews caught him round the waist, another officer ran at him and a third caught him from behind dragging him back into stairwell.  
“Bucky needs me!”  
Mathews was hissing into his ear, sharp tone making Steve wince, “I’m risking my neck just having you in here, do that again and I really will get you arrested...”  
“But he needs me!”  
“Hostage negotiations are underway, we’re making progress.”  
“I heard him- I heard him!”  
All three bed gripping the blonde darted looks to each other, before Mathews spoke, softer voice than before, “You didn’t hear him, the situations the same as it was...”  
“But I heard a gun-

 

The momentarily shot of adrenaline subsided and Steve slumped, a flick of the head from Mathews had the other men backing up a step.  
“No gun’s fired, You need to rest-  
“How can I! What’s going on, Bucky, how is he?”  
Mathews shrugged with a scrunched expression, as if anticipating a punch. “can’t see him-  
“What do you mean you can’t see him?”  
Steve received a warning look from the officer and adjusted his posture to a less threatening stance.  
“He’s had a curtain drawn around the bed so we can’t see Bucky anymore.”  
Why the hell had Mathews not told him that!  
“How do you know if he’s alright then?”  
He was still injured, broken ribs and bruised kidneys, let alone the band of red skin around his throat. He needed medical attention, needed it right that second.  
“We can still see Pierce, he’s not pulled the trigger-  
“Get in there and end this!”  
Mathews ignored the outburst and applied pressure to the blondes back, getting him to reluctantly retreat down the steps.  
“Let us do our job...”  
Steve plodded down the stairs, expanding the distance between himself and the man he loved, he walked down as slow as possible, Mathews eyes boring holes of pity into his back.

 

 

His steps echoed in the deserted corridor, he leaned his head again the wall, a sob wailed through his lips. This was too much torture for him to endure. His hand snapped to the handle again, he could burst into the room, shield Bucky with his body, if it was the last thing he did in this world it would be worth it.

 

A hand gripped his arm, he hissed at the warning pulling himself free. One of the officers must have tracked him down, Mathews probably asked him to stand guard of the door. If Steve wanted to put his life in danger to save the man he loved, who was anyone to stop him! 

 

The pressure of fingers returned, trying to snatch his arm in a feeble grip, weak almost like a child. Steve laughed bitterly, his bulk was probably intimidating for the officer, he didn’t want to trade blows with Steve.

 

“Get offa me!” Steve snorted, trudging forward, ripping his arm away, the figure behind him made an odd noise, almost like a whimper before a solid weight pressed at the blondes back. What kind of technique was this? Lean on someone to get them to leave the area.

 

“What the hells your problem!”

 

Steve whirled around, detaching the weight from his back, he did a double take at the sight of brown mop hair, the figure stumbled forward falling into Steve’s chest and letting out a shaky sigh. Steve’s jaw hung loose, panted breaths of disbelief huffed out in the silence before he had enough control to speak.

 

“'''''the fuck!”  
That’s all he could manage, the undying words of love and devotion pushed aside for sheer surprised cursing. Steve gripped Bucky’s head in his hands, noting it was rather unstable on his shoulders, he tipped the brunette up, to gaze into his face in amazement. He really had gone fucking crazy.

 

“Bucky?”  
A dopy smile tugged at the brunettes lips, his skin had drained of colour, leaving a sickly pale complexion in the place of warm skin, but Bucky’s eyes dazzled, still splodged with blood but the blue shone through, radiating life and defiance.

 

It must’ve been a dream, Steve must’ve drifted to sleep in one of the god-awful plastic chairs, exhaustion finally getting the better of him...that or his fragile heart had finally packed in, and he was lying dead on the third floor of New York’s finest hospital.... but Bucky’s skin was warm under his touch, his hair held the familiar softness that tickled between his fingers.

 

Steve shoved his nose into the brown strands, the same smell of the shampoo Bucky used, had used that morning while Steve hovered nervous as hell outside the door, the smell of sweat and antiseptic clung to the brunettes body, but underneath that was Bucky, the addictive scent that Steve loved cuddling up to.

 

Bucky’s head had ducked back down, face shoved as close to Steve’s heart as it could get. There was an odd sensation, wetness seeping into his borrowed t-shirt, that matched with the quaking body told him Bucky was crying, the hallucination of Bucky was sobbing into his chest.

 

Steve circled his arms around, hugging back. The brunette wasn’t embracing with the powerful grip Steve was use to, his weakened body had all but collapsed forward, almost completely boneless as he let himself be held.

 

“But-but, you’re in there...” Steve stammered, more to himself than the man magnetised to his chest. The body he held was rocking, unstable, Steve only hooked his arms around tighter, struggling to understand what was right in front of him. He bent his spine back, detaching the face from his chest to capture it in a stare, blue eyes swimming in tears looked back with a quivering lip.  
“You’re up there...” Steve said again, dumbly, flushing at his own stupidity at speaking to his addled minds hallucination. Steve didn’t need to point up the corridor, the brunette clearly knew where he was supposed to be.  
“Climbed d’wn.” The pained voice replied, lucky Steve was only an inch away and could hear it, scratch its way past Bucky’s lips.

 

Climbed down, the real Bucky wouldn’t be so utterly stupid to dangle out of a window four stories up And try to find a route down to escape...

 

Shit.

 

“You did what!”  
An emotional war waged, multiple sides, with no clear winning emotion. Steve still didn’t quite understand, was his mind being so evil, to show him what he most desired, Bucky out of danger and in his arms.

 

The corridor was empty, he couldn’t even ask someone else if the brunette was real. Arms still clamped around the brunette, Steve swung him round, walking him towards the open door next to the stairs, the one he was certain he had shut.  
Peeking over the brunettes shoulder, he could see the pile of grubby clothes he’d left. His skin tingled at the breeze of cool air, the window was open, the floor glinted with a lump of metal, next to it lay a couple of bent screws.

 

“What the hell?”  
Bucky sniffled, but kept his face hidden in Steve’s T-shirt, “had to break the catch.”  
His words were followed by a loud gulping swallow and a hiss of pain.  
Still not completely convinced, Steve mumbled into his hair, “What? How? What!”  
“Said I needed the toilet...” Bucky croaked.  
He’s climbed from the toilet window, had managed to find away down even in his injured state. He had escaped the clutches of Pierce all by himself.

 

Relief surged up so powerfully Steve was sure he was going to faint, he only didn’t to keep the brunette up right. The blonde still struggled with words, the cogs in his mind were all knocked out of place making it impossible to think, he hugged tighter, then pulled back to look at Bucky, only to hug him tighter again.  
His mouth popped like a gold fish, eyes so round they were in danger of falling out and dangling on his cheeks.  
“But-but...”  
Fuck it, even if it was a messed up fantasy he was going with it, when he pulled back he skimmed his lips from the brunettes temple along his skin till he found his mouth, salty from the tears the brunette had shed.

 

Steve took his face in his hands, eyes scanning side to side, “don’t put me through that again, I couldn’t bare it, please Bucky.”  
He pressed there mouth together and Bucky sunk against him, lip still quivering under Steve’s. It wasn’t a skilled kiss, it was clumsy, lips pressed together with sobs and shaking breaths, Steve pulled back, pressing his lips to every area of Bucky’s face he could reach, covering him in relieved, devoted kisses. At some point while coating the brunette with affection he’d begun to cry, Bucky’s face wasn’t just wet from his own tears, or sloppy kisses, but Steve’s tears were leaking on to his skin, being pressed into his pores by the blondes mouth.

 

He was supposed to be the stronger one, there to comfort the brunette after his ordeal but quickly Steve became a bumbling mess. Sobbing into Bucky’s hair and asking him over and over not to do that again.  
“I’m okay Steve.” Bucky’s gravelly voice said, hands attempting to stroke Steve’s back with no coordination.  
“I thought you we re dead.”  
“I’m not-  
“But you were, hanging from that tree, I almost lost you Buck.”  
The brunette hushed him, squeezing as tight as he could, which lacked his usual strength. “I don’t remember...”  
“They left you there, to die...I had to get to you, swam across the lake to get to you.”  
“You swam the lake, Jesus Steve, are you mad, it’s bloody cold.”

 

The words ‘are you mad’ bounced in Steve’s head and made him bark a laugh, mad? Steve was pretty sure he had gone completely nuts.  
He couldn’t stop the high-pitched giggle escaping his mouth, Bucky didn’t join in with the chorus of laughs though, “um, Steve, you okay?”

 

Still laughing like a lunatic, Steve spoke into Bucky’s hair, “no, not alright. I think I’ve gone crazy.”  
The blonde moved, back to the wall, sinking to the floor and taking Bucky with him. He didn’t lessen the grip, even when the brunette wiggled in his arms, arranging his limbs so he straddled the blondes lap with his chin on Steve’s shoulder. The brunette just let Steve giggle like an idiot, clinging to him like a limpet. The blonde managed to calm himself, head knocking back in to the wall.  
“I thought I was a goner...” Bucky muttered to Steve’s collar bone, he shifted his face along, shoving it into Steve’s neck like he did when he was sleepy, “thank you.” He whispered.

 

The manic laughter that had gripped the blonde had stopped abruptly, and hearing Bucky’s croaked out thank you had his eyes overflowing with tears.  
“Why? I put you in danger again-  
“You saved me Steve, didn’t give up on me.”  
How could he of, he would’ve kept trying to bring the brunette back, would’ve gone insane if he’d not been able to.  
“Because you love me?” Bucky prompted.  
“Yes, I do, bloody love you, so god-damn much.”

 

Mathews strolled Into the room, finding Steve hunched down on the floor, he seemed oblivious to the human sized growth attached to his chest and for a moment panic started to rise, was Bucky not real?

 

“He’s made his demand, ludicrous of course, trying to work out how to help James...”  
The blonde raised an eyebrow, Bucky lifted his head slightly, eyes skimming the officer, when Bucky’s and Mathews eyes snapped to each other Steve released a huge sigh of relief.  
“Whiskey, whiskey would help me real good...”  
Steve chuckled, running his hands through Bucky’s hair in affection.

“What-da-?“  
Mathews eye’s shot around the room and he got to the right conclusion a lot faster than Steve.  
“You climbed down?” His voice, impressed and horrified at the same time. He stared at the ceiling before his mouth popped open, “you’ve climbed down...”  
He was off, feet slapping the floor and fading into the distance. They could drag Pierce out of the room now, storm it with force without worrying for Bucky safety.

 

Steve realised he was completely supporting Bucky’s weight, The other man had slumped into the blondes body,  
“Hey?” Steve tried, getting only a grunt in reply.  
“Need to get you some help.” Steve added  
“Nah, m’good here.”  
“Come on Buck.”  
It was a struggled to stand, especially with the added weight, but he managed to shoulder barge his way up to his feet, hoisting the brunette up into a bridal lift and carrying him from the room.

 

This time Steve didn’t let Bucky out of his sight, didn’t barge his way to assault Pierce, even when he heard the commotion of him being dragged down the corridor, Steve was half hoping Pierce would come out shooting, forcing someone to take him out forever.

 

He stayed by Bucky’s bed, fingers knotted through the brunettes.  
“Sleep.” He cooed.  
Bucky’s face twitched, blue eyes watering again, “you’ll be here this time when I wake?”  
Steve swallowed away the lump on guilt, nodding his assurances. The brunette traced Steve’s frown lines with his finger tips, the sensation had the wrinkled skin relaxing, had Steve breathing deeper breaths and head dropping down only to jerk up at the jarring motion.

 

“You’re tired too.”  
Steve hummed in agreement, enjoying the feeling of Bucky’s fingers far too much, along his forehead, across his cheek bones and the angles of his jaw, when they stopped, he groaned, lazy eyes struggling open.  
Bucky watched, dopy expression warming his face, “get in.”  
The brunette had wiggled over in the bed, allowing enough room for Steve to climb on.  
“I’m fine Buck.”  
After all, he wasn’t the one to be beaten, strung up and taken hostage, all in the space of 12 hours...  
“Get in the goddamn bed Steve.”  
After an odd stare off, with Bucky winning hands down because Steve couldn’t help his eyes drifting shut, the blonde climbed into the bed.

 

He lay with his back to the mattress, Bucky’s back was to Steve’s chest, resting in the v of Steve’s legs.  
Steve loved the position, he was able to hug the brunette and his body heat was seeping through Steve’s shirt, the weight and heat told his subconscious Bucky was with him even when sleep started to claim him. He placed one small kiss to the brunettes hair, breathing in his scent as deep as he could before finally succumbing to sleep.

 

The two days that followed passed in a blur, Bucky needed to stay in for observation and Steve stayed by his side, spending most of the time in bed with the brunette, arms securing him to his chest and whispering in the brunettes ear how much he was loved.

 

Sam brought a bag for both of them, fresh clothes for them to climb in to, the brunette ended up wearing Steve’s t-shirt, not giving a reason, just getting into it with a satisfied sigh. A ball of warmth expanded in Steve’s chest at the sight.

 

The brunettes emotions pole vaulted all over the place, sadness to anger, occasionally fear when he woke from a dream, he never spoke to Steve about them, but the blonde new Pierce was hovering in Bucky’s mind.

 

The most worrying emotion was the lack of any, the blankness where Bucky stared at nothing, the end of the bed where his feet were. So lost in his thoughts it took Steve hours to break through the spell and get a reaction. It was usually only a grunt, but his eyelashes fluttered and the cloudy blue irises cleared of murk.  
“Sorry.” He mumbled.  
And Steve delved in to cement their lips together.

 

The third day and the brunette woke Steve with annoyed growl.  
“Camera, there was a camera in my room.”  
Steve lifted his head with an uncomfortable swallow.  
“Brock must’ve-must’ve hid one in there...” Disgust was evident on Bucky’s face, expression pulled up as if he’d just tasted something damn-right nasty. The temptation to let Bucky believe that was the case floated before Steve sighed in defeat.  
“Buck, it wasn’t Brocks camera....”  
Steve squeezed the back of his neck hard, biting his teeth together, “I put it there...”  
The brunette frowned, feet restless at the end of the bed.  
“What? I don’t get it, what do you mean?”

“I put a camera in your room, I-I just wanted to make sure you were safe, that you weren’t doing drugs-  
“You were spying on me? Didn’t trust me?”  
Bucky’s panicked voice put Steve on edge, he tried to snatch his hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles but the brunette ripped his it away.  
“Why would you...how long...”  
“After my weekend off...when I got there and you were on the come down...”

 

Steve hated thinking about it, that weekend he’d gone home, smiling at the thought of being with Bucky again, and the brunette had been coerced to take drugs and let Brock do as he pleased.  
“Weeks, you were spying on me for weeks.”  
“It was just to make sure you were safe-  
“That night with Tom, did you watch?” Bucky bit out, hands tightening into the sheet. Steve never knew the mans name, didn’t want to, he did his best to burn that face from his memory.  
“I-I was just checking you were alright-  
Bucky made a sound almost like a snake hiss and Steve stopped his explanation.  
“Brock liked to watch me with guys too.”  
The words had Steve rising to full height, looming over the brunette before he could help it.

 

“I’m nothing like Brock!”  
Bucky’s eyes were frantically moving, his chest began heaving , cowering away from Steve stood beside the bed.

“I never told you he slapped me...”  
“What?”  
Bucky turned, eyes darting and body coiling up, “I never told you he hit me...that’s what you and Sam said...I believed you-  
“Look, that wasn’t good, but it wasn’t the right time to tell you-  
“That you’re a liar, that you messed with my head, same as everyone else.”  
“No I-  
“Get out.” he wheezed, not looking directly at Steve.  
Steve gripped the rails of the bed, he wasn’t leaving, no way in hell.  
“Please Buck, just let me-  
“I said GET OUT!” the brunette bellowed, he winced, hand scrabbling at his throat at the burn. Steve went to touch him but was slapped away.  
His finger jabbed the button for the nurse, face pale as he gulped for air.  
“Relax, just relax.”

 

The nurse appeared and Bucky mimed one handed, that he wanted Steve out, face pulled in a mixture of anger and fear as he pointed at the door.  
“Out.” The nurse barked, “it’s time for you to go.”  
“Bucky, please, don’t do this-  
The brunette didn’t reach his eyes, jaw clenched, the tendons in his neck pulled tight like string. His hands flexed by his sides, and Steve was sure he’d be winding the ribbon if he had it with him.  
“Seriously sir, or I’ll have to get security.”  
Steve detached his hands from the frame of the bed, backing towards the door and willing the brunette to look at him, he didn’t and the nurse shut the door on his face.

 

Steve paced outside the door until security was called, he reluctantly made his way to hospital Starbucks, sinking into a chair and trying his hardest not to burst into tears, he was a big guy, almost intimidating in stance, that made it even more humiliating to be sobbing into a coffee, puffed up cheeks and sore eyes from the excessive rubbing away of tears.

 

“So he found out about the camera...”  
Steve looked up, Sam smiled down at him, with friendly eyes.  
“What you doing here?”  
“Bucky called Nat, I’ve been searching the hospital for you...I’ve also been banished from visiting him.”  
“How do I fix this?”  
“That man, loves the bones off you, let him get his head round it.”  
Steve stared into his cooling coffee, “he said I was like Brock.”  
Sam whistled through his teeth, patting the blonde on his shoulder and jolting it.  
“We all know that’s not true.”  
“But he said it.”  
“Steve, he’s been through a lot, let him sort his head, he knows in his heart your nothing like Brock.”  
“ But..I don’t regret it.”

 

How could he ever regret the hidden camera, Bucky was alive because of it, had it not been Pierce and the hanging, he might’ve died falling through the ice. The footage was going to ensure Pierce never got near the brunette again, the real Alexander Pierce had been exposed for all to see. Bucky hated him, but it was worth the hatred to save his life and lock that monster away.  
“I know you don’t...I don’t think its about his privacy...it’s more that we lied-  
“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell him about it...”  
“You sat on a bombshell , you could’ve told him sooner... you didn’t because...?”  
“I knew it’d hurt him.”  
Sam nodded with a pitiful smile, “yeah, was always going to hurt him, but it’s out there now, he’ll come round.”  
Steve slurped his stone cold coffee, praying Sam was right. A massive Bucky shaped hole was carved in his chest and he needed it to be filled before he drowned in depression.

 

Ushered away at the end of the night, Steve waited outside on a bench, bunching his hoodie and using it like a pillow so he could lay down. He wasn’t leaving the hospital, the second the visiting times opened he would be sat in the corridor, waiting for the moment Bucky wanted to see him again. He’d wait till the end of time for Bucky to speak to him again.

 

Sleep came in patches, each time the blonde drifted a siren sounded, making him jerk in the seat and scan the area. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the blackened sky, no stars twinkled, the hospitals blaring lights drowned them out. The prickle of anxiety creeped over his skin, morphing to a full on stabbing sensation in his gut. He needed to know Bucky was safe, Sam had given him his phone back, and Bucky was using an old one of Tony’s. There was every chance the brunette would ignore him, but he had to try something to sooth the uncomfortable feeling in his body.

 

**I know you’re angry, but just tell me you’re okay, please Buck, I need to hear it, I love you**

 

Prodding the phone over and over to wake the screen, eventually Bucky’s name filled it, message short and to the point, **‘I’m okay’**  
Steve slumped, boiling anxiety turning to a simmer. Bucky was okay, still pissed at Steve but he was okay, he’d replied so fast Steve knew he was lying in bed awake, unable to sleep from the days revelation.

 

“Oi, wake up....”  
Steve shifted, bones clicking from the uncomfortable position, “wha?”  
“Quit hogging the bench.”  
The blonde straightened, blinking owlishly as he flexed out his back muscles. The man that woke him grumbled, sliding onto the bench next to him. With stiff arms Steve climbed into his hoodie, he yawned, staggering with the grace of bambi towards the hospital door.  
A quick stop off at Starbucks for a coffee had him feeling slightly more awake, slumping down in a plastic chair nearest to Bucky’s room.  
“Mr....?”  
“Rogers, but call me Steve.”  
The nurse flashed a smile before it sagged from her face like a soufflé, “Mr Barnes discharged himself-  
“What?”  
“Early this morning, signed the paper work and left.”  
Steve shot up from the chair, sloshing burning coffee onto his hand, “why didn’t you stop him.”  
“I can’t stop patients from leaving.”  
The blonde shoved his burnt thumb into his mouth, soothing the heat, “did he say anything when he left?”  
“Just that he had somewhere to be.”  
Before Steve could spiral into a pit of worry and panic he wracked his brain for clues, where would the brunette go, where did he need to be. Steve stumbled on the likely answer, making his way outside to hunt a free taxi.

 

**Tell me you’re okay, I just need to hear it x**  
Steve swiped his sore thumb over the screen, keeping it lit up to wait for the reply.  
**‘I’m okay’**

 

The driver seemed a bit put off, leaving Steve at the side of the road on route 36, the blonde waved him away, walking along the grass verge getting closer to the only other man along the road.

 

Steve kept his distance, Bucky’s lips were moving, speaking to his mother and sister, the words weren’t for Steve’s ears so he made sure he didn’t hear them. Bucky crouched, laying his flowers besides the bunch that was already there, red tulips, their vibrant color told Steve they were from Nat, the flowing handwriting on the card confirmed it.

 

The brunette kneeled down, lips sealing shut. Steve waited for an indication he could approach, the brunette tilted his head and that was enough of a sign for Steve. He dropped down to his knees, wrapping his arms around the brunette who slumped back into Steve’s chest. They sat in the grass for what could’ve been hours, Bucky staring sadly at the flowers and Steve with his nose pressed in the brunettes neck, feeling the solid beat of his pulse.

 

“I wanna go home.” He whispered, the words like soaring music to the blondes ears.  
“You don’t hate me anymore?”  
“I never hated you- could never hate you.”  
Steve squeezed tighter, turning back towards the road and regretting the decision to let the taxi go.  
“Um, I’m gunna call Sam for a ride...”  
The brunette didn’t reply, he ran his finger around the petals of the red tulip lost in his thoughts.

 

The ride back to the apartment was silent, even Nat didn’t feel like singing along to the awful music blaring from the radio. The brunette didn’t shun Steve’s embrace, he all but fell into his lap on the way home, head resting on Steve’s thighs and arms hooked underneath.  
“I’m gunna stay at Nat’s tonight, drop you off first.”  
Steve nodded, fingers twirling through Bucky’s hair, he shot a grateful look at Sam in the mirror, he smiled and flicked his head in reply.

 

It had been four days since either of them had set foot in the apartment, the most noticeable change was the two brand new couches, black leather. A note was stuck to one, ‘easy to wipe clean, can’t wait for more shake fights x’  
Steve smiled, turning around to show Bucky the note, his stomach sunk when the brunette wasn’t there, the bedroom door was open and the comforter was moving, turning itself in to a cave for Bucky to hide.

 

“Hey, Buck. I’ve got something for you.”  
Steve perched on the edge of the bed, fishing underneath with his hand and finding the sketchbook.  
“You gotta come out so I can show you.”  
There was a slow snort of air and Steve unpeeled the brunette from his self-made sanctuary.  
“I um- I did this for you.”  
The brunette scooted down the bed, still cocooned in the sheets but his head was free and he watched the sketch pad expectantly.  
Here goes, thought Steve, flipping the pages to the picture that he was most proud. There was a loud gasp from the brunette but Steve didn’t turn to see, too afraid it was a gasp of annoyance or horror.  
“I-um, I knew you liked the photo...um...”  
Steve glared down at Becca’s joyful face, Bucky’s moms eyes sparkled like her sons and Steve was happy he’d captured it.  
The lack of response made Steve’s skin itch, he was sure sweat was gathering at the base of his neck, between his shoulders.  
“I know you don’t have any photos....”  
The case had been on the bed when Brock fell, the pictures had been tainted with blood and locked away as evidence.  
“I...I know it can’t compare to the photos.”  
Steve released a singular laugh, scratching his clammy neck with his hand, still unable to look at the brunette.  
“Yeah...here you go.”

 

Steve passed the pad over, knocking into the brunettes hands, it was then he noticed the shaking, both of the brunettes hands trembled as he took the paper from Steve. The blonde was finally brave enough to bring his eyes up, to see the effect his drawing had. Bucky’s eyes were shinning with repressed tears, lips parted slightly and a harsh line dented into the skin at the top of his nose. He looked fragile, one knock, and he’d shatter.

“You-you did this...for me?”  
His voice had an almost floaty edge, drifting from his lips in awe.  
“Yeah, Buck.”  
The shaking figures traced the lines of their faces, across their lips where they smiled. Steve watched in fascination.  
“You look like them.” He said, earning him a disbelieving stare, “you do, same eyes...I tried to capture them, I know it doesn’t make up for the photo-  
“It’s better, a-a million times better,...I- I can’t believe you did this...”  
Bucky ducked his head down, facing away to wipe his arm over his tear-stained face, “Jesus Steve, you’re too good you know that.”  
“I was gunna frame it...put it up.”  
Bucky threw him a grateful smile, only for it to fall when he glanced back at the sketch.

 

“Did I tell you why I chose this one?”  
Steve shook his head, there had been hundreds in the box, from Steve’s angle he’d only seen a few of the photos , but this one the brunette had clutched at immediately.  
“He wanted to delete me, he could take me out of every family photo to hurt me , but this one...I took it, their smiling ‘cuz I made them laugh. I may not be in the picture but I was there, Pierce can’t take that away no matter how much he wanted to...”

 

Bucky propped the drawing up on the bedside table, before turning and launching himself at Steve, pushing him back on the bed and engulfing him with the marshmallow comforter.

"Th-thank you....I love you Steve"

 

Both secured in the cave, Bucky lavished kisses all over Steve’s face, kissing the words ‘thank you’ into his skin. The blondes eyes slid shut, skin tingling with each kiss Bucky placed on him, they were pressed chest to chest and it felt so god-damn good just to hold him like that, cuddled up on the mattress surrounded by the comforter that smelled like a scent combination of them both. Home, Bucky had called it home, and that just made Steve smile brighter.

 

It was the first time in days that he felt like they were going to be alright, they were breaking through the bad patch, jumping the stubborn hurdle that tried to keep them down.

 

The news and press hounded the brunette, needing to know details of Pierce and what happened that day. Pierce was going down, money couldn’t save him, he tried to escape punishment, claiming everything from PTSD from the car accident, to pressure from those closest to him, no one bought it. Alexander Pierce wasn’t one to make things easy, his flat out denial of killing Brock forced a court case, but all the money and bribes in the world couldn’t discredit the video footage.

 

The endless questions and the greying mans face plastered on papers and television put the brunette on edge, more and more he retreated to the bedroom, curling up and not talking for hours. He lacked his playful personality, and Steve felt so utterly drained by what they’d gone through, he curled up in the bed next to him, whispering into his ear and kissing him breathless. They had a long way to go, but neither of them knew what ‘normal’ was anymore.

 

Tony Stark, billionaire playboy, owner of cars, jets, helicopters and Luckily for Steve an array of property’s, including an entire tropical island. When Tony suggested taking Bucky away Steve snapped at the chance, no television, no papers, no phones, just him and the brunette lounging around, it sounded like paradise and it didn’t disappoint.

 

Steve was sat in the shade, sketchbook on his propped up knees. Before him, the glistening clear sea, the fine golden sand and the palm trees swaying in the slight drift of wind. The perfect view for any holiday brochure, but Steve wasn’t interested. He was drawing the unaware brunette. He was a few meters in front, sizzling in the sun. He looked peaceful, not the peacefulness in Steve’s nightmares, not the kind that terrified him and had his blood clogging in his veins.

 

No, he was relaxed, still in the sand absorbing the heat from the sun. He only wore his swim shorts and a pair of shades over his eyes. His sun-kissed skin glistened, shinning with a hint of sweat.

 

Steve placed the pad down in the sand, rising to stand with the sneakiness of an assassin. He bit back a hiss from the change of temperature, no longer cool sand on his feet but red hot. 

 

When he was close enough, he could hear the small puffs of air, the even rise and fall of the brunettes chest. The bruises were gone from his body, only the persistent red mark remained, a band around his neck. It was at least better than the band of black that had been there weeks ago. Bucky became so self-conscious of it, he began wearing a scarf so Steve couldn’t stare at it.  
Steve apologised, but he couldn’t help it, it was a reminder he’d been so close to losing everything. He’d been beaten, hung up like a piñata and threatened with a gun, to top the agony off, Tony showed him the footage of Bucky escaping through the window. The brunette failed to mention he’d slipped and almost fell.  
“Look- I wasn’t at my climbing best...” he said with a soft grin. Steve glared daggers at him till he ducked away.  
“I’m okay Steve.” He assured.  
Only okay, Steve needed him to be more than okay, he wanted him to be happy, safe and loved. The holiday was at least helping.

 

Steve kneeled down in the sand, grinning at his own cunning, Bucky was still fast asleep. His blue shades reflected the blondes face, and he blushed at his own soppy expression. If there was a look of love, he had it plastered on his face every time he looked at Bucky.  
He leaned down, laying a kiss on Bucky cheek, another on his jaw working his way down the brunettes neck, tongue lashing the damaged skin.

 

“’’eve?”  
Steve grinned at the sleepy voice, sucking along the brunettes neck, hard enough to leave a mark, but not a purple-painful one. A red row of splots across his delicate skin, Steve tilted his head back, smiling to himself. Bucky’s skin no longer had the sinister stamp of the rope, but the artwork of Steve’s mouth. 

 

Steve moved his attention to the brunettes body, kissing his way across his chest. His skin was scorching, hot on Steve’s lips and tongues, the barest hint of sea salt was present and the blonde lapped it up until the brunette groaned throatily.

 

“It’s too hot for that.” He muttered, but made no attempt to stop Steve’s wandering hands and energetic tongue. There was a tented swell in the brunettes swim shorts, that part of his body was defiantly up for a sex session even though it was steaming hot. Steve reached inside, biting his own lip to stop a very high-pitched moan. Bucky was wet , Steve’s fingers slid over the head tortuously slowly, stomach fuzzing at Bucky’s hitched breath.

 

“Why you even wearing these?” he teased.  
Bucky just whimpered in reply, Steve had moved the pace to brutally fast before fisting leisurely, it got the desired result, Bucky had began panting and arched off from the sand with a groan.  
“An island to ourselves and you wear swim shorts.”  
Steve grinned down at Bucky’s whines, relishing in the sound when he licked a stripe over a nipple. The pace increased, to the point of orgasm but Steve eased off with a chuckle, swirling his tongue around the neglected nub, licking his abs and nipping his newly decorated neck.  
“Pleasssse Steve.”  
Steve pouted at the plea, staring into the mirrored glasses and seeing his own smug ass face.  
“Aww, you wanna come Buck?”  
He nodded desperately ruining the moulded pillow he had made out of sand.  
“Hand or mouth?”  
Bucky whined, whole body broke out in goosebumps despite the heat.  
“Mur-mouth.”  
Steve shimmied his way down, yanking the shorts off as he did and admiring the view.  
“You really are beautiful.”

 

Bucky just thrusted from the ground impatiently, trying to shut Steve up with his cock. The blonde got the hint and swallowed him down, he gripped the brunettes thighs from underneath, feeling them tense up when Bucky got close to exploding, he eased off, feeling the muscles sag and a frustrated whine stuttered its way from the brunettes mouth.  
“Steveeee.”  
He glanced up innocently, laughing at his reflected face, he looked beyond smug with Bucky’s cock in his mouth.  
He hummed, swirling his tongue like he had an ice cream in his grips, the brunette shifted in the sand, a whole range of vocal moans bursting through his mouth with no filter. He engulfed the brunette, sucking steadily till every muscles in the body beneath him pulled tight, pushing him over into orgasmic bliss.

 

Bucky’s hands attempted to grip the sand for an anchor, sinking with a howl of a groan. Steve lapped up all that was offered before leaning back to sit on his heels and waiting for the brunette to come down from the high.

 

Bucky sat up, hands gripping the bottom of Steve’s loose shirt and yanking it clean off, he attacked Steve’s shorts, trying desperately to remove them, the eagerness of the brunette had Steve feeling light headed, groaning in the back of his throat.  
Unclothed, Bucky forcefully rolled Steve to the sand, the blonde hissed at the scorching heat on his back.

 

Bucky didn’t give any warning before sinking down on Steve’s needy cock.

 

“Gunna make you regret teasing me like that...”

 

He rode Steve slowly, lifting his body the whole way off before sinking down to the hilt.  
All Steve could do was moan and beg for the brunette to go faster, he cantered his hips up, trying to increase the pace but Bucky clamped his hands around them, pushing them down into the sand and pinning the blonde helplessly.  
Steve tried his best to open his eyes, he needed so badly to see but the blaring sun itched his eyeballs made them sting so he was forced to close them.  
“Nee-need to see...need to see you.”

 

Steve felt the vibrations as well as heard the chuckle of Bucky. He circled his hips on top, ecstasy ran up the blondes spine, making him clutch desperately at the sand, tiny grains imbedding his nails.  
“Fuck Bucky.”  
“Feeling me not enough?”

 

Steve shook his head in delirium, sand matting its way in to his hair, any more thrashing around and he would be swallowed by it.  
“Please, have to-have to see you.”  
He should’ve been embarrassed by the desperation in his voice, his twitching body that needed a release so badly.  
“Sun downs in an hour or so...” The brunette mumbled, “I can keep this up till then...”  
Steve thrashed, high-pitched whine bursting through his lips.  
“Can’t, sunglasses...”

 

Bucky pieced Steve’s broken demand together, chuckling to himself, there was a small satisfaction for Steve, Bucky’s voice was becoming affected.  
“You want my sunglasses?....”  
“See..need to-ne-need to see you.”  
Bucky leaned forward, demanding entry to Steve’s mouth and shoving his tongue inside, the blonde groaned at the intrusion, trying to lift his lower body up, but it was useless in sand, he had no leverage.  
Bucky pulled back, hovering enough to make a shadow, blinking Bucky’s face into focus, wide victory smile and reflective mirrors looking down at him, His own flushed face stared back from the glasses, mouth slack and eyes pools of black.  
“Gunna kill me like this...”  
The brunettes lips twitched, he drew back up to sit on Steve’s lap, the sun burned and the blonde shut his eyes with a curse.  
“Not a bad way to go.” Bucky replied, continuing his slow pace.

 

It wasn’t a bad way to go, blabbering like an idiot, begging and pleading, having the man he loved ride him in pleasurable torture.  
The build up was so exquisite that by the time the sun had faded enough to see, his face was too numb to function, eyelids had sealed themselves, body paralysed, all he could feel was the slide of slick heat on his cock his own pre-come leaking by the bucket load and used as lubricant. Bucky’s body squeezed around him tingling every nerve, his own pants sounded rough like the sea, smashing on rocks. Vaguely aware of the wet pool on his chest, Bucky had gotten himself off, at least once. He should’ve been outraged, but it just turned him on more, almost to the point of spontaneous combustion.

 

He could no longer speak, even his moans sounded wrecked and crackly. He was bordering on passing out, only didn’t because he didn’t want to miss the feel of the orgasm. The ball of tingling need pulsed, he was floating so high, soaring away.  
“P-p-ease-“  
Bucky stopped moving, slid off Steve with a pop, confusing the hell out of the blonde, who all but sobbed with tears leaking through his closed lids.

 

“Gotta catch me first old man.”

 

He took off down the beach, leaving Steve stunned in the fast cooling sand. Whole body numb he tried to stand, only to fall over and attempt again, swaying with the absolute need to come. Bucky was disappearing in the distance, Steve could hear him chuckling, smirking to himself. The playful Bucky Barnes had returned, bounding away with no doubt a smug-ass expression slapped on his face.

 

“Little shit!” Steve yelled after him, tripping over his own feet to follow, cock and brain working together to get down the beach as fast as possible, to catch the brunette and have him against literally anything.

 

He loved this man, with his entire being and soul, but sometimes he hated him just a little bit too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoyed :D  
> let's do this again sometime xxxxx
> 
> If anyones there:  
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com)


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